The Flintstones (1994)
Pearl Slaghoople: Oh, you poor, poor dear. You could have married Elliot Firestone, the man who invented the wheel.
[gives Fred a nasty glare]
Pearl Slaghoople: Instead you picked Fred Flintstone, the man who invented the excuse!
Betty Rubble: Barney, do you have to do everything Fred does?
[Dino grabs one of the steaks off the grill and runs away]
Fred Flintstone: Hey, Barn, you like your steak rare?
Barney Rubble: Yeah.
Fred Flintstone: That one's yours.
[Barney chases Dino]
Fred Flintstone: We'll make new friends, there's 4,000 other people in this world!
[as Fred and Pearl argue]
Wilma Flintstone: You two should be ashamed of yourselves!
Pearl Slaghoople: I got my hands full just being ashamed of him.
Fred Flintstone: You got your hands full when you scratch your neck!
Barney Rubble: You're afraid to tell Wilma, aren't you?
Fred Flintstone: [skids the car to an abrupt halt] Afraid? Now let's get this straight, Rubble, I don't need permission from my wife to make a decision. In my cave, I reign supreme, *su-PREME*!
Barney Rubble: I won't tell her, Fred.
Fred Flintstone: [relieved] Thanks, pal.
Fred Flintstone: I just want my old job back and my old life.
Barney Rubble: Hey, Fred.
[waves Fred over and whispers in his ear]
Fred Flintstone: Oh, and two weeks paid vacation for all the men in the quarry, an annual cost-of-living increase, and those little packets of ketchup in the lunch room.
Wilma: I cannot believe you just sat there and let them walk out on us.
Fred Flintstone: At least I can walk around the house in my underwear again.
Wilma: And that is more important to you than 20 years of friendship?
Fred Flintstone: It is on a hot day.
Cliff Vandercave: Do you know what we do up here?
Fred Flintstone: Well, me and the guys have always wondered.
Cliff Vandercave: We interface, Flintstone. We conceptualize, tenderize, prioritize.
Fred Flintstone: When do we eat?
Grizzled Man: Wait, do you know this guy?
Barney Rubble: Know him? He used to be my best friend. Heck, if it weren't for me, this whole mess probably wouldn't have happened.
Grizzled Man: Thanks for telling us. We could've made a very big mistake. Hang both of them!
Cliff Vandercave: I want you to fire Bernard Rubble.
Fred Flintstone: Done! Wait, fire Barney, why?
Cliff Vandercave: Well, he scored the lowest on the company aptitude test. He's an imbecile. The company can't afford to have dead weight like him on the payroll.
Fred Flintstone: But Mr. Vandercave, he's got a new kid, a mortgage, I'm his best friend, I can't.
Cliff Vandercave: Look, Fred, if you don't fire him, I will, and then I'll fire you.
Sharon Stone: Can I get you anything? Coffee?
Fred Flintstone: Sure.
Sharon Stone: [seductively] How would you like it?
Fred Flintstone: In a cup?
Sharon Stone: Bold choice, Mr. Flintstone! You'll go far in this company.
Fred Flintstone: Barney Rubble has been my neighbor, my lodge brother and my best friend since the first time I went through the fifth grade.
Barney Rubble: It's like a dream come true. A son. Somebody to carry on the proud name of Rubble. Think I'll be a good daddy, Fred?
Fred Flintstone: Well, you're bound to find something you're good at.
Barney Rubble: Yeah sure, but...
Barney Rubble: [realizes what he said] Hey!
Pearl Slaghoople: Somebody has to look after my daughter and grandchild, while you're out carousing with a bunch of Neanderthals.
Fred Flintstone: Oh, really? Well, for your information, the lodge no longer accepts Neanderthals.
Pearl Slaghoople: He robs your nest egg to bail out that little troll next door, while my daughter has to wash her clothes in the river.
Fred Flintstone: I've got half a mind...!
Pearl Slaghoople: Oh, don't flatter yourself!
