Bill Foster: I helped build missiles. I helped protect this country. You should be rewarded for that. But instead they give it to the plastic surgeons, you know they lied to me.
Sergeant Prendergast: Is that what this is about? Is that why my chicken dinner is drying out in the oven? You're mad because they lied to you? Listen, pal, they lie to everyone. They lie to the fish. But that doesn't give you any special right to do what you did today.
Bill Foster: I would've gotcha.
Bill Foster: I am not economically viable.
Sergeant Prendergast: [Standing on the hill near the convenience store] Hey, Mr. Lee! D-FENS!
Captain Yardley: I never liked you. You know why? You don't curse. I don't trust a man who doesn't curse. Not a "fuck" or a "shit" in all these years. Real men curse.
Sergeant Prendergast: Let's meet a couple of police officers. They are all good guys.
Bill Foster: I'm the bad guy?
Sergeant Prendergast: Yeah.
Bill Foster: How did that happen?
Nick: We're the same, you and me. We're the same, don't you see?
Bill Foster: We are not the same. I'm an American and you're a sick asshole.
Nick: Just what kind of vigilante are you?
Bill Foster: I am not a vigilante. I am just trying to get home to my little girl's birthday party and if everyone will just stay out of my way, nobody will get hurt.
Mr. Lee: Take the money.
Bill Foster: You think I'm a thief? Oh, you see, I'm not the thief. I'm not the one charging 85 cents for a *stinking* soda! You're the thief. I'm just standing up for my rights as a consumer.
Gang Member #1: Whatcha doin' Mister?
Bill Foster: Nothing.
Gang Member #1: Yes you are man, you're trespassing on private property.
Bill Foster: Trespassing?
Gang Member #2: You're loitering too, man.
Gang Member #1: That's right, you're loitering too.
Bill Foster: I didn't see any signs.
Gang Member #1: [pointing at a graffiti skull] Whatcha call that?
Bill Foster: Graffiti.
Gang Member #1: No man, that's not fucking graffiti. That's a sign.
Gang Member #2: He can't read it man.
Gang Member #1: I'll read it for you. It says this is fucking private property. No fucking trespassing. This means fucking you.
Bill Foster: It says all that?
Gang Member #1: Yeah.
Bill Foster: Well, maybe if you wrote it in fucking English, I could fucking understand it.
[William "D-FENS" Foster picks up the flat hamburger he just ordered, comparing it to the picture behind the counter]
Bill Foster: It's plump, juicy, three inches thick. Look at this sorry, miserable, squashed thing. Can anybody tell me what's wrong with this picture?
Annoying Man at Phone Booth: Excuse me... Hey, EXCUSE ME. I don't know if you have noticed it or not, but there are other people waiting to use the phone here.
Bill Foster: There are?
Annoying Man at Phone Booth: Yeah.
Bill Foster: There's other people who want to use the phone?
Annoying Man at Phone Booth: That's right, you selfish asshole.
Bill Foster: Well, that's too bad. Because you know what?
[firing a machine gun into the phone booth]
Bill Foster: I think it's out of order.
Bill Foster: [to The Golfer that is having a heart attack] Yeah. And now you're gonna die, wearing that stupid little hat. How does it feel?
[In the Whammy Burger]
Bill Foster: Why am I calling you by your first names? I don't even know you. I still call my boss "Mister", and I've been working for him for seven years, but all of a sudden I walk in here and I'm calling you Rick and Sheila like we're in some kind of AA meeting... I don't want to be your buddy, Rick. I just want some breakfast.
Sheila: You can call me Miss Folsom if you want.
Bill Foster: You're Korean? Do you have any idea how much money my country has given your country?
Mr. Lee: How much?
Bill Foster: I don't know. But, it's gotta be a lot.
Bill Foster: You have a choice. I can kill you. Or you can kill me, and my daughter will get the insurance.
Bill Foster: I've passed the point of no return. Do you know what that is, Beth? That's the point in a journey where it's longer to go back to the beginning. It's like when those astronauts got in trouble. I don't know, somebody messed up, and they had to get them back to Earth. But they had passed the point of no return. They were on the other side of the moon and were out of contact for like hours. Everybody waited to see if a bunch of dead guys in a can would pop out the other side. Well, that's me. I'm on the other side of the moon now and everybody is going to have to wait until I pop out.
Beth: The police are here.
Bill Foster: Did you know, Beth, that in some South American countries it's still legal to kill your wife if she insults you?
