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Ladybugs (1992) Poster

(1992)

Quotes

Chester: I've never saw such beautiful landscaping. Looks like all the trees threw up.

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Matthew: We get along great, we laugh together, we like the same music, the same sports, we get along just great.

Soda Shop Counterman: Then what's the problem?

Matthew: She don't know I'm a boy.

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Matthew: Gimme another one.

Soda Shop Counterman: Kid, you've had enough. You're gonna spoil your dinner. Why don't you go on home?

Matthew: No, I don't want to go home. Come on, gimme another one.

Soda Shop Counterman: Kid, the way you're drinkin', you must have a girl problem.

Matthew: Yeah.

Soda Shop Counterman: Tell me about it. Maybe I could help.

Matthew: How could *you* help *me*?

Soda Shop Counterman: With girls, I been through it all. I been stood up, shook up, hung up, screwed up, and tied up. What's your problem? Y'all have a fight?

Matthew: No, no, no, we never fight. No, we get along great. We laugh together, we like the same music, the same sports. No, we get along just great.

Soda Shop Counterman: Then what's the problem?

Matthew: She don't know I'm a boy.

Soda Shop Counterman: Kid, with this girl, I don't know what you're doin', but you must be doin' it wrong.

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Chester: My name is Chester, I'm great, I'm wonderful! Everybody likes me!

Redneck: Hey, Chester. My name's Harland, and to me you look like a giant asshole.

Chester: Well, if I'm an asshole there's a reason for it. You're contagious!

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Matthew: No, he's not a stranger. He's just strange.

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Chester: You've got to change your behavior.

Matthew: Oh and what'd I do?

Chester: What'd you do? A girl doesn't give the opposing team the finger and tell their coach, "Up yours!" A girl doesn't refer to the referee a blind bastard. A girl doesn't slap another girl on the ass and say, "You're hot stuff!" And a girl doesn't say "I gotta take a leak so bad I can taste it!"

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Chester: Women are a beautiful bed of flowers.

[punk girl walks by]

Chester: Of course there's a weed here and there.

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Chester: I dressed her son up like a girl, and invited him to play with me.

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Chester: Coach Bull huh? I know your full name!

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Chester: I finally got some respect!

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Chester: We have a chance. Like a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.

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Chester: Get in the car quick! These heels are killing me!

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Chester: What is this? A drag race!

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Chester: What's the point in being the best, if it only brings out your worst?

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Chester: Well, you know how it is - boys want to be girls, girls want to be boys... Some of them are...

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[opposing team scores first goal within 15 seconds of whistle]

Chester: Wow! The only thing quicker than that is when I'm having sex!

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Dr. Von Kemp: Remember when you get a job make sure your boss is taller than you. That way it's easier to kiss his ass.

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Chester: I read a book once, "100 Ways to Make Love." I ended up in traction, it was a misprint!

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Chester: I'm off to a great stop.

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[coaching the girls practicing]

Chester: Try and control the ball! Forget the ball, try and stay on your feet! Get out of the net, you're not a fish! Pester, you're in a different time zone! Oh beautiful, beautiful!

[looks up at the sky]

Chester: Why me? Why me?

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[Chester is helping Matthew adjust his wig in a dressing room while a lady outside eavesdrops]

Chester: Just remember, we gotta be careful. I don't want your mother to find out, she'll kill me.

Matthew: God, I can't believe I'm doing this!

Chester: Don't worry, I'll be finished soon.

Matthew: Ow! Take it easy, that hurts!

Chester: Don't worry, if it's too tight you'll get used to it.

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Chester: What a lady. When she walks in a room, mice jump on chairs. At Christmas they hang her and kiss the mistletoe. I tell ya if she went to a dog show, she'd win.

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Chester: Two-story house. Yeah before you buy it they give you one story, after you move in you get another story.

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Coach Bull: If you were in my army, I would have you on latrine duty!

Chester: Hoo! Smells like I'm there now.

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Julie: You know anything about soccer?

Chester: Not much, all I know is I got a lotta balls!

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Chester: Julie, look at what you're eating, I thought you were getting in shape. What happened to the weight lifting class?

Julie: Oh I'm doing good. I mean this is heavy.

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Julie: Now he's kissing the daughter's ass.

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Chester: He's playing like a psycho, he's nuts!

Julie: Looks like Norman Bates is playing soccer.

Chester: Hey, after the game no showers.

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[Matthew walks in dressed as Martha]

Bess: Matthew?

Matthew: Mom!

Chester: Martha!

Bess: Chester?

Chester: Bess!

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Chester: Idiot. Moron. Jerkoff.

Bartender: Hey buddy, what's your problem? I don't have to take your bullshit.

Chester: Oh, I wasn't talkin' to you. I was talkin' to myself.

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Chester: I tell you, that Welfelt has power. You know, with the right training, she could be the best player we have!

Julie: The best player we have? Well, what about Larimer over there, the little black girl? She's the best player we have! You know that black people are the best at sports, c'mon! We're the best runners, the fastest runners, the best at track. We're the best at baseball, the best at boxing, the best at basketball, football. Hey, you name it!

Chester: Eeesh, black people are best at sports. Are you kidding? How about hockey? And waterpolo? Fencing! Best at sports... hey, badminton! Yachting! Best at sports... Oh, I forgot fox hunting! Best in sports...

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Carmelita Chu: My name is Carmelita Chu. I collect butterflies.

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Coach Annie: Well, I know what my girls can do. And I just want to tell you that your team is going to get crushed!

Chester: I guess you're going to play, too, huh?

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Chester: [Addressing the girls at the final game after they found out the truth about Martha/Matthew] You don't need a man to help you win! You're women, you won the right to vote, you can burn your bras! When you get them!

[Girls giggle]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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