Mrs. Pyrite: Mr. and Mrs. Rubble, this is your little boy.
Betty Rubble: Oh, Barney, isn't he precious?
Fred Flintstone: [aside to Wilma] Precious? They'd have been better off with the monkey.
Wilma Flintstone: Fred!
Betty Rubble: Does he have a name?
Mrs. Pyrite: Bamm-Bamm.
Barney Rubble: Is that short for something?
Mrs. Pyrite: Bamm-Bamm-Bamm. You're going to have to take it slowly with this one. He doesn't speak yet and is a little skittish around humans, but, then again, I would be too if I'd been raised by wild Mastadons. Ha ha ha.
Mrs. Pyrite: Let's not nitpick! A mammal's a mammal.
Store Manager: Mrs. Rubble, there seems to be a slight problem with your credit card.
Betty Rubble: Really? What's that?
Store Manager: It's no damn good!
[Breaks the card with a hammer]
Fred Flintstone: Sorry I'm late. Had car trouble, I picked up a nail.
[Shows everyone a bandaid on his dirty foot]
Mr. Slate: Thank you for sharing that with us, Mr. Flagstone. May we continue?
Fred Flintstone: [Holding a miniature model of houses the quarry plans to build] I hate to bust your bubble, but if you build houses this small, who's gonna live in them?
Wilma Flintstone: We have scrimped and saved for that money, and every time we get a little bit ahead, you have to go blow it on some hair-brained scheme!
Fred Flintstone: Now see here, Wilma! In this cave, I am the king! And...
Wilma Flintstone: And what, Fred?
Fred Flintstone: And you have every right to know, my queen.
[after Cliff has announced that Fred had won the executive job]
Fred Flintstone: Barney, quick, what's my name?
Barney Rubble: Fred Flintstone!
Fred Flintstone: Don't toy with me, Barn.
Barney Rubble: So, Fred, what am I gonna call you now? Boss? Chief?
Fred Flintstone: No, simply Your Highness will do.
Fred Flintstone: Miss Stone, I'd like you to meet my wife, Mrs. Flagstone, and our daughter... uh... uh... isn't she beautiful? My family.
Fred Flintstone: This is my office? This is my chair?
Cliff Vandercave: Yeah, not to throw too much at you on your first day, but this big thing here is your desk.
Fred Flintstone: My desk?
Barney Rubble: Tell me something, Mr. Vice President, what's a graduated inventory plan? How about supply and demand? Hey Fred, what's two and two?
Fred Flintstone: ...I didn't come here to talk business. I'm out with my wife. Now get me a clean spoon.
Fred Flintstone: Take a memo. Cliff, let's play golf. We can prioritize, conceptualize and tenderize. Executively yours, Fred Fliiii -
[falls backwards out of his chair]
Dictabird: Are there six or seven I's in 'Fliiii - '?
Cliff Vandercave: Look at those pathetic worms burrowing their lives away. Do you know why I'm up here and they're down there, Miss Stone?
Sharon Stone: Because you lied on your résumé?
Cliff Vandercave: No. Because I have vision, and right now I have a vision of you and me dripping with coconut oil on a beach in Rockapulco with Mr. Slate's fortune to keep us company.
Sharon Stone: I'm glad we see eye to eye.
Cliff Vandercave: And somewhere down there is the ignorant stooge who will make all my schemes come true.
Sharon Stone: I'm worried, Cliff, I think Mr. Flintstone is smarter than we thought.
Cliff Vandercave: Ha. He'd have to be to get himself dressed in the morning.
Barney Rubble: [On Fred's first day of being a VP] Well, guess this is it, Mr. Flintstone. Go get 'em, big guy.
Fred Flintstone: Hey, Barn.
Barney Rubble: Yeah, Fred?
Fred Flintstone: Could you spot me a couple bucks for lunch? I'm a little short.
Barney Rubble: You're right, Fred. Nothing's changed.
