Elliot: Hi. How are you? My name's Elliot, and I'm with the Cub Scouts of America. We're... we're selling uncut cocaine to get to the jamboree.
Dick Ritchie: Clarence, do you have any idea how much coke you have here?
Clarence Worley: Nope. Tell me.
Dick Ritchie: I don't know, but it's a fuckin' lot.
Clifford Worley: 'Cause you, you're part eggplant.
Vincenzo Coccotti: Ohhh!
Clifford Worley: Huh? Hey! Hey! Hey!
[motioning with his hand three times]
Vincenzo Coccotti: You're a cantaloupe.
[shoots Cliff in the face]
Drexl Spivey: Marty. Y'know what we got here? Motherfuckin' Charlie Bronson. Mr. Majestyk.
Marty: He's askin' about Alabama.
Drexl Spivey: Where the fuck is that bitch?
Clarence Worley: She's with me.
Drexl Spivey: Who the fuck are you?
Clarence Worley: I'm her husband.
Drexl Spivey: [laughs] Well, that makes us practically related.
Nicholson: You're an actor. Act, motherfucker.
Big Don: I eat the pussy, I eat the butt, I eat every motherfuckin' thang.
Drexl Spivey: They got everything here from a diddled-eyed joe to damned if I know.
Vincenzo Coccotti: Sicilians are great liars. The best in the world. I'm Sicilian. My father was the world heavy-weight champion of Sicilian liars. From growing up with him I learned the pantomime. There are seventeen different things a guy can do when he lies to give himself away. A guys got seventeen pantomimes. A woman's got twenty, but a guy's got seventeen... but, if you know them, like you know your own face, they beat lie detectors all to hell. Now, what we got here is a little game of show and tell. You don't wanna show me nothin', but you're tellin me everything. I know you know where they are, so tell me before I do some damage you won't walk away from.
Floyd: Hey! Get some beer and some cleaning products!
Mentor: You think a cop gives a fuck about a pimp? Listen. Every pimp in the world gets shot. Two in the back of the fuckin' head. Cops'd throw a party, man.
Clarence Worley: Well, he ain't so much a good guy as he is just a bad mother fucker. I mean, he gets paid by people to fuck guys up.
Alabama: I had to come all the way from the highway and byways of Tallahassee, Florida to MotorCity, Detroit to find my true love. If you gave me a million years to ponder, I would never have guessed that true romance and Detroit would ever go together. And til this day, the events that followed all still seems like a distant dream. But the dream was real and was to change our lives forever. I kept asking Clarence why our world seemed to be collapsing and things seemed to be getting so shitty. And he'd say, "that's the way it goes, but don't forget, it goes the other way too." That's the way romance is... Usually, that's the way it goes, but every once in awhile, it goes the other way too.
Drexl Spivey: Now I know I'm pretty, but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties.
Clarence Worley: Eliot, do I look like a beautiful blonde with big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice cream?
Clarence Worley: I said do I look like a beautiful blonde with big big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice cream?
Clarence Worley: No. Okay, then why are you telling me all this bullshit, huh? You wanna fuck me?
[to driver that cut him off]
Lee: Don't give me the finger! I'll fucking have you killed!
[Lee Donowitz is discussing possible titles for his next film]
Lee: What does Joe like?
Elliot: Um... "Body Bags 2".
Lee: Oooo, that's imaginative. I've got more taste in my penis.
Clarence Worley: I mean look at her. It looks like she fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Clarence Worley: I always said, if I had to fuck a guy... I mean had to, if my life depended on it... I'd fuck Elvis.
Dick Ritchie: I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out. All I got is fuckin' Floyd.
Floyd: Don't condescend me, man. I'll fuckin' kill ya, man.
Clifford Worley: I haven't seen Clarence.
Coccotti: You see that?
[Holding a clenched fist, then striking Clifford]
Coccotti: That smarts, doesn't it? Getting slammed in the nose. Fucks you all up. You get that pain shootin' through your brain, your eyes fill up with water. That ain't any kind of fun, but what I have to offer you, that's as good as it's gonna get. And it won't ever get that good again. We talked to your neighbors. They saw a Cadillac. Purple Cadillac. Clarence's purple Cadillac, parked in front of your trailer yesterday. Mr. Worley, you seen your son?
