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Legend of the Roller Blade Seven (1992)
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Overview
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In a post-apocalyptic world where rollerblading is the chief means of travel, the evil Pharoah sends...
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Like a Real Bad Nightmare
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Cast
(Complete credited cast) | Scott Shaw | ... | Hawk |
 | Frank Stallone | ... | The Black Knight |
 | Karen Black | ... | Tarot |
| Don Stroud | ... | Kabuki Devil |
 | Joe Estevez | ... | Saint O'ffender |
 | William Smith | ... | Pharoah |
 | Rhonda Shear | ... | Officer Daryl Skates |
| rest of cast listed alphabetically: | |||
| Michelle Bellaman | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Ani Bilesky | ... | Hawk's Bride |
| Elisa Chang | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Allison Chase | ... | Stella Speed |
| Liselotte Christiansen | ... | Hawk's Bride |
| Joe Coolness | ... | Axxx Man |
| Angela Dobson | ... | An O'ffenderette |
| Paula Eckert | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Roger Ellis | ... | Stealth / M.O.L. Security |
| Bobby Joe Freeman | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Elizabeth Gardner | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Walter Harrison | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Lisa Hasha | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Chanel Akiko Hirai | ... | Teri Ahki |
 | Linda Holdahl | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Donald G. Jackson | ... | Father Donaldo |
 | Zona Jaguar | ... | Onibaba / Wheelzone Warrior |
| Selina Jayne | ... | Spirit Guide |
| Jill Kelly | ... | A Deserette (as Adrianne Moore) |
| Kenneth H. Kim | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Paula Mead | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Daniel Millner | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Madison Monk | ... | Himself |
| Michelle Murphy | ... | An O'ffenderette |
| Greg O'Neill | ... | Conga Man (voice) |
| Carla Procopio | ... | An O'ffenderette |
| Mark Richardson | ... | Chopper |
| The Ripper | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Rockin' Ron | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
 | Wells Rosales | ... | Wheelzone Warrior (as Cronwell Rosales) |
| Claudia Scholtz | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| David Skinner | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Diana C. Skinner | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Little Steve | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Lorie B. Surratt | ... | A Deserette |
| Tyrone Tann | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
 | Dori Valleroy | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
| Gary Young | ... | Wheelzone Warrior |
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Based on two books by author Scott Shaw.
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Edited from Return of the Roller Blade Seven (1992)
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I had the feeling after I watched this collection of camera shots with some dialogue thrown in that I had just been sleeping through a nightmare. People come in and out of shots for no reason, people are killed and return and there is a cut of a little dog at the end for no apparent reason.The dog does the best acting job, by the way. William Smith, who is one of my favorite actors, looks and sounds like he is recovering from a serious illness. The guy who plays Hawk might be the worst actor ever, except for the guy who plays the priest. Hawk is supposed to be a great martial artist. You could have fooled me. My favorite part is when the actors started talking like Bullwinkle. This collection of shots ( I refuse to call it a movie )is the worst thing I have ever seen involving known actors. Don Stroud and Karen Black should pack it in.I have a problem thinking that anyone got paid to do this.At the end there is a character resembling a cross between a yellow M&M and the The Elephant Man. Enough said!