Coach Reilly: Why'd you turn against me, Gordon? For six years, I taughtcha how to skate, I taughtcha how to score, I taughtcha how to go for the "W". You could have been one of the greats! An' now look at yourself. You're not even a has-been. You're a never-was.
Casey Conway: Look, Mr. Zen Master, you may be in tune with the ice universe, but when it comes to my kid, "I just know" doesn't cut it!
Jesse: Yo dude! You obviously in the wrong hood. This is my dominion, and it's a drug free zone. You understand? Now I'm feelin' generous today. So I'm gonna let you get your sorry vanilla booty out of here before we be usin' your eyeballs as hockey pucks!
Goldberg: Be careful man, it almost hit me that time!
Charlie Conway: Goldberg, you're the goalie. It's supposed to hit you.
Goldberg: Does that sound stupid to anyone else?
Gordon Bombay: I hate kids. They're barely human.
Gordon Bombay: You think losing is funny?
Les Averman: Well, not at first, but once you get the hang of it.
Jesse: We're the ones out there gettin' our butts kicked.
Terry Hall: Yeah, it's not like you coach us or anything. At least we tried.
[Coach Bombay has taped Goldberg to the goal]
Goldberg: My mother is not gonna approve of this, Coach! She wants me to live to be Bar Mitzvah'd!
Gordon Bombay: This is your Bar Mitzvah, Goldberg. Today, you become a man.
Goldberg: No. I think you've got the ceremonies mixed up. This is more like a CIRCUMCISION.
Frank Huddy: [Gordon has defeated Frank at court] Well, you really stooped low this time, Gordon.
Gordon Bombay: I'm insulted by that, Frank, you have no idea how low I can stoop.
Frank Huddy: I don't mind losing, I'd just like to lose fairly.
Gordon Bombay: [flippantly] Losing fairly is still losing, Frank!
Frank Huddy: [incensed] That man belongs in jail!
Gordon Bombay: It was your job to put him there!
Gordon Bombay: Now here's the long and the short of it: I hate hockey and I don't like kids.
Peter Mark: What's this supposed to be, a pep talk?
Gordon Bombay: I'm sure this will be a real bonding experience. One day, maybe one of you will write a book about it in jail.
Adam Banks: Do me a favor. Kick some Hawk butt.
Gordon Bombay: Did you really Quack at the Principal?
Gordon Bombay: Are we Ducks or what?
[about Terry, Guy and Jesse]
McGill: What's this? The Oreo line?
Tammy Duncan: Mom isn't gonna like this at all!
Tommy Duncan: So what! If you want me to figure skate then you gotta play hockey!
Tammy Duncan: What do I know about hockey?
[she knocks him down and skates away]
Tommy Duncan: More than you think.
Coach Reilly: Because it's not worth winning if you can't win big!
Gordon Bombay: Concentration, not strength.
Les Averman: Like the Karate Kid, right? Wax on! Wax off!
Connie Moreau: Just shut up and try it, Averman!
Les Averman: Just so you know, we really suck.
Gordon Bombay: Hey, I'll decide who sucks around here.
Charlie Conway: You know, she has many fine qualities that men find attractive.
Gordon Bombay: I'm aware Charlie, that fact has not escaped me.
Gordon Bombay: [talking about Casey's date life] So what kind of guys does she date?
Charlie Conway: Jerks. Not because of her, but when they take a glimpse of me, POW! WARP SPEED! They are gone!
Gordon Bombay: Don't take it personally, Charlie.
Charlie Conway: Oh, I don't care, except it's not fair to my mom.
[Gordon has just been fired]
Gordon Bombay: Yes sir, Mr. Ducksworth. Thank you very much, Mr. Ducksworth. Quack, quack, quack, Mr. Ducksworth!
Mr. Gerald Ducksworth: Gordon, stop quacking!
Gordon Bombay: Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!
Gordon Bombay: Keep swingin'. Maybe you'll give them a cold.
District Five Peewee Hockey Team: Take the fall! Act hurt! Get indignant!
Coach Reilly: You got somethin' to say to me Bombay?
Gordon Bombay: To think, I wasted all those years worrying about what you thought. You're going down Reilly.
Lewis: Rink's gotta be around here someplace.
Gordon Bombay: Just look for a sign that says 'Personal Hell'.
[under his breath]
Gordon Bombay: How can he do this to me? I hate kids. They're barely human.
Gordon Bombay: Is there a goalie?
Goldberg: Only for a little while. I'm moving back to Philly.
