Quest of the Delta Knights (1993 Video) User Reviews

Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you...

[thehardyboyz2043 · 1/10 · 10 October 2001]

the most historically inaccurate film ever made. I'm not even sure this can be called a movie, maybe it's just an after school special on the middle ages gone horribly wrong.

There's something in here, about a boy who becomes the leader of an underground knight group that's trying to stop an evil villain from obtaining a device of unlimited power, at least I think that's what happens.

The acting is bad, but the sets and "special effects" are just so laughably bad that it's a wonder this film got released at all. The MST version was funny, though not one of their best efforts. Nothing for the film, but a 7 for the MST version.

-I wonder how cheap the casting for the film must have been, well David Warner played both the villain and one of the main heroes, so that may be some indication as to how low the budget was.

A delightful children's movie.

[Goggler · 2/10 · 14 January 1999]

Having seen this film on Mystery Science Theater 3000, I was more than a little surprised to see this in the children's section of the local video rental place. The packaging definitely made it clear they were marketing this to children.

And I thought to myself, of course! We were looking at the film all wrong, through our jaded adult eyes. Why, this film is perfect for children, from the hilarious pee-throwing scene all the way to the whorehouse (setting new standards in fantasy films for how much breast can be exposed without actually showing a nipple).

It's educational too! Why, you'll learn that Archimedes lived contemporarily with the Romans, and he had a secret "stoolhouse" where he kept all the wondrous inventions of Atlantis. Or that Leonardo da Vinci was a cretinous lech who lifted all of his best ideas from the aforementioned Atlanteans. And that everyone in Europe spoke cheesy middle english and wore poofy hats (Europe's all pretty much the same, right?)

So next time Junior's running wild and you want him to settle down, plop him down in front of this film. It's better than a lobotomy for eradicating any remaining joie de vive! (or, indeed, a reason to live)

Quest of the Doofus Knights

[Oosterhartbabe · 2/10 · 24 October 2005]

It's nice to see the SCA people getting more work. In fact, they get a huge amount of work in this cheesy quasi-medieval movie, playing all the extras and even some of the principals.

The so-called premise of this stinker is that the inventor and scientist Archimedes invented a huge amount of technology, including some kind of laser. One of his assistants collected everything and hid it away in a cave somewhere in ENGLAND! Uh-huh. They did this to keep this technology away from the world, which is a good thing in my opinion. Archimedes gets killed by some Roman soldiers(what?!)-or a guy at a toga party gets stabbed by a guy in a bad Halloween costume, take your pick.

Cut to the fourteen hundreds, where a really annoying, whiny little kid is being sold as a slave 'somewhere in Europe'. Europe the country, that is. A beggar buys the kid for one copper, because nobody else wanted him(what a surprise). The beggar turns out to be a spy for an organization called the Delta Knights(the airline?). He recognizes the girly slave boy as some kind of special prophet that the Knights have been waiting for, because he can translate a 'red book' left by Archimedes to point the way to the treasure. The puzzles in this book are so lame that a two year old could have figured them out, but whatever.

The beggar-knight teaches the boy for six years or so(or at least that's what it feels like). The kid grows long golden curls and looks ever more like a girl, which makes me think of a good reason why the knight kept him around so long. Especially since the boy calls him 'Master' all the time...

In comes the villain of the piece, played by the same actor who played the beggar-knight! You'd think the guy would recognize his identical twin, but no...Maybe its the stupid costume Lord Vulchare is wearing that keeps the knight from recognizing himself. It involves gold leaf, horns, and a truly silly looking cape. I'm surprised that he didn't spend all of his time swishing it. He looked like an escapee from a Broadway musical.

Lord Vulchare captures the knight, the boy rescues him using a blow gun, of all things! And then Vulchare kills the knight. I wonder what happens when you wipe out your Doppleganger... One annoying character down, a man we couldn't forgive anyway because of an earlier scene in which he threw his own urine onto a passing 'villager'. Unfortunately, the boy-girl survives and escapes.

He meets an Orlando Bloom wannabee in a tavern, after getting hit on by a tavern whore. The prissy artist type claims to be Leonardo Da Vinci, a heresy if ever I saw one. The kid can't even draw, I doubt Da Vinci EVER wore clothes that femmy, AND he spent the rest of the movie hitting on the tavern whore. The real Da Vinci might have evinced far more interest in the pretty boy-girl than in the overblown charms of the woman.

