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Weekend at Bernie's II (1993) Poster

Quotes

[Watching Charles and Henry stealing Bernie]

Richard Parker: What kind of idiots would steal a dead body?

Larry Wilson: We did!

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Larry Wilson: Swim with the fishes, you zombie bastard!

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Charles: [Charles and Henry have been turned into goats and are being led on rope leashes by the dead zombie, Bernie] Ain't this a bitch?

Henry: Where's he taking us?

Charles: I don't know. Well, at least we get to see the carnival.

Henry: Yeah, but I didn't think we was gonna *be*, the carnival.

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Charles: Hey Henry check out that fine mamma she is fine.

Henry: Oh yeah. Charles you're starting to frighten me.

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Richard Parker: Why would you need to guard a dead man stuck in a two foot refrigerator?

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Richard Parker: Stealing shoes off a dead man. Oh, we're going to hell.

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Larry Wilson: I was not the one who was out CONGA-DANCING all night, huh!

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Richard Parker: [in the morgue, panicked] Lar. Lar. Lar. Lar. La... L...

Larry Wilson: What?

Richard Parker: I'm gonna have a heartattack now, I think I'm gonna sit down thanks...

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[Charles is searching the porn theater for the escaped chicken, and comes across a movie patron with a chicken in his lap and tries to take it]

Movie Patron: What are you doing?

Charles: Oh, I lost the chicken.

Movie Patron: No, no, no. This chicken's with me.

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Richard Parker: [after finding Bernie with a girl on the beach] I see... And where did you and Bernie meet?

Brenda: In the conga-line.

Richard Parker: In the conga-line?

Brenda: He's an excellent dancer.

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Larry Wilson: [Larry pulls Richard from the sea water and helps lay him on the sand] . Richie breathe.

[Richard awakens and spits water in Larry's face]

Larry Wilson: Richie you spit on me!

Richard Parker: [dazed] I feel so much better.

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Claudia's Dad: [examining the unconscious Mobu after being struck by the flailing limbs of Bernie] She suffered a concussion. She'll be out for hours.

Richard Parker: Oh. I'm dead. The sun is setting. Just let me lay down and throw some dirt on me.

Larry Wilson: Wait! She can't be out! We brought the money to her! She's gotta help Richie and remove the curse!

Claudia's Dad: She can't do anything like this.

Larry Wilson: Oh. Claudia! Weren't you telling me that there was a way to reverse a curse put on one person by switching the curse to a different person so that the curse was not on the one person but back on the original person?

Claudia: It's possible, but you have to believe in the magic for it to work.

Larry Wilson: In a hypethetical sense, right?

Claudia: Stop joking!

Larry Wilson: [motions to Richard slumped against the house] Look at him! He's dying over here, already! I believe!

Richard Parker: I believe. I believe.

Claudia: Poppa, you can do that kind of magic. I've seen you do it before.

Claudia's Dad: It's possible. But, I need the blood of a virgin.

Claudia: Um...

Richard Parker: Oh. Goodbye.

Claudia's Dad: [Larry puts his hand to his chin, walks around behind Claudia's dad, and with his back to him in embaressment, holds out his finger. Claudia's dad looks at Larry's finger, then up to Larry] You?

Larry Wilson: [Not making eye contact with the Doctor] Just take the blood, Doc.

[the doctor pricks Larry's finger, Larry faints]

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Charles: [both have just seen Bernie fall back flat, dead after turning the music off] Ain't this a bitch!

Henry: Dead!

Charles: As a doornail!

Charles: Come on, let's get him!

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Charles: what kind of name is Mobu anyways, sounds like some kind of car wax, Mobu.

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Bank Executive: [Inside the Bank of St. Thomas] Sign the card please, Mr. Lomax.

Larry Wilson: [hums] Hmm.

Richard Parker: What was that?

Larry Wilson: [Larry moves Bernie's head as if Bernie was whispering to Richard; hums again] Hmm.

Richard Parker: Oh, yeah. Go right ahead, sure.

[Larry forges Bernie's signature on the card. The bank exec checks the card out]

Bank Executive: And now the key, please?

Richard Parker: You have the key, don't ya?

[Larry pulls Bernie's deposit box key out of the trench-coat and hands it to the exec]

Bank Executive: Thank you. I'll just go through the vault and get your safety deposit box.

