Ed Okin's life is somewhat out of control. He can't sleep, his wife betrays him and his job is dull. One night he starts to drive through Los Angeles and he finally ends in the parking ... See full summary »
Susan wants her reprehensible ex-husband dead and, in several bungled attempts by henchmen, tries to accomplish the deed. First her boyfriend hires two dim-witted hitmen. Then she hires a ... See full summary »
Marie has two appetites, sex and blood. Her career as a vampire is going along fine until two problems come up, she is interrupted while feeding on Sal (the shark) Macelli and she begins to develope a relationship with the policeman who has been trying to put Sal away. Sal wakes up in the morgue very confused and very thirsty. He goes back to his old haunts and begins to create an organized crime family of vampires while Marie and her policeman lover hunt him. Written by
John Vogel <firstname.lastname@example.org>
When Manny (in hospital) dies and becomes a vampire, his heart briefly stops, causing the EKG to sound an alarm before it starts beating again. He then wakes up and detaches the EKG leads, which ought to trigger another alarm but does not. See more »
It's a - a toaster.
It's a Toast-R-Oven. Whoa. Hey, it's a nice one. A lot of buttons. Hit this button, pops open. You could put anything in here. A slice of pizza; pastry. You pop it in, comes out. Crust is crisp. Microwave don't do that. You ever tried cooking calzone in a microwave? Comes out like a limp dick.
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The story, all names, characters and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons, vampires, places, buildings and products is intended or should be inferred. See more »
I've recently been re-evaluating some big Hollywood horror movies and I stumbled upon John Landis's Innocent Blood. I always knew it was a horror movie but I didn't know anything about it beyond that and had somehow formulated the opinion that it was crap. Well, I was partially wrong: It is crap, but it's crap with a high level of entertainment value. Not only does it have a frequently naked vampire chick (Anne Parillaud, La Femme Nikita), it's also got great Steve Johnson effects, Sinatra tunes, and one thousand cameos. It's also kind of funny and you can probably watch it with your girlfriend or whatever.
The flick has Anthony LaPaglia as an undercover cop who's been deep inside Pittsburgh's Macelli crime family for a few years before he gets taken off the case. Meanwhile there's a sexy French vampire, Marie, roaming the streets in search of casual sex and the blood of bad guys (she doesn't want to shed any innocent blood, hence the title). So gangsters start dropping. Marie sucks 'em dry then blows their li'l heads off with a shotgun so they don't come back to life. One exception to her regular schtick comes via an interruption on her feeding on Sal The Shark (Robert Loggia), leader of the Macelli family, who doesn't ultimately get his head blown off but instead comes back to life a while after he's attacked. This is no good. So Marie and Joe (LaPaglia) team up to stop him. But Sal at this point is thinking' he's invincible and proceeds to bite everyone in his crew. Incidentally, his scum lawyer (Don Rickles) has one of the best on screen deaths in the movie. But that's besides the point, cause there's also a love connection being made between Marie and Joe, who have to learn to trust each other. That's right, it's a romantic comedy, too.
Innocent Blood has some things going for it--the aforementioned nudity (forgot to mention the strip club scene with Teri Weigel) and gore, actual celebrities, big-budget glossy production values, a few laughs, etc.--but it also has some substantial minuses. Number one in the minus column would be the acting of Prillaud. This is automatically disqualified as a minus because she does in fact give us some full frontal love. Second minus: Don Rickles has nary a funny line--why not use a comedian for comedy? Actually, a lot of the talent in this movie is underused--Luis Guzman, anyone? Third minus: There's too much going on to try to pull this film off as slickly as it was obviously intended to be. A lot of the comedy made me groan and the film just seemed overly long for the brain candy it should be. The fact that traditional vampire traits (such as how they can be killed) are toyed with also bugs me a bit.
Innocent Blood is a gangster/horror/romantic comedy and as such is in a class by itself. It's a great flick for the six bucks I spent on it but it also has some distracting flaws that take away the edge. It would prolly make a good date movie as it's pretty damn entertaining, but it could've been done better, IMHO. I'd give it a 6.5 out of 10.
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