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Don Tibbles: Today it's Wheaties boxes. Tomorrow it's video games and action figures. The sky's the limit!

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Coach Bombay: Haven't you guys been training in the off-season?

Lester Averman: You know, I knew we forgot something.

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Russ Tyler: Hey yo, team U.S.A., what you gonna do today, a million jumpin' jacks?

Portman: Man this kid's crazier than me. Just forget him!

[Jesse comes to the front]

Jesse: Man I'm gettin' sick of you!

Russ Tyler: And I'm gettin' sick of seein' the U.S.A. represented by a bunch of whining babies!

Jesse: Well, too bad you can't back up that mouth!

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Lester Averman: Here with us, Greg Goldberg, goaltender for Team USA. Greg, what's it gonna take to beat these feisty Icelanders, tonight?

Goldberg: I think it will take a supreme individual effort, by me, Greg Goldberg.

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Coach Bombay: Hey. How are you feeling today, Goldberg?

Goldberg: Lean and mean!

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Goldberg: Have no fear, Goldberg is here. Hey man there was nothin' on that. How 'bout a real shot? Hey Paison, meatballs are slowin' ya down? Hey uhh... how do you say in Italiano, wussy?

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Dwayne: Where I come from we treat ladies with respect!

Connie: Thank you, Dwayne, but I'm no lady. I'M A DUCK!

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Lester Averman: Aw, I smell something.

Lester AvermanGoldbergJesseCharlieAdam: Goldberg!

Goldberg: It wasn't me!

Dean: No, it was me!

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[Facing off in practice]

Dwayne: Great day for hockey, ain't it?

Jesse: Sure is, cowboy.

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[Seeing Dwayne for the first time]

Dwayne: Yee-haw! How's everybody? Y'all ready to play some puck?

Goldberg: Hey, look, it's Hop-Along Gretzky!

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[Dean Portman takes the ice]

Coach Bombay: That guy's a teenager?

Don Tibbles: Uh, yeah, hormones.

Coach Bombay: He's a goon!

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Wolf Stansson: What happened to freedom of speech? Isn't this America?

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Charlie: Hey, you got a girl in the stands?

Adam: Scouts, man. Lookit 'em.

Charlie: Don't worry about scouts, Adam. Just do your best.

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Coach Bombay: Ah, we've got a game against Italy, so I'll talk to you right after we win!

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Fulton: Lil' tuneage to go to sleep by?

Dean: Yeah.

[Fulton turns on loud rock music]

Dean: Sweet dreams, dude!

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Coach Bombay: What it is, it's a loafer. And we'll call it the Air-Bombay Loafer; "For kids who want to coach!"

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Lester Averman: Hey, is that a tattoo? Is it real?

Dean: Get away from me.

Lester Averman: Yes sir.

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Russ Tyler: Hey... Goldberg! I bet if that puck was a cheeseburger, you'd stop it! Hahaha!

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Coach Bombay: Hans couldn't make it?

Jan: Now don't get me started with that strudel head! He went back to the old country. He wanted to see our mother. She loved him more, you know!

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[on the Iceland players]

Lester Averman: They're bigger! They're stronger! They're faster! They've got more facial hair!

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[talking about Luis Mendoza]

Connie Moreau: Good lookin' skater.

Les Averman: Very good lookin'. What do you think, Guy?

Guy Germaine: Shut up, Averman.

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Coach Bombay: I've had a lot of distractions since I've been here in L.A.

[holds up a cardboard cutout of himself]

Coach Bombay: This is a distraction.

[the Ducks snigger. Bombay lights a match and throws it into a barrel]

Coach Bombay: This is a fire-in-a-barrel.

[places the cutout in the barrel]

Coach Bombay: This is a distraction-in-a-fire-in-a-barrel. Any questions?

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[at the Junior Goodwill Games, when Team USA is on the Podium]

Wolf Stansson: Team USA's going down, that's where you're going.

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[Stanson and Bombay are plaing three-bar]

Coach Bombay: One more post and you go home crying. By the way Stanson, you owe me a beachball!

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[Bombay is eating ice cream with the Iceland trainer]

Coach Bombay: I thought Iceland was covered with ice.

María: No, it's very green!

Coach Bombay: I thought GREENLAND was green!

María: Greenland is covered with ice, and Iceland is very nice!

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Dwayne: Take it easy, dont listen to him.

Ken Wu: Besides that guy will kill you.

Goldberg: Yea well just hold me back and act like im gonna kill him.

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Les Averman: You guys wanna ease up a little bit? Just thought I'd ask

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Adam: [Sanderson slashes Adam] Aaaaaaah!

[the Ducks scream at the referee for a penalty call]

Coach Bombay: Sit down. Sit down. Sit down. Hey ref, why don't you call something for crying out loud? He almost took his arm off!

Referee at Games: [sends Sanderson to the penalty box] That'll be two minutes.

Olalf Sanderson: Two minutes well worth it.

Ken Wu: Get in the box, you big goon!

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Adam: I woke up, and the pain was gone.

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Fulton: [after viewing Russ's signature shot] What the heck kinda shot was that?

Russ Tyler: Ah, you like that, huh?

[cleans his stick]

Fulton: [still impressed] Yeah!

Russ Tyler: That's my knuckle-puck. It's hard to be accurate but it drives goalies crazy!

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Julie Gaffney: Somebody better watch their hands.

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Michele MacKay: And when the wind blows hard and the sky is black - Ducks fly together!

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[Team USA is having an outside class with Michelle McKay]

Michele MacKay: Ancient Greece was the beginning of Western civilization. You see in Greece, they didn't have professional sports or Wheaties boxes, so the athletes competed for another reason. Anybody?

Goldberg: Philophles?

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[after the final Iceland vs. USA game]

Wolf Stansson: Gunnar... you lost it for me.

Gunnar Stahl: [in disgust] You lost it for yourself!

[turning to his teammates]

Gunnar Stahl: Let's shake their hands!

[benches clear... Gunnar approaches Charlie]

Gunnar Stahl: Good work, Captain Duck!

Charlie: Thanks, Gunnar!

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Coach Bombay: We have a goalie, Goldberg.

Goldberg: Alright, bring 'em, man! I'm ready for this. Show 'em what you got. I'm the man! I'm the man!

[falls into leg split]

Goldberg: Ohh! Uh. Uh, help.

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Jan: I see you met my new apprentice.

Charlie: Jan told me you did this job when you were my age.

Coach Bombay: That's right, and I hope he pays you more than he paid me.

Charlie: You got paid?

Jan: Eat, everybody, before the hasenpfeffer gets cold!

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Russ Tyler: Yeah, high-five some more. Man, my little brother could score on these guys.

Jesse: Man, why don't you go and bother him, then?

Jesse: Haha, I ain't even got a little brother.

Coach Bombay: Hey, Jesse. Quit gabbin' and get out there on the ice. Show me you want it, son. Let's go.

Russ Tyler: Yeah, show us you want it, son. Let's go!

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Russ Tyler: He dissed you bad, G.

Jesse: Man! Come here, man!

Russ Tyler: Haha! Bye-bye! Have a nice day!

Jesse: Punk!

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Jan: Gordon, when I told the Goodwill committee who you were, I did not talk to them about your good looks. I didn't tell them you would win at any cost. I told them you were a man who loves the game. And I told them you were a man who could teach the kids... about more than just about winning or losing. I told them you were the Minnesota Miracle Man, and only you could teach them to fly. So be that man. Be that man, Gordon.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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