[Alex holds up his slingshot to shoot the four-leaf clover at the Leprechaun]
Alex: Hey, Lep! Fuck you, lucky charms!
Leprechaun: [the Leprechaun talks to himself while sitting over his pot of gold] Ah! Try as they will, and try as they might, who steals me gold won't live through the night.
Leprechaun: [narrating from down in the flaming well] I'll not rest till I have me gold. Curse this well that me soul shall dwell, till I find me magic that breaks me spell.
[Tory looks for a four leaf clover as the Leprechaun sneaks up to grab her hand]
Leprechaun: Little girls shouldn't look for four leaf clovers.
[Ozzie escapes from the Leprechaun in the basement]
Leprechaun: You only got away because me powers are weak! I need me gold!
[the police deputy pulls over the Leprechaun in his miniature toy car]
Deputy Tripet: Say, aren't we a little young to be out this late?
Leprechaun: No. I'm 600 years old.
[Tory corrects Nathan about the Leprechaun not being a bear who came into the house]
Tory: Nathan, that was no fuckin' bear.
[the Leprechaun breaks out of the crate and talks to Ozzie]
Leprechaun: Hey, tubby... you got a light for an old Leprechaun's pipe?
Leprechaun: [the Leprechaun takes off a giant bug from his coat jacket] I'm starved! Haven't eaten in 10 years!
Ozzie: What - What are you?
Leprechaun: What do I look like, me lad? See the hat? The buckles on me shoes? Why, I'm a Leprechaun!
[the Leprechaun starts singing while bouncing a pogo stick onto the coin seller's chest]
Leprechaun: This old Lep, he played one / He played pogo on his lung
[the Leprechaun asks Ozzie for his pot of gold]
Leprechaun: Have you seen a crock of gold lying around?
Leprechaun: [Ozzie shakes his head side-to-side] Tell me or I'll bite your ear off, and I'll make a boot out of it.
[the Leprechaun touches Ozzie's face as Ozzie starts to nervously laugh getting up to run away]
[Ozzie phones the police for help]
Ozzie: Help. Help. It's happening. The attack is on. O'Grady farm. Uh, send help. The leprechaun is attacking. Army, navy, guns, marines. And we're gonna need some medicine.
[Tory talks to the Leprechaun outside the well]
Leprechaun: [Tory screams as the Leprechaun appears out of nowhere beside her] Is that me gold?
Tory: What the hell are you?
Leprechaun: I'm a leprechaun, me dear.
[the group returns back into the house and see a mess of food and shoes scattered all over]
Ozzie: Uh-oh. I think something got in here.
Alex: No shit, Sherlock.
Ozzie: You'd better watch your mouth. Go wash it out with soap right now, boy.
Alex: Sure. Sure. And right after that, Ozzie, I'll be sure to ground myself for two weeks.
[Alex hits Ozzie in the chest with his hat]
[O'Grady screams out while lighting a match]
Daniel O'Grady: Burn in hell, you little green bastard!
[Ozzie takes a bite on a gold coin to see if it's real]
Ozzie: Oh, my God. I swallowed that gold coin!
Alex: Nice going, Jaws.
Ozzie: Hey, hey, hey. Can you die from swallowing gold?
Alex: Yeah, after I kill you!
[Alex tells Ozzie that they can use the gold to pay for Ozzie's operation]
Alex: Hey, Ozzie. Do you know what this means?
Ozzie: We're rich, and I can buy comics every week.
Alex: Yeah, but you know what else?
Ozzie: What else?
Alex: We can get you an operation.
Ozzie: For what?
Alex: To make you smart. See we can go to the hospital and have them operate and fix your brain.
Ozzie: But - But I - I'm smart.
Alex: Yeah. Well, sort of. What I mean is we can make you real smart. That way, people won't make fun of you.
Ozzie: They make fun of me?
Alex: Not in front of you. Only behind your back.
[Ozzie and Alex find the rusty old truck out in the field]
Ozzie: Don't cut yourself on any of this old rusty metal. If you do, it will make your jaw lock shut.
[the Leprechaun rips out the dead police officer's eye and puts it into his own head]
Leprechaun: An eye for an eye, me dear.
[Ozzie talks to Alex after saving his life from the Leprechaun, covered in blood]
Ozzie: I did a smart thing. I did a smart thing, didn't I?