Coccotti: You know who I am, Mr. Worley?
Clifford Worley: I give up. Who are you?
Coccotti: I'm the Anti-Christ. You got me in a vendetta kind of mood. You tell the angels in heaven you never seen evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you. My name is Vincent Coccotti. I work as counsel for Mr. Blue Lou Boyle, the man your son stole from. I hear you were once a cop so I can assume you've heard of us before. Am I correct?
Clifford Worley: I've heard of Blue Lou Boyle.
Coccotti: I'm glad. Hopefully that will clear up the "how full of shit am I?" question you've been asking yourself.
Coccotti: Now, what we got here is a little game of show and tell. You don't wanna show me nothing but you're telling me everything.
Clifford Worley: You're Sicilian, huh?
Coccotti: Yeah, Sicilian.
Clifford Worley: Ya know, I read a lot. Especially about things... about history. I find that shit fascinating. Here's a fact I don't know whether you know or not. Sicilians were spawned by niggers.
Coccotti: Come again?
Clifford Worley: It's a fact. Yeah. You see, uh, Sicilians have, uh, black blood pumpin' through their hearts. Hey, no, if eh, if eh, if you don't believe me, uh, you can look it up. Hundreds and hundreds of years ago, uh, you see, uh, the Moors conquered Sicily. And the Moors are niggers.
Clifford Worley: So you see, way back then, uh, Sicilians were like, uh, wops from Northern Italy. Ah, they all had blonde hair and blue eyes, but, uh, well, then the Moors moved in there, and uh, well, they changed the whole country. They did so much fuckin' with Sicilian women, huh? That they changed the whole bloodline forever. That's why blonde hair and blue eyes became black hair and dark skin. You know, it's absolutely amazing to me to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, that, uh, that Sicilians still carry that nigger gene. Now this...
[Coccotti busts out laughing]
Clifford Worley: No, I'm, no, I'm quoting... history. It's written. It's a fact, it's written.
Coccotti: [laughing] I love this guy.
Clifford Worley: Your ancestors are niggers. Uh-huh.
[Starts laughing, too]
Clifford Worley: Hey. Yeah. And, and your great-great-great-great grandmother fucked a nigger, ho, ho, yeah, and she had a half-nigger kid... now, if that's a fact, tell me, am I lying? 'Cause you, you're part eggplant.
Virgil: Now the first time you kill somebody, that's the hardest. I don't give a shit if you're fuckin' Wyatt Earp or Jack the Ripper. Remember that guy in Texas? The guy up in that fuckin' tower that killed all them people? I'll bet you green money that first little black dot he took a bead on, that was the bitch of the bunch. First one is tough, no fuckin' foolin'. The second one... the second one ain't no fuckin' Mardis Gras either, but it's better than the first one 'cause you still feel the same thing, y'know... except it's more diluted, y'know it's... it's better. I threw up on the first one, you believe that? Then the third one... the third one is easy, you level right off. It's no problem. Now... shit... now I do it just to watch their fuckin' expression change.
[In the Night Club after Drexel has beaten Clarence]
Drexl Spivey: He must have thought it was white boy day. It ain't white boy day, is it?
Marty: No man, It ain't white boy day.
Clarence Worley: If there's one thing this last week has taught me, it's better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.
Alabama: Amid the chaos of that day, when all I could hear was the thunder of gunshots, and all I could smell was the violence in the air, I look back and am amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true, that three words went through my mind endlessly, repeating themselves like a broken record: you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool. And sometimes Clarence asks me what I would have done if he had died, if that bullet had been two inches more to the left. To this, I always smile, as if I'm not going to satisfy him with a response. But I always do. I tell him of how I would want to die, but that the anguish and the want of death would fade like the stars at dawn, and that things would be much as they are now. Perhaps. Except maybe I wouldn't have named our son Elvis.
Clarence Worley: I mean, she... she a four alarm fire or what?
Alabama: Okey dokey doggie daddy.
Clifford Worley: Son of a bitch was right. She taste's like a peach.
Clifford Worley: You know, I don't believe you.
Coccotti: That's of minor importance. What is of major fucking importance is that I believe you.
Coccotti: I haven't killed anybody since 1984. Goddamn his soul to burn for eternity in fucking hell for making me get my hands dirty. Go over to this comedian's son's apartment, come back with something that tells me where that asshole went, so I can wipe this egg off my face and finish this fucked-up family for good.
