Charles Brady: [stabs a policeman in the ear with a pencil] Cop-kabob!
Charles Brady: This doesn't have to hurt. Just think of yourself as lunch!
[Tanya hits him in the head with her camera]
Charles Brady: I lied! It does have to hurt!
Charles Brady: Stop looking at me! Stop looking at me you fucking cat!
Andy Simpson: [singing] Hey, there comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand, he's a one-balled man and he's off to the rodeo.
[cuts to graveyard scene and then back to squad car]
Andy Simpson: [singing] So allamande left and allamande right, come on you fuckin' turkey get your right foot right. Get off the stage you fucking jerk, you know you piss me off.
Captain Soames: What?
Sheriff Ira: Cold Draft.
Captain Soames: Could you use one right now?
Captain Soames: Look, you got one hysterical girl with a very vivid imagination and all that girl needs is a good smack on the butt and her mommy and daddy won't do it, I'll be happy to volunteer.
Deputy Horace: [after hearing a door close] Maybe it was the wind?
Officer Wilbur: It was not the fucking wind.
Mary Brady: [after smashing their heads together] You're right. It was not the fucking wind.
Andy Simpson: Shit, Clovis.
Andy Simpson: [hears Clovis meow at Dim Charles Brady] I know just how you feel.