Gordon Bombay: Thank you for sharing that.
Charlie Conway: Oh, man. It's my mom. She looks pissed.
[Bombay shoves him down]
Lewis: [shaking Peter upside down] Give me my candy! That's it! All of it!
Police Officer: Could you turn down the stereo?
Gordon Bombay: [drunkenly] Sure. I guess it was a 'widdle' noisy.
Police Officer: A 'widdle'? OK, I'm taking down to precinct. Breath, blood or urine?
Gordon Bombay: [drunkenly] No, thanks. I'm full.
Gordon Bombay: You may make it. You may not. But that doesn't matter, Charlie. What matters is that we're here. Look around. Who ever thought we'd make it this far. 1 2 3 Triple Deke. Take your best shot. I believe in you, Charlie. Win or lose.
Charlie Conway: Thanks coach!
Gordon Bombay: Go get em.
Gordon Bombay: Thank you very much, Mr. Ducksworth! Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack, Mr. Ducksworth!
Lewis: [as the kids horseplay in the car] I could kill one of them just to set an example, sir!
Les Averman: [imitating Rob Schneider] The Pete-Meister, Mr. Rabble-Rouser! Passing the puck over to Jessie-Roonie, the Enforcer!
[Peter falls down]
Les Averman: Ouch! That hurt! Oh, it's the Connie-Meister...
[Connie shoves Averman down]
Les Averman: ...the Velvet Hammer.
Goldberg: [the team leaves him tied to the net] Hey, guys! Excuse me, guys, you gotta untie me now! Ha ha! Good joke. Very funny. I like it. No joke, c'mon, guys.
[starts skating with the net still attached]
Goldberg: Hey, coach! Coach, c'mon, don't leave me hanging like this! Coach, don't make me come after you, coach!
Goldberg: [after Bombay ties him to the net] My mother would not approve of this, coach. She'd like to live to be Bar Mitzvahed.
Gordon Bombay: This is your Bar Mitzvah, Goldberg. Today, you will become a man.
Goldberg: Coach, I think you got the ceremonies mixed up. It's more like a circumcision!
Dave Karp: [after blocking a shot with his head knocks him senseless] I don't want to go to school today, Mom.
Gordon Bombay: Karp, how many fingers am I holding up?
Peter Mark: He wouldn't know that, anyway.
Gordon Bombay: Shut up, Peter.
Connie Moreau: [referring to a duck] But they're wimpy!
Guy Germaine: They don't even have teeth!
Gordon Bombay: Neither do hockey players.
[the kids aren't thrilled about being named the Ducks]
Gordon Bombay: I didn't have a choice, we're being sponsored.
Les Averman: By who, Donald and Daisy?
Gordon Bombay: Hey, you don't wanna be Ducks? You'd rather be District Five? Some stupid number?
Peter Mark: Better than some stupid animal.
Gordon Bombay: I'll have you know, Peter, that the Duck is one of the most noble, agile and intelligent creatures in the animal kingdom.
Connie Moreau: But they're wimpy!
Guy Germaine: They don't even have teeth.
Gordon Bombay: Neither do hockey players. Have you guys ever seen a flock of ducks flying in perfect formation? It's beautiful. Pretty awesome the way they all stick together. Ducks never say die. Ever seen a duck fight? No way. Why? Because the other animals are afraid. They know that if they mess with one duck, they gotta deal with the whole flock. I'm proud to be a Duck, and I'd be proud to fly with any one of you. So how about it? Who's a Duck?
Fulton Reed: [pause] I'll be a duck.
Charlie Conway: Yeah, me too.
Gordon Bombay: SHUT UP! You guys stink! I thought we came here to play hockey.
Peter Mark: [sarcastically] You know, I knew we forgot something.
Gordon Bombay: You didn't listen to a word I said. I said keep your heads up, you put your heads down. I SAID HUSTLE, YOU WENT SLOWER. That was the sloppiest playing I've ever seen! Why the hell don't you just listen to me?
Jesse: Why the hell should we?
Gordon Bombay: I don't care. You wanna lose? Fine. You're the ones who look like idiots out there.
Dave Karp: What about the things you said, you said we didn't deserve to live.
Gordon Bombay: Karp, I was being sarcastic do you know what that means?
Dave Karp: [sarcastically] Noooo.
Gordon Bombay: Okay, then you do.
Gordon Bombay: A team isn't a bunch of kids out to win. A team is something you belong to, something you feel, something you have to earn.