John Lennon: You can't do your solo spots any more, Stu.
Stuart Sutcliffe: Why not?
John Lennon: Because it's shite.
Stuart Sutcliffe: Give it to me straight. Let's not beat around the bush.
[the Beatles are being deported from Germany after it is discovered that George is underage. The police are escorting them to the train]
John Lennon: [to one of the police officers] You wouldn't pull me leg. It really is the showers you're taking us to, isn't it, Mr. Goebels?
Klaus Voormann: I liked your show. You had fun.
John Lennon: Fun? You call that fun?
Klaus Voormann: What do you call it?
John Lennon: I call it three days and nights without sleep. I call it too long between drinks. I call it dying for a piss. I call it hard fuckin' day's night.
Klaus Voormann: Is he always like this?
Stuart Sutcliffe: No. You'd be surprised. He can be quite bitter and twisted.
[Stu has just been badly beaten]
John Lennon: You alright, Stu?
Stuart Sutcliffe: How do I look?
John Lennon: Put it this way - you'll get better. I'll always be ugly.
John Lennon: We're gonna be big Stu, we're gonna be too big for Liverpool, we're gonna be too big for Hamburg, we're gonna be too big for our own bloody good.
John Lennon: I had a word with Van Gogh last night. He said if he could do it all again he'd be down here shaking his bottom to "Blue Suede Shoes." I gave him your regards.
Stuart Sutcliffe: Ahhh, Liverpool.
John Lennon: Home of...
Stuart Sutcliffe: ...Liverpudlians.
John Lennon: You know what it is I like about Liverpool, Mr. Sutcliffe?
Stuart Sutcliffe: No, what is it you like about Liverpool, Mr. Lennon?
John Lennon: I was hoping you'd tell me.
Stuart Sutcliffe: I like the blonde but I prefer the brunette.
John Lennon: Blondes have more fun.
Stuart Sutcliffe: Says who?
John Lennon: Swedes.
John Lennon: Hello, Ladies and Genitals. We're the band. You'll be happy to know we keep our clothes on. On drums, Mr. Pete Best! On guitar, Mr. Paul McCartney. On bass, recently arrived from the dark side of the moon, Mr. Stuart Sutcliffe. And on guitar, Mr. George Harrison. He's only just on solid food. My name is Lennon, John Winston Lennon. My parents named me after Churchill, John Churchill, the wet fish man. They were thinking of naming me after my father, but Dad's such a stupid fuckin' name, don't you think?
Paul McCartney: C'mon, George! We're starvin'! Where are those lovely scones your mother makes?
John Lennon: There goes Stuart Sutcliffe. He coulda been in The Beatles.
John Lennon: Did ya shag her?
Stuart Sutcliffe: She's a photographer.
John Lennon: You'll never shag her.
John Lennon: You don't say much, do you?
Pete Best: Drummers don't talk. You must have noticed that. Just might as well be deaf and dumb, drummers. When was the last time you heard a drummer say anything?
[John looks at Pete, then turns away]
Pete Best: See? You know why, don't you? I'll tell you why. 'Cause nobody ever fuckin' listens.
Astrid: Tell me something, John Lennon. When you are rich and famous, when you are number one, when your name is in lights and everybody wants to be your friend, when somebody asks you, "Do you remember Astrid in Hamburg?" what will you say?
John Lennon: I'll say she was the girl I always wanted. The girl of me dreams, like Brigitte Bardot with better manners. I might have fallen in love with her. But she fell in love with me best friend. And that was the end of that.
Astrid: I love him, John.
Astrid: I do.
John Lennon: Yeah. Don't we all?
[a scuffle breaks out on the floor of the Kaiser Keller while the Beatles are playing. One of the patrons pulls a switchblade. John jumps off the stage and confronts him]
John Lennon: Listen, you! If you wanna fight someone, fight me! If you don't wanna fight, then listen to the fucking band. If you don't want to listen to the fucking band, fuck off and choke to death. Do you understand me? Do you get me meaning, mate?
Pimp: I can't fight you. You are wearing a dress.
Paul McCartney: [singing after John has just belted out a drunken rant] Time to go home, time to go home, Andy and Teddy are waving goodnight!
John Lennon: She thinks I'm queer, Astrid.
Stuart Sutcliffe: Bollocks.
John Lennon: You heard her. She thinks I fancy you.
Stuart Sutcliffe: That's not what she said. What she said was she thinks we love one another.
John Lennon: And what did you say?
Stuart Sutcliffe: I might have grunted.