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I've worked with battered men for over 10 years and know that this is a significant problem, but there is an even worse one. Violent mothers account for 55% of fatal child abuse, even when custody and time spent with the children are taken into consideration, according to the US Justice Dept. study, "Murder in Families." Fathers account for 8%, stepmothers/girlfriends for 9%, and stepfathers/boyfriends for 10%. We are working on building a shelter for fathers and children in Kansas City, but it is a slow process, but one is needed. Studies on domestic violence against women show that 39% of the victims are men, but you only find that out by looking at the charts that come with the studies. The summaries don't mention this, preferring to only address violence against women.
The first time I saw the movie was during the breakup of my marriage. I
only got to see part of it as I could feel what he was going through as
I did the same... I was in love and went through hell for 7 years
because of the love I had for my wife.
I had 2 children that ended up in her care after I was thrown out and 10 years later they now live with me and understand... As they've been thrown out too because of her drinking, at the ages of 17 and 14.
I hope I can still make it up to them for not being able to prove it all in the 10 year custody battle.
I know... I didn't want to 'tell' either...
I was ashamed to let anyone know the control she had over me.
I love to watch violence just like anyone else who is a desentized freak of
my generation. I thought this movie was going to like any other domestic
abuse shocker, cept it was about a GUY!, i realized after the first half
hour that this was as a real concern as female abuse and that it was real,
it broke some mental barriers and also showed how even after the struggle
and shocking abuse this man(a 9-5er)can also heal.
It was able to show reality, sadness and pain. It was a real heart tugger
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
In the viscious circle of abuse, men usually do the abusing & wives
are the abused. NOT in this case! The working-class handsome Strauss does
all he can to please his wife but it's just not good enough for her (or
mother, played by Carroll Baker). Judith Light of Who's the Boss? fame
an eerie turn as the drinks-too-much housewife who's never satisfied even
though her long-suffering husband (Strauss) loves her dearly. When they
make-up after each of the beatings she gives him, it is cinema-sweet. But
you wonder how much longer Strauss is gonna take this mess! He loses it
wacky wifey goes after their daughter in one of her rages! Even thought
Strauss tells the real truth - that wifey hits him - the whole police
station just won't buy it! Wifey ends up in the hospital in a coma after
both of them fall out of a window while fighting. Bruised, beaten &
Strauss is rightly in despair. In the end, he tells her she definitely
to go get some mental help & leaves her, taking their 2 kids.
Yes, this TV movie was a real eye-opener. See it! Once you do, you'll never doubt a man who claims his wife beats him again! Excellent work by these 2. And whoever played Strauss's father in this movie was physically the right guy for the role. They really do look like they came from the same family line!
I have not been able to see this movie all the way through because I
never know when it's showing on TV. Also, I have to be careful not to
draw attention to my search for it because I don't know how my wife
would take it. The subject matter is seriously personal and there has
never been any other movie addressing it, that I'm aware of. My wife
has a violent temper that I did not find out about until after we were
married. After 25 years of marriage she is finally mellowing out but
she refuses to discuss her abusive actions nor to seek professional
help. I have done all that I can to keep our children from being
emotionally ruined and they are able to discuss it now that they are
I am looking for 2 copies of the movie on DVD. Apparently, CBS first aired it in 1993 but does not own it. So, they cannot copy it.
I'm trying to figure out who owns it and can provide copies.
I can use some help.
In this heroic effort to show another side of domestic violence, Judith
Light, who plays the main character, found herself learning about a
situation she'd never dreamed was possible. Yet it is true--there are
violent women, and just as the character played by Peter Strauss finds,
there is no help for male victims. Light and Strauss give honest portrayals
of people caught in an ugly situation.
Although it was fairly accurate for the time regarding police involvement and other details,laws have changed since this movie was made, rendering many details obsolete. Still, it is the *only* movie of its kind, daring to recognize a hidden, albeit politically incorrect reality.
Hi, PLEASE TRY TO HELP!!! I have spent hours looking for a way to find
a copy of this important movie. However, no matter where I have looked
there has been no way to locate the origin and/or place where I could
turn to find a copy of: "Men Don't Tell" with Peter Straus. Apparently
the made-for-TV movie has been shown several times on TV, but can't be
found in any Vedio store (even big ones). I'm looking to purchase a
Can anyone inform me how/where to find it?