[During a drug bust]
Elliot: This no longer concerns me right? So I'm just going to leave.
Lee: How do you know his name? Why the fuck does he know your name? You piece of shit. You can forget about acting for the next twenty years, your fucking career is over. Take your fucking SAG card and burn it. You little cocksucker. I treated you like a son. You fucking stab me in the heart.
Clarence Worley: I can't tell you... that was one of the best times I ever had. It was. But, you know, I knew something must be rotten in Denmark. There was no way you could like me that much. Man, I can't tell you how relieved I was when you took off your dress, you... you didn't have a dick.
Alabama: Stop being so fucking calm about all this.
Clarence Worley: Heeeellloooo baaabbbyyyy...
Clarence Worley: You're a whore ?
Alabama: I'm not a whore. I'm a call-girl. There's a difference, you know ?
Alabama: Please shut up! I'm trying to come clean, okay? I've been a call-girl for exactly four days and you're my third customer. I want you to know that I'm not damaged goods. I'm not what they call Florida white trash. I'm a good person and when it comes to relationships, I'm one-hundred percent, I'm one hundred percent... monogamous.
Boris: Call me an ambulance. Somebody, call me an ambulance.
Nicky Dimes: Shut up.
Boris: Fuck you, I'm bleeding.
Nicky Dimes: I'll call you a hearse... this is for Cody.
Virgil: All right, no more Mr Fucking Nice Guy.
Vincenzo Coccotti: ...your son, the cowboy, it's claimed, came in the room blazin', and didn't stop 'till they were pretty sure everybody was dead.
Clifford Worley: What are you talkin' about?
Vincenzo Coccotti: Talkin' about a massacre. They snatched my narcotics, hightailed it outta there. Woulda got away with it, but your son, fuckhead that he is, left his driver's license in a dead guy's hand.
Mentor: I like you, Clarence. Always have. Always will.
Nicholson: Man, this boy Clarence is a wild one, I like'em.
Mentor: I gotta hand it to you Clarence.
Clarence Worley: I was cool?
Mentor: Naw man you were cooler than cool.
Alabama: I'm gonna go jump in the tub and get all slippery and soapy and then hop in that waterbed and watch X-rated movies 'till you get your ass back in my lovn' arms.
Alabama: Did I do my part okay?
Clarence Worley: Bamaloo you were perfect.
Alabama: Like a ninja?
Clarence Worley: Like a ninja.
[Alabama walks into her room and sees Virgil sitting on a couch holding a shotgun]
Alabama: Hi... cigarette?
Virgil: No... that's a very nice outfit.
Alabama: This? I got this in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Virgil: Alabama, where's our coke and where's Clarence, and when's he coming back?
Alabama: I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong room. My name is Saddie. We don't have any coke but there's a Pepsi machine down the hall. I don't know anybody named Clarence but perhaps my husband does. You can ask him because he'll be home any minute. He plays football. He's just at a... practice.
Nicholson: You just made it big time.
Nicky Dimes: You're no longer an extra...
Nicholson: ...or a bit player...
Nicky Dimes: ...or a supporting actor...
Nicholson: ...you're a fucking star. You are a fucking star. And you are going to be playing your one-man show for the next two fucking years for a captive audience. And listen to this, you get out in a few years and meet some old lady, get married, and you'll be so understanding to your wife's needs because you'll know what it feels like to be a woman.
Nicky Dimes: Of course, you'll only want to fuck her in the ass because that pussy wont be tight enough anymore.
Nicholson: Good one detective, right you fucking faggot?
Boris: Lee, this guy's...
Lee: Boris, please, I'm meeting people right now.
Clarence Worley: Uh, Mr. Donowitz.
Lee: Oh, Clarence, don't insult me, just call me Lee.
Lee: Boris, shut the fuck up.
Lee: Boris, shut the fuck up. We're all gonna die here. These are cops.
Boris: So what, they're cops, who gives a shit? Hey Lee, there's something I never told you about me: I hate fuckin' cops.
Vincenzo Coccotti: We're gonna have a little Q&A, and at the risk of sounding redundant, please... make your answers genuine.
Drexl Spivey: Ey' yo, yo why you trippin'? We're just fuckin' with ya. In fact, I'm gonna show you what I mean with a little demonstration. Toss me the burner.