The pair saves the girl from Vulchare, I'm never sure why, and set out to find the storehouse. This is supposed to involve a trip to England, but I never saw them in any kind of boat. Did they fly over the English channel? They get captured by a Robin Hood type, who turns out to be a Prince of some kind(of what, we never find out). And lo and behold, the tavern whore turns out to be his long lost sister! At this point, I had the massive urge to slap this movie briskly..

There's a scene where the boy and Leonardo try to escape from the Robin Hood guy, and as they flee through the night a disembodied voice croons "I'm coming..." over and over again. Hysterical. Somebody was obviously sucking a medieval bong before they went out to chase down the dynamic duo.

They finally find the store house, and marvel at the cheesy artifacts. Leonardo promptly appropriates all of Archimedes' ideas, proving that he was a lucky idiot rather than any kind of genius. The kid blows up the store house to keep the treasures from getting out into the world, making you wonder: "What was the whole purpose of this movie!" Arrgh! The whole quest goes down the tubes, and you sincerely wonder why you just spent the last hour and a half wasting your time watching this piece of crap! Oh well, at least it was quite funny, especially Richard Kind as the idiotic 'great wizard'.

Once upon a Ren Faire...

[divaclv · 19 August 2001]

...there was a production company that wanted to make a sword-and-sorcery flick on a shoestring budget. So they hired out a California Rennaisance Festival and had the extras wander around in front of the merchant shops, and used them for the backdrop of an unoriginal story about a kid, a whore, and Leonardo daVinci (I am SO not making this up) off to find a bunch of junk Archimedes left lying around after the fall of Rome.

Of course, it fails spectacularly. It fails even more spectacularly if you're actually involved in RenFest or SCA-type activities, because then you can tell that the costumes on the extras come from about fifteen different time periods and locations. And that nobody, no not even the Vikings, wore horns on their helmets the way the Vulchare's henchmen do. And that nobody PERIOD would have dressed in the EFX-chorus costumes they stuck Olivia Hussey and David Warner (as Vulchare) into.

The painful segments of this film are innumerable. Such as the pee-throwing scene. Or "advanced" spy techniques employed by the Delta Knights, which involve meteorlogical discussions and that writing-with-lemon-juice-on-paper-and-heating-it-to-reveal-secret-message trick that children's science shows always do. Or Richard Kind in an annoying cameo and possibly the worst fake beard in film history (yes, even counting the wool on Captain Santa's face in Space Mutiny). Or the way the whore solicits the kid for sex even though he's not old enough to shave. Or the guys who wear Halloween masks and live in a summer camp obsticale course, one of whom screams "I'M COMMMIIIIIIIIIIING!" in what sounds for all the world like Cheech Marin's voice. Or the notion that Leonardo wasn't a genius, he was an irritating schmuck who stole all his ideas from Archimedes.

The MST3K version, of course, is priceless. I highly recommend it--it will ease the pain.

SEE! David Warner humiliate himself in all his glory!

[Gislef · 2/10 · 11 January 1999]

GASP! at the amazing bad acting. FLINCH! at the horrible in-jokiness of it all (Leonard from the village of Vinci?!?). Yes, it's Sword & Sorcery as you never wanted to see it. It's probably Warner's worst movie (beating out Naked Souls), and possibly his worse performance, but he's just not given much to work with here. Sarah Douglas is suitably evil (can't go wrong there), but even she seems overwhelmed by the sheer hokiness of it all. The rest of the cast seems to be out-of-work SCA members. There's just nothing, nothing good about this.

Bwahahah

[RobertLThorpe · 1/10 · 23 February 2014]

ha, Holy crud. I remember auditioning for the role of Tee for this film under the title Delta Knights. I remember butchering it so bad. Then a year later, I saw it in the video store and rented it and thanked God I didn't get the part. …. The dialogue was so terrible and in the audition they had me pretend I am looking at a mountain wall looking for a cave or something. I tried to speak with a British accent and failed terribly. Ha. I remember watching and thinking to myself that I cannot believe films this bad get funding. Not to mention a few known actors. but a paycheck is a paycheck. But the director went on to produce Chronicle. some years later.

Less than zero.

[coop-16 · 1/10 · 1 May 1999]

As readers of some of this commentators other reviews will know, he has a personal ratings system by which some films are "elevens', films of such superlative artistry and beauty that they actually ennoble the film medium. Well, just as there are elevens, there are films that are less than ones..ZEROS, films so moronic, so badly acted, so cheesy a that they should be ranked as zeros or less. Such sublime pieces of film goop include They Saved Hitlers Brain, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes,the collected works of the distinguished Ed Wood, and almost 80% of made for TV movies. This astonishingly bad, incredibly stupid film deserves to be ranked in their company. It was a worthy addition to the films shown on Mystery Science Theater 3000.

