Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman (1993–1997)
Perry: Jimmy, I did not become editor of a major newspaper because I can yodel.
Lois Lane: I only know how to make four things, and this is the only one without chocolate.
Superman: You know what's great about you?
Lois Lane: Sure, but you could repeat it again.
Lois Lane: Jimmy, give me back my dress.
Clark Kent: Now there's something you don't hear around the newsroom everyday.
Tempus: Oh please, I'll go to jail, I'll strap myself into the electric chair, just don't make me listen to this.
[about his break up with Lois]
Clark: So what are you saying? That I should go crawling back on my hands and knees?
Martha: No, honey, fly back, it's faster.
Lois Lane: What do I know? These glasses fooled me for two years. Oh boy, what a dope!
Lois Lane: Even when a huge part of you didn't make any sense, there was a part deep down that did.
Perry: Yeah, well, just remember there's no perfect sunsets. There's a little crack in every cloud, but that's what gives you your silver lining.
Jonathan Kent: Lois, Clark is strong. And I'm not talking about how much he can bench press. He's strong where it counts, and when it counts.
Lois Lane: And let's get something straight, I did not work my buns off to become an investigative reporter for the Daily Planet just to baby-sit some hack from Nowheresville! And another thing, you are not working with me, you are working for me. I call the shots, I ask the questions. You are low man - I am top banana and that's the way I like it, comprende?
Clark Kent: You like to be on top. Got it.
Lois Lane: Don't push me Kent, you are way out of your league.
Martha: So now tell me more about this woman you're going to Lex Luthor's ball with.
Clark: Lois is... well she's complicated. Domineering, uncompromising, pig headed... brilliant.
Lois Lane: I still can't believe you came barreling in here like some 500-pound gorilla! If you really thought we were in trouble, why didn't you bring the police?
Clark Kent: Look...
Lois Lane: Don't tell me, I already know! You're like every other man in Metropolis! You've got this testosterone surplus that says, "I can do it myself"!
Clark Kent: Lois, I've somehow managed to...
Lois Lane: Mess everything up? No kidding!
Jason Trask: Does Superman have telepathic powers?
Lois Lane: [blushing] I hope not.
Lois Lane: Clark, you can do the horizontal rhumba with the entire Met-Net cheerleading squad for all I care, just keep your hands off my copy.
Lois Lane: Well, what he can't do, it doesn't matter. It's the idea of Superman. Someone to believe in, someone to build a few hopes around. Whatever he can do, that's enough. I just wish that I could tell him that.
Clark: Lois has a pair of Superman pajamas.
Martha: You saw Lois in her pajamas?
Clark: No! Well, yes, but it was an accident, when her robe came undone.
Lois Lane: You took advantage of our privileged interview session to steal highly incriminating evidence from an unsuspecting subject... Oh! I love that! Mmmm!
Clark Kent: I just wanted to say goodbye.
Lois Lane: Goodbye? We're partners.
Clark Kent: You don't need a partner Lois, you never did.
Lois Lane: Well, maybe not, but I was starting to like having one.
Lois Lane: [to Clark] All right, maybe, somewhere very deep inside me is some eensy-weensy, microcosmic - although highly unlikely - possibility that I feel some sort of unmotivated, completely unrealistic attraction to you.
Clark Kent: We flip for the bed.
Lois Lane: How about I get the bed, I lend you a pillow?
Clark Kent: How about we alternate nights?
Lois Lane: How about we don't.
Clark Kent: Well, it's a big bed, how about we share?
Lois Lane: How about we alternate nights?
Clark Kent: Deal.
Lois Lane: Kill or be killed.
Clark Kent: Lois you're talking about war. This is journalism.
Lois Lane: See, your problem is you think there's a difference.
Clark Kent: You are really high maintenance, you know that?
Lois Lane: But I'm worth it.
Clark Kent: Well go ahead, I'm waiting.
Lois Lane: For what?
Clark Kent: The morality play, the "you should have trusted me and my infallible reporter's instinct' lecture.
Lois Lane: Clark, you don't need me to remind you of your shortcomings. I would've thought by now they'd be obvious. C'mon, I'm starving and you're buying. And just in case you did miss the moral to the story, thank you, you should trust what's in people's hearts, not just the facts.
Lois Lane: Tell me the biggest secret you have.
