Little Giants (1994)
[receiving their uniforms]
Tad: Death shrouds
[flips one around]
Danny O'Shea: They've got your names on the back.
Jake Berman: So the guys at the morgue can identify the bodies.
Rudy Zolteck: That's it, I'm leaving the country. I'm moving to New Mexico.
Mike Hammersmith: What's that cheerleader doing with a helmet on?
Kevin O'Shea: That's no cheerleader, that's my niece Becky. She's pissed.
Little Giants: [chanting before the game] Giants! Giants!
Jake Berman: [yelling and chanting] Help us God!
[Danny is introducing the Little Giants to their parents]
Danny O'Shea: Rudy Zoleteck, your friendly neighborhood gasman!
Mr. Zolteck: Gasman? I don't get it.
Mrs. Zolteck: Think about it.
Kevin O'Shea: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Are you nuts?
Rudy Zolteck: It's still good!
Kevin O'Shea: You'll never get anywhere treating your helmet like a lunchbox son? What is that?
Kevin O'Shea: Crunchy or puffed?
Kevin O'Shea: Wimp!
[Butz confiscates the food and walks off]
Rudy Zolteck: My mom made that!
Nubie: You always run the ball! Why can't I run the ball?
Hanon: Because you're slow, and no one likes you
Rudy Zolteck: Here's a kiss for Murphey. And for Patterson and Briggs too.
Rudy Zolteck: [Farts loudly]
Butz: [spying on the Giants] This is incredible! They got the guards in the backfield! The center's on the right! And the quarterback isn't even there!
Kevin O'Shea: They're just standing around, Butz.
Butz: Oh, yeah.
Sean Murphy: [Murphy enters the club house immediately after Rudy farted]
Sean Murphy: [Groans in disgust]
Sean Murphy: Damn, Zolfart. What kind of road kill did your mom feed you last night?
Rudy Zolteck: [Smirking] Free range skunk.
[On the opening kick off, after the holder is kicked in the crotch by the kicker]
Announcer: Oh! Somebody's holding a pound of Aunt Betty's nut butter, and that's a live ball!
Young Kevin: Hey Danny! You see that water tower. One day our names will be up there in bold letters, The O'Shea Brothers! We're going to own this town, you and me buddy.
[talking to his hands]
Hanon: Why do you do this to me, fellas? I cut your nails, wash you, put gloves on you when you're cold.
[kids are running at try outs]
Rudy Zolteck: How'd I do, coach?
Kevin O'Shea: I don't know son. I don't have a sundial.
Danny O'Shea: Hey, I got an idea. How about we go put some mud tires on the go cart?
Becky O'Shea: Nah. I don't want to.
Danny O'Shea: Alright, forget the tires. How about we go camping in the woods! Make moose sounds?
Becky O'Shea: Nah.
Danny O'Shea: Alright, forget the moose sounds.
Hanon: There goes my shot at the Pros. I gonna have to be a senator.
Priscilla: God bless family, friends, flowers, Nickelodeon, fuzzy little kittens, Pez, Mr. Lerenzo, the school janitor 'cause he's so hairy.
Kevin O'Shea: He's an unfortunate man Priscilla.
Becky O'Shea: What a hunk. Wait a minute? What am I saying? I'm the Icebox. Icebox doesn't like boys. Except for that one.
Spike: Look, you berzerko Barbie doll, when you mess with Spike, you mess with death.
Becky O'Shea: You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?
Spike: Try me!
Becky O'Shea: I will!
Spike: Let's go!
Becky O'Shea: Right now!
Jake Berman: Somebody call 911!
Steve Emtman: Just remember, football is 80% mental and 40% physical.
Mike Hammersmith: Every night before he goes to bed, I massage his hamstrings with evaporated milk
Danny O'Shea: [Recruiting Timmy] Do you play football?
Timmy Moore: No.
Danny O'Shea: Do you like football?
Timmy Moore: No.
Danny O'Shea: Do you want to play football?
Timmy Moore: No.
Danny O'Shea: Great, you can be on our team.
Tad: [laughs after Rudy farts]
Hanon: Whoo! Whoo!
Nubie: [to Murphy, Briggs, and Patterson] This is a private establishment gentlemen.
Danny O'Shea: [disguising his voice as a little old lady] State police? Oh, thank God! My name is Thelma Mae Rogers, I'm 86 years old, I live in Urbania. There are two men down the bridge from the Shell station spying on some kids!
[passes the phone to Timmy, who starts to "cry"]
Danny O'Shea: I just don't think it's right for men their age to be parading around in their underwear!
Timmy Moore: Please, hurry!
Danny O'Shea: Oh no!
[hangs up the phone]
Danny O'Shea: Nice job, Timmy.
[they high five]
Danny O'Shea: I don't know but I've been told.
Little Giants: Butz's butt is green with mold.
Danny O'Shea: You say thank you I say please.
Little Giants: Kevin sits down when he pees.
Danny O'Shea: [Keven and Danny are racing to claim the new player] This whole town may love you, but I'm the only one who knows how truly sick you are!
Kevin O'Shea: I treated you like a prince!
Danny O'Shea: You ignored me!
Kevin O'Shea: I took you to see the Cleveland Indians!
Danny O'Shea: You left me at the stadium!
Becky O'Shea: [quietly doing a cheer] give me a J. Give me a U. Give me a.
