Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot29 March 1994
Ellen Morgan, a 32-year old, wisecracking, insecure single woman who lives in Los Angeles and works at a bookstore called "Buy the Book," deals with a crisis when she tries to get her awful drivers license photograph changed. Meanwhile, Holly, one of Ellen's friends, is dating a new guy, named Roger, and Ellen fears that he will dump her after Holly sleeps with him. Rounding out the friends are Adam Greene, Ellen's sloppy, sarcastic roommate, and Anita, Adam's one-time, smart mouthed girlfriend.
Season 1, Episode 2: The Anchor30 March 1994
Ellen cannot stand Audrey Penny, a terminally annoying and obnoxious friend that she's been trying to dump for years. But when Audrey accidentally overhears Ellen's true feelings towards her over the phone, a guilty Ellen tries to win her back. Meanwhile, Holly puts on a false breast front to impress a new man she is interested in.
6 April 1994
In an attempt to freshen up their dating lives, Ellen, Adam and Holly answer personal dating ads in the newspaper where Holly meets a neurotic recently divorced man, Adam tries honesty than exaggeration, and Ellen meets Jackson, the man of her dreams. But when it comes to kissing, Mr. Right is all wrong and Ellen cannot seem to tell him about it.
13 April 1994
Ellen goes to her 15-year high school reunion were she poses as a wealthy cardiologist marred to Adam in order to show off to her former classmates, which jeopardizes a romance with a former high school heartthrob she also meets there. Also, Holly feels left out when Anita gets all the attention during the reunion dance, while Adam tries to hook up with a building manager to arrange a move into a rent-controlled apartment.
20 April 1994
At her mother's advice, Ellen tries kissing up to her no-nonsense bookstore boss, Susan, by buying a gift for her newborn baby. But Ellen's job is threatened when she makes disparaging remarks about Susan's baby and her maid overhears this who makes the threat to Adam. Meanwhile, Holly and Anita plan to travel to Mexico to buy some paintings to sell them to a shady art dealer for large sums back in Los Angeles.
27 April 1994
Ellen begins dating a younger man, named Tim, who makes Ellen feel old and uncomfortable about herself. At the advice from Joe, Ellen sets out, with Holly in tow, to a hip clothing store in an attempt to act cool to the 24-year-old Tim. But Ellen's attempts to be cool leave Tim lukewarm.
4 May 1994
Ellen's boss, Susan, is looking for a date to a family wedding and Adam convinces her to bring him along. But Ellen does not expect both of them to get really intimate. When Susan and Adam individually tell Ellen that they are not right for each other, Ellen tries to play cupid for her boss and roommate.
24 May 1994
Ellen's cousin, Tracy, arrives in town for a visit and that's only the start of incredibly bad troubles that happen to both of them in an attempt to make Tracy's vacation enjoyable. But when Tracy mistakenly thinks that Ellen has sabotaged her vacation, she flees town with a notorious motorcycle gang, and Ellen, Holly, and Adam set out in hot pursuit of them.
9 August 1994
Anita offers to buy Ellen and Adam a new refrigerator with her employee discount from the merchandise store she works in. But when Anita begins dating the appliance section manager, she, Ellen and Holly have to keep moving the new refrigerator to and from Ellen and Anita's apartment again and again to make it seem Anita owns it which turns into a major hassle. Meanwhile, Adam slightly injures his back in a minor car accident and his ambulance-chasing doctor suggests faking pain for a potential lawsuit against the insurance company.
23 August 1994
Ellen needs a new car, so Adam gives her some aggressive bargaining tips. Ellen is so good at it that she gets Glenn, the weak-willed car salesman, yelled at by his employer for selling the car so cheep. Afterward, a guilty Ellen hires Glenn at Buy the Book after she mistakenly thinks she got fired. Also, Ellen's overbearing and obnoxious parents, Lois and Harold, put a damper on her plan to buy a new car by revealing they have money problems like her.
30 August 1994
Ellen thinks that Holly's new boyfriend, Steve, is hitting on her. But Holly, along with everyone else, refuses to believe Ellen's suspicions. Determined to get hard evidence, Ellen plans a microphone on her and tries to get Steve to make a pass at her, but it turns into Ellen having to come onto him which her plans fall apart. Meanwhile, things change at the bookstore when Susan hires "Coffee" Joe Farrell to manage the new coffee shop and he and Ellen don't seem to hit it off.
21 September 1994
Times have changed for Ellen, with Holly and Anita gone and Ellen now managing the bookstore on her own. While out with her aggressive, outgoing childhood friend Paige Clark, and Adam with his date, Ellen accidentally chips a tooth while opening a beer bottle with her teeth and has to go a dentist recommended by Paige. Ellen becomes attracted to him, but things go astride when she gets a whiff of the laughing gas that shows her true primal instincts. Meanwhile, Adam gnashes his teeth over a woman, named Joanna, whom he dates, dumps, dates again... and wants to dump again.
28 September 1994
After crashing a show-biz party with Adam and Paige, Ellen learns that the whole event was for charity. So, she tries to make amends by going on a volunteering binge by packing care packages. But her obsession with doing good just makes her feel bad. Meanwhile, Adam becomes hooked on watching a new huge TV set Ellen won during the charity party.
5 October 1994
Ellen is attracted to Dan, a customer whose visits to the bookstore every day spice up her life. But her rising hopes for a romance fall flat when she learns that he's a pizza delivery man who savors his work. Meanwhile, Adam buys a new couch for the apartment and has quite a time letting go feelings of the old one.
