Mr. Nanny (1993)
Sean Armstrong: [Corinne almost hacks off Sean's hand for touching her pie] Nice shot.
Corinne: What do you mean nice? I was aiming for your wrist, what are you doing in my kitchen?
Sean Armstrong: I'm Sean Armstrong, the bodyguard.
Corinne: Mr. Nanny!
Sean Armstrong: [Corrine's writing Sean's name on a list of nannies] What're you doing?
Corinne: This place is like the roach motel, the nannies check in...
- But they don't check out. Yeah... that's not so many names.
[Presses a button, causing the list to drop down several sheets]
Sean Armstrong: Oh... I can handle myself.
[Walks into a door]
Corinne: I hope your Blue Cross is paid up!
Sean Armstrong: Show some respect, Burt saved my life.
Burt Wilson: Oh yeah, I took a bullet for this guy, nicked an artery, you should've seen the blood pumping out, ka-bloom, ka-bloom, ka-bloom - nearly hit the ceiling.
Kate Mason: Eeeew!
Alex Mason, Jr.: Cool!
Thanatos: I ordered you to throw that match, cost me money, big money!
Burt Wilson: Oh yeah? Bigger than your hair?
Sean Armstrong: We don't throw matches.
Burt Wilson: Yeah, tell ya what, if you was soaked in some gasoline, we'd throw some matches, y'know the flaming kind, and with that fur-ball on top of your head, you'd make one hell of a torch.
Sean Armstrong: Must've hit him pretty hard, he landed head first in the swimming pool of the hotel next door.
Alex Mason, Jr.: Must've made a killer splash!
Sean Armstrong: Na, the pool was empty, it would've killed him, but his hair cushioned the fall.
Burt Wilson: Of course they couldn't scrape up all of his brain goo but he got a nice metal plate in the slammer.
Sean Armstrong: If you're getting ready for a fight, you just need attitude, not muscles.
Alex Mason, Jr.: That's easy for you to say when you're the size of a redwood.
Sean Armstrong: I was a big kid, I still got whooped every day. My old man never taught me to take care of myself, he never taught me nothing.
Alex Mason, Jr.: So how'd you get them to stop beating on you?
Sean Armstrong: I graduated.
Alex Mason, Jr.: Oh.
Sean Armstrong: Then this little guy Burt taught me some attitude.
Thanatos: First you defy me? Then you mock my hair? You're dead!
[pulls out a gun]
Burt Wilson: Look out!
[covers Sean, gets shot, Thanatos finds the gun empty and runs away]
Burt Wilson: Get him!
Alex Mason, Sr.: The agency won't send us anymore nannies.
Alex Mason, Jr.: Is that why you brought home Frankenstein?
Alex Mason, Sr.: Alex!
Sean Armstrong: [Corinne hits him with a frying pan] What'd you do that for?
Corinne: For making a mess, Porky!
Sean Armstrong: You could've asked me to clean it up.
Corinne: Sure but where's the fun in that?
Burt Wilson: You know I'm going to need a partner here.
Sean Armstrong: Thanks but you know I haven't had a vacation since... since I met you.
Burt Wilson: Vacation? Well you know if you need me I can get out of this monkey suit at any time.
Corinne: And how far do you think you're going to get on TWO broken legs?
Corinne: [Burt's knocking on the door] Coming, I'm coming.
Corinne: I said I'm coming!
[Swings the door open]
Burt Wilson: Mama!
Corinne: How would you like that cane up your nose?
Sean Armstrong: [drives up near the kids' school] This is my old school, you mean to tell me you guys go to public school?
Alex Mason, Jr.: Ooooooohhh, he can read. Our dad did think it was a great place... but when he finds out you used to go here...
[Sean drives up to the school]
Alex Mason, Jr.: Hey what're you doing? It's hard enough fitting in without everyone knowing we have a Rolls Royce.
Sean Armstrong: What're you talking about?
Kate Mason: Alex has no friends.
Sean Armstrong: Like I'm so surprised.
Kate Mason: I can't sleep.
Sean Armstrong: Do what you did last night.
Kate Mason: I couldn't sleep then either.
Sean Armstrong: You must've slept sometime.
Kate Mason: Yeah, before my mommy went to Heaven.
Sean Armstrong: You know, my dad died when I was a kid, but I don't think he went to Heaven.
Kate Mason: You mean he went to...
Kate Mason: Oh.
Sean Armstrong: [after getting drenched in the bathroom] Kids. They're just...
Alex Mason, Jr.: [from downstairs] Sean, dinner! Here, piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy! SOOEY!
Sean Armstrong: kids.
Guard #1: Where do you think you're going?
Sean Armstrong: I'm looking for Mr. Mason.
Guard #1: Is that so? Get off the bike.
Sean Armstrong: What for?
Guard #1: Just do it, butthead!
Sean Armstrong: Forget it.
Guard #1: Are you deaf or just plain stupid?
Sean Armstrong: No, I've just got a real low tolerance for gorillas in rent-a-cop suits.
Guard #1: Gorillas, huh?
[hits Sean's bike with nightstick]
Sean Armstrong: Shouldn't have done that.
Alex Mason, Sr.: [sees Sean taking down four guards] This is the bodyguard?
Frank Olsen: Uh, terrible mistake, sir. I'll get rid of him immediately.
Alex Mason, Sr.: Wrong! He's incredible. Obviously a real pro.
Sean Armstrong: [throws Guard #4 through wall of security booth] So where's Mason's office?
Burt Wilson: [when Sean wants to quit] Do me one last favor.
Sean Armstrong: What's that?
Burt Wilson: Go by my house and turn off the gas in my oven.
Sean Armstrong: Why can't you turn it off?
Burt Wilson: BECAUSE MY HEAD'S GONNA BE IN IT!
Thanatos: [after Wolfgang breaks into Mason's safe bare-handed] Wolfgang, stupid. Very stupid! Now I'm getting a migraine!
Wolfgang: Do not worry, Herr Thanatos.
Burt Wilson: [on the phone, while his stuff is being repossessed] I can't believe I'm talking to the same Sean Armstrong that I traveled all over this great country with. A man of strength and courage, who defeated every vile, vulgar opponent he ever faced. And now, this fearless giant is cowering because of two little innocent children!
Burt Wilson: Give me 20 bucks for the cabbie, quick.
Sean Armstrong: Keep the change.
Cabbie: [sarcastically] Gee! A whole quarter.
Burt Wilson: A quarter? Gimme that! This ain't Christmas!
Sean Armstrong: [playing ballerinas with Kate] Burt, lovely to see you. You look positively effervescent. May I offer you tea? Perhaps a watercress sandwich?
Burt Wilson: Knock it off! And get outta that thing!
Sean Armstrong: Oh! You mean my leotard? Ah, the ballet. It enhances grace. I'm a changed man.
[Sean picks Burt up]
Burt Wilson: Aah! Hey! Put me down, you klutz!
Sean Armstrong: I'm not a klutz anymore, Burtinsky.
[trips over rolled-up rug]
Sean Armstrong: Oh!
[crashes into potted plants]
Kate Mason: He's not as far along as I thought.
Sean Armstrong: Darn, I jet'ed when I should've pli'ed.
Burt Wilson: And I used to share a hotel room with you?
Thanatos: [getting his skull plate polished] The sides even this time?
Kojiro: Yes, sir.
Thanatos: [looks in his mirror] Excellent!