Danny O'Shea: Is that lipstick?
Becky O'Shea: No. It's a cherry tootsie pop.
Little Danny: Gee, I must be pretty bad if my own brother won't even pick me.
Little Kevin: Danny, look at it my way.
Little Danny: I stink and you know it. You're perfect and I stink. That's it! The End!
Little Kevin: No, that's not it. It's just that I'm so good that it makes you look really bad.
Little Danny: Are you trying to cheer me up?
Little Kevin: Yeah.
Little Danny: It's not working.
Little Kevin: See, so I stink at something too.
Junior Floyd: Ew, that's disgusting! It looks like they're trying to swallow each other's heads!
Sean Murphy: Hey Hanon, do you catch anything ever?
Hanon: Caught a cold yesterday, Murph. Here! Have some!
[sneezes on Murphy]
Priscilla: Hey Uncle Dan! Guess what? I got the whole headlock thing on tape. Here, wanna see?
Junior Floyd: That's right Spike! The Icebox is going to defrost you!
Jake Berman: My mom says the pads you gave me weren't enough.
Spike: Is Spike mistaken, but aren't you a girl?
Becky O'Shea: Gee, good eye
Spike: Spike don't play with girls!
Danny O'Shea: [When the Giants, losing at the half, want to be put on the injured list] You know, there is something you guys should know. When I was 10 years old, I put myself on the injured list. I never got off.
Timmy Moore: Why?
Danny O'Shea: Cause I didn't get picked a few times, so I started hiding under the bleachers.
Marcus: That's where we belong, under the bleachers.
Danny O'Shea: No you don't. You guys belong out there with those Cowboys. You know how I know that? Because I belong out there with my brother.
Rudy Zolteck: Give us a break, coach. You could never beat Kevin O'Shea at anything!
Danny O'Shea: That's not true. I did beat him once.
Jake Berman: When?
Danny O'Shea: When we were kids. We used to race our bikes down Cherry Hill every day after school. We raced every day and he always beat me, but one time, one time I beat him.
Jake Berman: You beat Kevin down Cherry Hill?
Danny O'Shea: Yes, I did. He ate my dust.
Johnny Vennaro: Big deal. One time.
Tad: You know, one time at Randy Cooper's swim party, I did a backflip off the high dive, and my brother chickened out.
Marcus: Roger chickened out? He's a Marine!
Rudy Zolteck: Ah, that's nothing! One time at the spring carnival, I beat both of my brothers in the Cow Dung Toss.
Tad: You beat Matt and Brett in the turd toss?
Jake Berman: You know, one time I went fishing with my entire family, and I was the only one that didn't throw up.
Marcus: So, what? It still doesn't make us good football players.
Danny O'Shea: Well, wait a second, guys. Who said you had to be good to play football? You play football because you want to. You play football because it's fun. You play football so you could pretend you're Joe Montana throwing a touchdown pass, or Emmitt Smith going for a long run. And even if those Cowboys are better than you guys, even if they beat you 99 times out of 100, that still leaves.
Tad: One time.
Rudy Zolteck: One time.
Junior Floyd: [Smiles] Yeah one time!
Kevin O'Shea: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Are you nuts?
Rudy Zolteck: [takes a bite] It's still good.
Kevin O'Shea: You'll never get anywhere treating your helmet like a lunchbox, son.
Briggs: Ready! Set! Go!
[Kevin takes off in a charging sprint toward a couch cushion, held by Karen]
Karen O'Shea: Kevin! Aah!
[Karen lets go of the cushion and Kevin goes flying out the window, landing crotch first on a tree limb]
Kevin O'Shea: Oh! Doctor!
[in pain, he tilts and falls into their pool]
Sean Murphy: What's the matter, four eyes? Want your mama!
Jake Berman: Don't be talkin' about my mama!
Sean Murphy: [as The Cowboys have possession of the ball; to Rudy] Get ready dog breath. Because when I'm finished with you, you'll be farting out of your mouth and talking out of your butt!
Rudy Zolteck: [to Tad] Is that physically possible?
[the Cowboys hike the ball and Spike gains enough yards for a first down; during the play, Murphy sends Rudy flying and landing on his face; After the play, the Little Giants check on Rudy, who's still down]
Tad: Are you all right?
Rudy Zolteck: [Talking out of his butt] I think so.
Tad: [Impressed] Huh! Guess it is possible.
Debbie O'Shea: [after Kevin plans a cheerleading squad for The Cowboys] Yes!
Junior Floyd: You wanna learn how to kiss?
Becky O'Shea: No. Why, do you?
Junior Floyd: No. Ew I just got that vomit taste in my mouth.
Becky O'Shea: Come on, you gotta learn sometime. I mean if you wanna get a job and have kids and stuff.
Junior Floyd: You can have kids without kissing.
Becky O'Shea: Yeah, but you can't get a job. You know, for scientific reasons and stuff.
Junior Floyd: Well become a teacher.
Karen O'Shea: Kevin, this is pee wee football. It's supposed to be fun.
Kevin O'Shea: Not fun anymore. See, all the fun is gone now. See now, it's war!
Kevin O'Shea: [Spike has gotten the Cowboys penalized for a personal foul on the Little Giants] Hammersmith, if that kid of yours pulls another stunt like that again, you are both out of here.
Mike Hammersmith: Hey, come on! I thought you wanted to win!
Kevin O'Shea: Not like that.