One of the worst abominations ever filmed.

[JJonsey · 1/10 · 18 September 2007]

I have watched a lot of total crap in my time and NEVER have I seen a Satanic medieval henchman lead a pirate, a couple of vikings and what appears to be a smattering of unarmed peasants into battle against a troupe of GUN Wielding renaissance costumed buffoons and women who appear to be from the deep south circa 1860.

You might as well have Harry Truman wearing confederate gray lead Jesus and Harry conick Jr. into battle against Canada and it's mighty army of Huns in 1534 using laser guns and crossbows for all the accuracy in this movie.

Even the MST3K version doesn't have enough jokes to contain the awfulness of this asstastic abortion.

PS - Thats just the first 3 minutes.

Oh my god, this movie is so bad, it's funny

[Regret · 1/10 · 24 June 2001]

After 15 minutes of the film, I thought this was gonan be the most horrible POS i'd ever have to watch, I was even tempted to turn off the VCR, but seeing as how I paid a whopping 4 bux to rent it, I decided to watch it anyways. however, after an hour, the plot became so garbled and stupid, I just began to laugh out loud at all the cliches and poor acting and towards the end I could pretty much guess ahead of time what they were gonna say. Later however, I was watching sci fi channel and Mystery Science Theatre had decided to prod fun at it as well, so in conclusion, it's.....well bad yet funny. -Remorse P.S. Cthuhlu Fategn

Filmed on Location in 15th Century Northern California

[Qomer · 2/10 · 5 March 2006]

I saw this film on MST3K, and can really not add that much to what has already been said. This movie really is that bad, and incredibly historically inaccurate. It also rips off Citizen of the Galaxy with the whole "beggar/spy-in-foreign-land-buys-slave-boy-for-secret-society -and-gives-him-special-training" I'd also like to point out that they not only filmed a renfest in Northern California for the medieval/renaissance/whatever setting, but the exterior of the Ancient Greece scene was apparently filmed in San Francisco at the Palace of Fine Arts. The guys really do suck at crafting a story or directing, but I've got to give them credit original cheap sets solutions. They're Ed Woodian in their ingenuity!

Throwing it to the Burdds

[badluck1988 · 1/10 · 11 January 2008]

Wow, I just rented this at Starworld video and found it to be very very, not good. It was awful, I mean COMON! It looks like Redge stole the props from the Renaissance festival. I think the Knights had a bigger goal...to kill the director and crew for filming pure dick. I really felt like taking this VHS and throwing it to the birds...and perhaps hitting a car in the mean time. This film is a embarrassment to the movie crew's life. I'm just fed up with even thinking about this awful movie. This review is concluded with a review score of the generous 1 out of 10. The story was just so stupid, it doesn't belong on screen. I rather watch MR.Hands. I want to shoot myself with a crossbow after watching this mess.

A delight!

[amdesposito · 9/10 · 25 July 2000]

Quest of the Delta Knights is an imaginative film that brings magic, adventure, chivalry, science, and ingenuity to life. It is a pleasant step away from the reality of our time...a doorway into the past. It is a movie with a serious, fantastical plot behind it partnered with a goodhearted comedic nature (although a bit corny at times) Don't be mistaken; it is not a big blockbuster hit with amazingly good scenery and unbelieveable special effects...but it is an ernest attempt at a medieval tale.

I liked it...go ahead, call me crazy

[beckyoldaker · 6/10 · 19 February 2000]

I can certainly see why others hated it. My husband did but I thought it was an interesting idea that could have been done better. It was obviously a low budget affair and that can really hurt a fantasy. It looked bad and cheap. I saw this on MST3K and was actually sorry for the distraction of the robots a few times. I thought this movie had a lot of potential but lacked the cash to make it happen.

One big old dog of a movie

[bensonmum2 · 2/10 · 20 November 2008]

Plot (and I'll keep this brief – no point in dragging it out): Quest of the Delta Knights is the story of a boy, sold into slavery, who becomes the leader of a revolutionary group out to stop the evil Lord Vultare from discovering Archimedes lost storehouse and the knowledge it contains. This knowledge includes a weapon of unlimited power.

