Memorable quotes for
Mr. Baseball (1992) More at IMDbPro »

Jack Elliot: I don't believe this. What's next? Somebody going to tell me how to take a crap?
[walks into the bathroom]
Jack Elliot: Hey Max!
Max 'Hammer' Dubois: Yeah, what!
Jack Elliot: I need someone to tell me how to take a crap.

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Jack Eliot: We're not athletes, we're baseball players!

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Jack Eliot: I'm a World Series MVP!
Skip: That was four years ago, Jack. Last season, you hit .235.
Jack Eliot: LAST SEASON, I led this team in ninth-inning doubles in the month of August!

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Hiroko Uchiyama: Something very definite. Definite that Baseball and Jack always come before Hiroko and Jack.

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Max 'Hammer' Dubois: Max Dubois. Around here they call me Hammer. Don't ask me why.
Jack Elliot: Jack Elliot.
Max 'Hammer' Dubois: Yeah. I know who you are. I've been in Japan, not dead.

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[Jack is unfamiliar with the word 'gaijin']
Max 'Hammer' Dubois: It's like being a black guy back home. Only there are less of us.

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Yoji Nishimura, Jack's Interpreter: You rang, Mr. Baseball?
Jack Elliot: Yeah, I rang, Mr. Wise-Ass!

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[Jack just found out that Uchiyama is fluent in English]
Uchiyama: I am the Japanese manager for Japanese baseball team that you agreed to play for. It is your duty to learn my ways, not the other way around!
Jack Elliot: [to Hiroko] Different language, same attitude! Let's go!

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Jack Elliot: Japanese way, 'Shut up and Take it'!
Hiroko Uchiyama: Jack's way, 'ME, ME, ME'! Sometimes acceptance and cooperation are strengths also.

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Jack Elliot: C'mon, it ain't over till the fat lady sings!
Toshi Yamashita, Jack's Interpreter: [subtitle as he translates to the team] When the game is over, a fat lady will sing to us!

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Jack Elliot: [when the game starts to wane] It ain't over till the fat lady sings!
Yoji Nishimura, Jack's Interpreter: [Yoji translates to the teammates] When the game is over, a fat lady will sing to us!
[Team cheers]

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Uchiyama: But we are losing!
Jack Eliot: We're BEHIND. BIG difference.

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Jack Elliot: Just let them have a little fun.
Uchiyama: Baseball is work. Not fun.
Jack Elliot: Baseball is grown men getting paid to play a game. When you were a kid, I bet you didn't pick up a bat and ball because you were dying to work. A player's career is short enough. Let them enjoy it.

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Jack Elliot: [addressing a crowd of Japanese fans] Any of you guys speak Americano? Jack Elliot here bringing you the best in Major League thrills for the fellas, and free moustache rides for the ladies.
Hiroko Uchiyama: I have seen 'free moustache rides' offered on T-Shirts in America. Always by guys you would not want to ride with.

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[during Jack's first game in Japan]
Jack Elliot: [to an opposing Japanese player] Got any naked pictures of your wife?... Wanna see some?
[player ignores him and is able to avoid being "out"ed in a pick-off move]
Jack Elliot: Never mind.

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[during the final game]
Jack Elliot: You got any naked pictures of your wife?
Billy Stevens: No, but I got some of yours.

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Jack Elliot: Big hit, happy body!

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[a reporter asks Jack what he thinks about Japan after being there for less than an hour]
Jack Elliot: Well, the airport's nice. I guess. And there's lots of little people walking and talking very fast.
Toshi Yamashita, Jack's Interpreter: [in Japanese] Architecture beautiful. Society on cutting edge of progress.

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[reporter asks a question]
Yoji Nishimura, Jack's Interpreter: She wants to know why you have chosen to play in Japan.
Jack Elliot: Let's just say I had a yen to play here.
Yoji Nishimura, Jack's Interpreter: [in Japanese] Mr. Elliot would gladly pay for the honour of playing in Japan.

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[reading the local newspaper to Jack]
Billy Stevens: When asked his impression of his new manager, Elliot replied "I have much to learn from Uchiyama-San and will gladly shed my old, disgusting ways of laziness and become my best under his guidance." Very harmonious of you, Jack.

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