Kate McCallister: What kind of idiots do you have working here?
Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk: The finest in New York.
Cedrick the Bellman: Do you know how the TV works?
Kevin McCallister: I'm 10 years old. TV is my life.
Gangster Johnny on TV: Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe you. That's why I'm gonna let you go. I'm gonna give you to the count of three to get your lousy, lyin', low-down, four flushing carcass OUT my door! 1... 2...
[Fires Tommy gun, killing girl gangster]
Gangster Johnny on TV: 3. Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.
Gangster Johnny on TV: And a Happy New Year.
Bird Lady: The man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people.
Kevin McCallister: No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do.
Bird Lady: I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you.
Kevin McCallister: Maybe they're just too busy. Maybe they don't forget about you, but they forget to remember you. People don't mean to forget. My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, I'd leave it on the school bus.
Bird Lady: I'm just afraid if I do trust someone, I'll get my heart broken.
Kevin McCallister: I understand. I had a nice pair of rollerblades. I was afraid to wreck them, so I kept them in a box. Do you know what happened? I outgrew them. I never wore them outside. Only in my room a few times.
Bird Lady: A person's heart and feelings are very different than skates.
Kevin McCallister: They're kind of the same thing. If you won't use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.
Bird Lady: Little truth in there somewhere.
Kevin McCallister: I think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn't gone. If it was gone, you wouldn't be so nice.
Bird Lady: Thank you. Do you know it's been a couple of years since I've talked to anybody?
Kevin McCallister: That's okay. You're good at it. You're not boring. You don't mumble or spit. You should do it more often. Just wear an outfit with no pigeon poop on it.
Bird Lady: I have been working very hard at keeping people away.
Kevin McCallister: I don't care how much people bug me, I'd rather be with someone than alone.
Bird Lady: So what are you doing alone on Christmas Eve? You did something wrong?
Kevin McCallister: A lot of things.
Bird Lady: Did you know that a good deed erases a bad deed?
Kevin McCallister: It's late. I don't know if I'll have enough time to do enough good deeds to erase all my bad ones.
Bird Lady: It's Christmas Eve. Good deeds count extra tonight. Think of an important thing you can do for others, and go do it. Just follow the star in your heart.
Kevin McCallister: Okay... It's getting pretty late. I'd better get going. If I don't see you, I hope everything turns out okay.
Bird Lady: Thank you.
Kevin McCallister: Tell the birds I said goodbye.
Bird Lady: I will.
Kevin McCallister: If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won't forget to remember you.
Bird Lady: Don't make promises you can't keep.
Kevin McCallister: You can mess with a lot of things, but you can't mess with kids on Christmas.
Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here, last night too, wasn't ya?
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Yes... sir, I was.
Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here, and you was smoochin' with my brother!
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: [after a pause] I'm terribly sorry, sir, I'm afraid you're mistaken.
Gangster Johnny on TV: Don't gimme that! You've been smoochin' wit everybody! Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Boney Bob, Cliff.
Officer Cliff: [gasps] No!
[others stare at him in disgust]
Officer Cliff: It's a lie!
Gangster Johnny on TV: I could go on forever, baby!
Kevin McCallister: You guys give up? Have you had enough pain?
Harry: [Shakes head at Marv]
Marv: [seizes a brick] SUCK BRICK KID!
[throws down to Kevin]
Harry: Here we are Marv. New York City, the land of opportunity.
Harry: Smell that?
Marv: [sniffs] Yeah.
Harry: Know what that is?
Harry: It's freedom.
Marv: No, it's fish.
Harry: It's freedom, and it's money.
Marv: Okay, okay, it's freedom.
Harry: Come on, let's get out of here before somebody sees us.
Marv: And it's fish.
Aunt Leslie McCallister: [At the airport, awaiting luggage] Give this to Kevin.
Tracy McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Linnie McCallister: Kevin.
Buzz McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Rod McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Sondra McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Megan McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Jeff McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Brooke McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Fuller McCallister: Here you go Kevin
[startled when he sees an elderly couple, then hands bag back]
Fuller McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Cedrick the Bellman: Mr. McCallister's room service bill, sir.
[he hands Buzz the bill]
Cedrick the Bellman: Merry Christmas, sir.
[he hold out his hand for a tip, of which Buzz hands him: Gum]
Cedrick the Bellman: Nice family. Really.
