Super Mario Bros. (1993)
Narrator: A long long time ago, the Earth was ruled by dinosaurs. They were big, so not a lot of people went around hassling 'em. Actually, no people went around hassling 'em cuz there weren't any people yet. Just the first tiny mammals. Basically, life was good. Then something happened: a giant meteorite struck the Earth. Goodbye dinosaurs! But what if the dinosaurs weren't all destroyed? What if the impact of that meteor created a parallel dimension where the dinosaurs continued to thrive and evolve into intelligent, vicious, and aggressive beings... just like us? And hey, what if they found a way back?
Mario Mario: Excuse me, do you know where we are?
Pedestrian: Yeah, you're in my way.
[Mario and Luigi survey Dinohattan]
Mario Mario: This can't be Manhattan.
Luigi Mario: I don't know, I haven't been to Manhattan in a couple weeks.
Mario Mario: Must have been a bad couple of weeks.
Mario: How we gonna get in there? I got two words for you: Im-possible.
Luigi: Nothing's impossible, Mario. Improbable, Unlikely, but never impossible.
Mario: I hope you're right.
Sergeant Simon: Name.
Sergeant Simon: Last name.
Sergeant Simon: And you?
Sergeant Simon: Luigi Luigi?
Luigi: No, Luigi Mario.
Sergeant Simon: Okay how many Marios are there between the two of you?
Luigi: Three: Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.
[In the police car, a wanted poster of Luigi and Mario flashes on a TV screen naming them Alien Plumbers]
Luigi Mario: Aliens? We gotta deal with aliens too?
Mario Mario: Luigi, *we're* the aliens.
Luigi Mario: We are? Wow, cool.
King Koopa: [bathing in mud] Do you know what I love about mud? It's clean and it's dirty at the same time.
Luigi: Wow, you mean there were dinosaurs here in Brooklyn?
Mario: Relax, Luigi. There used to be Dodgers here too.
Mario: What single-celled organism did *you* evolve from?
King Koopa: [indicates an evolution chart of a dinosaur becoming a man] Tyrannosaurus Rex, the lizard king, thank you very much.
[the Marios try to escape in a police car]
Mario: Where's the starter on this thing?
Luigi: I got a feeling about this, Marioroni...
[figures out the strange controls to start the car]
Mario: How do you know how to do that?
Luigi: Cuz I been sitting on my butt all day playing video games, that's what.
Spike: [has had his brain evolved to higher intelligence] Ignatius, do you know what the square root of 36,481 is?
Iggy: What are you talking about?
King Koopa: I am very disappointed in you, cousins.
Iggy: Oppressor of the proletariat!
King Koopa: Guy in charge!
Luigi: It is an honor to meet you sir, and a pleasure, and I just wanna thank you for all your help.
Mario: Come on, Luigi. You'll be talking to the mildew in the shower next.
[Lena has become fossilized into a wall]
Luigi: Wow, she sure makes an impression.
Princess Daisy: [enters with combat fatigues and a big gun] Luigi! Mario!
Princess Daisy: You guys gotta come with me! I need your help!
Luigi: Why, what's wrong?
Princess Daisy: [cradles her gun and smiles] You're not gonna believe *this*.
Mario: I believe it.
Luigi: You do?
Mario: [chuckles] I believe.
Luigi: [trying to make conversation with Daisy after first meeting her] A-are you ok?
Princess Daisy: I got a few problems...
Luigi: Well, you know, we got a van.
Princess Daisy: [a little confused] It's... nice.
Luigi: No no, I'm asking you if you want a ride. Oh, but, uh... it's broken, though.
Princess Daisy: ...well...
[turns to leave]
Luigi: Your name's Daisy, isn't it? I-I overheard your name's Daisy. I've never heard that name around here. It's really nice, too. N-no, I *have* heard it cuz it's, like, the flower and everything... n-not that I hang around the flower shops or anything like that.
King Koopa: Give me that Devo-Gun!
[Koopa tries to shoot Mario, but instead hits Scapelli, who is transformed into a chimpanzee. Koopa points at him and laughs]
King Koopa: Monkey!
Daisy: [after first date] If you just want to end this right now, I would understand.
Luigi: You know, I was going to ask you the same thing, if you want to end this right now, and you feel bad about that, but you want to talk to somebody about it, you can call me.
Princess Daisy: I'm a vegetarian, I don't eat anything with a face.
Sergeant Simon: Nobody touches President Koopa.
Luigi: [rubbing his eyes in pain] But he said he was...
