Modern-day "Musketeers" attempt to live the lives of protectors of the inocent. While the biking trio rescue kindnapped children, guard witnesses, and chase Mafia types, they also seek the ...
See full summary »
Curt Taylor is a convict and owes Phil Drexler the number 1 convict in the prison. Now to settle his debt Drexler sends Curt to be the secretary for Cartier Rand so that he can steal her ... See full summary »
After five years in prison for insurance fraud the sailor Lanarsky is released. Together with his buddy Bone he gets a job as seamen on board the yacht owned by the wife of his insurance ... See full summary »
In 1924, whilst imprisoned in Landsberg Castle, Adolf Hitler wrote Mein Kampf, his terrifying blueprint of things to come. A decade later, during the Nazi's reign of terror, a 9-year-old ... See full summary »
This movie is based on the actual events on the tragic day of August 2nd, 1985. Delta Airlines flight 191 en route to Los Angeles via Dallas-Ft. Worth took off from Ft. Lauderdale, FL. When... See full summary »
In the future, guns are banned and criminals are frozen for the duration of their sentences. A recent spate of killings involving handguns brings Michael Knight back to fight for justice, ... See full summary »
Alan J. Levi
Modern-day "Musketeers" attempt to live the lives of protectors of the inocent. While the biking trio rescue kindnapped children, guard witnesses, and chase Mafia types, they also seek the missing fourth Musketeer, who wears the famous Musketeers' ring. Written by
Even for David Hasselhoff this is bad--so achingly awful that "Knight Rider" seems like Shakespeare in comparison. To sum things up: Hasselhoff and some other lame people are the descendants of the original 4 Musketeers (their last names are even the same as the originals), and with the passing of the rings of their ancestors down through the generations has passed an obligation to "help" people. As silly as that sounds, the actual execution is even sillier. John Rhys Davies plays their equivalent to Charlie's Angel's Bosley, in such an overbearing, over-the-top fashion that you'd think when he assembles the team from all over the world to save a kidnapped child that he was assembling them to stop the destruction of the entire planet.
Hasselhoff's character, John Smith D'Artagnan, is a rock star who, in typical Hasselhoff direct-to-Germany fashion, stands on top of a truck at one point and holds an impromptu rock concert--which spontaneously draws hundreds of screaming adoring fans--ranging from young children to old ladies. He also has a little Van-Dyke type beard--kind of like Michael Knight's evil version, but a bit friendlier! Also, he walks around the modern day dressed in frilly shirts--you know... just to remind us that he's a Musketeer.
Alison Doody plays the hot female Musketeer, Ann Marie Athos(with suspiciously mid-1980's hair for the early-1990's),, who is a "Love Doctor" on the radio, when she's not wearing leather, riding a motorcycle, and saying phrases like "I want to take that punk down".
Thomas Gottschalk--Peter Porthos--is some slimy Eurotrash type who spends most of the movie staring at Athos' ass.
The newest Musketeer is Burt Aramis (Cheech Marin) who has been "found" with the 4th ring--which has apparently been lost since the time of the Civil War. Much of the drama of the later part of the movie has to do with him fitting into the Musketeers (Burt is a crook), except for the portion of that half of the movie which has to do with the gang taking down the same mobster who kidnapped the little boy in the first half of the movie.
If you insist on watching this, have a big container of Maalox to go along with your tub of popcorn.
14 of 20 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?