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Legend of the Roller Blade Seven (1992)

In a post-apocalyptic world where rollerblading is the chief means of travel, the evil Pharoah sends his minions outside the Wheel Zone to abduct a psychic. The psychic has been trained in ... See full summary »

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Cast

Complete credited cast:
...
...
The Black Knight
...
...
Kabuki Devil
...
...
...
Officer Daryl Skates
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Michelle Bellaman ...
Wheelzone Warrior
...
Hot Blades
Ani Bilesky ...
Hawk's Bride
Elisa Chang ...
Wheelzone Warrior
Ron Chapman ...
Wheelzone Warrior (as Rockin' Ron)
Allison Chase ...
Stella Speed
Liselotte Christiansen ...
Hawk's Bride
Joe Coolness ...
Axxx Man
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Storyline

In a post-apocalyptic world where rollerblading is the chief means of travel, the evil Pharoah sends his minions outside the Wheel Zone to abduct a psychic. The psychic has been trained in the way of the samurai, but has shunned her training to become a Passive. Once abducted, her brother joins forces with others to try and rescue her, but they face many challenges from the Dark Side. Written by Ed Sutton <esutton@mindspring.com>

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Genres:

Action | Sci-Fi

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Details

Official Sites:

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Release Date:

23 June 1993 (USA)  »

Box Office

Budget:

$1,200,000 (estimated)
 »

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Technical Specs

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Did You Know?

Trivia

Based on two books by author Scott Shaw. See more »

Connections

Edited from Return of the Roller Blade Seven (1992) See more »

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User Reviews

 
Why, God?

I saw the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life over the weekend.

I know people use "worst ever" all the time and don't literally mean it, but I just want to say I'm being completely serious.

Legend of the Rollerblade Seven.

NOTHING about this movie makes sense. The narrator is, apparently, a fat guy playing bongos while two bondage geared strippers writhe around in front of him, in the middle of some desert. Everyone else spends their time rolling around aimlessly in drainage ditches. Occasionally it will cut to some insane guy in a wheel chair (strangely, the best actor in the movie) who goes on unintelligible rants where he says things like "I want to get on a skateboard ... and fly away" and basically just repeats himself over and over for 5 minutes at a time. People also have a fondness for randomly teleporting around, dying and coming back to life without explanation, and having entire scenes where no one is actually speaking but the voices are dubbed over (I guess they're supposed to be communicating telepathically, but why? WHY?), etc.

There are a few cherished moments that made me cry with laughter. I would say that the song at the end is worth the purchase or rental of this movie alone; I pretty much couldn't breathe and was kicking feebly in the air as I rolled around with tears streaming down my face. The rest of the film, however, is just excruciating.

If you have the means to acquire this movie, I would suggest you do it, because if you can make it through this, you will be be fully mentally and physically prepared for any traumatic events to occur for the rest of your life.


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