Quotes

Lelaina: He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers.

Vickie: Do you ever wish you were a lesbian? Don't you think it would be so much easier?

Lelaina: Sometimes, but I don't know. I could never go through with it. I'd start laughing or something.

Vickie: That is such a shame because I have had it with men.

Lelaina Pierce: I'm not going to work at the Gap for Chrissake!

Troy Dyer: [answering the phone] Hello, you've reached the winter of our discontent.

Vickie: Would the two of you just do it and get it over with? I'm starving!

Troy Dyer: You can't navigate me. I may do mean things, and I may hurt you, and I may run away without your permission, and you may hate me forever, and I know that scares the living shit outta you 'cause you know I'm the only real thing you got.

Troy Dyer: Did he dazzle you with his extensive knowledge of mineral water, or was it his in-depth analysis of, uh, uh, Marky Mark that finally reeled you in?

Vickie: Welcome to the Maxi Pad.

Troy Dyer: There's no point to any of this. It's all just a... a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know... a Quarter-Pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter become a cackle... and I, I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt.

Lelaina Pierce: Oh, oh is this like a, is this like a pirate operation?

Rock: Do I look like a pirate to you?

Lelaina: You've been waiting for this since the day we met.

Vickie: Oh, who told you that, Your psychic partner?

Troy Dyer: Well fuck me for being nice!

Troy Dyer: I am not under any orders to make the world a better place.

Troy Dyer: I'm picking up some very strange vibes. They're of the I-just-got-laid variety.

Lelaina Pierce: I was really going to be somebody by the time I was 23.

Troy Dyer: Honey, all you have to be by the time you're 23 is yourself.

Lelaina Pierce: I don't know who that is anymore.

Troy Dyer: I do. And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again, but I love her.

Lelaina Pierce: Hey, Sammy, what's your goal?

Sammy: My goal is... I'd like a career or something.

[assuming the question had no answer at all]

Lelaina: Can you define "irony"?

Troy Dyer: It's when the actual meaning is the complete opposite from the literal meaning.

Troy Dyer: I was told there'd be no math on this exam.

Vickie Miner: You don't understand. Every day, all day, it's all that I think about, OK? Every time I sneeze, it's like I'm four sneezes away from the hospice, and it's like it's not even happening to me. It's like I'm watching it on some crappy show like "Melrose Place" or some shit, right? And I'm the new character, I'm the HIV-AIDS character, and I live in the building and I teach everybody that it's OK to be near me, it's OK to talk to me, and then I die. And there's everybody at my funeral wearing halter tops or chokers or some shit like that.

Lelaina: Vickie stop, OK? Just stop. You're freaking out. And you know what? You're gonna have to deal with the results. Whatever they are, we're gonna have to deal with them just like we've dealt with everything else.

Vickie Miner: This isn't like everything else.

Lelaina: I know that, all right? But it's gonna be OK, you know? I know it's gonna be OK. "Melrose Place" is a really good show.

Vickie: I truly believe that if we can get two women on the supreme court, we can get at least one on you.

Lelaina: I just don't understand why things just can't go back to normal at the end of the half hour like on the Brady Bunch or something.

Troy Dyer: Well, 'cause Mr. Brady died of AIDS. Things don't turn out like that.