Mr. Slate: Gentlemen, please, I can't endorse this modernization if it means laying off all those workers. Some of them have been here since the beginning of time.
Cliff Vandercave: What if I could quadruple your income?
Mr. Slate: I'll miss them. You were saying?
Cliff Vandercave: Through the miracle of geothermal power, the raw material is elevated to the second stage where our steam-powered conveyor belts carry...
Executive in Boardroom: Steam? He's a mad man!
Cliff Vandercave: *Steam*-powered conveyor belts, carry the product...
Betty Rubble: You know, Barney, life is funny. One minute people are your best friends, and the next you're fantasizing they're being ripped apart by a pack of rabid wolves.
Barney Rubble: You too, huh?
Betty Rubble: Oh, Barney, they've changed. I hardly know them since Fred's become a big shot.
Barney Rubble: And it should be us squanderin' all our money and treatin' our friends like dirt.
Betty Rubble: What do you mean?
Barney Rubble: Nothin'. Just sour grapes, I guess.
Betty Rubble: Don't worry, Barney. It's gonna get better. One day, we'll look back on all this, and we'll laugh.
Barney Rubble: Gee, I hope so, Betty, 'cause tomorrow they got me testing shark repellent.
[they both grimace]
[after the bowling team drinks from the giant beer mug and howls]
Hoagie: [grinning] It doesn't get any better than this!
Fred Flintstone: Well, I'm not going to jail, but it won't be easy finding a new job. What kind of reference is Mr. Slate gonna give me after I destroyed his quarry.
Betty Rubble: Aw, none of this was your fault, Fred. I'm sure Mr. Slate will understand.
Mr. Slate: [screams] FLINTSTONE!
Fred Flintstone: Sure, now he gets my name right.
Wilma: [when Barney and Betty are waiting for their adopted child] Fred? And promise me you won't say anything like what you did when you saw my sister's baby.
Fred Flintstone: The kid had a tail? What was I supposed to do? Pretend I didn't notice?
Mr. Slate: How did this happen?
Fred Flintstone: Well, it all started when I lent money to Barney so he could adopt a baby.
Mr. Slate: Not that. How did this happen to Cliff?
[shows Cliff trapped in a hard rough substance]
Fred Flintstone: Well, the machine went haywire and the rocks got crushed up and mixed with the water, and it got onto Cliff. Mr. Slate, I'm sorry.
Mr. Slate: Sorry? I love this stuff! I'm gonna name it after my daughter, Concretia.
Barney Rubble: You know, Fred, I hear that eatin' too much red meat is bad for you.
Fred Flintstone: What a load of bunk! My father ate it every day of his life and he lived to the ripe old age of thirty-eight.
Wilma: This has gone far enough! After everything that we've done for you! We took you into our home!
Betty Rubble: Oh, yeah, so you could show off every chance you got. You used to be such nice people but now... you're just a couple of rich snobs! Hmph!
Cliff Vandercave: And in the words of my beloved mother: I'm taking the money and moving to a warmer climate.
Fred Flintstone: What can I do? I gotta think of something...
[a thought appears showing Pearl Slaghoople struggling in the mouth of a Brontosaurus, Fred giggles]
Fred Flintstone: Not now.
[the thought disappears and then another thought appears, showing what he did with that model of the machine and then he snaps his fingers]
Foreman: Hey, back to work! You guys had a break two days ago!
[Cliff is on the ground, scrambling to pick up the money Sharon Stone hit him with. Fred walks up and steps on his hand]
Fred Flintstone: Cliff? It's time for you and me to "interface"!
[punches his own hand threateningly]
Barney Rubble: Fred, did you hear what happened to everyone at the quarry today?
Fred Flintstone: Yep! A few hours ago, I sent them all off on a nice, long vacation.
Barney Rubble: You mean a permanent vacation?
[to Wilma and Betty]
Barney Rubble: He fired them!
Wilma: Fred! How could you?
Fred Flintstone: I didn't do that!