King Koopa: -One evil, egg sucking son of a snake. Did I lie?
King Koopa: Now... where's the rock?
[Iggy and Spike look at each other, then at Koopa]
Iggy: [together] Rock, sir?
Spike: [together] Rock, sir?
King Koopa: The meteorite piece that she wears around her neck, and I told you not to forget it!
Spike: That rock!
Iggy: I told you not to forget it!
King Koopa: And I told *you* to remind him! Without that rock, the meteorite lays dormant! I'll not be able to merge the dimensions! Where is it?
Iggy: [together] ... The plumbers took it.
Spike: [together] ... The plumbers took it.
King Koopa: [whispers] Plumbers?
King Koopa: Plumber alert!
Cop: [sees the Marios' tool belts] Aha! Plumbers!
Luigi: No, he is! I'm just apprenticing!
Cop: Get in the car!
Luigi: But I didn't do nothin'!
Cop: Get in the car now!
Mario: Are you tellin' us that you can arrest a guy for being a plumber? Get outta here!
Cop: Get in there, plumber! Now!
Cop: [shoves the Marios and Toad into the squad car]
Mario: Hey! What is this?
Luigi: All right. What'd we do?
Mario: I'm gettin' arrested for bein' a plumber!
Luigi: Write his number down!
King Koopa: You may think of evolution as... an upward process. Things evolve from primeval slime, up to single-celled organisms, up to... intelligent life. De-evolution, of course, works the opposite way. Back to... simpler forms. For instance, even our musical friend Toad... can become... a loyal child of the royal family: Goombas!
Mario: [drives towards a fork] Which way?
Luigi: Take the parkway!
[drives into a tunnel instead]
Luigi: [smiles] Perfect, perfect.
Mario: You said the parkway!
Luigi: I know, but I wanted the tunnel, so I said parkway cuz I knew you'd go the opposite way I suggested! Ha!
Daisy: How's Daniella? Is she all right?
Mario: Daniella! I promised I'd take her to Wrestlemania.
Daisy: You mean, you don't know?
Daisy: She's in the Goomba barracks, on the 51st floor!
Mario: [looks at a newspaper] Are you spendin' money on this stuff? Look at this!
Luigi: Yeah, but that's got the article about the missing Brooklyn girls in it.
Mario: Yeah? It's also got one on the scientist who turns brains into cheese.
Luigi: Well, you don't know. It could happen.
Mario: [laughs] How could that possibly happen?
Luigi: Anything's possible, Mario. You just gotta believe!
Toad: Say, what's another word that rhymes with dimension?
Mario: Yeah, tension, and I'm full of it so shut up.
[Iggy and Spike have become more intelligent]
King Koopa: Both of you, go to the desert!
Iggy: Excuse me, excuse me. That hardly seems logical, does it? Perhaps we should stay here and formulate our own strategy. Tete-tete, inner circle, that sort of thing.
King Koopa: Here's what's logical to me: If you do not return with the plumbers and the rock... I shall personally... kill you.
Iggy: ...We're going.
Mario: [trying to get a dance with Big Bertha] Hey, the name's Mario. I'm your main man, your ram-a-dame, your can of spam...
Bertha: [punches him and laughs]
Mario: [second try] Excuse me. Will you hit me again? I've never seen such fluidity. The way your knuckles crunched as you smashed 'em into my face.
Bertha: [grabs him by the jacket] Dance with me. I'll hit you all you like.
King Koopa: Hand out the devolution guns! Prepare for destiny!... Where's my pizza?
Mario: Hey! You must be the girls - the missing girls from Brooklyn!
Daniella: Yeah, except for Angelica. She's from Queens, but she's all right.
Angelica: Hey! I'm freezin' my butt off here! There's cold air comin' from that air vent.
Mario: Yeah. We froze the pipes. We're goin' for a little ride.
Luigi: Let's go!
Brooklyn Girls: Who are you?
Luigi: Luigi Mario. What, you got a problem with that?
Spike: We were wrong again. How many times have we got this wrong?
Iggy: *You've* gotten it wrong five times.
Spike: Home for five. Home for five. What percent is that?
Iggy: I dunno. Let me think.
Iggy: I dunno. But it's not good.
Spike: If we get it wrong one more time, he's gonna kill us.
Iggy: He's not gonna kill us. He's not that nice.
Luigi: By the bar, that big lady with the red spikes took the rock.
Iggy: Was she corpulent? Very corpulent?
