Irv: Our Father, who art in Calgary, Bobsled be thy name. Thy kingdom come, gold medals won, on Earth as it is in Turn Seven. With Liberty and Justice for Jamaica and Haile Selassie. Amen.
Sanka Coffie: What I am saying to you, is that you are the kind of club-toting, raw-meat-eating, Me-Tarzan-You-Jane-ing, big, bald bubblehead that can only count to ten if he's barefoot or wearing sandals.
[Sanka reveals a hot water bottle nestled under his shirt]
Derice Bannock: I can't believe you're still cold, mon.
Sanka Coffie: Cold? I'm freezing my royal Rastafarian nay-nays off!
Yul Brenner: How 'bout I beat your butt right now?
Sanka Coffie: How 'bout I draw a line down the middle of your head so it looks like a butt?
Kids: Who's the captain of our crew? Who's a friend to me and you? Kinda nice, good-looking too! Sanka, Sanka, yay, Sanka!
Sanka Coffie: Ha ha ha! Get back to work!
Derice Bannock: Who's the big hot bag of air, who doesn't have to comb his hair? Who doesn't bathe and doesn't care, Sanka, Sanka, yay, Sanka!
Sanka Coffie: The key elements to a successful sled team are a steady driver, and three strong runners to push off down the ice... ICE? Ice!
Derice Bannock: Well, it's kind of a winter sport, you know.
Sanka Coffie: You mean winter, as in ice?
Derice Bannock: Possibly.
Sanka Coffie: You mean winter, as in igloos and Eskimos and penguins and ICE?
Derice Bannock: Maybe.
Sanka Coffie: See ya!
Irv: All right, Derice. Let me lay out some difficulties for you. Snow: you don't have any. It's nine hundred degrees out there. Time: you don't have any. The Olympics are in three months. And me: you don't have me. As far as I'm concerned, the sport of bobsledding no longer exists. I don't want to do it, I don't want to coach it, and most of all, and I mean most of all, I don't want to be within two thousand miles of anybody who does. Now did you follow all that?
Sanka Coffie: Greetings, sled god.
Irv: Oh, yeah, just one little drawback to this delightful winter sport. The high-speed crash. Ooh! That hurt. Always remember, your bones will not break in a bobsled. No, no, no. They shatter.
Sanka Coffie: I'm the driver.
Irv: You're not. You're the brakeman.
Sanka Coffie: You don't understand, I am Sanka Coffie, I am the best pushcart driver in all of Jamaica! I must drive! Do you dig where I'm coming from?
Irv: Yeah, I dig where you're coming from.
Sanka Coffie: Good.
Irv: Now dig where I'm coming from. I'm coming from two gold medals. I'm coming from nine world records in both the two- and four-man events. I'm coming from ten years of intense competition with the best athletes in the world.
Sanka Coffie: That's a hell of a place to be coming from!
Irv: This is what it's all about, this is whether you win or lose the race, right here in the push-start! This is where you're gonna practice, right here, right here in a Volkswagon!
Yul Brenner: Remember, this doesn't mean that I like you.
Yul Brenner: You're going nowhere, Sanka, and you're thrilled to death about it.
Junior Bevill: Seemin' to you nobody likes us?
Yul Brenner: We're different. People are always afraid of what's different.
Yul Brenner: [prior to the final race] Hey, Dreadlocks! Let me kiss your lucky egg!
Derice Bannock: "Cool Runnings" means "Peace Be The Journey."
Josef Grul: Hey, Jamaica! Watch out for Number Twelve turn. Scary, ja?
Derice Bannock: What's his problem?
Irv: He's Josef Grul. He's one of the best drivers in the world.
Yul Brenner: Yeah, he's one of the biggest ASSHOLES in the world, too.
Yul Brenner: Look in the mirror, and tell me what you see!
Junior Bevill: I see Junior.
Yul Brenner: You see Junior? Well, let me tell you what I see. I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody!
British Official: We must also be concerned about the potential for embarrassment.
Irv: Oh, pardon me. I didn't realize that four black guys in a bobsled could make you blush.
Irv: Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough *with* one.
[Turns to leave]
Derice Bannock: Hey coach, how will I know if I'm enough?
Irv: When you cross that finish line tomorrow, you'll know.
Yul Brenner: [the guys start climbing into the bobsled] Don't touch me!
Sanka Coffie: Hey, Baldie, get off my foot!
Yul Brenner: Don't touch me!
Sanka Coffie: All I'm saying, mon, is if we walk Jamaican, talk Jamaican, and *is* Jamaican, then we sure as hell better bobsled Jamaican.
