The Mommies (1993–1995)
Caryl Kellogg: What's with the balloons? It's not one of my kids' birthday is it?
Barb Ballantine: No, time to roll out the cul-de-sac welcome wagon. We have new neighbors moving into the old Wagner house.
Marilyn Larson: Oh, man, the Wagners! Now that was a great divorce.
Caryl Kellogg: You knew the end was near when he and his secretary started taking Lamaze classes together.
Marilyn Larson: Well, his wife was no angel herself. Remember every Friday the pool man would come over exactly at 3:00?
Caryl Kellogg: that's right! In those tight, tight shorts on that even tighter butt? What ever happened to him?
Marilyn Larson: He hurt his back giving her horsey rides in the deep end.
Marilyn Larson: See, you're lucky. Your kitchen window faces north. Me, all I ever get to see is old man Kelly hiding whiskey bottles in his koi pond.
Barb Ballantine: Ladies, ladies, must you diminish yourselves with idle gossip?
Marilyn Larson: Sure!
Caryl Kellogg: It's fun.
Barb Ballantine: It's an invasion of privacy. And so often the facts are wrong. For instance, Mr. Kelly isn't hiding whiskey bottles, it's vodka. And they're not koi, they're goldfish. It's a common mistake. And as for the Wagners, he wasn't having an affair with his secretary, it was his receptionist. And as far as Mrs. Wagner and the pool man, yes, she was doing him.
Adam Larson: [bringing baby Zachary home from the hospital] Paul and Caryl just got out of their minivan!
Tiffany: This is so exciting! Have they done the paternity test yet?
Marilyn Larson: We were all sort of figuring Paul was the father.
Tiffany: That's so convenient, I mean he already lives here.
Barb Ballantine: [sarcastically referring to Tiffany] Such a pretty face.
Adam Larson: [Marilyn and Kasey are in the drive-thru of Dougals] May I take your order please?
Marilyn Larson: Yes, I'd like one Double Dougal, two half Dougals, one with cheese. A double cheeseburger special meal with a diet cola. Two regular fries, an apple pie, two small colas, and chocolate shake.
Adam Larson: May I take your order please?
Kasey Larson: Allow me, I'd like one Double Dougal, two half Dougals, one with cheese. A double cheeseburger special meal with a diet cola. Two regular fries, an apple pie, two small colas, and chocolate shake.
Adam Larson: Would you like something to drink with that?
Marilyn Larson: What kind of person hires a moron like that?
[camera then shows Adam working the drive-thru window]
Caryl Kellogg: Blake and Danny are still in the minivan, behaving I hope.
Blake Kellogg: [speaking into the drive-thru speaker at Dougals] And a hundred and twenty-eight Double Dougals, you dork!
Tiffany: Do you need a bag for that?
Tiffany: [Marilyn's minivan is broke down in the drive-thru] I called AAA for you.
Marilyn Larson: What did they say?
Tiffany: That you taken the first step by admitting you have a problem.
Marilyn Larson: Tiffany, I don't have a drinking problem.
Tiffany: That's what they said you'd say!
Adam Larson: I'll call. Kasey, want to see what they put in the fish sandwiches?
Kasey Larson: Isn't it fish?
Adam Larson: Ha ha ha ha!
Tiffany: [To Marilyn] How about some strong black coffee?
Marilyn Larson: Sure.
Tiffany: Would you like fries with that?