Season 2, Episode 4: The Note12 October 1994
After discovering a hate note, a downcast Ellen stoops to hiring Paige to spy in order to root out and win over the malcontent in her reading group. When she learns that a man named Phil is the one, she learns that he wears a toupee and tries to win his respect. Meanwhile, Adam begins dating a woman he met over the phone in a wrong number situation.
Season 2, Episode 5: The Fix-Up19 October 1994
Ellen goes out on a blind date set up by her eccentric mother with a certain Doug, whom she remembers from her childhood as a weirdo, but who turns out to be a perfectly normal guy and Ellen's eager to pursue the relationship. But after a series of complications, Doug is convinced that Ellen's the one who's strange. Meanwhile, Adam is chosen as a winner in a contest for women photographers and eventually poses as one. Also, Paige deals with losing Ellen's best suit jacket in her boss' car when it's revealed to have been stolen.
Season 2, Episode 6: So Funny26 October 1994
Ellen feels threatened by Adam's visiting friend, Theresa, whose witty humor rivals her own. But when Ellen sees that her own jealousy drives her comic competitor away, she literally hops on the same airplane to New York to makes amends meet to the dejected Theresa. Meanwhile, Paige's new boyfriend, Don, is reluctant to sleep with her because he wants to take things slow, in which the sexually aggressive Paige is not used to hearing from a guy.
Season 2, Episode 7: The Toast9 November 1994
When Ellen hosts a wedding-rehearsal dinner for her younger brother, Steven, and his bride-to-be, she unintentionally causes their breakup by revealing about Steven's previous engagement. So she doesn't stand on the ceremony when it comes to getting them back together and redeeming herself for her parents. Also, Adam tries to be the photographer for the wedding... if it ever comes off.
16 November 1994
After Ellen throws a surprise birthday party for Adam, he becomes convinced that living with Ellen is limiting his potential in life. So, Adam gets a new job as the building manager of a retirement home and moves out of the apartment, leaving Ellen with limitless possibilities as to what to do with his vacant room.
23 November 1994
To help Paige appease Ted, her demanding movie producer boss, Ellen poses as an exercise trainer. But when Ted offers Ellen a high-paying development job, Paige has a fit after feeling that Ted has no respect for her job in which she threatens to quit. Meanwhile, Adam gets a new job as the building superintendent and moves into a new apartment across from Ellen's and tries to hide from irate and demanding tenants wanting him for household repairs.
Season 2, Episode 10: Mrs. Koger30 November 1994
Ellen refuses to admit that she has a problem dealing with her wisecracking wit that gets her into conflicts. But after she finally expresses her anger to an elderly and rude lady living in her building, Ellen fears that her outburst has caused her sudden death. Meanwhile, Ellen hires a new daytime manager for 'Buy the Book', named Lloyd, and he immediately quarrels with Joe over tearing down the coffee shop to make more room for the bookstore.
7 December 1994
Ellen does not want to hurt Audrey, so she reluctantly goes out to lunch with her, Paige, and Audrey's friend, Jessica, a travel writer. Ellen wants to get closer to Jessica, without hurting Audrey. So she lies resorts to lying to go to a party for Jessica in order to avoid going out with Audrey. Meanwhile, Adam inherits some historical family letters with some hysterical implications. Also, Joe has to swear off coffee after a doctor's visit that has diagnosed him with a stomach ulcer.
14 December 1994
Ellen has a new boyfriend, named Greg, who is too nice. So Ellen tries to break up with him, but she cannot find the right time before Christmas and ends up at his house singing Christmas carols. Meanwhile, Joe and his new girlfriend, Stephanie, are scaring customers away with their on-again, off-again relationship. Also, Paige agonizes over what gift to get for her long-estranged, overly sensitive mother for Christmas.
4 January 1995
Ellen goes on a scholastic trip to a museum with Adam and Paige to expand her cultural horizons where she meets an attractive English college professor. Desperate to win his affections, Ellen tries to impress him after he asks her out to a jazz concert and then to an opera. But when Ellen introduces him to the world of TV, his fixation on it makes their relationship boring. Meanwhile, Joe moves in the bookstore after having a fight with Stephanie.
11 January 1995
Ellen is doing everything she can to keep the terminally annoying and obnoxious Audrey from moving into her neighborhood. Ellen helps Audrey locate a cheep house, but it gets destroyed in an earthquake, so Audrey moves in with Ellen. When Ellen moves to a guest house it burns down, then Audrey finds a place of her own... in Ellen's building. Meanwhile, Paige dates an alternate juror for a high-profile Hollywood murder trial, and Adam tries to catch a newspaper thief. Also, Joe tries to catch some rats infesting the bookstore, while the animal lover Stephanie objects to killing the rodents.
Season 2, Episode 15: The Spa25 January 1995
Paige persuades Ellen to relieve her job stress at a posh health spa she is going to for the weekend, which brings out tension between both of them over the painful massages, mud baths, and dinner schedules. Eventually, Ellen and Paige try to sneak out of the place for some "real food" but get literally get stuck on the fence surrounding the complex. Meanwhile, Adam tries to broaden his circle of friends, starting with Joe.
8 February 1995
Determined to revive a childhood dream that her annoying and nagging parents, Lois and Harold, quashed, Ellen begins taking ballet lessons, being taught by Peter, and sets her sights on dancing the lead in her class recital and seeks more help in her dance moves with Adam who also took ballet lessons when he was in college. But on the night of the recital, when the lead ballerina sprains her back showing Ellen a certain move, she is forced to take the ballerina's place. Meanwhile, Paige begins dating a man from a karate class that dresses differently out of his karate uniform.
