4.8/10
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8 user 1 critic

Teresa's Tattoo (1994)

Mathematician Teresa just wanted to study during the College spring break. But her friends, who want her to live a little, drag her out to parties. The next thing she knows, she has been ... See full summary »

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, (additional dialogue) | 1 more credit »
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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
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Carl
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Sara
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Wheeler
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Michael
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Rick
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Teresa / Gloria
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Higgins
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Mooney
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Evelyn Hill
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Michelle
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Bruno
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Nora
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Singer
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Martha Mae
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Henrietta
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Storyline

Mathematician Teresa just wanted to study during the College spring break. But her friends, who want her to live a little, drag her out to parties. The next thing she knows, she has been drugged, kidnapped, made a redhead, tattooed, and wearing leather?!? Her captors seem to be the most inept crooks ever. They seem to have a plan, if only she could figure out why it involves her. Written by Brian W Martz <B.Martz@Genie.com>

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Genres:

Comedy | Crime

Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for some language | See all certifications »
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Release Date:

6 April 1995 (Germany)  »

Also Known As:

Mystery Model  »

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Did You Know?

Crazy Credits

The beach-ball which causes the initial accident is credited in the cast as 'Rando Jr.' See more »

Soundtracks

Do It For The Rush
Written and Performed by Melissa Etheridge
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User Reviews

 
Stupid, probably intentionally that way
30 May 2001 | by (WA) – See all my reviews

If this was MEANT to be a good movie, whoever wrote it would have given it a MUCH better plot, and called it something much less...silly than "Teresa's Tattoo!"

But I really, really don't think the writers, directors, cast, crew, etc, of this film were intending to make something good, or if they were, um... well, I won't go there.

Instead, "Teresa's Tattoo" is some weird, loud comedy made up of a big crew of supporting and/or B actors, who seem to be improvising most of the time, probably to liven up the ridiculous "plot" of a "college student" (played by geriatric looking Adrienne Shelley) who is mistaken for the sister of a bumbling villian (Casey Siemaszko, who's the only reason I watched this!), and kidnapped by uh, other bumbling villians (C. Thomas Howell and a couple of other B-actors I am forgetting) and for some reason given a "new look" that includes dyed-red hair, a short, tight, black leather dress, and a tattoo, hence the title. I think the whole reason behind her stupid kidnapping is so the stupid kidnappers can get an earing that really contains a microchip full of ...importance.

It's dumb alright, sometimes in a dull way, and sometimes in a so-stupid-it's-funny way. The duller moments involve Shelley and her friends Nancy McKeon(was SHE supposed to be a "college student" too?!) and Joe Pantiolano(sporting a hideous wardrobe); and Shelley and her family (the usually somewhat dependable Sean Astin is stuck in a drab role as Shelley's stepbrother, a gratuitously Southern cop...and Mr. Astin needs to work on accents with a dialect coach if they are all as bad as this one). Howell and his gang of robbers are also fairly dull, except some weird "bit" involving frozen food is soooorrrrt of entertaining. Siemaszko and Lou Diamond Phillips (director Julie Cypher's ex) are actually pretty funny in their nonsensical roles, and I don't even care for Lou Diamond Phillips most of the time. Their roles are fairly big, too, which helps.

A plethora of celebrities also have cameos, such as Tippi Hedren and Shelly Fabres; Melissa Ethridge (Cypher's other ex); Mare Winningham; Kiefer Sutherland; and Emilio Estevez(or else it was an Emilio Estevez wannabe, and what's with the "Young Guns" cast?), all adding to the fact that this was really just some excuse for these actors to get together and party, or else they all needed to pay their rent or something, because ...why else was this made?

At least it makes for a semi- entertaining way to pass the time.


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