My plot description almost makes Quest of the Delta Knights sound good. Unfortunately, Quest of the Delta Knights is one big old dog of a movie. Nothing in the movie makes sense. It's a mish-mash of ideas and characters that don't go together. Imageine every sort of pre-16th Century character you can think of and you're bound to find them fighting and living beside each other in this movie. Viking, knights, Italian scholars – it doesn't matter. Also, I've seen this movie several times and I'm not quite sure where it's supposed to be set. Someone mentions England, but there are Viking roaming around. With Leonardo Di Vinci as a character, you might think Italy. Again, how do you explain the Vikings? How about Atlantis? It's anyone's guess. And because the whole thing looks like its straight out a Renaissance festival, maybe the setting is supposed to be California? Makes as much sense as anything else you'll find in the movie. This is just one small example of the numerous inconsistencies and annoyances you'll find in Quest of the Delta Knights. Believe me, there are plenty more.

Watching Quest of the Delta Knights, I decided that some people will do just about anything if the price is right. Apparently the producers of this turkey offered David Warner enough money that he was willing to embarrass himself by taking on not one, but two roles. How much money does it take for an actor to agree to star in something like this? Many watchers would also recognize Richard Kind in the role of wise man/Magi Wamthool. But the casting of Kind has to be one of the most puzzling in movie history. I realize they were going for comic relief but they failed miserably. Kind may even have embarrassed himself more than Warner in his mercifully brief performance.

I could go on and on, but really there's no point. My opinion of Quest of the Delta Knights should already be painfully obvious. If not, I'll spell it out for you – it's an incredibly bad movie with one ridiculous set-piece after the next. There are few, if any, redeeming moments to be found. I must admit, however, that my experiences with Quest of the Delta Knights have been softened by watching the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version of the movie. The MST3K guys make it a barrel of laughs. So, while I rate the movie a miserable 2/10, I'll give it a 4/5 on my MST3K rating scale.

Dumb, but not horrible

[Boner-3 · 14 September 1999]

Okay, I didn't go into this movie expecting a winner. I rented it counting on the fact that it would be lame. So I was quite happy. The movie was bad, so bad it was funny. Most noteable was a scene (don't worry this won't spoil anything) where the main charcter is eating at an inn. Brigid Conley Walsh (one of the worlds most unerrated actresses) hints at prostitution for about five minutes before she finally decides the guy just doesn't understand. Worth the cost of renting.

"Ewwww... Wizard wiz"

[nhlgumby · 2/10 · 31 January 2002]

As the most recent installment of Mystery Science Theater 3000 movies I have seen (Parts: The Clonus Horror doesn't count because I've already seen it) I immediately went out and rented this movie after I saw the show. I wanted to see this movie as it was originally made if I wanted to form an honest opinion about it. And, after seeing this movie twice, I have come to the conclusion that this movie wasn't so terrible. "But it has such a low rating! You're just not an easy critic!" No I am not. I consider myself to be very harsh. In some of my other reviews I have bombarded movies to no end with my opinions. I simply feel that a movie should automatically be voted so low merely because it was shown on MST 3K. On the IMDB scale of 1-10, I gave this movie a three (3) and here's why.

This movie has a decent plot. No, the plot's not the journey of Tee to the lost cellar, it's not the victories over Lord Voltaire and it's definitely not the Delta Knights attempting to bring about the New Renaissance (they could have done that years before if they hadn't waited for Tee to come around). This movie's decent plot was the back story of how the lost storehouse came to be, through their inventions and writings of Archimedes and the technology of the lost continent Atlantis. That is where the story induces interest into me. I think it's interesting to have a story where Leonardo da Vinci was really a thief of good ideas and Archimedes was the real genius. It's a new twist on old facts, and therefore it deserves some credit. I think if this movie had more of a budget, it could have been made into a very decent picture.

The MST3K viewing of this movie produced two of the funniest quotes I have ever heard from the show. Both quotes came from the scene where Baydool comes out of the bathroom holding his pan of pee and Pearl exclaims "Ewwww! Wizard wiz..." I think the house shook I was laughing so hard. But then, not five seconds later, he threw his urine on the guy trying to steal Tee and Baydool makes the goofiest and Tom says "That's my pee!" After that I lost it. I was rolling on the floor, stuffing my face into my pillow trying to muffle my laughter. Boy those two quotes really made that one episode worth watching because most of the stuff after that wasn't really that great. I would actually prefer to watch the movie without Mike, Tom and Crow and make my own jokes instead of having the show tell me what's funny about the movie. I would much rather use my own humor to make my own jokes to degrade this movie.

All-in-all, I think you people judged this movie too harshly. A movie being on MST3K doesn't necessarily qualify it for being a terrible movie. Thank you and good day.

-Scott-

I'M COMIIIINNNNNNG!

