|Index||8 reviews in total|
This movie was directed by Traci Lords' husband and nephew on John Waters, Brook Yeaton. The movie is pretty bad but it's light entertainment for those who like a bit of Traci and things blowing up. Pretty non-descript performance from Traci. I wouldn't go out of my way to see it again but it's fun if only to laugh at the mistakes the director made. Where did those guns go.....
This has to be one of the worst movies I´ve seen for months or years even.
The plot is familiar but the performance of the cast, the dialogue and the action scenes are all terrible. Sometimes you´ll get the feeling that the director (Brook Yeaton) has not read the script. On one scene Lords is seen buying some automatic weapons for the final showdown, after having gone through some fuss to raise funds for them. But the guns are never seen again because she has a Baretta which she can kill about 20 guys armed with machine guns and grenades.
This endurance goes on and on with lame and badly acted dialouge. It´s not even laughable because it looks as if the makers thought they were creating a masterpiece. Do not put yourself through watching this unless you are ready yo put your sanity to risk.
A mostly generic B-action movie with a generic script and generic characters, but worth seeing if you're interested in the opportunity of seeing famous ex-"adult" star Traci Lords in an action role. She fits pretty well into the genre, largely because of her constantly frowning expression: when she threatens someone, she looks like she means business. And let's face it, she is gorgeous. Action choreographer Art Camacho doesn't try to pass her off as a great martial artist: her fighting is not overly fancy or impressive, just straightforward brawling intended to take down the opponent as quickly as possible. Nobody in the supporting cast is particularly charismatic, and the bad guys are fairly inept. Still, "Ice" is a passable, painless programmer. ** out of 4.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Ellen and Charley Reed (Lords and Troy, respectively) are a happily
married couple, and also a couple of diamond thieves. Their latest
heist job has them breaking into the estate of mobster Vito Malta
(Rivero) and nabbing his stash of jewels, reported to be worth over
sixty million dollars. Complications arise when Vito sends his goons
after them, two detectives, Prine and Little (Levine and Alba,
respectively) also go after them, and even more mobsters
go after them.
Ellen must reluctantly turn to her brother Rick (Galligan), a
fast-talking slickster with a gambling problem, for help. She also has
to contend with the advances of Det. Little, who naturally has a
romantic interest in her. Who will get away with all the ice without
getting iced? Ice is okay. It's nothing great, though it does have its
moments. Thankfully, the outing as a whole isn't overly "heist-y", and
delivers some action moments. This is a PM, after all. So Pepin and
Merhi probably felt that they would be remiss if, even though this is
ostensibly a heist movie, it didn't have multiple car blow-ups, car
flips, an exploding helicopter, shootouts, neck snaps, a
weapons-supplying "Machine Gun Joe" character, and of course a guy
screaming his brains out while shooting a machine gun. And let's not
forget the utterance of the line "We got company!" and the time-honored
sax on the soundtrack.
Jorge Rivero even gets a scene to do what he does best, fist fight. He was Fist Fighter (1989), after all. This is to be distinguished from Punchfighting, because the goons surrounding the fight are not wagering/clutching cash in their hands. Sure, the scene is a gratuitous time-filler meant to add some brainless grappling to the proceedings, but the guy Rivero fights is a Van Damme clone, Lionheart (1990)-era to be precise. Even Lords gets to do some Traci- Fu, and it's really not bad, thanks to the help of Art Camacho. Thank goodness for independent companies in the video store era like AIP and PM. They truly gave Traci a home when she needed it most. No one ever gives them any credit for that, and Traci does indeed rise to the occasion, utilizing her strict post-adult-career "no (real) nudity" policy to show she can do other things. If nothing else, this movie is a showcase for her sourpussed, sulky beauty, and, let's be honest here, that's the reason we're watching ICE in the first place, right? In the not-Traci Lords acting department, the guys that play the two cops actually have a very good chemistry, which again very few people are bound to appreciate. Zach Galligan seems to have a smarmy good time playing the brother that's constantly bickering with his sister/partner, another classic cliché herein. But it wasn't all stuff we'd seen before: we greatly enjoyed the ice skating rink shootout, that was new to us. Though to be honest, even that didn't live up to its full potential. There should have been more baddies slipping and sliding around as they tried to shoot their targets. But still, it was a good effort.
