Quotes

Honey: [reading card] "Best wishes, Gordon Lightfoot." Eeew!

RCMP Officer at Headquarters: I don't know what you're talking aboot, eh?

Kabral: Aboot! It's ABOUT! And what's with this 'eh' business?

Roy Boy: [pointing a gun] We have ways of making you pronounce the letter O, pal.

Boomer: If life hands you a lemon, you gotta crush it into lemonade.

U.S. President: It's time to turn off that war machine, and turn on our children.

Russian President: Mr. President, please. Is this why you called us here? We already gave up! You won! We are too busy trying to perfect universal indoor plumbing!

Roy Boy: How come you never see any black guys playing hockey?

Kabral: Now do you think it's easy to just gradually take over every professional sport? Let me tell you something, man. Brothers have started figuring out this ice thing. Hope you enjoyed it!

Roy Boy: I want to call the American embassy!

Boomer: All I said was "Canadian beer sucks!"

[riot intensifies]

Kabral: People! People! Can't we all just get along?

Gus: These Canadians suffer from a serious inferiority complex. That's why they built this: The Canadian National Tower! World's largest free-standing structure!

U.S. President: The American people, Mr. Smiley, would never ever buy this.

Smiley: Mr. President, the American people will buy whatever we tell them to.

[TV Announcer describes the Canadian National Tower in Toronto]

Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor: It is the height of six American football fields, or five Canadian football fields. As if Canadian football really counts.

Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor: Think of your children pledging allegiance to the maple leaf. Mayonnaise on everything. Winter 11 months of the year. Anne Murray - all day, every day.

Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor: Like maple syrup, Canada's evil oozes over the United States.

Roy Boy: Are you sure we're in Canada?

Honey: You smell anything?

Roy Boy: No.

Honey: Exactly. Canada!

Boomer: There's not a locked door in the whole country.

[the Mountie explains that Honey has been taken to the capital]

Boomer: The capital Toronto.

RCMP Officer at Headquarters: No, the capital of Canada is Ottawa.

Boomer: Yeah, right. Do we look that stupid? Ottawa!

Roy Boy: Nice try, Dudley.

[Highway patrolman tells Boomer why his graffiti must be in both English and French]

Highway Patrolman: Le Quebecois.

Boomer: Huh?

Highway Patrolman: You know. Wine drinkers. Pea soup eaters. French Canadians!

Candy Striper at Canadan Hospital: Oh we're not doctors. We're candy stripers! Our universal health care system has determined that you don't actually need a doctor until...

Candy Striper at Canadan Hospital: ...2006!

RCMP Helecopter: Attention, please. Attention, please. This is the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Would you come down from the tower, please.

Honey: If you say "please" one more time, I'm gonna let you have it!

General Panzer: Let me level with you, sir. I would destroy any nation - even my own - if my president gave the order.

Secretary of State: We were thinking, what could be a bigger threat than aliens invading from space?

General Panzer: Ooh boy! Scare the shit out of everyone. Even me, sir!

U.S. President: Jesus, is this the best you could come up with? What about, ya know, international terrorism?

General Panzer: Well, sir, we're not going to re-open missile factories just to fight some creeps running around in exploding rental cars, are we, sir?

Omega Force Leader: [a member of the omega force collapses. The leader goes up to him] You ok?

Omega Force member: Yeah, it's just my toe.

[the team leader shoots him]

Mountie Sergeant: Have some fudge. Just leave me alone.

[while in a tank, driving through a "Welcome to Mexico" sign]

Gus: Ha ha ha, there it is! Like I care!

Boomer: What about Jurassic Park? Two black guys died in that movie. That's a twofer!