[the exec leaves to head into the vault]

Richard Parker: It's working

Larry Wilson: Like falling off a log,

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[Outside at the submarine port, many of the tourists are outraged at Hummel's craziness during the tour. Hummel is restrained by the Atlantis security team handed to the St. Thomas Police]

Tour Operator: I don't know, He went crazy down there! He kept trying to open the hatch!

Arthur Hummel: [yells] I'm not crazy! Lomax is down there! I can -

[Claudia's father, a doctor, gives Hummel a sedative to calm him down]

Arthur Hummel: Whoa, Doc.

[smirks and smiles]

Arthur Hummel: Good stuff.

Claudia's Dad: That oughta hold him for awhile.

Island Cop: What happened to him?

Claudia's Dad: Maybe he suffers from claustrophobia.

Island Cop: Yeah?

Claudia's Dad: The group might've set him off.

Island Cop: That's it. I'm gonna deport this guy.

Arthur Hummel: Are ya?

Island Cop: [to Hummel] Yeah.

[then to the doctor]

Island Cop: Say Doc, maybe you better come along with us. This guy's nuts!

Claudia's Dad: You got that right.

[Both the cop and the doctor get in the squad car]

Arthur Hummel: [under the sedation] Yeah Doc, come on in here. Got your bag?

Claudia's Dad: Yes, I got the bag.

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[Henry & Charles finds Larry & Richard asleep in the hotel lobby. They wake Larry & Richard up with a punch]

Larry Wilson: [both are awaken; shocked] What, what? I don't have any money, man! I don't...

Charles: All right, all right. Now y'all just be cool, man. Just be cool.

[Larry chuckles nervously]

Henry: [to Richard] How are you doing?

Richard Parker: Fine, thank you. How are you?

Henry: Shh.

Charles: Where the dead man at?

Larry Wilson: Oh, he's in the Jeep. You can have him.

Charles: No, no, no, my brotha. He is NOT in the Jeep! Where is he?

Richard Parker: Well, what do you mean?

Larry Wilson: He's in the Jeep.

Richard Parker: Did you try that red Jeep?

Henry: [to Richard] Uh-uh.

Richard Parker: You're kidding?

[to Larry]

Richard Parker: He's not there.

Henry: Yo, man, what are we gonna do with there two?

Charles: I know what. We're gonna take them to the Mobu and let them explain to HER, that way SHE gonna understand that WE gonna be cool and they gonna be exactly where we is!

Richard Parker: [confused] Huh?

Henry: Oh, yeah. Then we can blame them.

Charles: We're gonna try.

Richard Parker: Say how would you fellas like a margarita?

Larry Wilson: [laughs] On me!

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[At the Mobu's compound]

Mobu: [scolds Henry and Charles] You've lost them.

Charles: Well, not-not exactly. Um...

Henry: Anybody could have.

Mobu: Twice. He was going to lead you to the money.

Charles: Oh, yes, but Bu, I know. We messed with the bones and that fool with the conjure, and now he can only walk when the music playing. We're sorry.

Mobu: Where is he now?

CharlesHenry: [points to Richard and Larry] The white boys.

Richard Parker: Um...

Larry Wilson: He - We don't know where he is.

Richard Parker: We left him in the Jeep, dead.

Larry Wilson: Deceased.

Charles: Yeah, but ask them what they was doing at the bank with Bernie?

Larry Wilson: Well... Rich - No. Well, we needed him to get into the safety deposit box

Mobu: What was in the box?

Larry Wilson: A map.

Cartel Man #1: [the cartel mobsters come towards Richard and Larry] Give me the map.

Richard Parker: We don't have it.

Larry Wilson: We don't have the map.

Richard Parker: No map.

Cartel Man #1: [to his partner] Kill them.

[Richard and Larry protests, yelling about whose fault it is]

Mobu: [to the mobsters] If we kill them, we both lose. I have another way.

[the Mobu takes a cup and scoops out a concoction. Then walks to Richard]

Mobu: Drink.

Richard Parker: [hesitant] I'd love to. You see, I just had lunch...

[Cartel Man #1 hold Richard at gunpoint]

Richard Parker: ... but there's always room for Jell-O.

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[Richard drinks the poisonous concoction, then hands the cup back to Mobu]

Mobu: A powerful conjure. Unless you have the antidote by night, you die. Bring me the map, you live.

[Larry gasps as he hugs a helpless Richard]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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