Ted Bukovsky: Stop the car! Are you trying to kill me?
George Kuffs: What are you so angry about? All I wanted to do was follow the guy!
Ted Bukovsky: Did you see a
Ted Bukovsky: crime being committed? Did you see a
Ted Bukovsky: crime being committed?
George Kuffs: If we follow him, then we will see a
George Kuffs: crime being committed!
Ted Bukovsky: You are a
Ted Bukovsky: Patrol Special, you don't go looking for a
Ted Bukovsky: crime! If you see a
Ted Bukovsky: crime being committed, then you take action! Otherwise, your
Ted Bukovsky: job is to service those people who are stupid enough to hire you to protect them! Now if I'm gonna get killed on this job, it's gonna be by a
Ted Bukovsky: bullet, not by a
Ted Bukovsky: bus! Now turn this
Ted Bukovsky: car around and let's get back on your
Ted Bukovsky: patrol!
George Kuffs: You may have a limited vocabulary, Ted.
Ted Bukovsky: Fuck you!
[to florist filling out a card]
George Kuffs: Dear Maya, It was great seein' ya the other night. Love and kisses on all your pink parts. - George
Maya: [breathless] George...
George Kuffs: Uh huh.
Maya: I'm pregnant, George.
George Kuffs: Are you sure?
George Kuffs: Well, how long?
Maya: Over 2 months.
[George talking to a suicidal jumper]
George Kuffs: Hey, asshole! Yes, you. Look, if you're gonna jump, jump. Otherwise, use the bridge like everyone else. You're screwin' up traffic down there.
George Kuffs: Women. If it weren't for them, there'd be no civilization. See ya...
[At the Police Academy]
George Kuffs: Why are we doing so much running? Aren't we all going to be in cars?
George Kuffs: I'm looking for a really big gun which holds a lot of bullets.
Gun Salesman: God bless you, young man.
George Kuffs: [to the camera] I always wanted a gun...
Gun Salesman: Is this what you had in mind? It's a 9mm Beretta. 15 in the clip, 1 in the pipe.
George Kuffs: Got one that holds more?
Gun Salesman: No.
George Kuffs: I'll take two.
[During a gunfight]
George Kuffs: How do you load one of these things?
Ted Bukovsky: Next time shit before you sign in. Shit! Sign in! In the car!
George Kuffs: Am I gonna be tested on this later?
[George and Ted, staking out Kane's apartment, see him come out with two scantily-clad women, and place them in a cab]
George Kuffs: What can they possibly see in a man who dresses that badly?
[Kane heads to his own car]
Ted Bukovsky: Say you're not gonna follow him... I think we should follow the cab.
Kane: We had an agreement, kid. I paid you this morning.
George Kuffs: Yeah, you hired me to protect your interests and I fully intend to do that. You see, I also have a deal with Mr. Chang and, right now, you're on his property, that's why I have to ask you to leave.
Kane: Don't mess with me, kid...
George Kuffs: You see, if Mr. Chang were on your property and he was leaning on you, I'd ask him to leave, and then if he didn't do it fast enough, I'd pull my gun out of its holster-
[claps the barrel to Kane's temple]
George Kuffs: -just like this, and shout, "Do we have an understanding or do you want to see if you can breathe through your forehead?"
[Kuffs and Bukovsky, armed with pump shotguns, are facing about a dozen hoods in the film's climactic confrontation]
Unidentified Hood: It's a twelve-gauge pump, boys. He's only got three shots. They can't get us all!
[He reaches for his gun, Ted blows him away]
George Kuffs: [gestures to dead hood] Well, now we know he can add...
[gestures to Ted]
George Kuffs: And he can subtract. So who wants to be next here?