Memorable quotes for
Demolition Man (1993) More at IMDbPro »

John Spartan: Bad aim, Blondie!
Simon Phoenix: Spartan? John Spartan? Aw shit, they let anybody into this century! What the hell you doing here?

---

Edgar Friendly: You see, according to Cocteau's plan I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder - "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-o all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

---

John Spartan: Send a maniac to catch a maniac.

---

John Spartan: You're gonna regret this the rest of your life... both seconds of it.

---

Lenina Huxley: I was wondering if you would like to have sex?
John Spartan: [surprised] Here? With you? Now?
Lenina Huxley: [nervously, nodding] Mm-hmm.
John Spartan: Oh yeah.

---

[after futuristic, contact-free "sex"]
John Spartan: Look, Huxley, why don't we just do it the old-fashioned way?
Lenina Huxley: [stands up, shocked] Eeewww, disgusting! You mean... *fluid transfer*?

---

Lenina Huxley: [stamping her foot] You are a savage creature John Spartan, and I wish for you to leave my domicile now!

---

Lenina Huxley: Let's go blow this guy.
John Spartan: Away! Blow this guy *away*!
Lenina Huxley: Whatever.

---

Simon Phoenix: Wait a minute, this is the future. Where are all the phaser guns?

---

Booth: Gun. Noun. Portable firearm. This device was widely utilized in the urban wars of the late twentieth century. Referred to as a pistol, a piece...
Simon Phoenix: Look I don't need a history lesson! C'mon, HAL, where are the god damn guns?
Moral Statute Machine: You are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute.
Simon Phoenix: What? Fuck you!
Moral Statute Machine: Your repeated violation of the Verbal Morality Statute has caused me to notify the San Angeles Police Department. Please remain where you are for your reprimand.
Simon Phoenix: Yeah, right.
[police sirens approach]
Simon Phoenix: Fuckers are fast too.
Moral Statute Machine: You are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute.

---

John Spartan: [to machine on wall after finding out that they no longer use toilet paper] Thanks a lot you shit-brained, fuck-faced, ball breaking, duck fucking pain in the ass.
Moral Statute Machine: John Spartan, you are fined five credits for repeated violations of the verbal morality statute.
John Spartan: [grabbing the tickets] So much for the seashells. See you in a few minutes.

---

John Spartan: Hey Luke Skywalker, use the force.

---

[after Spartan crashes in a police car]
Lenina Huxley: Look at you, you're a shambles!
John Spartan: Don't worry, I can fix it. All I need is a needle and thread.
[pause]
John Spartan: I really didn't say that, did I? Damn!

---

John Spartan: Huxley, enough! This isn't the Wild West. The Wild West wasn't even the Wild West. Hurting people's not a good thing! Well, sometimes it is, but not when it's a bunch of people looking for something to eat!

---

Lenina Huxley: Looks like there's a new shepherd in town.
[Spartan gives her an exasperated look]
John Spartan: That's sheriff.

---

Lenina Huxley: Chief, you can take this job, and you can shovel it.
John Spartan: Take this job... and shovel it.
Lenina Huxley: Yeah?
John Spartan: Close enough.

---

Lenina Huxley: He's finally matched his meet. You really licked his ass.
John Spartan: That's *met* his match and kicked... *kicked* his ass...

---

Boggle Guard: Mellow greetings. What seems to be your boggle?

---

Lenina Huxley: The exchange of bodily fluids, do you know what that leads to?
John Spartan: Yeah, I do! Kids, smoking, a desire to raid the fridge.

---

Lenina Huxley: I find this lack of stimulus to be truly disappointing, don't you think?
Warden William Smithers - Aged: I try not to, my dear. However, you're young, think all you want!

---

Lenina Huxley: [sotto voce] Sanctimonious asshole.
Machine on wall: Lenina Huxley, you are fined one-half credit for a sotto voce violation of the Verbal Morality Statute.

---

Simon Phoenix: Simon says, "Die."

---

Simon Phoenix: Simon says, "Bleed."

---

Troubled Guy: I don't know... lately I just don't feel like there's anything special about me.
Booth: You are an incredibly sensitive man, who inspires joy-joy feelings in all those around you.

---

Erwin: We're police officers! We're not trained to handle this kind of violence!

---

John Spartan: I'm gonna go down there, I'm gonna find Phoenix, and I'm gonna put him in a hurt locker.

---

Taco Bell Patron: What would you say if I called you a brutish fossil, symbolic of a decayed era gratefully forgotten?
John Spartan: I don't know... thanks?

---

[Huge Explosion, John Spartan steps from the wreckage]
Simon Phoenix: I'll be god damned! Like a New York cockroach!

---

Simon Phoenix: I must've done something right in a previous life. Can't imagine what that could've been.

