Darla:
Alfalfa, that's a part of you I've never seen before!
[
Delivering Alfalfa's letter to Darla]
Buckwheat:
Dear Darla, I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You're scum between my toes! Love, Alfalfa.
Uh Huh:
Actually, I've always had a rather extensive vocabulary, not to mention a phenomenal grasp of grammar and a superlative command of syntax. I simply chose not to employ them.
Alfalfa:
Then the clouds opened up and God said, "I hate you, Alfalfa!"
The Rascals:
[
singing] We are he-man woman haters/ We feed girls to alligators/ Our clubhouse burned down mighty low/ But we've got a plan to make some dough!
Buckwheat:
Quick, what's the number for 911?
Butch:
Any last words?
Alfalfa:
[
waves nervously] Yeah, uh... see ya!
Alfalfa:
Why am I soaking wet?
Porky:
Don't worry, Alfalfa. I used to have the same problem.
Alfalfa:
Love note? No, this is gonna be a hate note!
Buckwheat, Porky:
Sounds good to me!
Waldo:
We just moved into town. My father bought the oil refinery.
Darla:
That explains why you're so refined!
Alfalfa:
Yeah, and so oily!
Stymie:
Porky, you sure know how to make a sand-wich!
Porky:
That wasn't sand, that was kitty litter.
Buckwheat:
Don't worry, it's pretty fresh.
Buckwheat:
Hey, my mom's here!
Porky:
[
sarcastically] Whoopi!
Stymie:
Wood doesn't grow on trees!
[
about Spanky and Alfalfa's friendship]
Stymie:
You're a team, like Bert and Ernie, Superman and Clark Kent, Milli and Vanilli.
Stymie:
I... Stymie... Member in good standing of the He-Man Woman Haters Club... Do solemnly swear to be a he-man and hate women and not play with them or talk to them unless I have to. And especially: never fall in love, and if I do may I die slowly and painfully and suffer for hours - or until I scream bloody murder.
Buckwheat:
Hey, Uh-Huh, does it stink in there?
Uh-Huh:
Uh-Huh!
Buckwheat:
We've got a dollar, we've got a dollar, we've got a dollar, hey, hey, hey, hey.
A.J. Ferguson:
Is that a cowlick, or are you just happy to see me?
Stymie:
You only meet your once in a lifetime friends... once in a lifetime.
[
the girls are talking about boys]
Twin #1, Twin #2:
They like to moon ya!
[
back at the Clubhouse]
Buckwheat:
No, we don't!
George "Spanky" McFarland:
Howdy, Mister. Me and my buddies have to build a new clubhouse.
Stymie:
We have buy some lumber.
Lumberyard Clerk:
What kind?
Stymie:
Wood!
Alfalfa:
Look!
[
Butch and Woim look to their rights, then Alfalfa runs away very fast]
Woim:
I don't see nothin'.
Butch:
Come on, you doink!
[
they get out of the go-cart and chase after Alfalfa]
Alfalfa:
I'm usually a lover, not a fighter, but in your case, I'm willing to make an exception!
[
punches Butch and he falls in the mud]
Alfalfa:
All knights ride into battle wearing the colors of their lady fair!
Alfalfa:
[
to Spanky] Don't talk to me you Benedict Arnold! You, you Judas Priest!
Buckwheat:
Hey, Spanky, me and Porky have an idea.
George "Spanky" McFarland:
Keep it, you might need it when you grow up!
Buckwheat:
Oh-tay.
George "Spanky" McFarland:
People, people, we need your money!
George "Spanky" McFarland:
[
during the Go-Cart Derby] You snot wads stole our racer!
Butch:
Finders keepers, losers suck!
Alfalfa:
Ahhh - bite me!
Darla:
This tastes like somebody poured it through an old boot!
Billy "Froggy" Laughlin:
Actually, it's a sneaker!
Alfalfa:
Is Spanky home?
Spanky's Dad:
Sorry, Alfalfa. Spanky isn't here.
Alfalfa's Dad:
I'm sorry, Spanky, Alfalfa's not here.
George "Spanky" McFarland:
Darn.
Alfalfa:
Darn.
Buckwheat:
[
singing, as he and Porky are jogging to the race] We're goin' to the race, we're gonna win first place, and you have an ugly face!
[
Porky giggles happily]
Darla:
Waldo, I think we have to turn here!
Waldo:
Girls have no sense of direction.
Darla:
You know, you're starting to get on my nerves!
Mr. Welling:
[
Stymie and Spanky go into a bank trying to get a loan disguised as two Amish men] What is your account...
[
looks up and pauses]
Mr. Welling:
number?
George "Spanky" McFarland:
Uh, seven.
Mr. Welling:
[
uncertain] Seven?... seven?
Billy "Froggy" Laughlin:
[
is under Spanky to hold him up] Try eight.
George "Spanky" McFarland:
Eight?
Mr. Welling:
[
still uncertain, the turns stern] Heard enough.
Mr. Welling:
[
pulls their fake beards and lets them go hitting Stymie and Spanky in their faces]
Mr. Welling:
If you were *my* kids, I'd punish you.
Stymie:
If we were *your* kids, we'd punish ourselves!
Mr. Welling:
[
desperate for them to leave] Leave the premises posthaste!
George "Spanky" McFarland:
You can't treat people like this, Mister!
Mr. Welling:
You're not people, you're kids.
Stymie:
You're not thinkin' about Darla, are ya?
Alfalfa:
No, of course not.
George "Spanky" McFarland:
Good.
Alfalfa:
I wonder if she's not thinking of me, too?
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