15 February 1995
After her apartment is robbed, a paranoid Ellen goes on a safety spree by taking personal defense classes from a police detective, purchasing trigger alarms, and even having a life-size dummy for protection. But her obsession with security makes her a model of insecurity to Paige, while Audrey tries to persuade Ellen to have a gun around.
22 February 1995
Ellen and Audrey both have erotic dreams about Adam, but where as Ellen seeks answers with a therapist, Audrey vows to make the dreams realities. After being seduced by Audrey, Adam thinks it was a mistake which leads him to fake a relationship with Ellen.
Season 2, Episode 19: Gladiators1 March 1995
At Adam's advice, Ellen reluctantly becomes a contestant on the TV sports show "American Gladiators." Ellen becomes smitten with fellow gladiator Nitro whom Adam tries to bond with. But on the day of the competition, Ellen becomes fighting mad when her female combatant, Ice, ruins her budding romance with Nitro. Meanwhile, Audrey decides to sue Paige after they collide with each others cars, and Joe tries acting nice to the customers after getting a hate note from an unknown regular customer.
Season 2, Episode 20: $5,00022 March 1995
After receiving a $5,000 tax-refund check, Ellen donates it to the Helping Hand charity foundation, much to Peter's delight. But when IRS wants it back saying it was a mistake, Ellen finds that Peter has already spent it to expand the charity fund. Meanwhile, Adam hires Paige to pose as various items for a new photography job he has, and Joe tries to make the coffee stand look more "American" due to his fears of being deported back to Canada dues to Ellen's problems with the IRS.
29 March 1995
Ellen joins an animal rights activist group that stages an illegal protest of the killing of ferrets. When Ellen is thrown in jail during the protest, she lands in the custody of her annoying parents, Lois and Harold. After a few days, Ellen can't stand this and borrows her parents car and runs off with Paige and Adam to a rock concert, but afterwords is stopped by the police who claims that her parents have reported the car stolen.
3 May 1995
Ellen feels guilty about lying to her mother, Lois, of not being able to have lunch with her in order to go on a ski trip with Paige and Adam. So, Ellen visits her therapist, Dr. Whitehead, who prescribes a dose of total honesty with her parents. But telling the truth proves to be more than the dysfunctional Morgan family bargained for. Meanwhile, Paige decides to take up a new hobby of skydiving, and Adam tries visiting a sperm bank to donate some of his.
10 May 1995
Ellen rekindles a romance with Dan, the former pizza delivery man who returns after a six-month stay in Italy. But Ellen soon thinks that Dan is a drug smuggler after learning of his import-export business, and strange men that bring a package to her door. Meanwhile, Adam becomes hounded by Audrey's jealous policeman ex-boyfriend.
17 May 1995
During a visit from her annoying parents, Dan finally clears the air with Ellen over his flour import business. Three weeks later, Ellen's relationship with Dan heats up after weekend long bed-in together, despite her getting cold feet about pushing on. Meanwhile, Adam finally caves in to Audrey's burning desire for him, and Paige feels left out in the cold when Ellen now spends all her time with Dan than her, which leads to all of them being at a movie theater where Ellen tries to patch things up between her and Paige.
13 September 1995
A major earthquake hits Los Angeles, and damaging Ellen's bookstore Buy the Book. Ellen tries to get her friends to rally around to her fix up the store, but they are more interested in their own problems, such as Adam taking photos of the damage and Paige trying to get into the dry cleaners store next door for a dress suit. Meanwhile, Ellen's cousin, Spence Kovak, a doctor, arrives and moves in with her after revealing that he has been kicked out of his New York medical practice.
20 September 1995
Ellen feels left out when Adam and Paige's careers blossom over his photography job with Life magazine, and her new job as a film executive. So, Ellen cashes in the earthquake insurance money and embarks on a journey to find her own dream by boarding a bus to Barstow. But Ellen instead gets detoured to a run down museum in the desert where she sees her own dream.
27 September 1995
After Spence gets a cable system installed in Ellen's apartment, she gets addicted to Thirty-something re-runs. When Ellen accidentally tapes over a videotape of Paige's sister, Heather, giving birth to twins with an episode of 'Thirty-something', Ellen then tries to make up for it by throwing a lavish baby shower for her at the reopened bookstore. But when the guests clamor to see the tape, Ellen must tell them the truth.
4 October 1995
Spence has a one-night stand with Karen, an attractive but incredibly dumb new member of Ellen's book group. When Spence tells Ellen that he does not want to get involved in a relationship with Karen, this makes Ellen think about rewriting the rules of dating which leads her to try to get back at Spence, only to realize that Karen is married.
18 October 1995
Adam gets a photography job for the Sun Times in London and decides to leave immediately. At Adam's going away party at the bookstore, he makes a personal revelation to Ellen that he really loves her, who must deal with the awkward circumstance when his trip is postponed.
1 November 1995
As Halloween approaches, Ellen's high spirits have no effect on Spence who's haunted by thoughts of his failed career as a doctor. Meanwhile, Paige doesn't have a ghost of a chance of completing her first big movie assignment without help in reading from a stack of old screenplays for ideas. Also, Joe is spooked by the constant presence of Audrey who thinks she got hired at Buy the Book.
8 November 1995
Ellen is pleased to learn that her eccentric mother, Lois, is in therapy. But Ellen's not crazy about Lois' idea that mother and daughter become friends which leads to all kinds of complications at a pool hall and Lois' bridge club. Meanwhile, Paige and Spence quarrel over who will use Ellen office computer for the day as she has to work on finishing her movie screenplay and he to finish his application to law school.
