Walker, Texas Ranger (1993–2001)
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Cookies and cream, Big Dog?
C.D. Parker: This isn't an intensive care and your feet aren't plastered to cement. Come on back here and help yourself. I'm busy!
[Trivette walks behind counter]
Ranger Cordell Walker: I'd like some coffee!
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Sure, customer! Coming right up!
[Alex walks in]
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: Hey guys!
C.D. Parker: Would you like some coffee?
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: How about a cruise for our honeymoon?
Ranger Cordell Walker: We've already done that.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: That was a river raft!
Ranger Cordell Walker: Close enough.
Francis Gage: I'd like a soda, C.D...
C.D. Parker: Is your foot in a bear trap? You've been comin' here long enough. Get your own soda.
Sydney Cooke: [Sydney is chasing gangsters. They try to jump a fence to get away from her] Don't MAKE me climb that fence!
Sydney Cooke: [calming down the rowdy patrons of a bar] Careful boys. Little girl with a gun.
Francis Gage: [undercover] I got another gun you can play with.
Sydney Cooke: Sorry, but I prefer something in a bigger caliber.
Member of Terrorist Cell: You can't leave, we're at Defcon One.
Francis Gage: You guys really talk like that?
Ranger Cordell Walker: [Alex is pregnant] Hey, Honey, how are you feeling?
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: [Alex covers her mouth with her hand and runs to the bathroom]
Ranger Cordell Walker: Sydney, how long is this morning sickness suppose to last?
Sydney Cooke: How should I know?
Ranger Cordell Walker: All I know is, I'm glad women have to go through this and not men!
Sydney Cooke: Men are such wimps!
[walks off to go find Alex]
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: [Walker has just saved Alex after the river rafting trip] Next time, we go to Disneyland.
Ranger Cordell Walker: No way!... I'm afraid of the rides!
[after being beaten up by Walker]
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: I'm glad he's in a happy mood.
[Sydney and Gage prepare to make dinner]
Francis Gage: So who's cooking and who's cleaning?
Sydney Cooke: Can you cook?
Francis Gage: Are you kidding? I'm a bachelor. Of course I can cook!
Sydney Cooke: Okay, so what can you cook?
Francis Gage: French toast.
Sydney Cooke: French toast? Is that all?
Francis Gage: Cinnamon toast.
Sydney Cooke: Cinnamon toast.
Francis Gage: Raisin toast. (pause) Rye toast.
Sydney Cooke: (stares blankly)
Francis Gage: You cook. I'll clean.
Sydney Cooke: [pacing in front of three bank robbers who are sitting on the curb, hands cuffed behind thier backs] You are under arrest for robbery, assault on a peace officer and for making me miss the rodeo!
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: [Walker and Alex are choosing silverware and china] Do you see anything that jumps out at you? Is anything speaking to you?
Ranger Cordell Walker: Yeah, they're speaking to me. But they're speaking in French, so I can't understand what they're saying.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: Very funny.
[Sydney and Jimmy come out of a piercing parlor after interviewing someone; she hints he should pierce something]
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Yeah, right. If I'd get an ear pierced, Walker'd make me ride in the back of his truck.
[Walker carries bad guys to jail by placing them in the back of his truck]
Ranger Cordell Walker: Sydney, Gage, you're going undercover at the bar. Gage, you're going to be a bartender. Sydney...
Sydney Cooke: I know, I know. Cocktail waitress.
C.D. Parker: [to Alex after she tastes his chili, and says it not hot] Were you born on the sun, honey?
C.D. Parker: [Jimmy is trying to bring C.D. into the information age] I don't need the internet. When I was a kid, My mother only had a phone... She never took calls after 8 p.m.
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Did it have a crank?
C.D. Parker: What did you just call me?