Alex: You're really smart, Ozzie. You just hang in there, okay?
Ozzie: [Ozzie points to Alex and his chest] Hey, Alex... What's that?
Ozzie: [Ozzie gets Alex to look down so he can touch his face] Gotcha. First time I ever got you.
Alex: You sure did, Ozzie.
[Daniel O'Grady tells Mrs. O'Grady about the Leprechaun and his gold]
Daniel O'Grady: [O'Grady breaks the vase revealing the gold to her] Gold, Leah! Gold.
Mrs. O'Grady: What in the lord's name...
Daniel O'Grady: A pot of gold! A wee person, a leprechaun. I caught him and made him show me where his gold is. It's the rule, you know?
[the Leprechaun sings in a little girl's voice from the suitcase, as Mrs. O'Grady begins to walk to it]
Little Girl's Voice: [Leprechaun singing low] Mary had a little lamb / Little lamb / Little lamb / Mary had a little lamb / Whose fleece was white as snow / He followed her to school one day / School one day, school one day / He followed her to school one day / Which was against the rules
Little Girl's Voice: [the little girl voice talks from the bag] I can't breathe. Please open the suitcase. I'm going to suffocate.
[Daniel O'Grady finds his dead wife as the Leprechaun stands behind her dead body]
Daniel O'Grady: What did you do? Y-Y-You killed my wife!
Mrs. O'Grady: [in Mrs. O'Gradys voice] Hello, Dan, I'm okay. I just got a little kink in me neck.
Daniel O'Grady: I should've killed you when I caught you in Ireland.
Mrs. O'Grady: [in Mrs. O'Grady's voice] Give him the gold, Dan. He's a nice little Leprechaun.
Daniel O'Grady: I'll give you more than gold!
[Daniel O'Grady fires his pistol into the Leprechaun]
[Daniel O'Grady lays the four-leaf clover over the Leprechaun's crate]
Daniel O'Grady: The power of this clover will keep you in there forever.
Leprechaun: [the Leprechaun from inside the crate] Get that damn clover off this crate. I told you, you couldn't kill me. Where's me gold, Danny, me boy?
Leprechaun: [Mr. O'Grady begins to hammer the crate shut] Oh, Danny, don't strain yourself.
Leprechaun: [Mr. O'Grady then begins to pour gasoline over the crate] No, not gasoline. You can't burn me, I won't let ya.
Leprechaun: [the Leprechaun laughs] Don't strain yourself. You're not as young as you used to be. You might have a stroke. I curse ye for all eternity. I've traded me soul for me gold. You'll trade your life.
[the Leprechaun laughs]
[Tory and her father drive in the jeep to the new house]
Tory: Dad, I'm still depressed. I mean, come on - Here I am in New Mexico with my hick father for the whole summer.
J.D. Reding: Hey!
Tory: On offense, okay?
J.D. Reding: First of all, it's not New Mexico. It's North Dakota.
Tory: Like it matters. All I care about is it's not L.A.
[Tory and her father arrive at the new house]
Tory: Wait. This is a joke, right? This is our poor neighbors' house, and then you're gonna take us to our house.
J.D. Reding: Never judge a book by it's cover, honey.
Tory: Dad, this book doesn't even have a cover.
[Tory complains about the front yard of the house to her father]
Tory: I am going to be miserable here. There's no swimming pool, there's no shopping malls, there's no cable. Bet you don't even have a TV. This sure ain't Beverly Hills.
[Tory and her father enter down into the old basement]
Tory: Huh. Oh, great. Just when I thought this house couldn't get any worse... an old basement. Well... great place to store all the rocks and pine cones I'm going to find.
J.D. Reding: Okay, it's a little dusty. I admit that. We'll just clean it up a little bit, splash some paint around.
Tory: Oh, God. You'd need to splash some bulldozers around to fix this place up.
[Tory tells her father she can find a hotel nearby]
J.D. Reding: You're making too big a deal out of this, honey. This is a great house, I got a great buy on it.
Tory: Yeah, from who? Dracula? How about I get a hotel somewhere in town and you can come visit... like once a week? Hey, I'll pay for it.
J.D. Reding: Tori, honey... you really think money's all you need to get by in this life, huh?
Tory: [sarcastically replies with] Okay, I'll go with that theory.
