Frank Griffith:
Anyone check you for a heartbeat recently?
Mike Swale:
I'm starting to feel like a...
Bridget Gregory:
Sex object?
Bridget Gregory:
Could you leave? Please?
Mike Swale:
I haven't finished charming you yet.
Bridget Gregory:
You haven't started.
Mike Swale:
Gimme a chance.
Bridget Gregory:
Look, go find yourself a nice little cowgirl and make nice little cowbabies and leave me alone.
Mike Swale:
I'm hung like a horse. Think about it.
[
pause]
Bridget Gregory:
Let's see.
Mike Swale:
Excuse me?
Bridget Gregory:
Mr. Ed, let's see.
Mike Swale:
Look, I tried to be nice. I can see that's something you're not...
Bridget Gregory:
No, I'm trying. I can be very nice when I try. Sit down.
Mike Swale:
OK, maybe we just got off to a bad start. I know plenty of people -
[
Bridget unzips his fly]
Mike Swale:
What are you doing?
Bridget Gregory:
I believe what we're looking for is a certain horse-like quality?
Mike Swale:
I'm trying to figure out whether you're a total fucking bitch or not.
Bridget Gregory:
I am a total fucking bitch.
Bridget Gregory:
You're my designated fuck.
Mike Swale:
Designated fuck? Do they make cards for that? What if I want to be more than your designated fuck?
Bridget Gregory:
Then I'll designate someone else.
Mike Swale:
Grow up.
Chris:
What? Did you leave your dick in Buffalo?
Mike Swale:
Chris, these women are anchors.
Chris:
Here he goes again.
Mike Swale:
How many guys in this bar have felt her up?
Chris:
All of them.
Mike Swale:
Right. And how many have gone home with her, how many guys have slept with her?
Chris:
None, including yourself.
Mike Swale:
Right, I rest my case.
Chris:
Don't rest it too long, 'cause I promise you it will fall off.
Harlan:
How the fuck do you stay up here? I mean, these people... I go in the store this morning for cigarettes, they got ducks under the counter. What, do they plant these people or do they just grow out of the ground? And they look at me like, hell, I don't know.
Bridget Gregory:
Well, you know, they're not used to seeing guys like you around here, if you know what I mean.
[
pause]
Bridget Gregory:
Is it true what they say?
Harlan:
What?
Bridget Gregory:
You know, size?
Harlan:
Is it true what they say about white women?
Bridget Gregory:
What's that?
Harlan:
No ass.
Bridget Gregory:
Oh, come on. I was wondering for real. Let me see it.
Harlan:
Fuck you. Drive.
Bridget Gregory:
I'm sorry.
Harlan:
About what?
Bridget Gregory:
About your shortcoming.
Harlan:
I'm not gonna play this game.
Bridget Gregory:
Is that why you carry a big gun?
Harlan:
The Freudian mind-fuck isn't gonna work either.
Bridget Gregory:
Ooh, touchy. I'm sure your woman is very understanding.
Harlan:
Exactly how is it that we end this phase of our relationship?
Bridget Gregory:
By you showing it to me. Come on, let me see it. I've never seen one before.
[
pause]
Bridget Gregory:
I'll show you my ass.
Harlan:
What makes you think I wanna see your bony ass?
Bridget Gregory:
Show me.
Harlan:
Show me.
Bridget Gregory:
I'm driving. You go first.
Harlan:
No, you go first.
[
pause]
Harlan:
You'll shut the fuck up if I show you?
Bridget Gregory:
I'm sure I'll be too stunned to speak.
Harlan:
I don't believe this. You're crazy. Shit.
[
he exposes himself]
Harlan:
Okay, there, you happy?
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