Season 3, Episode 8: Salad Days15 November 1995
Inspired by domestic diva Martha Stewart during a book signing, Ellen throws an elegant dinner party at her apartment and invites everyone over (except Audrey whom she leaves to close up the bookstore). The attendees include Spence and his new actress girlfriend, Denise (who's stuck wearing Sci-Fi alien makeup), and Paige with her gay assistant, Barrett, who has a meeting of minds with Peter. But Ellen's the one who's thrown for a spin when Joe arrives with Martha Stewart herself, and the dinner Ellen tries to cook turns out bad.
22 November 1995
Ellen is thrilled when Paige's first film project is shooting a scene at Buy The Book with Carrie Fisher. But Ellen's enthusiasm for show biz is soon outweighed by her disappointment with Paige's show-biz ways. Meanwhile, Spence tries to build a new book shelf for the apartment, with some complicated assembling required.
29 November 1995
Spence's father, Burt, arrives in town after learning that his son has been kicked out of his medical practice and they immediately begin quarreling. But thanks to Ellen's mis-communication, Spence and his father reach a peace settlement after Burt mistakenly thinks that Spence is going back to med school. But Ellen is determined to set things straight, even though it will result in father and son resuming their battle of wills. Meanwhile, a new movie is playing at the cinema next door to Buy the Book which takes away all the customers, plus the loud noise affects Ellen, Joe, and even Audrey who begins acting out the lines of dialogue.
6 December 1995
Ellen and her book group are invited to appear on "Book Chat," a local TV program on book reading. But when the host, Erik Matthew Marshall, tells them that only three of them can appear out of the five, the members, redneck Will, eccentric Mrs. Rogers, dumb Karen, emerge Rajani, and unsure Kenny, offer Ellen gifts and visits to make up her mind when the choice narrows down to her. Meanwhile, Audrey takes over making coffee at the bookstore when Joe injures his wrist.
20 December 1995
Ellen invites Spence to celebrate Christmas with her obnoxious and unhinged parents. But Ellen's holiday spirits hit an all time low when Lois and Harold have to leave town to go on an ocean cruise. They present her with a Christmas gift to last forever: a cemetery burial plot. Spence, Paige, Joe and Audrey try to cheer up Ellen when she decides to visit her eternal resting place in a San Fernando cemetery on Christmas Eve. Elsehwere, Joe and Audrey deal with an eccentric temp worker, named Tad, whom they employ for the Christmas holiday.
3 January 1996
Ellen is thrilled when Paige invites her to an exclusive birthday party for John Travolta. But their fantasy evening turns into a nightmare thanks to Ellen inviting the whole gang along, and an overly sensitive limo driver who takes them to the wrong place. With the gang moping in a diner about their disastrous evening, Audrey receives a boost when she meets the man of her dreams, "Welcome Back Kotter" TV's star himself Ron Palillo.
10 January 1996
When Ellen's bookstore is robbed, she offers to help the police with a sting to catch the "perp" in the act who is selling fake home security systems to the stores robbed. But problems come up with Paige falling for the detective as well as having Ellen carry a hidden microphone while waiting for the robber to show up.
24 January 1996
After a week of carpooling with Audrey, Ellen tries to get Audrey to buy a car for herself at a new dealership. But the new Rapture comes with an extended warranty and an extended family of fanatics that Audrey begins hanging out with much to Ellen's wariness. Meanwhile, Paige seeks advice on how to appease her new boyfriend's young daughter.
Season 3, Episode 16: Witness7 February 1996
After Spence's actress girlfriend Denise, and later Audrey, back out from playing a key witness in a mock trial for Spence's law school class, he recruits Ellen to take over where she must assume the role of a stripper. But when Ellen loses her notes to what she must say, she must do some fancy footwork to help Spence win the case. Meanwhile, a new board game about the rules of dating catches the interests of Joe, bookstore employee Will, as well as a passing delivery man.
14 February 1996
Ellen volunteers to take care of Paige's boyfriend's nine-year-old daughter, Mia, for the weekend while Paige and her policeman boyfriend, Matt, go camping. Ellen is proud of the way she communicates with her charge and even gets Spence, Joe and Audrey to help Mia build a science project for her school. But when the fourth grader asks Ellen about the topic of sex, Ellen's the one with the tongue tied.
21 February 1996
After Ellen steals a 65-year-old lobster from a seafood restaurant to prevent it from being eaten, she is hailed as a hero and is bestowed with an honor by actress and fellow animal activist Mary Tyler Moore. Ellen also tries to send the lobster out to sea, but it has other ideas.
28 February 1996
After Matt proposes to Paige during a hockey game, she accepts, but not before he is knocked out by a flying hockey puck. Afterward, Paige feels that her engagement ring is not flashy enough, so she gets another one with a bigger diamond, which leads to all kinds of complications when the ring gets stuck on Ellen's finger during Paige's engagement party at Buy The Book. Meanwhile, Peter and Barnett exchange rings as well.
13 March 1996
Money problems cause Ellen to consider firing Audrey from Buy The Book, much to Joe's delight. But at Audrey's surprise birthday party at her house, her wealthy and equally obnoxious parents, Lily and Jack, want to give Ellen a $100,000 cashiers check in order to solve her money troubles at the bookstore and to keep on Audrey. But there are strings attached when Lily and Jack want to remodel Buy The Book to their own choosing.
