Memorable quotes for
Muriel's Wedding (1994) More at IMDbPro »

Rhonda: Sorry Mum. You know I love you, but you drive me crazy. And you three, what a bunch of cocksuckers.

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Muriel: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to ABBA songs. But since I've met you and moved to Sydney, I haven't listened to one Abba song. That's because my life is as good as an Abba song. It's as good as Dancing Queen.

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David: What kind of person marries someone they don't know?
Muriel: You did.
David: I want to win. All my life I've wanted to win.
Muriel: Me too.

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Muriel: I can't stay married to you, David. I have to stop lying now. I've told so many lies... I don't love you.
David: I don't love you either, but I think I could like having you around.

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Muriel: He said if I ever left him, he would find out who I was living with and shoot them. Then, he'd shoot me, then himself.
Rhonda: Shit, he really loved you, didn't he?

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Tania: Why don't you come have a drink with us?
Rhonda: [excited] You want to have a drink with me?
Tania: Well, yeah. We wouldn't want you to spend the entire holiday alone. It's not like in high school where you should feel your not good enough to talk to us.
Rhonda: I don't.
Tania: If I feel you've changed, I'll tell you. I'm honest. Unlike some people, I tell it like it is.
Rhonda: The truth? I tell the truth too. Nicole's having an affair with Chook. Muriel saw them fucking in the laundry on your wedding day. Stick your drink up your ass, Tania. I'd rather swallow razor blades than drink with you. Oh, by the way, I'm not alone. I'm with Muriel.

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Tania: If I feel you've changed, I'll tell you. I'm honest. Unlike some people, I tell it like it is.

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[repeated line]
Joanie: You're terrible, Muriel.

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[repeated line]
Bill: Deidre Chambers. What a coincidence.

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Rhonda: I had cancer... it's all right, they cut it out.
Cheryl: You were so full of life.
Rhonda: I'm not DEAD Cheryl.

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Rhonda: You're right, you are a new person, and you stink. "Mariel VanArkle" stinks. And she's not half the person Muriel Heslop was.

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Bill: Did Perry interview for the police force yet?
Betty: Yes but they said he couldn't join because he was too tall.

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Tania: Well we, you know, and he couldn't so I... (makes hand to mouth gesture)... and I noticed there was lipstick on it.
Janine: On what?
Tania: His dick.

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Tania: He says they're not sleeping together. She only sucks him off.
Cheryl: Why?
Tania: Out of respect for me.
Nicole: Bitch.

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Nicole: Muriel...
Cheryl: Wait. Let her finish her Orgasm.

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Muriel: Bikkie?
Brice: Maybe after... I mean later.

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Muriel: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, no one looked at me. But when I moved to Sydney, Brice asked me out and that proves that I changed and I'm not her anymore.
Rhonda: Her?
Muriel: Muriel! Muriel Heslop. Stupid, fat and useless. I hate her! I'm never going back to being her again! Why can't it be me? Why can't I be the one?

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Coach Ken Blundell: All the guests are on her side. I should have bought you more friends.

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Dierdre: Beauty Consultant. I advise women on their lipstick, base and eye liner. (to Japanese businessmen) But you should all know about make-up. Your wives must be geishas.

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Muriel: Are you black?
David: What?

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Rhonda: [regarding her tumor] How did I get it? I mean, it's nothing to do with too much sex is it?

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Nicole: People invite us to parties because they know we have a good time. We're mad.
Janine: Pah-ty, pah-ty, pah-ty.
Nicole: It's our ee-mage.
Muriel: We're mad!

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Rhonda: I've seen your book. You've tried on every dress in Sydney!
Muriel: That doesn't mean I'm gonna get married.
Rhonda: Then what DOES it mean?
Muriel: It means I WANT to get married. I've always wanted to get married.

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Rhonda: Cancer? Oh my God! I am gonna go bald and have to eat macrobiotic food!

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Bridal Manageress #2: Now,now,now - just a minute - you can't come in here and threaten brides, I don't care how unfortunate, you are!
Rhonda: Fuck off!

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Rhonda: Are you Muriel Heslop?
Muriel: No
Rhonda: Yes you are!
Muriel: Why?
Rhonda: I dunno why, you just are.

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Tania: I'm a bride.

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[last lines]
Muriel, Rhonda: Goodbye Porpoise Spit!

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