[NateW · 2/10 · 29 July 1999]

A decent plot ruined by a bad script and lousy acting: That's basically what you have with this S&S turd. Was this thing made to cause Leonardo di Vinci to roll over in his grave? Because that's what he would do if he saw the mama's boy portrayal of him in this piece of crap. I gave this a 2 only because of the one guy who keeps yelling 'I'm Comiiiiiinnnnng!' Now that is laugh out loud funny!

Huzzah... I guess.

[MahouKame · 1/10 · 23 December 2003]

Pure drivel! It takes a few stiff drinks and the Satellite of Love to sit through this one. It's a '1' alone and an '8' with Mike Nelson and his robot friends. The historical portrayals are god-awful and inaccurate, the dialogue is purile, and the plot is splattered onto the screen in such a way that to attempt to understand what's going on will only make you cry.

HORRIBLE!!!!

[weanie2000 · 1/10 · 30 August 2003]

This is up there as being one of the worse movies I have ever seen. Do not see this horrible medieval flick where the main character has 3 roles. I couldn't even understand what it was supposed to be about and didn't waste my time finding out. Look elsewhere for a good film, you definitely won't find it here!

Why would you even make a movie like this?

[Aaron1375 · 1/10 · 22 March 2001]

How do studios give the ok for movies like this? I can make a better script on one sheet of paper. Let's cast an annoying kid and so so stars (David Warner and the guy from Spin City) and have a stupid story during the times of knights, but there will be no sword play in the movie, but there is gunplay. The only thing that made this movie watchable was the gal who traveled with the annoying kid and Leonardo. She was a very attractive lass, but her acting was as bad as everyone else.

Plus-Size peasant wear!

[nirvana99 · 2/10 · 19 August 2002]

Reading the reviews for these low-budget movies is almost as hillarious as the commentary on MST3K. I'm amazed how a movie made so recently (1993) could be so horrible in every aspect. The acting was bad, the special effects were terrible, the costumes looked more like something out of Tron than the middle ages. What was the deal with the people in Halloween masks that live in the tree or the villain with moose antlers. Plus the plot made no sense at all. I tried to explain it to my freind and he couldn't stop laughing. At least Mike, Pearl, and the Bots gave it the heckling it deserved. In closing... I'm coooooooommmmmmmmming.

Medieval carp

[warlorde · 1/10 · 30 August 2003]

When I first saw the title to this movie, I thought immediately of the film Animal House. I expected drinking, fighting, road trips, among other things. Actually the two aren't that different, but the Delta Knights movies just sucked. How can anyone say the characters in this movie were acting? It seemed they were playing out a faux village setting for Medieval Times. Anyway I watched the movie a couple of times before rating and commenting on it. I confess to watching the movie with Mike and the Bots, but I don't think watching it the regular way will matter. It still would.....suck.

1 out of 10. Painful, and hokey to watch. 7 out of 10 for the MST3K version.

PS: The poster before this comment must have had something to do with the movie.

Fun for what it is, silly for what it isn't

[skinnybert · 6/10 · 21 December 2020]

Oh come on -- If this is 1 or 2 stars, you'd have to go into negative stars for Rollergator. No, it isn't great, but it is adequately filmed and recorded, it's rather well-scored, and there was a script. Yes, I saw it via MST3K, and they rightly skewer it six ways from Sunday. But there's a certain joy in being a little ridiculous (OK more than a little), especially when it's done with a sense of fun. The acting isn't terrible but reasonably decent. This film's main fault is in trying to be Big on a small budget -- and yes, it completely fails at that. But there's a lot of terrible things it could've been that it isn't (exploitational, mysogynistic etc) -- they had a story (such as it was) and they stuck to it. For all its faults, there's a quality here which keeps the faults from being deal-breakers. A guilty pleasure, perhaps. I'll bet it was fun to make.

At least I saw the MS3K version

[DaCritic-2 · 1/10 · 30 August 2000]

I've actually seen one worse fantasy movie in my entire life, so I can't rank this one as a zero. Maybe a .1 or something.

Okay, all right, that's rude ... Most low-budget movies aren't truly made for the purposes of making money ... they're made by people who really love making movies. I really hope that this movie's creators had fun making it, but I'm a little baffled, trying to figure out how they got somebody to distribute this.

Lousy sword & sorcery flick

[JeffG. · 12 August 1999]

Yet another example of a bad movie only made watchable by MST3K. Resembles some sort of cross between "Xena/Hercules" and the "Deathstalker" saga. Only the "I'm coming!" guy provided any amusement from this movie.

What on earth was David Warner doing in this? Somebody please tell me he did this movie as a favor.