20 March 1996
After a grudge band cancels their appearance at Buy the Book, Ellen is forced to use the runner up band, a singing duo lounge act called the Shapiros. The new band of Del and Rochelle Shapiro is a new hit, until Ellen is disavowed when she learns that people come to the store only to laugh at the duo. Meanwhile, Spence pretends that Ellen's apartment is up for sale to get close to two attractive women looking to buy a new apartment.
3 April 1996
In the week before Paige's wedding, Ellen fears that Paige's marriage will end their lifelong friendship. So, while nervously awaiting a mammogram, Ellen latches onto Chloe, another fellow mammogram patient, in the waiting room. But Ellen soon after discovers that making new friends isn't as easy as it used to be.
Season 3, Episode 23: Go Girlz1 May 1996
The night before the wedding, Ellen and Audrey throw a bachelorette slumber party for a despondent Paige. They invite over a male stripper, a psychic, and Paige's neurotic, high-powered, boss Lorna Irons. But Ellen's plan backfires when the ladies accidentally get two strippers for the price of one. In addition the psychic Madam Debbie Johnson's predictions for Paige come true in unexpected and unusual ways, which leads the ladies to force to move their party from Ellen's apartment into her unhinged parents house. Meanwhile, Spence and Joe try to have a good time at Matt's bachelor party. It's at a local strip club where Spence tries talking himself out chugging beer by explaining to the crowd about the pros and cons of marriage.
8 May 1996
A series of complications threaten to turn Paige's wedding day into a total disaster. Starting when Paige's estranged sister, Heather, gets angry after Ellen is chosen to be the maid of honor and refuses to help with the wedding. Then the ballroom at the hotel is not booked and the wedding cake does not arrive. to top this all off Paige's alcoholic mother passes out after apparently drinking every bottle of champagne to be served, while Peter and Barrett end up unsuccessfully trying to resuscitate her. Meanwhile, Audrey tries to reconcile a relationship with her beau, Ron Palillo, who's being pursued by a groupie. Ellen asks Joe to phone the bakery to ask about the missing cake, while he really calls long distance to find his missing brother. Spence also learns that he was kicked out of his law internship. Things get even worse when Ellen goes to the wrong hotel room to drop off Matt's duffel bag. She is mistaken for a spy by an FBI surveillance team protecting a visiting Latin American dictator. But the big surprise comes when Ellen walks in on Paige in a compromising situation.
Season 3, Episode 25: The Tape14 May 1996
[from Season 1] When Anita's incredibly boring parents arrive for a quick visit, Ellen, Adam and Holly race against time to try to retrieve a racy videotape of Anita and her boyfriend together that lands in the hands of Anita's parents. Adam managed to succeed in switching tapes, but when Anita finds out about the videotape, she switches the tapes too, leading to a surprise for all parties involved. Meanwhile, Ellen is turned off after listening to her current boyfriend doing something tasteless over the phone.
15 May 1996
Having walked in on Spence and Paige kissing they both give Ellen different versions how this happened. Ellen tries to persuade Paige to call off the wedding, but she refuses. Meanwhile, during the delay in the ceremony, Peter and Barrett discuss their suspicions about Paige getting cold feet. Heather continues harassing Ellen and everyone else to deliberately sabotage the wedding, while Matt's daughter Mia continues balking at wearing her uncomfortable wedding dress. Also, Joe continues talking over the phone to locate his brother and learns that he's in jail in Singapore, while Audrey ends her relationship with Ron Palillo. But during the ceremony, Matt is the one who calls off the wedding when he has an attack of conscious and Spence and Paige embrace.
21 May 1996
Adam sees his girlfriend get mugged but is afraid to come forward.
18 September 1996
Ellen is approached by Tom and Larry, two hippie businessmen who want to buy her bookstore. But Ellen refuses to sell no matter how high the price. When Ellen decides to put down her roots and buy a home of her own, she's unprepared for the price. With Spence posing as her lawyer, Ellen pays a visit to Tom and Larry's office and decides to give in to their offer, but with the condition that she stay on at the head employee.
25 September 1996
Ed Billik, Buy The Book's new manager, arrives and he and Ellen don't hit it off especially when Ed hangs a deer head in his new office, offending Ellen the nature lover and vegetarian. When Ed decides to fire Joe to cut costs, Ellen resorts to stealing Ed's deer head for ransom to get Joe rehired. Meanwhile, Paige and Spence finally negotiate a date of going to a baseball game. But nothing goes as they plan it.
2 October 1996
As Ellen shows off her new house she plans to buy, as well as planning her father's retirement party at the bookstore, she becomes distraught when Lois and Harold tell her that they are separating. While the unhinged Lois and Harold reveals the news very calmly, Ellen becomes very unhinged which prompts her to make a run for it and ends up hanging on a letter of the Hollywood sign overlooking Los Angeles.
16 October 1996
Ellen tries to get her parents back together by recreating their 1958 Cuban honeymoon. Ellen makes her house hot and humid, brings in palm leaves, and even invites Eddie Fisher over to sing for them, but sadly to no avail. After quitting law school, Spence gets a job at Paige's office and becomes downright rude to Barrett over his job as Paige's secretary. When Barrett quits, Paige refuses to associate herself with Spence until he gets Barrett back on the job.
23 October 1996
Ellen begins seeing a new therapist to cope with the breakup of her parents. Claire, the therapist, tells Ellen that she needs to be more honest with people no matter if it will hurt them or not. But during a evening out for Ellen celebrating her mortgage approval, Ellen is shocked to find her therapist in a compromising situation in a parking lot.