Barney Rubble: You did, too! It's all over the TV!
Fred Flintstone: Wilma, who are you gonna believe? Me or some busboy?
Betty Rubble: That busboy is your best friend!
Fred Flintstone: Best friend? Best friend? I lost my best friend the day I became an executive! He's just jealous of my hard-earned success!
Barney Rubble: Hard-earned? Tell me something, Mr. Vice President, what's a graduated inventory plan, huh? How about supply and demand? Hey, Fred! What's two and two?
Fred Flintstone: I didn't come here to talk business, I'm out with my wife! Now... get me a clean spoon.
Barney Rubble: That does it. The only reason you got that job, is because I switched tests with you.
Betty Rubble: Oh, Barney!
Fred Flintstone: Oh, ho-ho! That's rich! What good would it do me to switch tests with the guy that got the lowest score in the quarry?
Barney Rubble: Think about it, Fred.
Betty Rubble: Oh, finally. It all makes sense.
Wilma: You don't believe this, do you?
Betty Rubble: Are you calling my husband a liar?
Wilma: Now, this has gone far enough. After everything that we've done for you. We took you into our home.
Betty Rubble: Oh, yes? So, you can show off every chance you've got.
Betty Rubble: You used to be such nice people, but now... you're just a couple of rich snobs! Mmm!
Fred Flintstone: Better than being a couple of petty ingrates.
Betty Rubble: [to Barney] Come on, Barney. We are moving out, tonight!
Barney Rubble: Hang on, Betty... I forgot to punch-out.
[Barney punches Fred in the face]
Fred Flintstone: [the Rubbles have walked out on the Flintstones] They were holding us back, Wilma! We'll make new friends, There are 4,000 people in this world. Who needs the Rubbles?
Wilma: I do... But I'll tell you what I don't need. I don't need... this necklace.
[Wilma rips off her necklace]
Wilma: You know I don't need this lamp.
[Knocks over a lamp which is based on the one from A Christmas Story]
Wilma: And I don't need this television set.
Fred Flintstone: [Frantically] Not the TV!
Wilma: [Wilma pushes the TV breaking it] I don't need this... I don't need this... Oh, I don't think I'll be needing any of this bone of china.
[Wilma throws them at Fred]
Wilma: Because I don't have any friends to invite to dinner! So I don't think I'll need these cups and saucers.
[Throws away the dishes smashing them]
Fred Flintstone: [Missing the point] You'll regret this, Wilma. It's going to take you hours to clean up this mess.
[Hoagie, Joe Rockhead and the crew yelling at the gate, Hoagie notices that Fred in car is coming to the gate]
Hoagie: [yells] There he is!
[Hoagie, Joe Rockhead and the crew comes to Fred in the car]
Hoagie: You're a traitor, Flintstone!
Fred Flintstone: Listen to me, I'm your friend!
Hoagie: You're no friend of ours and you're a rotten bowler too!
[He throws stuff at Fred Flintstone pass the gate and the policeman closes the gate]
Mr. Slate: How did this happen?
Fred Flintstone: Well, Mr. Slate. It all started when the Rubbles here wanted to adopt a baby.
Mr. Slate: Not that!
[he notices that Cliff is concreted gray]
Mr. Slate: How did this happened to Cliff?
Fred Flintstone: Well, you see, Mr. Slate, the machinery went haywire and the rocks got all crushed up and that got mixed in with water and that came all down the hill. Mr. Slate, I'm sorry.
Mr. Slate: Sorry?
[he turns to Cliff is concreted]
Mr. Slate: I love this stuff! I'm gonna name it after my daughter Concretia.
Bamm-Bamm: Hi, da-da!
[Pebbles notices to him and gasps]
Barney Rubble: You did it! You called me da-da!
[bonked him in the head]
Fred Flintstone: Ooh! Barney, you lunkhead!
[They howling and guests brought the giant cup of lava juice]
Hoagie: Lava juice!