Luigi: No no, she was just really round.
Spike: Big Bertha! The bouncer at the Boom-Boom Bar!
Mario: If you 2 don't start talkin' we're gonna leave ya to these guys... for lunch.
Luigi: Now, where's Daisy?
Spike: No, no, no, no. Where's the rock, Scalywag?
Luigi: Where's Daisy, Butt-Breath?
Iggy: Where's the rock, Overweaning-Rogue?
Luigi: Not till ya give us Daisy, Biscuit-Head!
Spike: WHERE IS THE ROCK?
Mario: SHUT UP!
Luigi: [sees another Bob-Omb hanging on the fungus] Look! Look! Look, another one!
[a few Goombas enter the scene]
Luigi: Wait, wait, wait, wait, Mario. I think it wants me to take it.
Mario: Stop fiddlin' with the fungus, and let's get outta here!
Daniella: [extra-quietly] Okay, don't say anything, but my boyfriend, Mario, is right up there.
Angelica: [looks up and sees Mario] What?
Angelica: HEY! MARIO! He'll get us outta here!
[Entering the Boom Boom Bar]
Luigi: Isn't this a little bit feminine?
Iggy: Yes, I know. It was my ex wife's.
Mario: But you wear this stuff?
Spike: Yes. On occasion, we have a... date.
Mario: Who do you date, a canary?
Luigi: [driving] I've heard sea turtles travel thousands of miles on their own.
Mario: Not in New York traffic, they don't.
Luigi: Hey, Mario! Right now on "Miraculous World", this guy just found out he was in another dimension.
Mario: The only thing miraculous *I* know is that we're still eating while we're going broke.
Luigi: We aint going broke, Mario, we're already there!
[to each other]
Luigi Mario: [about Mario and the girls] Are *they* all right?
King Koopa: Look at this place. Pathetic. It gets worse every day. The humans on the other side have a world full of resources. Ready for the taking. Imagine: an endless supply of food, clean air, water. And what are we stuck with? This... pithole, germs everywhere, fungus. For 65 million years, we've been exhiled here after the meteorite stuck while mammals roamed freely in the other dimension! Ha! Well not for long!
[Daisy examines a strange fossil that she later learns is her own mother]
Princess Daisy: These are all strange new species. Look at this, the way these bones fit here, and the opposable thumb. It's almost as if he were a monster trying to be a human being.
The King: [reverts back from fungus to his human self] I'm back! I love those plumbers!
King Koopa: Don't fight it. You know you've always been uncomfortable in the human world, and you at least suspected that you were...
[tongue flicks in and out like a snake's]
King Koopa: ?different.
Princess Daisy: I suspected a lot of things, but not that I...
King Koopa: That you were descended from the dinosaurs? And you know what they say about little girls, don't you? Hm? They say they never forget the first time they're kissed by a lizard.
[face starts to look more reptilian]
[Lena aims a pin at Daisy's throat]
Princess Daisy: Why are you doing this?
Lena: Because everybody deserves what they've earned! And I've earned this!
Luigi: [after learning that Daisy was abandoned as an infant] You mean you don't know who your mother and father neither?
Princess Daisy: No. What do you mean, "neither"?
Luigi: Cuz, you see, Mario here brought me up. He's been like my mother my whole life.
Luigi: [laughing] Ok, ok, my father, all right? And my uncle, cousin, and everybody.
Iggy: [Iggy and Spike mistake Daniella for Daisy] Where are you going?
Spike: I'm gonna get the girl.
Iggy: That's not the girl.
Spike: Yeah, it is, she's wearing a disguise. I could spot her a mile away.
Iggy: Of course she's wearing a disguise. She thinks she can fool us. I'm gonna go get her.
Spike: *I'm* gonna go get her.
Iggy: Wait a minute. We'll follow her and then we'll both go get her.
Spike: Good idea. I'll bag her, you grab her.
Iggy: No, *I'll* grab her, *you* bag her.
Spike: That's what I said.
Scapelli: Who's in charge of this hole?
Princess Daisy: I'm in charge here.
Scapelli: I'm Anthony Scapelli. I'm the boss elsewhere. My boys have to get back to work here. How long are you gonna be digging up these... bones?
Princess Daisy: As long as our court order lasts, Mr. Scapelli. The university has explained to you how important this site is. And we'd get done a lot sooner if your goons would stop harassing us.
Scapelli: You look like a smart girl. I'll bet you'll be done by tonight. You know, a lot of girls have gone missing in Brooklyn lately... I'd be careful.
