Don Tibbles: Today it's Wheaties boxes. Tomorrow it's video games and action figures. The sky's the limit!
Coach Bombay: Haven't you guys been training in the off-season?
Lester Averman: You know, I knew we forgot something.
Russ Tyler: Hey yo, team U.S.A., what you gonna do today, a million jumpin' jacks?
Portman: Man this kid's crazier than me. Just forget him!
[Jesse comes to the front]
Jesse: Man I'm gettin' sick of you!
Russ Tyler: And I'm gettin' sick of seein' the U.S.A. represented by a bunch of whining babies!
Jesse: Well, too bad you can't back up that mouth!
Lester Averman: Here with us, Greg Goldberg, goaltender for Team USA. Greg, what's it gonna take to beat these feisty Icelanders, tonight?
Goldberg: I think it will take a supreme individual effort, by me, Greg Goldberg.
Goldberg: Have no fear, Goldberg is here. Hey man there was nothin' on that. How 'bout a real shot? Hey Paison, meatballs are slowin' ya down? Hey uhh... how do you say in Italiano, wussy?
Dwayne: Where I come from we treat ladies with respect!
Connie: Thank you, Dwayne, but I'm no lady. I'M A DUCK!
Lester Averman: Aw, I smell something.
Goldberg: It wasn't me!
Dean: No, it was me!
[Seeing Dwayne for the first time]
Dwayne: Yee-haw! How's everybody? Y'all ready to play some puck?
Goldberg: Hey, look, it's Hop-Along Gretzky!
[Dean Portman takes the ice]
Coach Bombay: That guy's a teenager?
Don Tibbles: Uh, yeah, hormones.
Coach Bombay: He's a goon!
Wolf Stansson: What happened to freedom of speech? Isn't this America?
Charlie: Hey, you got a girl in the stands?
Adam: Scouts, man. Lookit 'em.
Charlie: Don't worry about scouts, Adam. Just do your best.
Coach Bombay: Ah, we've got a game against Italy, so I'll talk to you right after we win!
Fulton: Lil' tuneage to go to sleep by?
[Fulton turns on loud rock music]
Dean: Sweet dreams, dude!
Coach Bombay: What it is, it's a loafer. And we'll call it the Air-Bombay Loafer; "For kids who want to coach!"
Russ Tyler: Hey... Goldberg! I bet if that puck was a cheeseburger, you'd stop it! Hahaha!
Coach Bombay: Hans couldn't make it?
Jan: Now don't get me started with that strudel head! He went back to the old country. He wanted to see our mother. She loved him more, you know!
[on the Iceland players]
Lester Averman: They're bigger! They're stronger! They're faster! They've got more facial hair!
[talking about Luis Mendoza]
Connie Moreau: Good lookin' skater.
Les Averman: Very good lookin'. What do you think, Guy?
Guy Germaine: Shut up, Averman.
Coach Bombay: I've had a lot of distractions since I've been here in L.A.
[holds up a cardboard cutout of himself]
Coach Bombay: This is a distraction.
[the Ducks snigger. Bombay lights a match and throws it into a barrel]
Coach Bombay: This is a fire-in-a-barrel.
[places the cutout in the barrel]
Coach Bombay: This is a distraction-in-a-fire-in-a-barrel. Any questions?
[at the Junior Goodwill Games, when Team USA is on the Podium]
Wolf Stansson: Team USA's going down, that's where you're going.
[Stanson and Bombay are plaing three-bar]
Coach Bombay: One more post and you go home crying. By the way Stanson, you owe me a beachball!
[Bombay is eating ice cream with the Iceland trainer]
Coach Bombay: I thought Iceland was covered with ice.
María: No, it's very green!
Coach Bombay: I thought GREENLAND was green!
María: Greenland is covered with ice, and Iceland is very nice!
Dwayne: Take it easy, dont listen to him.
Ken Wu: Besides that guy will kill you.
Goldberg: Yea well just hold me back and act like im gonna kill him.
Les Averman: You guys wanna ease up a little bit? Just thought I'd ask
Adam: [Sanderson slashes Adam] Aaaaaaah!
[the Ducks scream at the referee for a penalty call]
Coach Bombay: Sit down. Sit down. Sit down. Hey ref, why don't you call something for crying out loud? He almost took his arm off!
Referee at Games: [sends Sanderson to the penalty box] That'll be two minutes.
Olalf Sanderson: Two minutes well worth it.
Ken Wu: Get in the box, you big goon!
Adam: I woke up, and the pain was gone.
Fulton: [after viewing Russ's signature shot] What the heck kinda shot was that?
Russ Tyler: Ah, you like that, huh?
[cleans his stick]
Fulton: [still impressed] Yeah!
Russ Tyler: That's my knuckle-puck. It's hard to be accurate but it drives goalies crazy!
Julie Gaffney: Somebody better watch their hands.
Michele MacKay: And when the wind blows hard and the sky is black - Ducks fly together!
[Team USA is having an outside class with Michelle McKay]
Michele MacKay: Ancient Greece was the beginning of Western civilization. You see in Greece, they didn't have professional sports or Wheaties boxes, so the athletes competed for another reason. Anybody?
[after the final Iceland vs. USA game]
Wolf Stansson: Gunnar... you lost it for me.
Gunnar Stahl: [in disgust] You lost it for yourself!
[turning to his teammates]
Gunnar Stahl: Let's shake their hands!
[benches clear... Gunnar approaches Charlie]
Gunnar Stahl: Good work, Captain Duck!
Charlie: Thanks, Gunnar!
Coach Bombay: We have a goalie, Goldberg.
Goldberg: Alright, bring 'em, man! I'm ready for this. Show 'em what you got. I'm the man! I'm the man!
[falls into leg split]
Goldberg: Ohh! Uh. Uh, help.
Jan: I see you met my new apprentice.
Charlie: Jan told me you did this job when you were my age.
Coach Bombay: That's right, and I hope he pays you more than he paid me.
Charlie: You got paid?
Jan: Eat, everybody, before the hasenpfeffer gets cold!
Russ Tyler: Yeah, high-five some more. Man, my little brother could score on these guys.
Jesse: Man, why don't you go and bother him, then?
Jesse: Haha, I ain't even got a little brother.
Coach Bombay: Hey, Jesse. Quit gabbin' and get out there on the ice. Show me you want it, son. Let's go.
Russ Tyler: Yeah, show us you want it, son. Let's go!
Russ Tyler: He dissed you bad, G.
Jesse: Man! Come here, man!
Russ Tyler: Haha! Bye-bye! Have a nice day!
Jan: Gordon, when I told the Goodwill committee who you were, I did not talk to them about your good looks. I didn't tell them you would win at any cost. I told them you were a man who loves the game. And I told them you were a man who could teach the kids... about more than just about winning or losing. I told them you were the Minnesota Miracle Man, and only you could teach them to fly. So be that man. Be that man, Gordon.