---

T.V. Reporter: [to John Spartan] How can you justify destroying a $7 million dollar mini mall to rescue a girl whose ransom was only $25,000 dollars?
Little Girl: FUCK YOU, LADY!
John Spartan: Ha! Good answer!

---

[a frozen naked criminal swings by overhead]
Simon Phoenix: I hope my butt didn't look like that! Okay, who do we have left that's good? Wilkes, Patrick... Jeffrey Dahmer? I love that guy!

---

John Spartan: You're on TV!

---

Simon Phoenix: So let me get this right, they defrosted you just so you could lasso my piddly ass? Damn, you been had! I been dreamin' about killin' you for forty years.
John Spartan: Well, keep dreaming!

---

Dr. Cocteau: Well I must say that whacking, whatever it is, sounds most disagreeable.

---

John Spartan: You're under arrest, Phoenix.
Simon Phoenix: Arrest? Shit. And you're trespassing.

---

Squad Leader: Simon Phoenix! Lie down with your hands behind your back.
Simon Phoenix: What's this? Six of you. Such nice, tidy uniforms. Oh I'm so scared!
[the Police Officers look at each other]
Simon Phoenix: What you guys don't have sarcasm anymore?
[Police Officer talks to his automated assistant]
Squad Leader: Maniac has responded with a scornful remark.
automated assistant: Approach, and repeat ultimatum in an even firmer tone of voice. Add the words, "or else".

---

Automated Announcer: The Armory exhibit is now sealed. All museum patrons still occupying the facility should remain calm. Help is imminent.
[the sealed Armory door is blown apart by a canon]
Simon Phoenix: The museum is no longer sealed, is it? Ha-ha! What can I say, I'm a blast from the past!
John Spartan: You should've stayed there.
Simon Phoenix: Oh boy, that voice sounds familiar. Who is that?
[opens fire]

---

Chief George Earle: We can just wait for another code to go red. And when Phoenix performs another Murder Death Kill, we'll know exactly where to pounce.
John Spartan: [sarcastic] Great plan.
Chief George Earle: [not realising the sarcasm] Thank you.
Erwin: He likes your plan, Chief!

---

[cops are singing along with "golden oldies": radio jingles]
John Spartan: Somebody put me back in the fridge.

---

John Spartan: Is it cold in here, or is it just me?
Simon Phoenix: Good memory.

---

Zachary Lamb - Aged: Phoenix is an old fashioned criminal. We need an old fashioned cop.

---

Lenina Huxley: No, John Spartan, you do not accuse the savior of our city of being in league with a multi-murder-death-killer like Simon Phoenix! It's... rude!
John Spartan: I'll be subtle. I'm good at subtle.

---

Dr. Cocteau: John Spartan, this display of barbaric behavior was unacceptable even in your time!
John Spartan: Yeah. But it worked.
[Shoots out the monitors with Cocteau's face on them]
John Spartan: When a man like Pheonix has a gun to your head, ten seconds is nine and a half seconds longer than you live.

---

Lenina Huxley: I have, in fact, perused some newsreels in the Schwarzenegger Library, and the time that you took that car...
JohnSpartan: Hold it. The Schwarzenegger Library?
Lenina Huxley: Yes. The Schwarzenegger Presidential Library. Wasn't he an actor when you...?
JohnSpartan: Stop! He was President?
Lenina Huxley: Yes! Even though he was not born in this country, his popularity at the time caused the 61st Amendment which states...
JohnSpartan: I don't wanna know. President...

---

[John Spartan landed on the police car stolen by Simon Phoenix]
Simon Phoenix: No free rides!

---

Edgar Friendly: All I wanna do in bury Cocteau up to his neck in shit, and let him think happy-happy thoughts forever.

---

[last lines]
John Spartan: But there's just one thing I wanna know...
Lenina Huxley: Hm?
John Spartan: How's that damn three seashell thing work?

---

[the voice-activated car that Spartan is riding in is malfunctioning]
John Spartan: Brake! Brake! Brake now, you Mickey Mouse-piece of shit!

---

Simon Phoenix: [after his gang kills Dr. Cocteau] Put another log on the fire!
[the gang throws Cocteau into the fireplace]

---

John Spartan: Why don't you just shove a leash up my ass?

---

Lenina Huxley: [shoots a CyroCon about to knife Spartan] That man has died by my hands.
John Spartan: It was him or us, Huxley.
Lenina Huxley: Well yeah, there is that.

---

John Spartan: [whispering to Lenina] Look, I don't know if you guys know it, but uh... you're out of toilet paper.
Alfredo Garcia: [confused] Did... did you say toilet *paper*?
Lenina Huxley: Um... they used handfuls of wadded paper back in the 20th...
[Lenina, Alfredo, and Erwin all laugh]
John Spartan: I'm happy that you're happy, but the place where you're supposed to have the toilet paper, you've got this little shelf with three seashells on it.
Erwin: He doesn't know how to use the three seashells!
[Erwin continues to laugh, then calms down]
Erwin: I can see how that could be confusing.

