3.3/10
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6 user 2 critic

Ring of the Musketeers (1992)

Modern-day "Musketeers" attempt to live the lives of protectors of the innocent. While the biking trio rescues kidnapped children, guards witnesses, and chases Mafia types, they also seek ... See full summary »

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
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John Smith D'Artagnan
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Peter Porthos
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Burt Aramis
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Ann-Marie Athos
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Maurice Treville
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Harry
Russ Armstrong ...
Skeptical Kid (as Russell Armstrong)
...
Turner
Frances Buchsbaum ...
Lady in Crowd / John Smith Concert Fan (as Francis Buchsbaum)
Richard E. Butler ...
1st Gunman (as Dick Butler)
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Donut Shop Patron
Erik Cord ...
Gunman #2 (as Eric Cord)
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Officer Rigs
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Lisa
Brian Hayes Currie ...
Air Controller #2
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Storyline

Modern-day "Musketeers" attempt to live the lives of protectors of the innocent. While the biking trio rescues kidnapped children, guards witnesses, and chases Mafia types, they also seek for the missing fourth Musketeer, who wears the famous Musketeers' ring. Written by Rob Hartill & JainaFM

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Certificate:

PG-13 | See all certifications »
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Details

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Release Date:

1 December 1992 (Germany)  »

Also Known As:

Der Ring der Musketiere  »

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Aspect Ratio:

1.33 : 1
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Nobody But You
Written by Scott Shelly, Michael Boddicker, Keith Landry and Bobby Kimball
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User Reviews

 
Bad... even for David Hasselhoff
24 April 2004 | by See all my reviews

Even for David Hasselhoff this is bad--so achingly awful that "Knight Rider" seems like Shakespeare in comparison. To sum things up: Hasselhoff and some other lame people are the descendants of the original 4 Musketeers (their last names are even the same as the originals), and with the passing of the rings of their ancestors down through the generations has passed an obligation to "help" people. As silly as that sounds, the actual execution is even sillier. John Rhys Davies plays their equivalent to Charlie's Angel's Bosley, in such an overbearing, over-the-top fashion that you'd think when he assembles the team from all over the world to save a kidnapped child that he was assembling them to stop the destruction of the entire planet.

Hasselhoff's character, John Smith D'Artagnan, is a rock star who, in typical Hasselhoff direct-to-Germany fashion, stands on top of a truck at one point and holds an impromptu rock concert--which spontaneously draws hundreds of screaming adoring fans--ranging from young children to old ladies. He also has a little Van-Dyke type beard--kind of like Michael Knight's evil version, but a bit friendlier! Also, he walks around the modern day dressed in frilly shirts--you know... just to remind us that he's a Musketeer.

Alison Doody plays the hot female Musketeer, Ann Marie Athos(with suspiciously mid-1980's hair for the early-1990's),, who is a "Love Doctor" on the radio, when she's not wearing leather, riding a motorcycle, and saying phrases like "I want to take that punk down".

Thomas Gottschalk--Peter Porthos--is some slimy Eurotrash type who spends most of the movie staring at Athos' ass.

The newest Musketeer is Burt Aramis (Cheech Marin) who has been "found" with the 4th ring--which has apparently been lost since the time of the Civil War. Much of the drama of the later part of the movie has to do with him fitting into the Musketeers (Burt is a crook), except for the portion of that half of the movie which has to do with the gang taking down the same mobster who kidnapped the little boy in the first half of the movie.

If you insist on watching this, have a big container of Maalox to go along with your tub of popcorn.


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