Sanka Coffie: Feel the rhythm! Feel the rhyme! Get on up, its bobsled time! COOL RUNNINGS!
Sanka Coffie: Coach! Coach! I can't get my helmet on!
[Irv smashes helmet with fist]
Sanka Coffie: Thanks coach!
Irv: That's what I'm here for.
[the team emerges from the airport into a blizzard]
Irv: It's not so much the heat, it's the humidity that'll kill you.
Irwin Blitzer: Gentlemen, a bobsled is a simple thing.
Man: Yeah, so's a toilet!
Irwin Blitzer: Come on, Kurt, what you're doing here is wrong, and you know it! Now if this is about you and me, let's lay it all down now. All right, sixteen years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life: I cheated. I was stupid. I embarrassed myself, I embarrassed my country, my friends, my family, my teammates,
[points to Kurt]
Irwin Blitzer: and my coach. Hey, if it's revenge you want, take it. Go ahead, disqualify me, banish me! Do whatever you want, but do it to me! It was me who let you down, Kurt! It wasn't my guys! They've done everything you've asked of them! And they did it with all of you laughing in their face. Hey, it doesn't matter tomorrow if they come in first or fiftieth. Those guys have earned the right to walk into that stadium and wave their nation's flag. That's the single greatest honor an athlete can ever have. That's what the Olympics are all about. Sixteen years ago I forgot that. Don't you go and do the same.
Sanka Coffie: I am feeling very Olympic today, how about you?
Sanka Coffie: Hey Derice! Ya dead?
Derice Bannock: No mon, I'm not dead. We have to finish the race...
Sanka Coffie: So what are we gunna name the sled?
Junior Bevill: How about... "Tallulah?"
Sanka Coffie: Tallulah! Hahaha! Tallulah! Sounds like a 2 dollar hooker! Where you come up with that?
Junior Bevill: That's my mother's name.
Derice Bannock: [Derice sees Sanka's breath in the cold Calgary air] Sanka mon, whatcha smoking?
Sanka Coffie: I'm not smoking, I'm breathing!
Sanka Coffie: So, let's talk about this billsled team.
Derice Bannock: No, bobsled team.
Sanka Coffie: Whoever. Now, about the Weaties box. I'm gunna be on it myself, right?
Derice Bannock: No, mon, you gunna be on it with me.
Sanka Coffie: 'Nuff people say, you know they can't believe, Jamaica, we have a bobsled team. We have the one Derice...
Derice Bannock: And the one Junior...
Junior Bevill: Yu-
[Yul gives him a "don't even think about it" look]
Junior Bevill: ... Sanka!
Derice Bannock: The fastest of the fastest of Jamaican sprinters...
Sanka Coffie: [after witnessing Irv obliterate a radio with a pool cue] That guy won two gold medals?
Irv: You see Sanka, the driver has to work harder than anyone. He's the first to show up, and the last to leave. When his buddies are all out drinking beer, he's up in his room studying pictures of turns. You see, a driver must remain focused one hundred percent at all times. Not only is he responsible for knowing every inch of every course he races, he's also responsible for the lives of the other men in the sled. Now do you want that responsibility?
Sanka Coffie: I say we make Derice the driver.
Irv: So do I, Sanka. So do I.
Sanka Coffie: [stops dancing and jumps into fight] Yippy ki yey!
Irv: I told the owner of the bar that these guys were mentally disturbed, so he's not going to press any charges.
Sanka Coffie: Yeah! Sled god does it again!
Irv: Just shut up, Sanka.
Momma Coffie: Everybody shut up! My boy's on TV.
Derice Bannock: [Derice drums over his teamates' helmets]
Sanka Coffie: Hey! Heeeeyyy! What you doin?
Derice Bannock: This is what the Swiss do to psyche themselves up!
Sanka Coffie: They also make them little pocket knives, too, but I don't see you doin that!
Yul Brenner: Don't touch me!
[about to be pushed off start]
Sanka Coffie: Oh, wait. Coach, I gotta go. You know...?
Irv: Hold it.
Sanka Coffie: Hold it?
Irv: Hold it.
Sanka Coffie: Hold it?
Irv: Yeah, hold it!
Sanka Coffie: But, Coach, I can't hold it. We're not bobsledding yet.
Irv: Oh, yes we are.
[pushes them off]
Sanka Coffie: Coach... Coach!
[the bobsled picks up speed and careens down the track]
Sanka Coffie: Coach! COACH! AAAAHHHH! Slow it down! Slow it- slow it down! OH, MY GOD! Oh, Derice, oh, Derice... I hate you! I hate you! I HATE YOU!
[repeated line after someone has said something degrading]
Irv: [sarcastic] That's very funny.
