The Flintstones (1994)
Pearl Slaghoople: Oh, you poor, poor dear. You could have married Elliot Firestone, the man who invented the wheel.
[gives Fred a nasty glare]
Pearl Slaghoople: Instead you picked Fred Flintstone, the man who invented the excuse!
Barney Rubble: You're afraid to tell Wilma, aren't you?
Fred Flintstone: [skids the car to an abrupt halt] Afraid? Now let's get this straight, Rubble, I don't need permission from my wife to make a decision. In my cave, I reign supreme, *su-PREME*!
Barney Rubble: I won't tell her, Fred.
Fred Flintstone: [relieved] Thanks, pal.
Betty Rubble: Barney, do you have to do everything Fred does?
Fred Flintstone: I just want my old job back and my old life.
Barney Rubble: Hey, Fred.
[waves Fred over and whispers in his ear]
Fred Flintstone: Oh, and two weeks paid vacation for all the men in the quarry, an annual cost-of-living increase, and those little packets of ketchup in the lunch room.
Wilma: I cannot believe you just sat there and let them walk out on us.
Fred Flintstone: At least I can walk around the house in my underwear again.
Wilma: And that is more important to you than 20 years of friendship?
Fred Flintstone: It is on a hot day.
Cliff Vandercave: Do you know what we do up here?
Fred Flintstone: Well, me and the guys have always wondered.
Cliff Vandercave: We interface, Flintstone. We conceptualize, tenderize, prioritize.
Fred Flintstone: When do we eat?
Grizzled Man: Wait, do you know this guy?
Barney Rubble: Know him? He used to be my best friend. Heck, if it weren't for me, this whole mess probably wouldn't have happened.
Grizzled Man: Thanks for telling us. We could've made a very big mistake. Hang both of them!
Cliff Vandercave: I want you to fire Bernard Rubble.
Fred Flintstone: Done! Wait, fire Barney, why?
Cliff Vandercave: Well, he scored the lowest on the company aptitude test. He's an imbecile. The company can't afford to have dead weight like him on the payroll.
Fred Flintstone: But Mr. Vandercave, he's got a new kid, a mortgage, I'm his best friend, I can't.
Cliff Vandercave: Look, Fred, if you don't fire him, I will, and then I'll fire you.
Sharon Stone: Can I get you anything? Coffee?
Fred Flintstone: Sure.
Sharon Stone: [seductively] How would you like it?
Fred Flintstone: In a cup?
Sharon Stone: Bold choice, Mr. Flintstone! You'll go far in this company.
Fred Flintstone: Barney Rubble has been my neighbor, my lodge brother and my best friend since the first time I went through the fifth grade.
[Dino grabs one of the steaks off the grill and runs away]
Fred Flintstone: Hey, Barn, you like your steak rare?
Barney Rubble: Yeah.
Fred Flintstone: That one's yours.
[Barney chases Dino]
Barney Rubble: It's like a dream come true. A son. Somebody to carry on the proud name of Rubble. Think I'll be a good daddy, Fred?
Fred Flintstone: Well, you're bound to find something you're good at.
Barney Rubble: Yeah sure, but...
Barney Rubble: [realizes what he said] Hey!
Pearl Slaghoople: Somebody has to look after my daughter and grandchild, while you're out carousing with a bunch of Neanderthals.
Fred Flintstone: Oh, really? Well, for your information, the lodge no longer accepts Neanderthals.
Pearl Slaghoople: He robs your nest egg to bail out that little troll next door, while my daughter has to wash her clothes in the river.
Fred Flintstone: I've got half a mind...!
Pearl Slaghoople: Oh, don't flatter yourself!
Mrs. Pyrite: Mr. and Mrs. Rubble, this is your little boy.
Betty Rubble: Oh, Barney, isn't he precious?
Fred Flintstone: [aside to Wilma] Precious? They'd have been better off with the monkey.
Wilma Flintstone: Fred!
Betty Rubble: Does he have a name?
Mrs. Pyrite: Bamm-Bamm.
Barney Rubble: Is that short for something?
Mrs. Pyrite: Bamm-Bamm-Bamm. You're going to have to take it slowly with this one. He doesn't speak yet and is a little skittish around humans, but, then again, I would be too if I'd been raised by wild Mastadons. Ha ha ha.
Mrs. Pyrite: Let's not nitpick! A mammal's a mammal.
Store Manager: Mrs. Rubble, there seems to be a slight problem with your credit card.