[Floyd tosses Drexl the shotgun]
Drexl Spivey: All right, peep this. Pretend this is that fine centerfold bitch, y'know what I'm saying'? And you're you...
[cocks the shotgun and shoots Floyd]
Clarence Worley: You just said you love me, now if I say I love you and just throw caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may and you're lying to me I'm gonna fuckin' die.
[having just gotten married]
Clarence Worley: Well, hello, Mrs. Worley.
Alabama: How do you do, Mr. Worley?
Clarence Worley: Top o' the mornin', Mrs. Worley.
Alabama: Bottom of the ninth, Mr. Worley. By the way, have you seen your lovely little wife today?
Clarence Worley: Are you speaking of my beautiful, charming, sexy wife, Mrs. Alabama Worley?
Alabama: Why, are there any others, Mr. Worley?
Clarence Worley: No, none for me.
Clarence Worley: [Peeling out in reverse into oncoming traffic] We now return to Bullit already in progress.
Clarence Worley: In Jailhouse Rock he was everything rockabilly's about. I mean, he is rockabilly. Mean, surly, nasty, rude. In that movie he couldn't give a fuck about nothing except rockin' and rollin', living fast, dying young and leaving a good-looking corpse.
Clarence Worley: It's nice to meet people with common interests, ain't it? Well, enough about the King, how 'bout... how 'bout you?
Lucy: How 'bout me what?
Clarence Worley: How 'bout you go to the movies with me tonight?
Lucy: What are we gonna see?
Clarence Worley: A Sonny Chiba triple feature. The Streetfighter, Return of the Streetfighter, and Sister Streetfighter.
Lucy: Who's Sonny Chiba?
Clarence Worley: Who is Sonny Chiba? He is... he is bar none, the greatest actor working in martial arts movies today.
Lucy: You wanna take me to a kung fu movie?
Clarence Worley: Three kung fu movies.
Marvin: You talking to me you fucking wop?
Marvin: Fuck you!
Lee: Clarence, if you don't know shit, then why does he think that you can sell it?
Clarence Worley: [Chuckles ] I bullshitted him.
Clarence Worley: How you really think I'm doing with Lee, huh?
Mentor: Nah, you kidding me man? He loves ya.
Clarence Worley: You don't think I'm kissing his ass or anything, do you?
Mentor: Well you told him what he wants to hear there - same thing as kissing his ass.
Clarence Worley: Yeah, but I saw Coming Home in a Bodybag - loved it - I'm not lying to the guy.
Mentor: No? That's why you ain't an ass-kisser. What you're doing is genuine. And he knows it.
Mentor: [puts his hand on Clarence's shoulder] I like you Clarence. Always have. Always will.
Drexl Spivey: No thanks? What does that mean? Means you ate before you came down here? All full. Is that it? Naw, I don't think so. I think you're too scared to be eatin'. Now, see we're sittin' down here, ready to negotiate, and you've already given up your shit. I'm still a mystery to you. But I know exactly where your white ass is comin' from. See, if I asked you if you wanted some dinner and you grabbed an egg roll and started to chow down, I'd say to myself, "This motherfucker's carryin' on like he ain't got a care in the world. Who know? Maybe he don't. Maybe this fool's such a bad motherfucker, he don't got to worry about nothin', he just sit down, eat my Chinese, watch my TV." See? You ain't even sat down yet. On that TV there, since you been in the room, is a woman with her breasteses hangin' out, and you ain't even bothered to look. You just been clockin' me. Now, I know I'm pretty, but I ain't as pretty as a couple of titties.
Clarence Worley: I'm not eatin' 'cause I'm not hungry. I'm not sittin' 'cause I'm not stayin'. I'm not lookin' at the movie 'cause I saw it seven years ago. It's "The Mack" with Max Julien, Carol Speed, and Richard Pryor. I'm not scared of you. I just don't like you. In that envelope is some payoff money. Alabama's moving on to some greener pastures. We're not negotiatin'. I don't like to barter. I don't like to dicker. I never have fun in Tijuana. That price is non-negotiable. What's in that envelope is for my peace of mind. My peace of mind is worth that much. Not one penny more, not one penny more.
Alabama: ...and all I could think was-you're so cool!