Clark Kent: What?
Lois Lane: Tell me the biggest secret you have. Something you'd never reveal to anyone.
Clark Kent: Why?
Lois Lane: Because I'm about to tell you mine and I need blackmail material.
Lois Lane: So you're saying you would never lie to your wife, that's assuming someone would actually be crazy enough to say "I do' to you?
Lois Lane: I know you may not believe this, but there was a time where I had to be the best at everything.
[talking about Lois]
Jonathan Kent: Do you love her, son?
Clark: Yeah, I do.
Jonathan Kent: Well, then tell her.
Lois Lane: A lot of people have tried to get me on a couch and after all this time, I don't think I'm going to start with a psychiatrist.
Lois Lane: You still think I'm crazy?
Clark Kent: I think you're brilliant. But there is a fine line between brilliance and lunacy.
Lois Lane: And, guys, try not to let this place fall apart while I'm gone.
Perry White: Yep, that's our Lois.
Clark Kent: The genuine article.
Lois Lane: So, how did I rate as a date?
Clark Kent: Oh, A-plus.
Lois Lane: I hung on your arm decoratively.
Clark Kent: You did.
Lois Lane: Fawned appropriately.
Clark Kent: Absolutely.
Lois Lane: And just faded into the background during your big moment.
Clark Kent: You were beautiful, yet invisible.
Lois Lane: Mmm, make me go through another night like that, and I'll rip out your spleen.
Clark Kent: The point is you are the same reporter you have always been. Hard-working. Dedicated. Maybe a little over the top sometimes. You could use some more vacations. Maybe a semblance of a life...
Lois Lane: Is this leading anywhere?
Clark Kent: Lois, you are the best reporter in the city. You always have been and you always will be.
Superman: Lois, if anyone knows what it's like to be on the outside, I do. Sometimes I feel like I'm out there fighting all alone. Sometimes I feel like giving up. But, then I remember that what I stand for is more important than anything else. Your work is important to the people of Metropolis. You're a brilliant, passionate journalist. Adversity has never stopped you before. Don't let it start now.
Lois Lane: That's funny. Clark said the same thing.
Superman: I'm not surprised. Clark is a very smart guy.
Perry: Real nice kid, millionaire by the time he was your age.
Jimmy: Yeah, well I had the mumps in sixth grade, kind of slowed me down.
Lois Lane: Well, that's a terrific reason to get married, to avoid harassment.
Lois Lane: What'd ya open the door for?
Clark Kent: I don't know. I thought maybe for a moment there, maybe... .
Lois Lane: What? You were gonna stick your foot out and drag it along the street and stop the car?
Clark Kent: [shrug] Hmm.
Lois Lane: You've been watching too many Flintstones cartoons.
Victor: If you don't mind my saying so, I think you have great legs. I think I read somewhere that intelligent men are leg-men. Only boobs are interested in, well, you know. Anyway, I think you have very shapely legs. They're like two perfectly-formed carrots.
Lois Lane: [sarcastically] Stop. You're embarrassing me.
[later... after kicking the bad guy]
Lois Lane: You're right, Victor, I do have great legs.
Lois Lane: Well, I think we've finally found the absolute bottom of Metropolis.
Clark Kent: Why is it that the guys who call in with tips always live in the worst part of town?
Lois Lane: What do you think the brochure on this place would say? Exquisite alley view, complimentary roaches on your pillow?
Lois Lane: Clark, I don't want to die.
Clark Kent: Lois, I would not let that happen.
Jimmy: How could you see that from all the way over there?
Clark: I have a... really strong prescription.
Clark Kent: I shouldn't have lost my temper.
Lois Lane: Well, you're entitled to. I lose mine once every... what?
Clark Kent: Three, four minutes.
Lois Lane: Well, I like my quirks. I think they make me unique.
Clark Kent: You certainly are unique.
Clark: People can have two sides to their personalities. Lois, believe me, I know.
[talking about Lois]
Perry: I worry when she gets that look in her eye.
Lois Lane: I know our relationship has always been difficult to define, but, when I thought about how much I missed you, how much I was going to miss you for the rest of my life, well, I started to think, maybe there's more to our relationship than just friendship.
[seeing him asleep]
Lois Lane: Or, maybe not.
Lois Lane: What kind of person keeps a body frozen in a glass case?