Seedy Guy in Park: That's a hell of a way to treat a vet, man.
Bill Foster: You're an animal doctor?
Seedy Guy in Park: No, a vet. A veteran. I was in 'Nam, man.
Bill Foster: What were you - a drummer boy? You must've been 10 years old.
Seedy Guy in Park: I meant the Gulf. I meant to say the Gulf. Jesus. Come on. All I'm asking for is a little change. I haven't eaten in three days.
[has a sandwhich in hand]
Seedy Guy in Park: Well, I mean, except for this.
Detective: We're really sorry, Prendergast. We tried and tried but could not fit your fucking name on the cake!
Nick: You know what was in this? Zyklon-B! You remember? What the Nazis had? Listen!
[Shakes the can, a slight rattle is barely audible]
Nick: Empty! This was used, man! This was actually used. I wonder how many kikes this little can took out! Huh! Think about it!
Nick: Think about it.
Bill Foster: What are you doing to the street?
Construction Worker: We're fixing it! What the Hell does it look like?
Bill Foster: Two days ago it was fine. Are you telling me the street fell apart in two days?
Construction Worker: Well, I guess so.
Bill Foster: Pardon me, but that's bullshit. You see, I don't think anything's wrong with the street! I think you're just trying to justify your inflated budgets! I know how it works! If you don't spend the projected amount this year, you don't get the same amount next year! Now, I want you to admit, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THE STREET!
Construction Worker: Hey, fuck you, pal.
Nick: Why don't they call you guys officer-esses?
Sandra: I beg your pardon?
Nick: You know, like actress. Something to signify... You know.
Sandra: Oh. I guess they feel a police officer is a police officer. Not a... You know.
Nick: Okay then. Sorry I couldn't have been helpful, Officer-ess.
Nick: Fuck you. Who the fuck are you? Are you fucking with me? You're fucking with me!
Bill Foster: I am just disagreeing with you! In America, we have the freedom of speech, the right to disagree!
Nick: Fuck you and your freedom.
Sergeant Prendergast: What did this guy look like?
Angie: I don't know, he looked like you except he was taller and he had hair.
Det. Jones: [sarcastically] Good description, Angie.
Frank: Listen, what am I paying my fucking dues for? This is my golf course! If I wanna play here, I will play here. If he gets hit with my titleist, that's his fucking problem. Fore! Fore!
Bill Foster: [the ball barely misses his head; whips out shotgun] Five! What the hell are you trying to do? Kill me with a golf ball? It's not enough you have all these beautiful acres fenced in for your little game, but you gotta kill me with a golf ball? You should have children playing here, you should have families having picnics, you should have a goddamn petting zoo. But instead you've got these stupid electric carts for you old men with nothing better to do.
[Fires his shotgun at a golf cart, causing it to roll down the hill]
Bill Foster: Now aren't you ashamed?
Sergeant Prendergast: Get a positive ID on the gym bag.
Captain Yardley: Prendergast, what do you think this is?
[Holds up his own gym bag]
Sergeant Prendergast: A gym bag.
Captain Yardley: Does this mean you're putting me under arrest?
Bill Foster: Hey. Why are you putting barbed wire on that fence? Is this how you rich people amuse yourselves? You put barbed wire on the fence so innocent people like me can hurt themselves looking in?
[after Bill shoots the golf cart, triggering Frank's heart attack]
Bill Foster: What's wrong?
Frank: My - heart...
Bill Foster: Well, what can I do about it?
Frank: Pills... get p-pills...
Bill Foster: Where are your pills?
[Frank points towards the cart, which has just plunged into a water hazard]
Bill Foster: Bad news. Your little car's gonna drown. And you're gonna die, wearing that stupid hat. How does it feel?
[Bill Foster approaches the gang after they crashed]
Bill Foster: You missed.
[Foster picks up the UZI and shots to the car]
Bill Foster: I missed too.
[Foster threatens the gang member as he begs for his life. Foster shoots him in the leg]
Bill Foster: There, you see? That's a Concept.
[Picks up the gym bag with the guns]
Bill Foster: Take some shooting lessons, asshole.
Nick, Surplus Store Owner: [after one of the homosexuals tips over a sunglass rack on Nick's counter, then leaves] FUCKING FAGGOTS! YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT? Jesus! Alternate lifestyle, my ass! Imagine what those pumpkins do with each other when they're alone! And what about the muff divers? Think about it!
