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The Silence of the Hams (1994) Poster

Quotes

Mother: My son is alive? Who the fuck did I kill?

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Dr. Animal: The killer's name is Antonio and he hates his mother.

Joe: Why?

Dr. Animal: Maybe 'cause she's a pain in the ass! Did you ever think about that?

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Antonio: This is not a motel called "Cemetery". This is a cemetery called "Motel".

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Antonio: I don't remember your name. You know, nobody ever comes here. It's hard to remember them all.

Jane: Jane.

Antonio: Ah, Jane! Like my cousin Maria.

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Detective Martin Balsam: Oh, no! Not again!

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Dr. Animal: What are you most afraid of?

Jo: Anchovies.

Dr. Animal: Good answer.

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Dwarf Guard: Dr. Animal's intelligence goes beyond the borders of the human mind. His savagery goes beyond the borders of the animal!

Joe: How could he go beyond so many borders without a passport?

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Antonio: [Balsam's car won't start] Goodbye.

Detective Martin Balsam: Goodbye.

Antonio: Goodbye

Detective Martin Balsam: Goodbye.

Antonio: Goodbye.

Detective Martin Balsam: Goodbye.

Antonio: Goodbye.

Detective Martin Balsam: Goodbye.

[Several hours later Balsam's car finally starts]

Antonio: Goodbye.

[Balsam drives away]

Antonio: What a jerk, he left without saying "goodbye"!

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Antonio: The tension was so thick, and the music so pretentious, they knew they must be getting close...

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Mrs. Motel: If you are still alive, who did I stab, stab to death?

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Jo: Maybe that lady didn't kill her, maybe it was a mistake

Lily Wine: Oh, if only it were...

Jo: That's right, maybe Antonio killed her

Lily Wine: No...

Jo: Or she could have got run over by a truck

Lily Wine: No!

Jo: She could have got eaten by a cannibal, on a California vacation... any one of these, really... OR...

Lily Wine: Gasps

Jo: There's always the possibility of being torn to shreds by a harvester

Lily Wine: wraps her hands around Joe's throat to choke him

Jo: She could have fallen in to a vat of sulfuric acid, really it could have been any one of these things!

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Antonio: "Alone, on a private plane, Agent Joe finally decides" oh no, wait, wait, forget it... sorry, this scene was cut.

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Antonio: Hasta La Baby Vista... Hasta La... Hasta La...

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Detective Martin Balsam: Robocrap. A Japanese version of Robocop.

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Mrs. Motel: That's not the mummy! Place your bets - 6 to 1! 6 to 1!

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Dr. Animal: Call me A.

Joe: A?

Dr. Animal: Also, call me Doctor.

Joe: A Doctor.

Dr. Animal: Doctor A!

Joe: Right sorry, Doctor A.

Dr. Animal: Bingo.

Joe: Doctor A. Bingo?

Dr. Animal: Moving on.

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Dr. Animal: Oh, I like you, Ms.

Joe: Mister.

Dr. Animal: Please, call me Doctor.

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Joe: You know, you look better in pictures.

Detective Martin Balsam: You should see me in a bikini.

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Antonio: I have to go and take a shower, because I smell like Kevin Costner after "Dances with wolves".

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Jo: Just one second Jane, I'm not Jo. I'm...

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Jane: Lily, I'm alive!

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Motorcycle Cop: No need, I'm already here.

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Jane: What did you say your name was?

Olaf: Olaf. I'm Swedish.

Jane: Oh, come on. Are you really Swedish?

Olaf: No, not quite. My father's Finnish, and my mother's Russian.

Jane: I could tell...

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Antonio: Yes, I'm not a liar. I tell you the trout.

Detective Martin Balsam: The 'truth', I want the 'truth'.

Antonio: It's not a problem. Okay.

[Picks up a stuffed trout from under the front desk]

Antonio: Here it is, the 'truth'.

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Dr. Animal: Iggy-poo!

Joe: "Iggy-poo"? What's that?

Dr. Animal: It's my happy noise.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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