The Pagemaster (1994)
Mr. Dewey: Welcome to the library, young man. Don't tell me. You're here for a special book.
Richard Tyler: Mister...
Mr. Dewey: Stop stop stop. Allow me to guess. I have a talent for guessing what people need. You're in need of a fantasy! Brave knights, mythical fairies, ferocious dragons!
Richard Tyler: Look, all I want is...
Mr. Dewey: Adventure! Of course! You're a boy who loves adventure, brimming with wicked demons, cutthroat pirates.
Richard Tyler: No, no, that's not it.
Mr. Dewey: Horror! Oh, horror! Evil demons, wicked monsters, haunted houses, graveyards. Yes, it's horror for you, boy. I'm sure of it. Your library card, please.
Richard Tyler: I don't have one.
Mr. Dewey: [pulls out a brand new one] You do now. Sign here.
[Richard signs it]
Mr. Dewey: Richard Tyler, consider this your passport to the wonderful and quite unpredictable world of books.
Richard Tyler: But I don't want any books.
Mr. Dewey: Hmm?
Richard Tyler: That's what I've been trying to tell you. I only came in here 'cause of the storm.
Mr. Dewey: You mean you don't need...?
[Richard shakes his head]
Mr. Dewey: [disappointed] Oh, I see.
[upon meeting Captain Ahab]
Fantasy: He's possessed!
Horror: He's insane!
Adventure: He's my kinda guy!
Adventure: Hmm, you know what would make this a happy ending? A kiss.
Horror: Doh, okay.
[the screen goes blank, a smack is heard]
Adventure: I meant from her!
[all three are heard laughing]
Richard Tyler: Hey! How'd you get here?
Fantasy: Quit it! We are in the presence of the Pagemaster.
Richard Tyler: I *know* who he is. He's the guy who did all THIS to me! Do you have any idea what I've been through?
The Pagemaster: Tell me.
Richard Tyler: I was nearly torn to shreds by a crazy doctor, I was made a slave to a bunch of mangy pirates, and eaten. Got that? Eaten by a fire-breathing dragon!
Horror: He don't mean it, my Pagemaster. He don't mean it.
Richard Tyler: Not to mention being tossed, squashed, and scared practically to death!
The Pagemaster: Yet you stand before me.
Richard Tyler: Well, yeah.
The Pagemaster: Think, boy. What kind of an adventure would you have had if I brought you here with the turn of a page?
Adventure: I wrote the book on sailing. In fact, I *am* the book on sailing.
Adventure: How would you like to curl up with a good book?
[Fantasy wallops him]
Adventure: Ow, me binding!
Fantasy: In your dreams!
Alan Tyler: He's afraid of tuna-fish sandwiches.
Claire Tyler: Mercury levels in the tuna-fish sandwiches.
Richard Tyler: [to Adventure] You guys are the only friends I ever had.
Adventure: Remember, mate, not all sharks are in the water.
Horror: Horror always has sad endings.
Fantasy: I come from a world of happy endings, why don't you come with us?
Richard Tyler: This is not good, definitely not good.
Dr. Jekyll: My boy, I derive no pleasure in telling you that you are in extreme danger.
Richard Tyler: Danger?
Dr. Jekyll: Even as we speak.
Tom Morgan: Give the word, Captain Silver, and I'll show you the color of his insides.
Richard Tyler: Red, red, they're red!
Long John Silver: Stow your cutlass, Tom, I want a better look at his outsides first.
Fantasy: You know this short story?
Richard Tyler: He's Adventure.
Fantasy: Honey, that's what they all say.
Jamaican Pirate: One gold piece! This is your treasure, is it. Let's kill him and eat his parrot.
Long John Silver: [swiping Richard's library card] A cabin boy don't need no library card.
Horror: [to Adventure] I know I'm not your favorite kind of book, but I could be just like you.
Adventure: You'll *never* be Adventure! You ain't got the spine for it!
Fantasy: Come on, honey, even books have spines!
Fantasy: What do you mean grabbing a person by the pantyhose like that? Now I've got to straighten out my Little Mermaid underwear.
Telephone Operator: Due to the storm, all lines have been temporarily disconnected. Please try your call again later.