[Tory bumps into Nathan carrying a can of paint]
Tory: Who are you?
Nathan Murphy: Uh, I was a guy carrying some paint thinner.
Tory: [Tory pulls out some cash from her hand bag] Oh, okay. Here. Does that cover it?
Nathan Murphy: Wait. Hold on a second. You knock over my paint thinner and you offer me $20
Tory: [Tori pulls out some more cash] Okay. Okay. How about that? Will that do it?
Nathan Murphy: Uh, no. Maybe if you said you were sorry, you know, it might.
Tory: [Tory stares at Nathan before hurrying to leave] Okay here. Keep the change.
[Nathan starts to laugh at Tory being scared of the house]
Tory: What's so funny?
Nathan Murphy: Well, I just think it's funny the way girls are always afraid of spiders and stuff.
Tory: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, wait a minute. Did I misplace my 1950's calendar, here? 'Girls'? Listen, Bud, okay? This is the 90's. Women are treated equal.
Nathan Murphy: Well, first off, my name isn't Bud, it's Nathan. And I don't know many guys that are afraid of houses.
Tory: [Tory pulls her hair back] Oh, is that so?
Nathan Murphy: Yeah.
Tory: Well, you know what? Neither am I.
[Ozzie talks to Alex in the back of the paint truck]
Ozzie: Anyways, listen-listen. It came right down out of the sky. And there it was... This flying saucer. It had these weird lights, you know? It was making all of these weird noises, kind of like, boo-boo boo-boo.
Alex: Ozzie, I thought you weren't going to tell any more stories.
Ozzie: This really happened, Alex. It did! It's like magic, you know? Like - Like, um... Well, when you see a star in the night sky - The first star - You can make a wish. And it'll come true.
Alex: Stop with the magic stuff.
[the father J.D Reding meets Alex and Ozzie]
J.D. Reding: So, you boys need any help out here?
Alex: Um. I'm afraid that our liability insurance forbids anyone but us handling the tools and equipment. But thanks for the offer.
[the father smiles as the two walk off]
Alex: Boy, I could go for a beer right now.
[Nathan and Tory talk about the O'Grady's]
Nathan Murphy: The O'Grady's collected a lot of junk.
Tory: The O'Grady's?
Nathan Murphy: Yeah, Dan O'Grady. He used to own this place. He was really a... a weird, and strange guy, you know?
Tory: Oh. You mean weird and strange like guys who drive dented pickup trucks and paint houses for a living?
[Tory and Nathan find Ozzie covered in blue paint]
Ozzie: [Ozzie tries taking blue paint out of his mouth] Oh, no!
Alex: [Alex laughs to himself] As fashion statements go, blue is not your best color.
Ozzie: Alex, I asked you to hold that ladder steady. Now look what happened!
Nathan Murphy: I'm not even going to ask what happened, really.
Tory: There's a bathroom off the kitchen in there. At least, it looked a little like a bathroom.
Ozzie: [Ozzie looks back at Alex] I don't like blue.
[Ozzie comes out of the bathroom and hears the Leprechaun singing in a little boy's voice from the basement]
Little Boy's Voice: [Leprechaun singing low] Twinkle, Twinkle / Little star / How I wonder
Little Boy's Voice: [Leprechaun singing continues] What you are / Up above the world so high...
Ozzie: [Ozzie looks to the basement door] Who's in there?
Little Boy's Voice: [singing continues] Like a diamond in the sky / Twinkle, Twinkle, little star / How I wonder what you are
[Ozzie enters the basement of the house and finds the Leprechaun's crate, where he continues to hear the little boy's voice]
Ozzie: Hello? Wow. What neat junk.
Little Boy's Voice: [the little boy's voice talks from the crate] Please let me out. Please? Why won't you let me out of this crate?
Ozzie: How did you get in there?
Little Boy's Voice: [voice continues] Please... let me out. Please, I don't like it in here. Please.
Ozzie: Hello? Hello?
Leprechaun: [the Leprechaun punches his way out of the crate after Ozzie wipes off the four-leaf clover] I'm back!
[Ozzie tells the others that he found a Leprechaun in the basement]
Ozzie: Ah! There's a Leprechaun in the basement! Oh, there's a Leprechaun in the basement!
Nathan Murphy: Hold on. What's going on?