30 October 1996
While attending a camp reunion with Ellen, Paige plots revenge against Megan, a woman who Paige thinks put chewing gum in her hair 25 years ago (shown in a pseudo black-and-white flashback to 1971), and Ellen feels guilty because she was the one that put the gum in Paige's hair. Meanwhile, Spence thinks he's the target of a woman flirting with him, but the real target is Ed. Also, Gothic author Anne Rice signs copies of her latest novel at the bookstore on Halloween with Audrey and Peter in attendance.
6 November 1996
Ellen's father, Harold, moves to his new bachelor pad, which is on the second floor of his house. When Ellen wants to spend quality time with him, they begin to quarrel over her interference with his life. When Harold injures his back and Ellen accidentally falls off a ladder injuring her neck, she must spend the rest of the evening caring for him, wearing a neck-brace, and dealing with a jealous Paige asking about Spence's whereabouts when he accepts a wedding invitation from an ex-girlfriend in Albuquerque, as well as an irate bookstore customer harassing Audrey. Meanwhile, Joe talks Spence into going with him instead into the New Mexico desert to hunt for aliens.
13 November 1996
Ellen's mother, Lois, joins a video dating service and goes out on a blind date with a man named Vic. But a wary and insecure Ellen tries joining the dating service too to find out more about Vic, which leads to Ellen following her mother and Vic to a country western dance club with the gang where Spence dances the night away with a local cowgirl and Joe becomes reacquainted with his old flame, Trisha Yearwood.
20 November 1996
A pregnancy test leads Ellen, Paige, and Audrey to rethink their lives after their flings with their flames. As a result of a mix-up delay, one of the tests comes out positive and Paige thinks she's the one, then Ellen mistakenly thinks Audrey is the one and tries to come to terms with it, and Audrey's new stand-up comic boyfriend Mike. Meanwhile, a life saving experience at the hospital causes Spence to rethink his life of being a doctor.
27 November 1996
On Thanksgiving, Ellen volunteers with Ed at a soup kitchen in feeding the homeless and becomes acquainted with a soup kitchen worker named Perry. Ellen then invites Perry over at her apartment for Thanksgiving, only to find out that he is homeless too which puts a damper on the dinner. Also at the party, Spence's mother warily meets Paige for the first time, and Peter misses Barrett after he leaves town to visit his family.
4 December 1996
Ellen, Audrey, and Joe go out bowling with Ed where he gets angry after Ellen beats him at a game. So, Ed challenges Ellen to a game of pool at his house the next evening. After Ed beats Ellen at pool, she becomes the sore loser and they decide to put on the final test to who's the real winner with a final one-on-one bowling game. Meanwhile, Paige and Spence's plans to spend time alone together are constantly foiled as she's busy at her studio and he's busy with his new job as an E.R. doctor.
18 November 1996
On Christmas time, Ellen and Paige plan a vacation to Mexico and leave Joe and Audrey to run Buy the Book for the holidays. When Ellen finds and takes in a stray dog, she decides to stay in town and care for the dog since no one else will and sends Joe in her place on the trip. But when Ellen's father, Harold, shows up at her apartment for a visit, he mistakenly thinks the dog is a gift for him and takes it home himself.
8 January 1997
Ellen decides to go out more as part of her New Year's Resolution. However Ellen's plans for a solo grand dinner at a fancy restaurant doesn't go well as planed and she decides to take pottery lessons instead. Meanwhile, Paige's kitchen goes up in flames after Spence and Joe house sit for her while she's in Canada during a movie location shoot.
15 January 1997
Ellen decides to add a new section onto her new house but has to wait nine months for a construction permit. Joe helps Ellen by asking his latest girlfriend, a wealthy older woman named Madeleine, for help since she knows some city officials. When Ellen tells Joe that she thinks that dating Madeleine makes him a kept man, Joe breaks up with her who responds by taking away Ellen's construction permit. When Ellen tries becoming chummy to Madeleine to give back her construction permit, Joe realizes that Ellen's bonding with Madeleine makes her a kept woman. Meanwhile, Spence ponders to get an "I'm sorry" gift for Paige who's still in Canada and is still unaware about Spence and Joe burning down her kitchen.
22 January 1997
After donating some blood to a blood bank, Ellen goes out with Spence to a wine tasting party where she gets tipsy from consuming too much wine and her outrageous behavior costs Spence the promotion he has been seeking when she offends his superior, the hospital chief-of-staff. But when Ellen returns the next day to apologize to the doctor at the hospital, he takes thinks the wrong way and makes a pass at her. Meanwhile, Joe writes jokes for Audrey's comedian boyfriend Mike. But Joe's Canadian humor falls flat with the American audience. So, Joe takes Mike to his hometown of Moosejaw where Paige is so Mike can tell his jokes there.
5 February 1997
On Ellen's 35th birthday, she and the gang go to the rock 'n roll music camp in Hollywood where they get to jam in a band with David Crosby, Aaron Neville and Bonnie Raitt. But Ellen gets cold feet when she feels her singing can't compare with theirs.
12 February 1997
Ellen helps Peter prepare a production of Romeo and Juliet done by deaf actors. Audrey, now single after breaking up with Mike, takes a liking to Brian, the actor who is playing Romero. But as result of a misunderstanding of sign language, Ellen thinks Brian is making a pass at her. Meanwhile, Spence gets his signals mixed when Paige's former fiancé, Matt, returns to the scene.
19 February 1997
Ellen and Peter go on a spiritual retreat where he tells her that he feels that she is not has happy as others think, which offends her to a rare point of anger. Meanwhile, Paige thinks Buy the Book is the target of a robbery and she happens to be correct when she, Spence, Joe, and Audrey are all tied up together in the office for the entire weekend by the robber.