Clark Kent: Somebody who's having a hard time getting a date?
Lois Lane: Well, you two are invited to my house for Christmas dinner tonight.
Perry White: Well that sure beats the soup kitchen.
Lois Lane: Don't get your hopes too high.
Lois Lane: Clark! You came. Why aren't you in Smallville with your folks?
Clark Kent: Oh, uh... my plane got snowed in.
Lois Lane: It did? But it's not snowing... Oh! You are the best!
Lois Lane: Here's some oatmeal if you want.
Clark Kent: Did you make it?
Lois Lane: Yeah. You probably don't believe that.
[he looks at the drippy oatmeal]
Clark Kent: No, I believe it.
[talking about Superman]
Lois Lane: Does he think that because he couldn't defeat some robot that that changes the way I feel about him? Clark, that's not what attracts me. It's his intelligence and caring. He's... he has integrity and an innate goodness. I mean, he's a lot like you.
Emmet Vale: We'll just put the word out on the street that we need a donor.
Rollie: Emmet, we're scientists, we don't know anybody "on the street".
Superman: Lois, I want you to know that I think what you did for Clark showed incredible bravery.
Lois Lane: It was nothing.
Superman: Was it?
Lois Lane: I guess not. I guess there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him.
Superman: I really do believe that we're all put here on this earth, or whatever planet we're put on, to do better than we think we can. To be kind, helpful, generous, and forgiving.
Clark Kent: Why do you suppose someone would kidnap Bender?
Lois Lane: Can't be for money. Who would pay ransom for a lawyer?
[talking about Lois and Clark's first date]
Bobby Bigmouth: So you two excited?
Clark Kent: Bobby, we didn't come here to talk about...
Bobby Bigmouth: I want you to know how happy I am for you and that there are a lot of people out there that are really pulling for this to work out.
Lois Lane: What people?
Bobby Bigmouth: What, you think it's a big secret that Clark here has been mooning over you?
Clark Kent: Well, I wouldn't say mooning exactly.
Clark Kent: You were trying to say something and I... I...
Lois Lane: Had a sudden urge to return a tape. It's perfectly understandable. I needed to express a deep personal feeling. You had to save three dollars.
Clark Kent: Lois. You know, I really hope that someday you learn that sometimes what it seems like people are doing isn't really what they're doing.
Lois Lane: What are you, a fortune cookie?
Lois Lane: I like your new glasses.
Clark Kent: Thanks.
Lois Lane: Did you ever think of getting contacts?
Clark Kent: No.
Lois Lane: It's the not first time I've bent the law for a story, but I did feel bad because, after I finished rationalizing it, I realized that a big part of why I did it is because I don't like you.
Mayson Drake: Really? Oh, god, that is such a relief. I don't like you either.
Lois Lane: Really?
Mayson Drake: Really.
Lois Lane: Well, that makes me feel so much better. I couldn't stand the idea that I was just jealous because of Clark. It's so...
Mayson Drake: Petty. I know. I mean it feels so much better just to...
Lois Lane: To just dislike you because... you're you.
Superman: Are you all right?
Lois Lane: You seem to ask me that a lot lately.
Superman: People try to kill you a lot.
[talking about Lois]
Jimmy: You know something CK? She's a class act.
Clark: I've always thought so.
Clark: Don't threaten me, Doctor. You have no idea what I'm capable of.
Clark Kent: Why wouldn't the Chief want us to tell Jimmy that he said that?
Lois Lane: It's one of those father/son things.
Clark Kent: Oh, really?
Lois Lane: Sure, it's classic. Men are uncomfortable expressing their emotions directly. It's just like the father/daughter thing, only, when you finally do talk, you use more sports metaphors.
Clark Kent: Ha, that's ridiculous.
[Perry sticks his head out of his office]
Perry White: Clark, if Jimmy calls, tell him I know it feels like the bottom of the ninth with two outs and two strikes against him but that the Planet is gonna mount a full-court press, and we won't stop until it's game, set, match, Olsen.
Mayson Drake: Stop the presses! I've always wanted to say that in a newsroom.
Lois Lane: Nobody ever says that, you know. It's just on television.
Mayson Drake: Well, sure, but it still felt good.
Clark Kent: Uh, Lois, could you hand me a nail file?
Lois Lane: Why do men always assume that women have nail files with them?