Ice is decent, if a tad sluggish, and the main song, "Stand Tall or Fall" is by a band called Lost Art, and NOT sung by Traci herself, as we were hoping. Her character is even supposed to be a nightclub singer in the movie, and she did have a real-life recording career, so it wasn't far-fetched to believe she might do some singing on the soundtrack, but sadly no. PM and Traci fans will get something out of it, and it's a masterpiece compared to Laser Moon (1993), but for the average viewer, Ice is adequate.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
"Ice" is what you get when someone thinks they can do "Miami Vice" and
Michael Mann without having the creative talent to back it up. Call it
"Michael Meh". It's all gestures and no muscle.
This is the kind of movie where people can shoot each other through chain link fences, where the fact that the protagonist has killed at least a dozen people (in the commission of several felonies) doesn't seem to bother the cops in the least, where everyone seems to be able to fly a helicopter, where a petite 100 lb red head can snap people's necks and out-shoot dozens of thugs without a scratch. And where Traci Lords has one all purpose expression which she seems to use for every scene.
One thing Lords has going in her favor in "Ice" is that she really isn't any worse on camera than the rest of the cast, so her lack of performance doesn't call any more attention to itself than any other actor. (Let it be said that in the abstract I actually admire Ms. Lords' work ethic - she keeps managing to carve out a career of sorts when a lot of people would have given up and faded into obscurity). But the camera is on her more than anyone else, and she just can't carry the film, or even individual scenes.
It took me four tries to make it all the way through "Ice", trying to find something to like about it, and in the end I just stared at it and waited for it to be over. I haven't seen this kind of slickly polished direct-to-cable dullness since the heyday of Crown International Pictures.
I always enjoy laughing at the work of former porn stars trying to be "legitimate" actresses. Traci has, happily, given that up and now concentrates on being a hack. But this little gem is truly amusing in it's awfulness. Traci's facial expression throughout this film is indecipherable and unchanging and absolutely lifeless. Perhaps she thought the title referred to her emotional range. But the plot is where the real fun is. What character development! Classic gunfighting scenes with patented Nev-R-Empty magazines! The bad guys couldn't hit the Titanic. The good guys (who've never fired a guy before)can hit a two-inch target on a moving car. My favorite scene involves Traci acquiring an arsenal to pursue her vengeance. The weapons so lovingly spotlighted never appear again in the film. And, of course, the pivotal plot point depends on the concept that pretty much anybody knows how to fly a helicopter. And, since Traci was being a "legitimate" actress, there's not even a hint of skin to brighten the picture. Good lord, this is awful. MST3K needs to add this to its list.
There are a couple of scathing comments for this movie and they are right
However, their descriptions of the poor quality of this movie ignore one significant detail: most fans of Traci Lords might find this entertaining. There is a lot of Traci. Yes, mostly in gun battles, not the way we want to see her. But there is a lot of her, a short shower scene, and her face is mesmerizingly attractive.
I think the film world could have greatly benefited if Traci Lords had retired when the agents hung up the phone with the most deplored and poisonous rejection line in the business: "We don't represent porn actors" and ditto for hiring in mainstream films. Her career has been an orgy of action explosion or cheap bathroom humor comedies viewers could survive without, but then no one would be left to pay her bills. Ice just keeps piling up the gun play and fights so much that it either leaves you numb or laughing at all her ridiculous stunt work and a shower scene that her director/husband Brook Yeaton didn't want her to take off her bra for. His jealousy led to their divorce mainly because of the other men she was seeing on location for other films. Thank god he didn't direct them, too.
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