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Cemetery Man (1994) Poster

(1994)

Quotes

Valentina Scanarotti: With your consent, I'd like to marry Gnaghi.

Mayor Scanarotti: This - horrible - thing?

Valentina Scanarotti: I'm not such a great catch either, Daddy.

Mayor Scanarotti: Not as long, dear, as I've got a breath in my body.

Valentina Scanarotti: All right. We'll fix that right away.

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Francesco Dellamorte: I can't forgive myself for having lied to you. I don't have a degree in biology. Never even finished high school. I haven't read more than two books in my whole life. One, never finished. And the other is the phone book.

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Francesco Dellamorte: The more they laugh, the further away they seem. You can never be too different, Gnaghi.

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Francesco Dellamorte: I should have known it. The rest of the world doesn't exist.

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[voice-over]

Francesco Dellamorte: Franco is the only living person who even calls me. Now and then, I stop by his office to remind myself what he looks like. You can't live on memories alone.

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Francesco Dellamorte: I'd give my life to be dead.

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Francesco Dellamorte: Hell, at a certain point in life, you realize you know more dead people than living.

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Francesco Dellamorte: Past this tunnel is the rest of the world. What do you think the rest of the world looks like, Gnaghi? Can you imagine it?... You're right. It's beyond imagination.

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Francesco Dellamorte: Death, death, death comes sweeping down, filthy death the leering clown, death on wings, death by surprise, failing evil from worldly eyes, death that spawns as life succumbs, while death and love, two kindred drums, beat the time till judgement day, an actor in a passion play, without beginning, without end, evermore, amen.

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[on discovering Gnaghi burning old phone books]

Francesco Dellamorte: Gnaghi, just because we've got the new ones doesn't mean to say we have to throw the old ones away. These books are classics!

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Marshall Straniero: Four motorcycles racing, the mayor's daughter is on one of them, her head sliced right off. They had to sew it back on the body. The bikes crash into a bus loaded with scouts, on their way back from a church-sponsored outing. Ha! Slaughter of the innocents. And they were all so young. Ha ha ha ha!

Francesco Dellamorte: Right. They thought their life was ahead of them, but in fact it had already passed them by.

Marshall Straniero: Ha ha ha! Well, you got your hands full.

Francesco Dellamorte: Oh, more than you know.

[aside]

Francesco Dellamorte: Gnaghi, we're going to need a lot of bullets.

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[Francesco and Gnaghi putting barbed wire on cemetery walls]

New Mayor Civardi: Mr. Dellamorte? I'm Civardi, the new mayor. Why the barbed wire? Do they climb in at night?

Francesco Dellamorte: No. They climb out sometimes.

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Francesco Dellamorte: The Living Dead and the dying living are all the same. Cut from the same cloth. But disposing of dead people is a public service, whereas you're in all sorts of trouble if you kill someone while they're still alive.

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Francesco Dellamorte: Thief.

[chortles]

Francesco Dellamorte: You're a thief. You may have killed your wife and daughter. OK, I'll give you that. But it was me who knocked off the three girls. What are you doing stealing my murders? What kind of fucking friend do you think you are? I suppose you thought you were doing me a favor...

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Francesco Dellamorte: You're supposed to be setting a good example, now will you get back to your coffin immediately!

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Francesco Dellamorte: [voice-over] I'm the watchman of the Buffalora Cemetery. I don't know how the epidemic started. All I know is that some people, on the seventh night after their death, come back to life. I call them Returners, but frankly I can't understand why they're so anxious to return. The only way to get rid of them once and for all is to split their heads open. A spade'll do it, but a dum-dum bullet is best. Is this the beginning of an invasion? Does it happen in all cemeteries? Or is Buffalora just an exception? Who knows? And in the end, who cares? I'm just doing my job.

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Hospital Sister: Put that out immediately! Smoking is not allowed in here!

Francesco Dellamorte: Shut up!

[shoots her in the eye]

Francesco Dellamorte: He's in a coma. He doesn't even notice.

Franco: [half-conscious] Shit.

Francesco Dellamorte: What'd you say?

Franco: [spits out breathing tube] Everything's shit.

[Francesco nods]

Franco: The only thing that's not shitty is sleep.

Hospital Doctor: [doctor enters] What are you doing on the floor, sister?

Francesco Dellamorte: She's praying.

Hospital Doctor: Friend of yours? Look, he hasn't got any relatives and the coma he's in is irreversible. Give me a signature and I'll pull the plug now.

Francesco Dellamorte: Fuck off!

[shoots him in the head]

Francesco Dellamorte: I won't let you die until you give me an explanation. Why did you steal my murders? Don't you think anything I do counts? Huh?

Stanza Franco Nurse: Oh, my God! What happened?

Francesco Dellamorte: They killed each other. It was a settling of scores.

[Nurse looks at bloody walls]

Francesco Dellamorte: Don't you believe me?

Stanza Franco Nurse: No.

Francesco Dellamorte: Tough.

[he pulls out gun]

Stanza Franco Nurse: No!

