Airport P.A. Announcer: The red zone is for communist parking only!
Captain Thaddeus Harris: Not exactly a four star hotel, is it?
Lieutenant Talinsky: Well, we spend our police budget on fighting criminals, not on pampering out of town visitors.
Captain Thaddeus Harris: It was your government that brought us here!
Lieutenant Talinsky: They also bring in monkeys for zoo, but we don't put them in four star hotel either!
Lieutenant Talinsky: Again. When you hear door, you say
[puts money on table]
Lieutenant Talinsky: "I'm in the bathroom, I'll meet you there."
Bellboy: I'm in the bathroom. Meet me there.
Lieutenant Talinsky: [sighs, puts more money on table] Again!
Lieutenant Talinsky: I'm in the bathrooom, I'll meet you theeere.
Bellboy: [singing] I'm in the bathrooom, meet you theeere.
Lieutenant Talinsky: [grumbling in frustration, knocks desk with his fist twice]
Bellboy: Come in.
Cadet Kyle Connors: Katrina, how can I help you?
Katrina: You ever want something so badly it hurts?
Cadet Kyle Connors: Yes.
Katrina: No matter how much you wait and hope and wait more, you don't get what you want?
Cadet Kyle Connors: Well, yeah. But my advice is don't give up. Just go for it.
Katrina: I want...
Cadet Kyle Connors: Attagirl. Follow your heart.
Katrina: I want...
Cadet Kyle Connors: Say it.
Katrina: I want my vacation.
Cadet Kyle Connors: What's that?
Katrina: I wait three years. Three years! Then you Americans come. Talinsky, he assign me to you.
Cadet Kyle Connors: Mmm-hmm.
Katrina: Now I can't go. I have plan. Connors. I don't leave you.
Katrina: Without anyone.
[Connors' smile disappears]
[Katrina takes him to a window, where a rather large, unattractive female officer is seen licking an envelope, smiling and waving at Connors, while rubbing the envelope on her chest]
Katrina: I select suitable replacement for you. She is best in department.
Cadet Kyle Connors: [nervous laugh] Yeah, I'm sure she is.
Callahan: [the team meet with Russian forensics expert Irina Petrovskaya] Cadet Connors is also a forensics expert.
Irina Petrovskaya: Maybe you'd be so generous to share with us your expertise.
Cadet Kyle Connors: Sure.
[he sits down at desk. Irina puts a slide under the microscope]
Irina Petrovskaya: This one puzzles us. We were able to remove only one fingerprint from scene of crime. This is our only clue to identity of criminal.
Cadet Kyle Connors: Okey-dokey.
[Adjusts microscope lens closer to slide, until it makes contact, cracking the slide in half. Irina shrieks in horror. Jones & Callahan cringe]
Cadet Kyle Connors: No wonder you're puzzled. This glass is all cracked!
Lieutenant Talinsky: ENOUGH!
Irina Petrovskaya: Next assignment, Chernobyl.
Cmndt. Eric Lassard: [Accompanied by his host family, Lassard exits train while holding balloons as they all laugh] Great, great subway. Terrific! I mean, New York is a shithouse, but this is great.
Sgt. Larvelle Jones: [Bellboy is eating in Lassard's hotel room, plates of food strewn everywhere. Jones & Tackleberry are outside. They see a messy room service tray. Jones knocks on door] Sir? I want to remind you the plane leaves at 3 o'clock!
Bellboy: [With a mouthful of water] In a bathroom.
Sgt. Larvelle Jones: Sir?
[Bellboy lets out a huge belch. Jones looks worried, sees 'Do Not Disturb' sign on door]
Sgt. Larvelle Jones: [to Tackleberry] Something about that sign disturbs...
Bellboy: [on toilet, burping, crying] Mama.
Sgt. Larvelle Jones: [to Tackleberry] What do you say we, uh...
Sgt. Eugene Tackleberry: I'm way ahead of ya.
[Tackleberry takes wine bottle holder from cart, puts it on his head and charges, breaking a hole in the door]
Sgt. Eugene Tackleberry: Sir?
Bellboy: [Bellboy is seen showering fully clothed, freezing in the cold water] In the t-t-t-t-t-t bathrooooom...
[Tackleberry puts the wine bottle holder down, puts his cap back on. Jones & Tackleberry silently leave]