---

Lenina Huxley: [Spartan encounters a burger grill in the underground world] Just don't ask them where the meat comes from.
John Spartan: Huxley, what's that supposed to mean?
Lenina Huxley: Do you see any cows around here, detective?
John Spartan: Que es este carne?
[What is this meat?]
Hamburger Stand Scrap: Este carne es de rata.
[This meat is from rats]
John Spartan: Rat? This is a rat burger?
[vendor nods]
John Spartan: Not bad! Matter of fact this is the best burger I've had in years!
Hamburger Stand Scrap: Gracias, Senor.
John Spartan: Prego. See ya later.

---

Dr. Cocteau: Be well!
John Spartan: Be fucked.

---

John Spartan: [commenting on his cryo-prison conditioning program] I'm a seamstress? - That's great. I come out of cryo-prison and I'm Betsy-fucking-Ross...

---

[Simon goes to a computer terminal and is surprised to find his fingers flying across the keys with ease]
Simon Phoenix: Damn, I'm possessed! Wonder if I can play the accordion too...

---

Lenina Huxley: [complementing Spartan] You are even better live than on Laserdisc!

---

Lenina Huxley: I thought your life force had been prematurely terminated!
John Spartan: Yeah, I thought I was history too. What the hell happened? All of a sudden, this car turned into a cannoli.

---

[Simon's museum piece "ray gun" beeps ready]
Simon Phoenix: It's about time! The past is over, John! Time for something new and improved!
John Spartan: Aw, hell...
[he leaps out of the way as Simon fires an energy blast from the rifle, blowing a hydrant apart]
Simon Phoenix: Holy shit! I love this gun!

---

Simon Phoenix: [to Cocteau] That's who you remind me of: an evil Mr. Rogers!

---

[Spartan and Huxley enter and see Cocteau's face speaking to them from dozens of monitors]
Dr. Cocteau: Forgive my lack of bodily disposition, but I do have an entire city government to run.
John Spartan: Yeah, well run this: you programmed Phoenix's rehabilitation program to turn him into a terrorist, and I don't think his escape was an accident either!
Lenina Huxley: Very subtle.
John Spartan: Thank you.

---

[after Spartan crashes in a police car]
Lenina Huxley: Look at you, you're in shambles!
John Spartan: Don't worry, I can fix it. All I need is a needle and thread.
[pause]
John Spartan: I really didn't say that, did I? Damn!

---

Edgar Friendly: [referring to Phoenix] They thawed this guy out just to kill me? I'm flattered.
John Spartan: Don't be flattered, be frightened. This guy's a certifiable nightmare.

---

[John Spartan is about to bungee jump from a helicopter]
John Spartan: Send a maniac to catch one.

---

Warden William Smithers - Aged: Do you have anything new to say on your behalf?
Simon Phoenix: Yeah, I do. Teddy Bear!

---

Simon Phoenix: See, I told the city, I said "Look, nobody comes down here." Postmen figured it out. Policemen figured it out. But the goddamned bus drivers just wouldn't listen.

---

Chief George Earle: You have apprehended the villain responsible for the murder of our beloved Dr. Raymond Cocteau?
John Spartan: Well, I wouldn't exactly say apprehended. Let's just say he's history. And the Cryo-prison? That's history, too.
[Chief Earle looks upon the damaged cryo-prison in disbelief]
Chief George Earle: [confused; takes off his glasses] What will we do? How will we live?
Edgar Friendly: I tell you what we're do. We're all gonna go out drinking, get shit-faced, and paint the town, literally. I mean graffiti, slogans. It'll be a blast.
John Spartan: Whoa, Whoa. I'll tell you what gonna do:
John Spartan: [to Chief Earle] Why don't you get a little dirty?
John Spartan: [to Edgar] You a lot clean.
John Spartan: And somewhere in the middle... I don't know. You'll figure it out.
Alfredo Garcia: Fuckin' A!
John Spartan: [impressed] Well put.

---

Lenina Huxley: Thank you for rendering me unconscious.
John Spartan: Huxley, I did it for your own good.
Lenina Huxley: We're supposed to be a team.
John Spartan: We are.
[grabs Huxley, dips, and tongue-kisses her]
Lenina Huxley: [shocked, but impressed] Oh, my. Are all bodily fluid transfers like this?
John Spartan: Better.
Lenina Huxley: Better? Oh, my.
[Huxley kisses Spartan]
John Spartan: I think I'm gonna like the future.

---

Related Links

Plot summary	Plot synopsis	Plot keywords
Amazon.com summary	FAQ	Parents Guide
User comments	Trivia	Goofs
Main details	IMDb quotes browser	Search quotes section
Browse titles with quotes by letter    A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Other