26 February 1997
Ellen's hard-to-please, grandmother comes for a visit where she assumes Ellen and Joe are a couple, and that Ellen's parents are still together. But after a lifetime of white lies, Ellen and her mother finally decide to come clean with grandma. Meanwhile, Paige treats Spence to a weekend at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas which takes a turn for the worse when he hits his head after falling on the bathroom floor, winds up with amnesia, and spends the rest of the show wondering through the casino thinking that he's a Roman soldier out to protect Julius Caesar.
4 March 1997
Ellen tries to speed up her parents divorce by showing them her example of free time in hanging out at a sports bar with Harold, and takes Lois to self-defense classes. But when Lois and Harold begin to have second thoughts after getting stuck in a traffic jam on their way to their lawyer's office, Ellen tries to reason with them, but she inadvertently brings them back together.
8 April 1997
At Spence's advice to fill in some of her free time, Ellen volunteers at the hospital where she is assigned to care for an English Patient! When the badly burned man tries to talk to Ellen about his adventures before his accident, he is constantly interrupted by Ellen's recollections of the highlights of her life.
30 April 1997
Ellen senses a kindred spirit in herself when she meets an openly gay woman, named Susan, through Richard, an old boyfriend of hers, who enlightens Ellen to her own sexual identity. Confused by this startling self-discovery, Ellen seeks the guidance of yet another therapist and braces herself for yet another moment of truth of her life.
30 April 1997
After a discussion with her therapist, Ellen decides to tell the truth about her true repressed sexual orientation to her friends by inviting them over to her apartment to break the news so she can be at peace. Meanwhile, Ellen's hopes for a relationship with Susan are dashed when she tells Ellen that she's not interested, but gives Ellen further confidence to embrace her newfound life.
7 May 1997
Ellen decides to tell her parents about her sexuality. But for a person like Ellen, even the best laid plans go airy. While eating out at a Chinese restaurant, Harold and Lois (not surprisingly) don't react well with the news that their daughter is a lesbian prompting Harold to walk out and Lois to ponder this news. Ellen then convinces her mother to attend a gay support group where Lois expresses her feelings about the revelation.
Season 4, Episode 25: Moving On14 May 1997
Ellen tries to find out if Ed has a thing against homosexuals after he forces she and Audrey to take down a feminist display at the bookstore. Ellen's suspicions about Ed being a "homophobic" eventually prove correct when he tells her that he doesn't want her around his daughters that she is babysitting. Ellen then quits saying that she doesn't want to work for someone that is prejudice against homosexuals. Meanwhile, Ellen finally moves into her new house and tries to reconcile with Paige who's still shaken by Ellen's "coming out" revelation. Also, Spence asks to stay with Ellen at her new house while he looks for a place of his own.
24 September 1997
While on a double date with Spence, Paige and a dim-witted lesbian friend of Paige's, Ellen runs into her former boyfriend Dan, who's now the owner of the restaurant they are eating at. Dan is taken aback by Ellen's personal revelation to him, but accepts it. But Ellen doesn't know what to think when she still feels herself attracted to him.
1 October 1997
Ellen fakes athletic prowess to impress Lisa, her very attractive "spinning" aerobics instructor during aerobics classes she is taking with Spence and Paige. But on a mountain-climbing trip, with Spence in tow, Ellen learns that honesty may have been more effective... and less life threatening.
Season 5, Episode 3: Roommates8 October 1997
While shopping with Paige at a local supermarket, Ellen meets two neighborhood women who want to introduce her to their friend who is looking for a roommate. With Spence finally moving out of her house into a place of his own, Ellen agrees to meet with the woman. But due to Audrey and Barrett's interpretation of what "roommate" means, Ellen mistakenly thinks this is a person she is being set up with. Later that evening, Paige, still haven't fully accepted Ellen's new lifestyle, becomes uncomfortable and jealous when the woman, Sherry, arrives and hits it off with Ellen.
15 October 1997
Ellen hires a gay plumber from a gay yellow pages phone book she was given to by Peter to fix the plumbing of her house in preparation for a party for the gay social crowd. But the man leaves Ellen with an even bigger leaky sink to remember him by, prompting Ellen to ask her long-term family plumber, Tony, to come to her rescue while dealing with the party guests in the next room.
29 October 1997
Ellen meets Laurie Manning, her openly lesbian mortgage broker whom she asks out for coffee. But Ellen later gets confused on where she stands when Laurie brings along a woman friend of hers during an outing at the movies. Meanwhile, Joe opens his new coffee shop, called Cup Of Joe, which he tells Ellen that he had told his uncle that he would name it after him.
Season 5, Episode 6: G.I. Ellen5 November 1997
Ellen attends her father's annual Civil War re-enactment outing with her father playing General Grant. Ellen wants to play a solder, which brings out hostility from the other men and the sadistic drill instructor, Sgt. Timko, who plans to give her a hard time. Things take a turn when Ellen suspects her father, Harold, is having an affair with Betsy, a field re-enactment nurse, who fixes more than just fake chest wounds.
12 November 1997
Ellen faces her toughest challenge when she finally gets to meet Laurie's 12-year-old daughter, Holly, on a movie date who suddenly becomes angry after seeing that Ellen and her mother will only hold hands in private than in public. Also, Laurie finally gets to meet Ellen's eccentric parents, Lois and Harold, at Ellen's house for dinner.
Season 5, Episode 8: Emma19 November 1997
While attending a Hollywood social party with Paige, Ellen spots British actress Emma Thompson making out with another woman and afterward convinces Paige to hire her as Emma's personal assistant while she's in town to film a movie and to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award. Ellen then convinces Emma to "come out," to the public, against Paige's protest. But Emma soon reveals to Ellen that it's not the only sordid secret that she hides of her past. At the banquet, Sean Penn appears with a surprise revelation of his own.