Ozzie: He come out of a box. He had these long, real skinny fingers. He wasn't nice like lucky charms or anything. And then he ate a bug!
Alex: A Leprechaun? Let's inject a little reality in here, please.
Ozzie: I saw him. I really did see him. He even tried to polish my shoes.
Alex: Then where's your pot of gold?
Ozzie: That's what he said he wants. He said he wanted his pot of gold!
[Nathan volunteers to go in the basement to look for the Leprechaun Ozzie found]
Nathan Murphy: [Nathan picks up a stick] Hey... okay? Just in case?
Tory: I better go with you. Just in case.
Ozzie: Uh, N-Nathan... Nathan... I don't think that stick's gonna be big enough. W-wait. Wait for me, I'm coming. Just in case.
[Ozzie describes the Leprechaun to Nathan and the group]
Nathan Murphy: Well, I don't see anything, Ozzie.
Ozzie: This guy... was real. I mean, he had buckles on his shoes and he had them real horrible teeth, and they were all rotten and everything, and, uh, oh... I-I know he never does brush them.
[Tory stares to Nathan as the group hears a crash of items in the corner of the basement]
Ozzie: Th-that's him. He's going to kill every one of us, and I'm first.
[Ozzie see's the rainbow in the sky]
Ozzie: [Ozzie points up] Hey. Hey, look up in the sky!
Alex: So what, Ozzie? It's just a rainbow.
Ozzie: It's a magic rainbow. Leprechauns and rainbows - It's a sign.
Nathan Murphy: Yeah. Yeah, it's a sign all right. It's time to get back to painting.
Ozzie: No, we got to go see what's at the end.
Alex: Ozzie, you're embarrassing me.
Ozzie: Come on, come with me. We got to get to the end of the rainbow. There's always a pot of gold.
[Ozzie and Alex find the Leprechaun's gold at the end of the rainbow]
Ozzie: Wow! I told you. I told you! Uh-oh. That's what that Leprechaun was talking about.
Alex: Would you stop with that stupid Leprechaun stuff. We found this gold. Finders keepers!
[Tory falls after something touches her leg from under the truck]
Tory: [Nathan comes to check on Tory] I thought that was you rubbing my leg.
Nathan Murphy: And you let me?
Tory: That's not the point. Something was rubbing my leg, like caressing it. And it-it ran off over there.
J.D. Reding: It's probably just an old possum, honey.
Tory: No, dad. That was not an animal. I know what it feels like when a man caresses my leg.
J.D. Reding: You do?
[Ozzie and Alex take a gold coin to the coin shop owner]
Ozzie: You ever reckon that coin might've come from a Leprechaun?
Ozzie: [the coin shop owner smiles without saying anything] Never mind.
Alex: Okay, we'll come back tomorrow. And let's just keep this between us.
Shop Owner: Okay.
Alex: [Alex tells Ozzie] We better get to the restaurant. They're going to be pissed we were gone so long.
[Tory and Nathan talk at the diner]
Nathan Murphy: You should have some meat loaf. I've got plenty, really.
Tory: Oh, no. No. Do you know what that is?
Nathan Murphy: [Tory points to his plate] Yeah, it's meat loaf.
Tory: No. That's cut-up dead cow. Okay, and that's if you're lucky in this place. See, I don't eat meat and I don't kill living things. I feel very strongly about that.
Nathan Murphy: Really?
Tory: [Nathan reaches under the dining table to pull off Tory's tennis shoe] What are you... Nathan, what are you doing?
Nathan Murphy: Cut-up dead cow - That's what your shoe is, you know?
Tory: Give me my shoe.
Tory: [Nathan holds the shoe in front of him staring to see if he can see a cow in it] Nathan, give me my shoe back!
[Tory looks at the mess of shoes in the kitchen]
Tory: This is crazy, what the hell's going on here?
Nathan Murphy: Well, it could've been a bear. They sometimes come down the hills looking for food.
Tory: Great. My dad had to bring food into this place.
Ozzie: You know what? That Leprechaun, he tried to shine my shoes. He said he was a shoemaker.
Tory: Look. You guys can sit around here and theorize, Bear or no bear, but I am getting out of here. A matter of fact, I'm walking out that door, and I'm not coming back.
[Tory walks out, as Ozzie and Nathan look at each other, when Tory walks back in the house within five seconds]
Tory: A little too dark out there.