[he aims]

Stanza Franco Nurse: NO!

[he shoots her in the head]

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Marshall Straniero: [Dellamorte is leaving the hospital. Straniero spots him on the stairs] Dellamorte, wait. For God's sake, wait! There's another maniac on the loose. He's on the 4th floor killing people. He already shot three. You got a gun! That's good. Now you can defend yourself. Hey, take my advice and get the hell out of here quick!

[he walks out of the frame]

Francesco Dellamorte: STRANIERO! IT WAS ME!

[suddenly, everyone is gone]

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Francesco Dellamorte: Oh, come on Gnaghi. The world's full of girls like that, and they've got bodies, too.

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Francesco Dellamorte: Go away! I haven't got time for the living.

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Francesco Dellamorte: Someone has stolen my crimes.

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[talking on telephone with Franco]

Francesco Dellamorte: How's everything in your life? How are dear Mara and Cinzia? Eh? Heh heh heh... Mmm. You know, I sometimes wonder if you actually exist, Franco... Yeah... I mean, you do have a wife and daughter, don't you?... Uh heh heh... I only ask, 'cause I sometimes think I made you all up.

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[discussing the zombies]

Franco: Any other visits last night?

Francesco Dellamorte: A couple, yeah... All this extra work - and it's not as if they pay me any more!

Franco: Well, tell the Mayor!

Francesco Dellamorte: Oh, tell the Mayor, and then what? They'll *close* the cemetery! Goodbye job and goodbye house.

Franco: Come on. Who do you think would believe you?

Francesco Dellamorte: Listen. I don't care if you don't believe me, Franco. You're not the one who pays me.

Franco: I believe you. I believe you! And you're right. At least have him pay you over-time.

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[bright sunny day]

Francesco Dellamorte: The weather's gone bad again.

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[voice-over]

Francesco Dellamorte: Hmmm. Poor Gnaghi. On his ID card, it reads: "Distinctive visible marks: All." He has a real passion for dead leaves. Can't stand it when the wind blows them away. Oh, well. We all do what we can not to think about life.

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[Francesco almost runs over a bicyclist]

Francesco Dellamorte: Don't worry, I'll get the next one.

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Francesco Dellamorte: You and I are both the same. We kill out of indifference, out of love sometimes, but never out of hate. Now I don't know who's dead or alive. I'm sick of killing. So I'm leaving the game, Brother.

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Francesco Dellamorte: My name is Francesco Dellamorte. Weird name, isn't it? Francis Of Death. Saint Francis Of Death. I often thought of having it changed. André Dellamorte would be nicer, for example.

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[Francesco finds a zombie biker snacking on his living girlfriend. He pulls out his gun]

Girl: No, please don't! He's only eating me!

Francesco Dellamorte: Move aside.

Girl: Mind your business! I shall be eaten by whoever I please!

Francesco Dellamorte: This is my business. They pay me for it.

[Shoots the zombie]

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Mayor Scanarotti: By keeping things the same, we can change more effectively.

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Death: Stop killing the dead. They're mine. If you don't want the dead coming back to life, why don't you just kill the living? Shoot them in the head. Are you listening to me?

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[singing]

Boy Scout Troop: Never should have gone out on the boy scout picnic!

Boy Scout Troop: Never should have, never should have left my room!

Boy Scout Troop: Never should have gone out on the boy scout picnic!

Boy Scout Troop: Now I'll do my scouting in a marble tomb!

Boy Scout Troop: Never should have gone out on the boy scout picnic!

Boy Scout Troop: Never should have, never should have gone just then!

Boy Scout Troop: Never should have gone out on the boy scout picnic!

Boy Scout Troop: Never should have, now I'll never go again!

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Francesco Dellamorte: You'll see, Franco. Mara is going to get tired of you. Cinzia will grow up to hate you. And then you'll be free. Free to see what the rest of the world looks like.

Franco: Mmm. What do you think the rest of the world looks like?

Francesco Dellamorte: The rest of the world?

Franco: Mmm-hmm.

Francesco Dellamorte: Mmm. Who knows if the rest of the world even exists?

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[trying to console Gnaghi]

Francesco Dellamorte: Oh, come on, Gnaghi! You'll get over it, you'll see. Time passes. Nothing stays the same. It just gets worse! Ha ha ha. God, is it ever difficult trying to make you feel better...

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Francesco Dellamorte: [thinking] The most beautiful living woman I have ever seen...

Francesco Dellamorte: [out loud] Will I see her again?

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Francesco Dellamore: Death, Death, Death, the whore.

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[Francesco is on the phone. There's a knock at the door]

Francesco Dellamorte: Hold on a minute Franco.

[He opens the door. A zombie businessman is standing there. Francesco shoots him in the head]

Francesco Dellamorte: You were saying, Franco.

Franco: No, no nothing. Just calling to see how you are.

Francesco Dellamorte: Oh, you know how things are. Life goes on.

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Franco: Greetings from Toad of Town Hall!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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