[Junior marches up to Yosef Grul and spins him around]
Junior Bevill: Now, you look! I will not be talked to that way! So you'd better come up with a damn good apology... or else!
Josef Grul: ["is that so?"] Or else what?
[punches him on shoulder]
Junior Bevill: [taken aback a bit] Ow.
Josef Grul: Huh, Jamaica? "Or else" what?
[pushes Junior to floor and then gets down in his face]
Josef Grul: Come on, Jamaica... say something!
[Two big feet come into view. Grul looks up]
Yul Brenner: No problem, mon.
[Yul punches Josef Grul in the face; the whole bar then goes crazy with fighting]
Joy Bannock: [Joy and Momma Coffie sit in the stands as they wait for Sanka's pushcart race to begin. Derice comes along, and stands next to Joy. Joy kisses him] Derice, is Sanka ready?
Momma Coffie: Ready? That boy's never ready! He's a lazy, sorry, no-good bag of bones.
Momma Coffie: [seriously] So what ya laughing at?
Irv: Winning a bobsled race is about one thing: the push-start. Now I know you dainty, little track-stars think you're fast. Well, heh, let's see how fast you are when you push a six-hundred pound sled. Now a respectable start-time is five-point-seven seconds. If you speed demons can't whip off an even six flat, you have a better chance of becoming a barbershop quartet.
[before their first practice run]
Sanka Coffie: You want to kiss my egg?
[holds the egg in front of Yul's face]
Yul Brenner: [looks at the egg, disgustingly] I'm not kissing no egg.
Sanka Coffie: Suit yourself.
[kisses the egg]
[Yul and Junior are in the hotel room, getting ready to go to a bar; there's a knock on the door. Yul goes to open it, finding Sanka dressed in a maid's uniform, carrying a feather duster]
Sanka Coffie: Maid Service, sir! Would you like your bed turned down? Mint? Perhaps I could dust your head!
Yul Brenner: Whatever is wrong with you... is no little thing.
Sanka Coffie: Look, Star. Let me tell you a little something, alright? When you need something from me, you don't have to hand me a bunch of lines. All you have to do is look at me in the eye and say, "Sanka, you are my best friend, we've been through a whole heap together, and I really, really need you."
Derice Bannock: Sanka, you're right. And you are my best friend. We've been through a whole lot together.
Sanka Coffie: "Heap, heap!"
Derice Bannock: Sorry, mon. Whole heap together.
Sanka Coffie: "And I really, really need you."
Derice Bannock: And I really, really need you.
Sanka Coffie: [nods head slowly, then] ... Forget it!
Derice Bannock: You don't see the Swiss team fightin', do you?
Derice Bannock: You don't see the Swiss team drinkin' and carryin' on and such.
Sanka Coffie: And you don't see the Swiss team smilin' neither.
Sanka Coffie: In fact, if one of those Swiss boys ever come across a pretty girl, he probably yell, "eins, zwei, drei" and try to push her down some ice.
Yul Brenner: Say whatever it is that you want... 'cause you're just like every other fool on the island. You're going nowhere, Sanka, and you're thrilled to death about it. But you see me? You see me? I'm different, 'cause I know exactly... where I'm going... and after l, Yul Brenner, win the Olympics and become famous... I'm going to leave the island... and live right down there.
[Pulls out picture of Buckingham Palace]
Sanka Coffie: [laughing]
Yul Brenner: What are you laughing about? - What are you laughing about?
Sanka Coffie: That's Buckingham Palace. You plan on living there, you're going to have to marry the Queen.
Junior Bevill: Yul, that's where the Queen of England lives.
Sanka Coffie: Face it, Yul Brenner- You can start calling yourself Madonna... but you're still going to end up in an outhouse shanty like every other dock-working nobody.
Junior Bevill: Mm, says who?
Sanka Coffie: Says me, rich boy. What do you know about it?
Junior Bevill: Well, I know my father started off in a one-room hut. - Now he lives in one of the biggest homes in Kingston.
Sanka Coffie: Well, he ain't your father.
Junior Bevill: He doesn't have to be. All he has to do is know what he wants and work hard for it. And if he wants it bad enough, he'll get it. Look, believe me, Sanka... the more Yul Brenners we got making it in this world... the better off this world will be, especially for Jamaicans. Go ahead, Yul Brenner. Go get your palace.
Irv: [telling Derice why he cheated] It's a fair question. It's quite simple, really. I had to win. You see, Derice, I had made winning my whole life, and when you make winning your whole life, you have to keep on winning, no matter what. Understand?
Derice Bannock: No, I don't understand. You won two gold medals. You had it all.
Irv: Derice, a gold medal is a wonderful thing. But if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.