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Kelly: Zack, what do you want from me?
Zack: I... I-I want you to marry me.
Kelly: What?
[AlexX chickens out on getting a tattoo]
Alex: I couldn't do it. You're not mad, are you?
Slater: Of course I'm mad! I got this dumb, idiotic tattoo for YOU.
Alex: I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you. What do you want me to do?
Slater: I'll tell you what I want you to do. You and I are gonna go to the Sylvester Stallone Film Festival next weekend. We're gonna see every movie he ever made.
Alex: Even "Rocky"?
Slater: Yup, 1 through 5.
Alex: I'll go get the tattoo.
Alex: Emotional? Women are not emotional!
Leslie: Come on Alex lets go do something only women can do.
Alex: Yeah, lets go... give birth.
Alex: Life is so unfair. I have to lose two pounds within a few days!
Kelly: C'mon, two pounds is not going to hurt you.
Screech: Oh yeah? That's what Delta Burke said before she inhaled her first cheesecake.
Professor Hemmings: This is pathetic! I want every other row to stand up.
[every other row stands]
Professor Hemmings: This is how many of my students are going to fail my class - - fifty percent.
Alex: Excuse me, Professor Hemmings, but... would that be the half that are sitting OR the half that are standing?
Professor Hemmings: [smiles] We'll soon find out, won't we.
Zack: Well, hello ladies! Did you miss me?
Leslie: As much as I miss my acne.
[Zack and Kelly are getting married]
Dean Susan McMann: [on phone] Hello, Reverend Dunlap. I would like to make a reservation in the school chapel for the Kawposki-Morris Wedding.
[listening]
Dean Susan McMann: Well then, bump the professor's funeral. He'll keep 'till Monday!
[the Reverend walks in on a wild stripper bachelor party]
Rev. Dunlap: You know what? Maybe I should come back another time.
Zack: Oh that would be great! How about Monday?
Rev. Dunlap: I was thinking more around the lines of ten years - - when you've all had a chance to grow up!
Screech: I knew we should have gone with Barney.
Zack: [waiting for Kelly, but Slater walks in] Geez... I thought you were Kelly.
Slater: If I were Kelly, I'd put on something skimpy and stare at myself in the mirror.
Zack: That's what you do NOW.
Leslie: Hi, Screech. What are you doing?
Screech: Hi, Leslie. I'm just watching the T.V.
Leslie: But the T.V. is turned off.
Screech: Oh I know, I'm just watching the T.V.
Zack: Kelly, you can't be serious. I mean, if you go on this semester-at-sea program, you'll be at sea... for a semester!
Dean Susan McMann: [sarcastic shock] And you're only a freshmen?
Zack: Well, I've thought about it long and hard, and I've decided that I'm gonna ask Kelly if we could date exclusively.
Slater: Exclusively? Wait a minute... you mean as in - - only?
Zack: Yeah.
Slater: Are you crazy?
Zack: I know, I know. It was a shock to me at first too, but I'm sure about this.
Slater: Oh, no! This is terrible. When Alex hears about this, SHE'LL wanna date exclu -... exclu -... man I can't even say the word!
Slater: Alex, I have to tell you something. I went to the car show with...
[suddenly lies]
Slater: ... Chris...
Leslie: [finishes name] ... tee.
Slater: No thanks, I'm drinking orange juice.
Screech: You've got one more test, Zack.
Zack: What? They've tested everywhere they possibly can.
Screech: Nope- there's just one more place.
Screech: Who wants their barrium?
[Zack gets up and runs away]
Screech: Aw, but it's cherry flavored.
Clara: You do that again, and I'm going to stick your head in the microwave.
Screech: Mike has Big Bird on his butt!
Mike Rogers: It's not Big Bird. It's Tweety Bird.
Screech: Trust me, Mike, that's a big bird!
Slater: Has anybody ever been to a funeral before?
Screech: I have.
Slater: What are you supposed to do?
Screech: Well, all the loved ones gathered around the grave. Then we put his rubber chew toys and his bowl in with him and buried him under his favorite tree.
Alex: Awww... how old was your dog?
Screech: What dog? I'm talking about Grampa Powers.

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