It's Pat (1994)
[Pat falls down a flight of stairs]
Kyle Jacobs: Are you all right... um... um... you there?
Chris: Yeah, hon. Did you break anything?
Pat Riley: Oh, I crushed my nuts!
Kyle Jacobs: Ooooh, that's got to hurt!
Pat Riley: Oh, shoot!
[holding up crushed walnuts]
Pat Riley: There goes my afternoon snack!
Pat Riley: Howdy, Tippy!
Tippy: Oh... oh Pat... what do you want?
Pat Riley: Well I just thought I'd stop by and pick up a few personal items.
Tippy: Oh no no no, please, remember? No, I don't want to know anything about your... your sex life, okay?
Pat Riley: I just want to get a few toiletries. Uh, first of all, I need some protection...
Tippy: Oh dear God, okay, all right.
Pat Riley: ...from underarm wetness. I'm never one to offend!
Tippy: 2.50 then, all right, and you're out...
Pat Riley: What am I, in a race? Whoa!
Tippy: Well, kind of, uh...
Pat Riley: And I need a lubricant...
Pat Riley: ...for my eyes. They're drying up due to the pollen and dust in the air.
Tippy: Oh great, help me, somebody please help me!
Pat Riley: And I need some feminine napkins...
Tippy: Oh, I'm in hell... I am in hell now!
Pat Riley: You never know when Aunt Wilma's gonna stop by for lunch!
Pat Riley: So... did I tell you I'm unemployed?
Kathy Griffin: Yea, uh, about 400 times.
Pat Riley: Say, do you think you could make an announcement about it at the radio station?
Kathy Griffin: Absolutely not.
Pat Riley: Ok, well think about it, but when you do make the announcement let me know. I want to tell my friends to tune in. They don't listen to your show normally.
Kyle Jacobs: [after reading Pat's diary] That's it. Th-th-th-that's all? The most intimate record of... every detail about Pat's life and not a single clue about Pat's sex? Why? Why, that's so unfair!