Betty Rubble: Really? What's that?
Store Manager: It's no damn good!
[Breaks the card with a hammer]
Fred Flintstone: Sorry I'm late. Had car trouble, I picked up a nail.
[Shows everyone a bandaid on his dirty foot]
Mr. Slate: Thank you for sharing that with us, Mr. Flagstone. May we continue?
Fred Flintstone: [Holding a miniature model of houses the quarry plans to build] I hate to bust your bubble, but if you build houses this small, who's gonna live in them?
Wilma Flintstone: We have scrimped and saved for that money, and every time we get a little bit ahead, you have to go blow it on some hair-brained scheme!
Fred Flintstone: Now see here, Wilma! In this cave, I am the king! And...
Wilma Flintstone: And what, Fred?
Fred Flintstone: And you have every right to know, my queen.
Fred Flintstone: We'll make new friends, there's 4,000 other people in this world!
[after Cliff has announced that Fred had won the executive job]
Fred Flintstone: Barney, quick, what's my name?
Barney Rubble: Fred Flintstone!
Fred Flintstone: Don't toy with me, Barn.
Barney Rubble: So, Fred, what am I gonna call you now? Boss? Chief?
Fred Flintstone: No, simply Your Highness will do.
Fred Flintstone: Miss Stone, I'd like you to meet my wife, Mrs. Flagstone, and our daughter... uh... uh... isn't she beautiful? My family.
Fred Flintstone: This is my office? This is my chair?
Cliff Vandercave: Yeah, not to throw too much at you on your first day, but this big thing here is your desk.
Fred Flintstone: My desk?
Barney Rubble: Tell me something, Mr. Vice President, what's a graduated inventory plan? How about supply and demand? Hey Fred, what's two and two?
Fred Flintstone: ...I didn't come here to talk business. I'm out with my wife. Now get me a clean spoon.
Fred Flintstone: Take a memo. Cliff, let's play golf. We can prioritize, conceptualize and tenderize. Executively yours, Fred Fliiii -
[falls backwards out of his chair]
Dictabird: Are there six or seven I's in 'Fliiii - '?
Cliff Vandercave: Look at those pathetic worms burrowing their lives away. Do you know why I'm up here and they're down there, Miss Stone?
Sharon Stone: Because you lied on your résumé?
Cliff Vandercave: No. Because I have vision, and right now I have a vision of you and me dripping with coconut oil on a beach in Rockapulco with Mr. Slate's fortune to keep us company.
Sharon Stone: I'm glad we see eye to eye.
Cliff Vandercave: And somewhere down there is the ignorant stooge who will make all my schemes come true.
Sharon Stone: I'm worried, Cliff, I think Mr. Flintstone is smarter than we thought.
Cliff Vandercave: Ha. He'd have to be to get himself dressed in the morning.
Barney Rubble: [On Fred's first day of being a VP] Well, guess this is it, Mr. Flintstone. Go get 'em, big guy.
Fred Flintstone: Hey, Barn.
Barney Rubble: Yeah, Fred?
Fred Flintstone: Could you spot me a couple bucks for lunch? I'm a little short.
Barney Rubble: You're right, Fred. Nothing's changed.
Mr. Slate: Gentlemen, please, I can't endorse this modernization if it means laying off all those workers. Some of them have been here since the beginning of time.
Cliff Vandercave: What if I could quadruple your income?
Mr. Slate: I'll miss them. You were saying?
Cliff Vandercave: Through the miracle of geothermal power, the raw material is elevated to the second stage where our steam-powered conveyor belts carry...
Executive in Boardroom: Steam? He's a mad man!
Cliff Vandercave: *Steam*-powered conveyor belts, carry the product...
Betty Rubble: You know, Barney, life is funny. One minute people are your best friends, and the next you're fantasizing they're being ripped apart by a pack of rabid wolves.
Barney Rubble: You too, huh?
Betty Rubble: Oh, Barney, they've changed. I hardly know them since Fred's become a big shot.
Barney Rubble: And it should be us squanderin' all our money and treatin' our friends like dirt.
Betty Rubble: What do you mean?
Barney Rubble: Nothin'. Just sour grapes, I guess.
Betty Rubble: Don't worry, Barney. It's gonna get better. One day, we'll look back on all this, and we'll laugh.
Barney Rubble: Gee, I hope so, Betty, 'cause tomorrow they got me testing shark repellent.
[they both grimace]
[after the bowling team drinks from the giant beer mug and howls]
Hoagie: [grinning] It doesn't get any better than this!