[the Marios see that their job is taken already]
Mario: Scapelli. They beat us to it again! Another lost job!
Princess Daisy: You must be the great Koopa.
King Koopa: That I am. Ruler of all that you see.
[indicates a globe that's nothing but desert and one single city]
King Koopa: A few miserable streets and an endless desert.
King Koopa: [pretending to be an attourney for the arrested Marios] I'm Larry Lazard, of "Lazard, Lazard, Conda, Dactyl, & Cohen".
[Koopa addresses the King that is in the form of fungus that's enveloping the city]
King Koopa: My my. You have let yourself go. You see? I'm not such a bad guy. You always wanted to be everywhere, well now you are.
King Koopa: And let me tell you something: you can go ahead and choke this little "mushroom kingdom" all you want. Cuz I'm outta here! I'm out into the *bigger* world! I got me a couple of plumbers bringing me the rest of the meteorite. Soon to be dead plumbers. And by the way, you really ought to try to pull yourself back together again.
King Koopa: Slime bucket!
Mario: Treat your tools like a friend. Keep 'em by you. Lever let 'em down, and they're always at your side.
Luigi: Hey, Mario, how is it that for every situation that could possibly come up, you always got a saying about tools?
Mario: I got 'em from Papa.
Both: He got 'em from Grandpapa!
[Luigi has managed to get a dinner date with Daisy, thanks to Mario's help]
Mario: What would you do without your big brother, huh?
Luigi: I'd like to take a chance and find out.
Mario: Oh come on!
Luigi: I was just about to ask her that.
Mario: You weren't about to ask her nothing! You were gonna let her go!
Luigi: Now she's gonna think I'm a complete idiot.
Mario: Come on, you'll impress her with your manners.
Luigi: Well why'd you tell her that I suck my thumb, huh?
[after the ending credits]
Japanese Salesman 1: Well, I must say, we have a very generous proposal.
Japanese Salesman 2: A video game based on your many adventures.
Japanese Salesman 1: What would you call it?
[We now see that they are addressing, not Mario and Luigi, but Iggy and Spike]
Iggy: "Iggy's World".
Spike: [shakes head] "The Indomitable Spike".
Iggy: "The Super Koopa Cousins"!
Spike: "The Super Koopa Cousins"!
King Koopa: I've just found out that I have saboteurs in the tower! I still do not have the meteorite piece! I'm about to loose everything! We can talk about this later, if later even occurs!
Sergeant Simon: Sir? Sir!
King Koopa: What is it?
Sergeant Simon: The Goombas are dancing again.
King Koopa: [enraged] Deal with it!
[King Koopa has a weapon aimed at the Mario Bros. in one hand and a walkie-talkie in the other]
King Koopa: Too late, humans!
Pizza Delivery Man: [over walkie-talkie] Sir, your pizza's here.
King Koopa: Not now!
[to Mario and Luigi]
King Koopa: Looks like I win!
Princess Daisy: [Scapelli has flooded the fossil site] Thank God you're here... I mean...
Luigi: What do you mean?
Princess Daisy: I mean, you're a plumber, right?
Luigi: Oh, yeah! I don't know exactly what to do.
[Mario and Luigi are chasing after Spike and Iggy as they drag Daisy through the entrance to Dinohatten]
Luigi: I'm gonna kill 'em!
Mario: No, you're not gonna kill 'em, not if I get there first. I'm gonna break every bone in their body, and *then* I'm gonna kill 'em. I'm *really* gonna kill 'em!
Iggy: Between us, Spike doesn't have a thought in his brain, sir!
Spike: Ha, ha, ha! He's a liar, sir. Between us, Iggy doesn't have a brain in his head!
King Koopa: I agree.
Cop: You know the law, Toad!
Mario: Hey, wait a minute, you can't arrest the guy for just singing a song.
Cop: For anti-Koopa songs we can.
Luigi: Wow, they were dinosaurs in Brooklyn?
Mario: Relax, Luigi, there used to be Dodgers, here, too.
King Koopa: My, my, someone got up on the wrong side of the nest this morning.
Old Lady: Are you boys new in town?
Mario: Listen, lady, we're looking for someone. And we're from Brooklyn.
Old Lady: You know, boys, this is a really rough neighborhood. You really shouldn't be wandering around without a weapon.
Old Lady: You got one?
Old Lady: ...All right...
[brandishes a cattle-prod-like weapon]
Old Lady: [shouts] Get 'em up, suckers!