[Nathan talks to Tory about what bedrooms to sleep in]
Nathan Murphy: Um. I'm going to go check out the bedrooms and find out where we're going to stay tonight.
Tory: Oh, great. While you do that, I'm going to find my purse and check into a hotel.
[Ozzie asks Alex if he thinks you can kill a Leprechaun]
Ozzie: Alex, do you think you could kill a Leprechaun?
Alex: Ozzie, you can kill anything. You just got to know how to do it. Now, me, give me a .357 magnum, press it to the little green critter's temple, and blam! Brains and guts and oozing cruddy stuff dripping all down its head. The guy is gone with a capital dead.
[Nathan investigates where the sound of a mysterious bell is coming from]
Nathan Murphy: It sounds like it's coming from the kitchen.
[Nathan walks into the kitchen, suddenly turning around to see the three others standing behind him]
Tory: We're, like, really scared.
[Nathan trips over and lands in a bear trap as the Leprechaun comes out singing]
Leprechaun: [the Leprechaun singing] I got you in a bear trap / That'll make you shut your yap / I got you in a bear trap / You look like a stupid sap
Leprechaun: [the Leprechaun holds a small ax] Oh, oh, it looks like you're hurt. Let's play surgeon.
[Ozzie sits in the truck screaming in shock after the Leprechaun just bit off his ear]
Ozzie: My - My ear! He got my ear!
Alex: [Alex slaps Ozzie across the face] Hey, chill!
[Tory helps bandage Ozzie's ear after the Leprechaun bit it]
Ozzie: My ear sure hurts, Tory. I bet that Leprechaun made a boot out of it.
Tory: You're going to be okay, Ozzie. He didn't get your ear. He just bit it.
[Tory takes the shotgun from Nathan to go and get the gold]
Nathan Murphy: Okay, look, take this gun with you, okay? Just cock it, aim it, pull the trigger. You ever work one of those things before?
Tory: [Tory cocks the shotgun] Nope.
Ozzie: [Tory leaves to go outside, as Ozzie mumbles] Watch out for those teeth.
[Tory hands over the gold to the Leprechaun]
Leprechaun: Ahh... me powers are returning.
Leprechaun: [laughing, rattles the bag] It sounds like me gold.
Leprechaun: [laughing, looking in the bag] It looks like me gold.
Leprechaun: [laughing, smelling in the bag] It smells like me gold.
Leprechaun: [Leprechaun licks on a gold coin] Mmm... it tastes like me gold.
Tory: [the Leprechaun walks up to Tory and pulls her arm to lean down, he kisses her on her cheek laughing, as Tory runs off,] Oh, God! Oh, God!
Leprechaun: [the Leprechaun sits on the ground pouring out the gold] Me golden delicious gold.
[the Leprechaun pulls his hand off the kitchen burner that's on]
Leprechaun: [chuckling] We're cooking now, kids.
[the Leprechaun comes out of the chimney in front of the kids]
Leprechaun: Ho, ho, ho. I'm right here, and I ain't no Santa Claus.
[Nathan pulls the shotgun trigger and shoots the Leprechaun down with one shot]
[Tory answers the phone and talks to the Leprechaun on the phone]
Tory: [Tory answers the ringing phone] Hello? Hello? Help us please! Come help us! We're trapped inside of here.
Leprechaun: Where's the rest of me gold?
[Tory slams the phone down and throws it off the wall, as it starts to ring again off the hook]
Leprechaun: [Tory walks slowly to the phone and grabs it off the floor, holding it up to her ear] Having problems? Do you need a hand?
[the Leprechaun squeezes his little hand through the phone]
[Tory and Ozzie look for a four-leaf clover to kill the Leprechaun]
Tory: Forget it. We're not going to find it.
Ozzie: You can, too. You just got to believe.
Tory: Damn it, Ozzie. I'm so sick of your magic and your stupid fantasies. Okay, it's too late for that now. We don't have time to sit here in a damn clover patch and look for clovers. That thing is going to wake up.
Ozzie: You've lost your faith. But you got to believe. Got to.
Tory: [Tory grabs a patch of clovers out and holds it up, yelling] All right, here, look, here, look. I believe. I believe.
Ozzie: [Tory and Ozzie look at the four-leaf clover in her hand] Look. You - You found one. I told you. I told you!