Clark Kent: I'm sorry, but do you have a nail file?
Lois Lane: Actually, I do, but only because it's part of my pocket knife.
Mrs. McCarthy: They were pen pals.
Clark: They wrote to each other?
Mrs. McCarthy: Heavens no! They met in the pen.
Frank James: Jesse, it happens to every man once in a while.
Jesse James: Not to me.
Frank James: Look, it's not your fault. His was just plain bigger.
Jesse James: Size never made no difference before.
Frank James: You gotta get your mind off this, Jesse, or it could affect your future performance.
Sarah: You know I could tell a lot about you from the way you organize your kitchen. I'm taking this course in applied psychology.
Lois Lane: Sarah, I told you not to analyze me.
Sarah: Oh, right. That's exactly what I would have said about you from the way you organize your kitchen.
Dr. Friskin: Do you have a girlfriend right now?
Superman: Yes. No. It's kind of complicated. I haven't exactly told her everything about me, and I'm afraid that that is, well, it's making her drift toward this other guy.
Dr. Friskin: Does he have superpowers too?
Superman: You know, people who love each other are supposed to be kind to each other.
[Clark tries to apologize after he just ran out on Lois. So she starts to mock him]
Lois Lane: No, don't say a word. Allow me. "Lois, I can explain. I suddenly remembered that I had to get my mother's sister's poodle's hair cut, and so you can see why I had to leave you in the middle of our date with your thumb in your ear. But I'm sure you'll understand."
Lois Lane: So basically what you're saying is, all my life I've attracted men that are controlling, incomplete, or downright liars because... because...
Dr. Friskin: Keep going.
Lois Lane: Because that's how I want to be treated? But if I want that kind of man, and I get that kind of man, why am I not happy?
Dr. Friskin: You like chocolate, right?
Lois Lane: How come everybody knows that?
Dr. Friskin: But you know it's not good for you, and the older and wiser we get, the less tolerance we have for something that's not good for us. You're not a victim, Lois, so stop acting like one. You know who you want to be with, you've known all along. The problem is, he's just as scared as you are. So, who's going to be the first to step up and say the scary words?
Lois Lane: How come you don't ask the simple questions?
Dr. Friskin: I would... if I knew the easy answers.
Lois Lane: He doesn't love you, Elise. You can tell when a man loves you by the way he treats you, by the way he looks at you, by the way...
Elise Carr: Look, Ms. Lane, if you've found the perfect man, then I'm happy for you.
Lois Lane: No, he's about as far from perfect as you get, but I'll tell you the difference between him and Calvin. I know that he wants my happiness more than his own.
Superman: But, when I save a life, in that instant, I know two things that most people will never figure out: Why I'm here, and how I can make a difference.
Lois Lane: I just want one man. One whole man. Is that too much to ask for? And what do I have to chose from? I have one guy whose really wonderful, only he disappears every time I try and talk to him. And one guy whose really exciting to be with, only he won't talk to me about his work. What are people supposed to talk about if they won't talk about what they did all day? And one guy who is out of this world- - - literally.
Dr. Friskin: I thought you'd given up the Superman fantasy?
Lois Lane: My head has but you know, my heart is just... conflicted.
[talking about Clark]
Martha: Jonathan, of course he was acting odd, haven't you been listening to him? He's in love.
Lois Lane: [Lois, Clark, Perry, Lex Luthor and Jack are all being held hostage in the Daily Planet building] Jimmy... Jimmy, he could save us!
Perry White: Ah, come on, Jimmy couldn't save baseball cards.
Lois Lane: Threatening gifts... weird frogs... my fiance's typhoon fighting in India... It's not even 8 o'clock, what's next?
Ellen Lane: Lois, I'm not coming to your wedding.
Lois Lane: You see, Clark, there is no such thing as an invisible man.
Clark Kent: [after Lois walks away, a bit sadly] Yes, there is, Lois.
Federal Agent: [arriving at a crime scene after Superman and Lois, pulling a gun and pointing it at Superman] Don't move!
Superman: New in town?
Lois Lane: [Lois has witnessed a murder and has been receiving threats] I do not need a bodyguard and even if I did, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, you would not be my first choice.
Clark Kent: [smiles to himself realizing who her first choice would be] Thank you. I take that as a compliment.