26 November 1997
Laurie invites Ellen over at her apartment to spend a romantic night together. So, Laurie sends her daughter, Holly, away and fixes of her apartment nicely which prompts the very nervous Ellen to make a run for it in fear of this new sexual experience and leaving a bewildered Laurie in the cold. Meanwhile, Peter looks after Ellen's parents house while they are away and has trouble with the sensitive alarm system and their barking dog, while Paige, Spence, and Audrey help paint Ellen's new house.
3 December 1997
Ellen gets another job as an assistant to a radio talk show host, named Chuck, who repeatedly makes passes at her. When Ellen rebukes the obnoxious Chuck's advances, he leaves in a huff and Ellen is stuck alone and on-the-air at the station for the entire rainy day with nothing but her irrevocable wit, and a Janis Joplin record.
Season 5, Episode 11: Break Up17 December 1997
Ellen and Laurie go out to spend their one-month anniversary together where complications arise when Laurie misinterprets Ellen's gift as a sign of moving in together, where as Ellen is not prepared to move that fast. Meanwhile, Ellen's father, Harold, tries to get more closer to Laurie's daughter, Holly, by taking her out to his miniature train shop.
Season 5, Episode 12: Womyn Fest7 January 1998
Ellen, Paige, and Audrey go to Berkeley for the weekend annual Women Festival and watch Sarah McLaughlin and the Indigo Girls perform. While there, Ellen finds conflicting emotions after visiting a fortune teller who tells her about her future if it will be without Laurie, and a possible relationship with a waitress, named Jean, that they met on the way to the festival. Meanwhile, Paige ponders a commitment to Spence who stays home, and decides to end her romance with him.
14 January 1998
Ellen tries to figure out what Laurie is up to on a Saturday after she keeps ignoring questions Ellen asks her during a school show fair for Holly's science project. When Laurie finally tells Ellen about her father passing away, Ellen convinces Laurie to attend the funeral in order to come to terms with her family who shunned her for coming out years ago.
28 January 1998
Laurie takes Ellen on a weekend getaway to San Diego where problems arise between them when Laurie's instinct to be organized clashes with Ellen's natural neurotic instinct for spontaneity leading to both of them wanting some space from each other.
11 February 1998
Paige and Ellen scheme to have Ellen infiltrate a focus group slated to evaluate a new TV show that Paige developed involving a tall and short cop, and Joe gets in on the act as well. In the meeting room, Ellen successfully convinces the rest of the people present to support the new show for it's first run. But everything changes when Paige meets with Ellen and asks her to support a new show that her boss wants too.
Season 5, Episode 16: Neighbors18 February 1998
Ellen gets off on the wrong foot with her new neighbors, a immigrant couple from India, named the Patels, when a variety of circumstances conspire to make Ellen look like a fool in front of them which includes Ellen and Paige trying to fix Ellen's leaky roof with a Twister mat, and Ellen struggling with Joe's inflatable doll. But the final humiliation comes when Ellen gets stuck outside her house dressed in a chicken costume before she goes out for the evening with Paige for Joe's birthday party.
25 February 1998
While shopping with Ellen at a local hardware store, Spence gets a whiff of an experimental bug spray which sends him into a dream world where homosexuality is the dominant sexuality and heterosexuality is the minority and the oppressed. Ellen and Peter then discover Spence to be a closeted "strait" man in a mostly gay world where Joe is attempting to win his affections, and Paige is a "butch" type involved with Audrey.
Season 5, Episode 18: Hospital4 March 1998
Ellen races to the hospital after learning that Laurie was in a serious car accident. While in the waiting room waiting for news on Laurie and waiting for her mother, Lois, to show up with Laurie's daughter, Holly, Ellen chats up a conversation with a strange woman which becomes increasingly heated and tense after Ellen learns that the woman is Karen, Laurie's former girlfriend.
13 May 1998
A "mokumentary" hosted by Linda Ellerbee hosts a tribute to a 75-year career of Ellen, which traces her career as a vaudevillian, ventriloquist and hostess of the 1950's game show called "Who's the Commie?" to her show with spoofs from the TV shows 'I Love Lucy', the Dick Van Dyke' and Mary Tyler Moore shows too, as well as interviews with celebrities Jennifer Anniston, Glenn Close, Woody Harrelson, Helen Hunt Ted Danson, Phil Donahue, Tim Conway, and many others.
13 May 1998
A parody of the career of Ellen DeGeneres, celebrating her 75 years in show business.
15 July 1998
Disheartened by too much negative response and mistrust in L.A., Ellen's espousal of neighborly behavior inspires listeners of her radio program to be good to one another, including one do-gooder, named Trevor, who catches Paige's eye, as well as increasing business for Joe's coffee shop. But Ellen sees this good deed self-destructing when Trevor begins to annoy Paige with his obsessive kindness, and the people beginning to question the need to do good.
Season 5, Episode 22: Vows22 July 1998
When Ellen's parents, Lois and Harold, decide to renew their wedding vows, Ellen, Paige, and Laurie get thrown into an almost frantic way of planning the wedding to make everything perfect from trying on wedding dresses to Ellen journeying to the po' side of town to find a stripper for Harold's bachelor party. In the midst of all the chaos, Ellen feels she must take the next step in her relationship with Laurie: marriage. But Ellen does not expect the reaction Laurie gives when asked about true commitment.
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