Thanks to all who try.
Sincerely, Fred GOLFFRED@AOL.com
OK, so this is a made-for-TV movie, so don't go expecting Ocar-winning
performances..... Adopt that outlook and this film will have you blown
over!! For such an unusual subject matter as a beaten husband, it takes
a very good actor to play that role convincingly. The character must be
portrayed not as a cowering weakling, nor an angry, affronted paragon
of masculinity... But as a normal, real man. There is only ever one
REAL man in the movie industry and he's right here in the lead role -
By Real Man, I do mean that he responds as most real men would when suddenly battered by the one person they love beyond all else... Out of love. People who love stay with their beloved, as long as they can and you can feel every moment of angst in Strauss's performance. Even at the very end, you can tell he has nothing but absolute love for his wife and what he does is done because of that love.
This is my first film with Judith Light and several other cast members. Light's performance as a loving yet unhinged wife did come across as slightly over-the-top, but that just makes it necessarily dramatic and hammers home effectively the years of abuse in the 95 minutes such a production is limited to.
The supporting cast too deliver their roles well, but as with all such acting styles that find their way into TV movies, you have to watch closely to see the best of it as, just like in real life, it is very subtle.
For some reason, this film attracted a lot of negativity from certain womens groups. Perhaps because, like most people, they don't believe such a thing could ever be true and are just as shocked when they discover it is far more prevalent than anyone could imagine.
Conclusion: Another ABSOLUTE must see from the Strauss repertoire!!
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I have never heard of men being abused by their wives until I saw this
movie. Although it's not hard to believe. It's a drastic change from most
lifetime movies which have to do with a woman being beaten by her husband
until the last 5 minutes of the movie where she finally goes to the
The only way that the movie is really different is that the sex roles are switched around. It does make a good point though. People look at men who are abused by their wives as being weak. Strauss's character makes an excellent point when he asks if hitting his wife back would make him a man.
So Strauss goes though just about the whole movie until his wife hits their child. That's when they get into a big brawl and fall through the window. His wife is knocked unconscious but he is still OK, so the police take him in and don't believe his story.
This is a perfect example of double standards put upon men. They don't want to tell because they won't be believed or they will be seen as weak. This wasn't the best movie. Acting from Strauss was pretty good. Judith Light, the queen of all TV movies was horrible and an over actor as usual. Ashley Johnson was very cute but not to the point of annoyance.
Well, it's no work of art, to be sure - let's get that out of the way
at the start. In essence, this is just another daytime 'women in peril'
soap with the same level of acting you'd expect to find in any other
late 80's-era female interest TV drama with heavily permed,
shoulder-padded girls & wholesome moustached plywood guys that you'd
otherwise find in walk-on parts in Dynasty & Falcon Crest.
However, that is not where its worth & historical interest lie. This film was made right at the beginning of the 90's, when radical feminist lobbying & censorship had completed its stranglehold on political debate & popular culture, which makes its very existence something of a wonder in itself. Some of the best books criticizing feminism, such as Christina Hoff Sommers' "Who Stole Feminism" & Warren Farrell's "The Myth Of Male Power" were also written around this time. Between then & now (or at least until very recently) there's been very little, & in fact state-enforced Political Correctness has made it as hazardous to ones work & social life to speak out against injustices against men in this society as it was to defend communism in 1950's America or speak out on behalf of the rights of Jews in 1930's Germany.
The film does a fine job of demonstrating how situations of female perpetrated violence against men can - & do - arise, & why they so often go unreported & remain hidden. As I think other posters here have pointed out, in the real world, intimate partner violence is near enough to equal, & the official figures - & women themselves - report throwing the first blow the majority of times. Not something you hear about every day, or see on the posters on bus shelters & the underground, but there it is.
This film was made almost 20 years old now & it's very, very hard to imagine it being made today in the present climate. It's really quite an extraordinary one-time only achievement, & should be both seen & applauded for that.
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