Fred Flintstone: Well, I'm not going to jail, but it won't be easy finding a new job. What kind of reference is Mr. Slate gonna give me after I destroyed his quarry.
Betty Rubble: Aw Fred, it wasn't your fault, I'm sure Mr. Slate will understand.
Mr. Slate: Flint-stoooooooooone!
Fred Flintstone: Sure, now he gets my name right.
Wilma: [when Barney and Betty are waiting for their adopted child] Fred? And promise me you won't say anything like what you did when you saw my sister's baby.
Fred Flintstone: The kid had a tail? What was I supposed to do? Pretend I didn't notice?
Mr. Slate: How did this happen?
Fred Flintstone: Well, it all started when I lent money to Barney so he could adopt a baby.
Mr. Slate: Not that. How did this happen to Cliff?
[shows Cliff trapped in a hard rough substance]
Fred Flintstone: Well, the machine went haywire and the rocks got crushed up and mixed with the water, and it got onto Cliff. Mr. Slate, I'm sorry.
Mr. Slate: Sorry? I love this stuff! I'm gonna name it after my daughter, Concretia.
Barney Rubble: You know, Fred, I hear that eatin' too much red meat is bad for you.
Fred Flintstone: What a load of bunk! My father ate it every day of his life and he lived to the ripe old age of thirty-eight.
Wilma: This has gone far enough! After everything that we've done for you! We took you into our home!
Betty Rubble: Oh, yeah, so you could show off every chance you got. You used to be such nice people but now... you're just a couple of rich snobs! Hmph!
[as Fred and Pearl argue]
Wilma Flintstone: You two should be ashamed of yourselves!
Pearl Slaghoople: I got my hands full just being ashamed of him.
Fred Flintstone: You got your hands full when you scratch your neck!
Cliff Vandercave: And in the words of my beloved mother: I'm taking the money and moving to a warmer climate.
Fred Flintstone: What can I do? I gotta think of something...
[a thought appears showing Pearl Slaghoople struggling in the mouth of a Brontosaurus, Fred giggles]
Fred Flintstone: Not now.
[the thought disappears and then another thought appears, showing what he did with that model of the machine and then he snaps his fingers]
Foreman: Hey, back to work! You guys had a break two days ago!
[Cliff is on the ground, scrambling to pick up the money Sharon Stone hit him with. Fred walks up and steps on his hand]
Fred Flintstone: Oh, Cliff? It's time for you and me to "interface"!
[punches his own hand threateningly]
Barney Rubble: Fred, did you hear what happened to everyone at the quarry today?
Fred Flintstone: Yep! A few hours ago, I sent them all off on a nice, long vacation.
Barney Rubble: You mean a permanent vacation?
[to Wilma and Betty]
Barney Rubble: He fired them!
Wilma: Fred! How could you?
Fred Flintstone: I didn't do that!
Barney Rubble: You did, too! It's all over the TV!
Fred Flintstone: Wilma, who are you gonna believe? Me or some busboy?
Betty Rubble: That busboy is your best friend!
Fred Flintstone: Best friend? Best friend? I lost my best friend the day I became an executive! He's just jealous of my hard-earned success!
Barney Rubble: Hard-earned? Tell me something, Mr. Vice President, what's a graduated inventory plan, huh? How about supply and demand? Hey, Fred! What's two and two?
Fred Flintstone: I didn't come here to talk business, I'm out with my wife! Now... get me a clean spoon.
Barney Rubble: That does it. The only reason you got that job, is because I switched tests with you.
Betty Rubble: Oh, Barney!
Fred Flintstone: Oh, ho-ho! That's rich! What good would it do me to switch tests with the guy that got the lowest score in the quarry?
Barney Rubble: Think about it, Fred.
Betty Rubble: Oh, finally. It all makes sense.
Wilma: You don't believe this, do you?
Betty Rubble: Are you calling my husband a liar?
Wilma: Now, this has gone far enough. After everything that we've done for you. We took you into our home.
Betty Rubble: Oh, yes? So, you can show off every chance you've got.
Betty Rubble: You used to be such nice people, but now... you're just a couple of rich snobs! Mmm!
Fred Flintstone: Better than being a couple of petty ingrates.
Betty Rubble: [to Barney] Come on, Barney. We are moving out, tonight!
Barney Rubble: Hang on, Betty... I forgot to punch-out.
[Barney punches Fred in the face]