Nick, Surplus Store Owner: [showing D-Fens his selection of hiking boots] Let's see what we got. These here are the top of the line. Scientifically engineered and all that crap. Guaranteed by some Sierra Club asshole not to hurt a chipmunk IF you step on it! Personally, I think they're for pussies and
[turns his head towards two homosexuals frequenting his store]
Nick, Surplus Store Owner: FAGGOTS! Now THESE are Vietnam jungle boots. Cost you half as much, last you twice as long, and are great for stomping
[turns his head towards the two again]
Nick, Surplus Store Owner: QUEERS! 'Course when you're done you have to clean out the waffle with a stick, but what the hell, you can't have everything, right? Am I right or wrong?
Bill Foster: [to customer at WhammyBurger] How are you enjoying your meal?
[customer vomits onto tray]
Bill Foster: [to manager] I think we have a critic here! I don't think she likes the special sauce, Rick... That was a joke.
[Bill Foster exits his car in the middle of the highway]
Guy on Freeway: Hey, where do you think you're going?
Bill Foster: I'm going home!
[Foster has just attacked the gang members on the hill]
Bill Foster: What about the brief case? You forgot the brief case! I'm going home! So clear a path, you motherfuckers! Clear a path! I'M GOING HOME!
Nick: [picks up snowglobe] What is this doing in here? Faggot shit!
Sergeant Prendergast: [the other detectives have filled his desk with kitty litter] How am I supposed to get a pen out of here?
Detective Keene: You don't need a pen. Just use one of them cat turds.
Sergeant Prendergast: Lucky you caught me.
Motorcycle Cop: I am?
Sergeant Prendergast: Yeah. Today's my last day as a cop.
Motorcycle Cop: Lucky me.
Nick: You want freedom? I'll give you fucking freedom.
[Takes out some handcuffs]
Nick: You're going to jail, faggot. How's that for freedom? Freedom to get fucked up the ass by some big buck nigger. Give me your other hand! He's gonna be right behind you. Just like this. You're gonna like that, won't you you faggot fuck?
Nick: Give me your other hand.
Bill Foster: I can't.
Nick: Why not?
Bill Foster: Gravity.
Nick: Gravity? What the fuck does that mean?
Bill Foster: I'll fall down.
[Nick kick's Bill's knee, making him fall down]
Gang member 1: Motherfucker, give us your motherfucking briefcase!
Sergeant Prendergast: Fuck you, Fuck you very much.
[continues walking past Yardly and the news crews]
Captain Yardley: You're welcome...
Motorcycle Cop Bobbit: [Highway Patrolman, Prendergast, and Car Driver are talking in gridlocked traffic] Gentlemen, I'm going to have to ask you to both return to your vehicles.
Car Driver: But what about the car?
Motorcycle Cop Bobbit: I'm going to radio for a tow truck to have it removed.
Sergeant Prendergast: Let's just shove it out of the way, we'll get this lane moving!
Motorcycle Cop Bobbit: Sir, sir, we're in a dangerous environment here. We've got a lot of glass and steel rushing by us at high speeds.
Bill Foster: [after a violent encounter with two LA gang toughs - Foster, livid, uncorks!] I'm goin' home! Clear a path you motherfucker!... Clear a path! I'm goin' home!
Bill Foster: [Two LA gangbangers threaten to charge Foster a toll for crossing their turf, Foster responds] Listen fellows, I've had a really rare morning...
Captain Yardley: [Captain Yardley, to Prendergast, on the precinct and policing and why good cops quit] Lot of good cops want to drop the whole kit and kaboodle. And who wouldn't? The pay stinks and your up to your ears in human scum sixteen hours a day.
Retirement Party Cop 1: [Prendergast is turning down a stripper party to chase D-FENS] What's the matter, Prendergast, you afraid of women, too?
Retirement Party Cop 2: Yeah, have you seen his wife?
Sergeant Prendergast: What did you say?
Det. Jones: Prendergast, we don't have time for this.
Sergeant Prendergast: You're right!
[Punches the guy in the face, leaves]
Car Driver: [Car driver in traffic jam snaps when cut off by lady in car] Hey you dumb bitch you cut me off! What's the matter with you? Move up or move back! Get out of the way! What the hell are you, a moron? Come on! If I wanna be in a parking lot, I'll buy a ticket ya dumb goddamn bitch!
[Foster sucker punches irate car driver unconscious]