Walker, Texas Ranger (1993–2001)
[after being beaten up by Walker]
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: I'm glad he's in a happy mood.
Ranger Cordell Walker: I think our next place to search is where military and wannabe military types hang out.
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Does that mean the Hunt Club?
Ranger Cordell Walker: Yep!
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Nobody goes into the Hunt Club without a S.W.A.T. escort.
Ranger Cordell Walker: We do!
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Cookies and cream, Big Dog?
C.D. Parker: This isn't an intensive care and your feet aren't plastered to cement. Come on back here and help yourself. I'm busy!
[Trivette walks behind counter]
Ranger Cordell Walker: I'd like some coffee!
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Sure, customer! Coming right up!
[Alex walks in]
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: Hey guys!
C.D. Parker: Would you like some coffee?
Victor LaRue: What's your name, soldier?
Buddy Rebotco: Buddy Rebotco!
Victor LaRue: Victor LaRue, your new best friend.
Buddy Rebotco: Can I have one of those guns?
Victor LaRue: You're not that good of a friend.
Mexican: This is Mexico, Ranger! You've got no right!
Ranger Cordell Walker: I've got no right?
[Walker punches the Mexican]
Ranger Cordell Walker: I think that was a pretty good right.
Rapist: Ranger, you screwed up! You forgot to read us our rights.
Ranger Cordell Walker: You're right! You have the right (kicks the rapist) to remain silent.
[Walker and Trivette are escorting a cop killer on a plane from Cleveland to Dallas and Walker has to be separated from Trivette and the killer]
Ranger Cordell Walker: If he gives you any trouble, you know what to do?
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Yeah! Shoot first and come find you later.
[Sydney and Gage prepare to make dinner]
Francis Gage: So who's cooking and who's cleaning?
Sydney Cooke: Can you cook?
Francis Gage: Are you kidding? I'm a bachelor. Of course I can cook!
Sydney Cooke: Okay, so what can you cook?
Francis Gage: French toast.
Sydney Cooke: French toast? Is that all?
Francis Gage: Cinnamon toast.
Sydney Cooke: Cinnamon toast.
Francis Gage: Raisin toast. (pause) Rye toast.
Sydney Cooke: (stares blankly)
Francis Gage: You cook. I'll clean.
Francis Gage: I'd like a soda, C.D...
C.D. Parker: Is your foot in a bear trap? You've been comin' here long enough. Get your own soda.
[CD has been cornered by two bad guys]
CD Parker: You know? Life's funny - you can sleep off a hangover but you can't sleep off ugly.
[Walker has put some tuxedos, for his and Alex's wedding, in Trivette's car]
Ranger Cordell Walker: Now, be careful with the tuxedos. Don't wrinkle them.
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Will you relax!
Francis Gage: Nothing's gonna happen to the tuxes, Walker. Later!
Francis Gage: ...You know, the only person more nervous than Walker is Sydney.
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Why is she nervous?
Francis Gage: She's been worried since day one that we weren't gonna get these tuxes in time for the wedding.
Radio: All units, report of a 2-11 in progress at the First Bank of South Dallas...
[they go to the bank robbery in Trivette's car. One of the robbers has a grenade, with which he tries to use. Gage kicks the grenade under Trivette's car, then realizes his mistake]
Francis Gage: Whoops!
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Duh!
[Trivette's car blows up]
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Nooo!
Francis Gage: Uhm... Sorry about your car.
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Sorry about *what?* Never mind the car; Walker's gonna kill us!
[pieces of burned and burning tuxedo fall and blow around them]
Francis Gage: The tuxes!
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: That's what I mean!
Francis Gage: Oh, man! Hey, we should just... go to Australia.
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: That's not far enough.
Francis Gage: Isn't it? *Shoot*!
[one of the bank robbers gets up and fires on them; Trivette and Gage draw their guns]
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Get down!
Francis Gage: Yeah, yeah! Get down! You have no idea how much trouble we're in!
Lazarus: You ready to die?
Ranger Cordell Walker: Before I do, who sent you?
Lazarus: [Smirks, and then cracks neck] My boss.
The Chairman: You've been a worthy opponent, Walker. I respect that. The true measure of a man is in the enemies he makes.
Sydney Cooke: [Sydney is chasing gangsters. They try to jump a fence to get away from her] Don't MAKE me climb that fence!
Sydney Cooke: [pacing in front of three bank robbers who are sitting on the curb, hands cuffed behind thier backs] You are under arrest for robbery, assault on a peace officer and for making me miss the rodeo!
[On their first day as partners, Walker and Trivette have busted an arms runner]
Ranger Cordell Walker: Come on, Trivit.
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: It's not Trivet; It's TRIVETTE!
Ranger Cordell Walker: [Walker has just been thrown by a bull. He pushes Trivette, who has been roped into being a clown out of the way] Move it Trivette!
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Hey, you said my name!
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: How about a cruise for out honeymoon?
Ranger Cordell Walker: We've already done that.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: That was a river raft!
Ranger Cordell Walker: Close enough.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: [Walker and Alex are choosing silverware and china] Do you see anything that jumps out at you? Is anything speaking to you?
Ranger Cordell Walker: Yeah, their speaking to me. But their speaking in French, so I can't understand what their saying.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: Very funny.
Sydney Cooke: [calming down the rowdy patrons of a bar] Careful boys. Little girl with a gun.
Francis Gage: [undercover] I got another gun you can play with.
Sydney Cooke: Sorry, but I prefer something in a bigger caliber.
Member of Terrorist Cell: You can't leave, we're at Defcon One.
Francis Gage: You guys really talk like that?
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: Maybe you should go to the hospital.
Ranger Cordell Walker: No. I'm okay.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: Just to get it looked at.
Ranger Cordell Walker: The medic just looked at it, Alex. I'm fine.
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: You're so stubborn!
[Sydney and Jimmy come out of a piercing parlor after interviewing someone; she hints he should pierce something]
Ranger Jimmy Trivette: Yeah, right. If I'd get an ear pierced, Walker'd make me ride in the back of his truck.
[Walker carries bad guys to jail by placing them in the back of his truck]
C.D. Parker: And how are you doing, little partner?
Lucas Simms: Fine, and it's little visitor now.
Ranger Cordell Walker: [chuckles]
Lucas Simms: Usdi adadamdvhidohi is how you say it in Cherokee.
C.D. Parker: Oh, pardon my French, but I'll be damned.
Lucas Simms: Walker told me I have AIDS.
Ranger Cordell Walker: [Alex is pregnant] Hey, Honey, how are you feeling?
A.D.A. Alex Cahill: [Alex covers her mouth with her hand and runs to the bathroom]
Ranger Cordell Walker: Sydney, how long is this morning sickness suppose to last?
Sydney Cooke: How should I know?
Ranger Cordell Walker: All I know is, I'm glad women have to go through this and not men!
Sydney Cooke: Men are such wimps!
[walks off to go find Alex]