Sam: You don't like raisins?
Joon: Not really.
Joon: They used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes. I can't say I am a big supporter of the raisin council.
Sam: Did you see those, those raisins on TV? The ones that sing and dance and stuff?
Joon: They scare me.
Sam: Yeah me too
Joon: It's sick. The commercial people they make them sing and dance so people will eat them.
Sam: It's a shame about raisins.
Sam: Yeah. Do you like avocados?
Joon: They're a fruit you know.
Sam: Ruthie, do you got any avocados?
Sam: How sick is she?
Benny: She's plenty sick. Now listen to me, I've been doin' some thinkin'...
Sam: Because, you know, it seems to me that, I mean, except for being a little mentally ill, she's pretty normal.
Joon: Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese.
Joon: Having a Boo Radley moment, are we?
[looking at Joon's ear]
Sam: Kirk Douglas... Van Gogh... ear.
Sam: I'm Sam.
Benny: So I hear. I'm Benny.
Sam: With an 'n'?
Benny: Yea two of 'em. This is Joon.
Sam: With an 'n'?
Joon: One. You're out of your tree.
Sam: It's not my tree.
Benny: You can't bet a human being!
Joon: You can't throw him out, I won him!
Joon: She was given to fits of semi-precious metaphors.
Benny: The woman is a housekeeper, Joon, not an English professor.
Sam: Thanks for the couch. Um... Mike made me sleep under the sink.
Joon: Have we an internal sequin issue to deal with, Benjamin?
Sam: I-I love you.
Joon: Me too.
Joon: [door opens; gets up] Don't tell Benny.
Joon: He can really cook, can't he?
Benny: Uh, yeah. Although for grilled cheese, I mighta used a wool setting.
Joon: That's what I told him.
Benny: Really? What-what did he use?
Joon: Silk would have been too soggy. Cotton would have...
Benny: Would have burned it.
Joon: Right. Fortunately, he consulted me before giving it steam. I was four square against it.
Benny: So why'd you leave?
Ruthie: L.A.? I wasn't that good of an actress.
Benny: Well, that's not how Sam tells it. He's raving about you.
Ruthie: Yeah, well, he's sweeter than he is judgmental. How long have you known him?
Benny: Sam? Uh, 72 hours.
Ruthie: Be serious.
Benny: I am... serious.
Benny: I'm always serious. I'm too serious.
[while playing cards]
Eric: Salad shooter!
Sam: Oh my God! "I've just been looking for my boyfriend. Have you seen him? He's a cute guy with a little mole on his right cheek."
Local: Hey, Ruthie. One of your ghosts come back to haunt ya?
Sam: "AH! Oh, Brad! Oh, Brad. Brad, please don't be dead. Brad, I never had a chance to tell you what you meant to me. Oh, Brad, please!" It's you! You're you! Ruthie Melony, co-star of the Prom Queen Mutilator with Dick Bebe!
Ruthie: You saw that?
Sam: "He was mine! He was mine!" "No, Cindy. You're sick. Cindy, you need help. No, Cindy! No, no!"
Benny: Hey. Where's Sam?
Joon: I didn't mean to kick him out. I mean, I didn't kick him out, he just - he just left.
Benny: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What - What happened? Did something happen?
Joon: He just - he just left. He was - he was in the air and-and-and - with a thing and - that was really loud. It was really loud. And all- I-I just kept seeing... He didn't mean to do it.
Benny: Do it? What? What- Did he- What did he do?
Joon: He cleaned the house.
Thomas: [while playing cards] Soap on a rope. Slightly used.
Benny: I hope you're happy... I hope you're happy with what you have done to her.
[throws Sam against wall]
Benny: You just stay the hell away from my sister.
Sam: [shakes his head] No... no.
Benny: You wanna know why everyone laughs at you, Sam? Because you're an idiot. You're a first-class *moron*.
[lets go of Sam. Pauses]
Sam: [nodding head while stumbling slowly away] You're scared, Benny.
Benny: I'm *what*?
Sam: You're scared. I can see it... And I know why. I used to look up to you. But... uh... now I can't look at you at all.
[walks out of hospital]
Sam: [takes "Help Wanted" sign from window of video store and walks to manager] I wanna help...
Joon: Don't underestimate the mentally ill. We know how to count.
Joon: [seeing a raise in poker] Medium sized green haired troll.
Mike: [about Sam] He keeps me up at night watching stupid old movies, my work is starting to suffer.
Joon: You install cable.
Thomas: [Sam falls from outside Joon's window and lands in the bushes] Sam! Sam are you alright?
Sam: Ow, ow.
Joon: [police find Joon wearing a snorkle and directing traffic with a ping pong paddle] I have every right to be outside, Officer, I have every right.