[Buzz looks at the long room service bill worth over $967.00]
Buzz McCallister: [sarcastically] Merry Christmas, indeed. Oh, Daaaad...
Peter McCallister: [yells out] KEVIN! YOU SPENT $967 ON ROOM SERVICE?
Peter McCallister: Hey Kevin, you better go put your tie on. We don't wanna be late for the Christmas pageant.
Kevin McCallister: My tie is in the bathroom and I can't go in because Uncle Frank is taking a shower. He says that if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man.
[Peter and Kate stare]
Kevin McCallister: Whatever that means.
Peter McCallister: [after a pause, chuckles] I'm sure he was kidding. Just, uh, run in there, get your tie, get out, and don't look at... Anything.
Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest: You see that tree there? Well, to show our appreciation for your generosity, I'm gonna let you select an object from that tree that you can take home with you.
Kevin McCallister: For free?
Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest: Oh, yes. Oh, and may I make a suggestion? Take the turtle doves.
Kevin McCallister: I can have two?
Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest: Well, two turtle doves. I'll tell you what you do: you keep one, and you give the other one to a very special person. You see, turtle doves are a symbol of friendship and love. And as long as each of you has your turtle dove, you'll be friends forever.
Kevin McCallister: Wow, I never knew that. I thought they were just part of a song.
Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan's Toy Chest: They are. And for that very special reason.
[Kevin walks in on Frank singing in the shower and frank sees him]
Uncle Frank McCallister: Get outta here, you nosey little pervert, or I'm gonna slap you silly!
[Kevin runs away and Frank continues singing]
Uncle Frank McCallister: Ohhh, you're cooookin', Frankie!
Kevin McCallister: Howdy do. This is Peter McCallister, the father. I'd like a hotel room please, with an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key. Credit card? You got it.
Harry: [hears a loud rumbling] What's that sound?
[a tool chest bursts through the door, pinning Marv and Harry to the wall]
Marv: [congested] That was the sound of a tool chest, falling down the stairs.
Harry: What store is going to make the most cash on Christmas Eve that nobody's gonna think to rob?
Marv: Candy stores!
Harry: Nine year-olds rob candy stores, Marv. This is what I had in mind.
[shows him an ad for Duncan's Toy Chest]
Marv: That's brilliant, Harry. Brilliant.
Harry: Yep. There's nobody dumb enough to knock off a toy store on Christmas Eve.
Marv: Oh yes, there is.
[Points to Harry, then points to self]
Harry: [opens the cash register and steals money from it] Merry Christmas, Harry.
Marv: [opens the money chest and steals money from it] Happy Hanukkah, Marv.
Harry: [while Harry and Marv are robbing Duncan's Toy Chest, Kevin takes their picture] He took our picture!
Marv: How'd my hair look?
Kevin McCallister: Yes?
Harry: Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Knocking off a youngster ain't gonna mean all that much to me. Okay? But since we're in a hurry, I'll made a deal with you: you throw down your camera and we won't hurt you. You'll never hear from us again. Okay?
Kevin McCallister: You promise?
Harry: I cross my heart and hope to die.
[Marv stands in the doorway of the under re-construction brownhouse, in front of a big hole in the floor]
Marv: Harry, I've reached the top!
[Marv steps forward and falls through the hole to the very bottom of the house, in the basement]
Cedric the Bellman: You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed here on this floor.
Kevin McCallister: The vacuum guy?
Cedric the Bellman: No, the President.
Gangster Johnny on TV: Get down on your knees and tell me you love me!
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Um, everybody... on your knees...
[after a long pause]
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: I love you.
Gangster Johnny on TV: You gotta do better than that!
Kate McCallister: [counting passports] 11, 12, 13... Where's Kevin?
Kevin McCallister: [appears in front seat and takes the last passport] Fourteen. It's a good thing I have my own ticket just in case you guys try to ditch me.
Kevin McCallister: Oh no. My family is in Florida, and I'm in New York...
Kevin McCallister: My family's in Florida... I'm in... New York?
Kevin McCallister: Excuse me, where's the lobby?
Donald Trump: Down the hall and to the left.
Kevin McCallister: Thanks.
Kevin McCallister: It's a nice night for a neck injury.
Harry: You better say every prayer you ever heard, kid.
Marv: I hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas!
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: I do hope your father understands that last night I was simply checking the room to make sure everything was in order.
Kevin McCallister: Well he was pretty mad.
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: He was?
Kevin McCallister: He said he didn't come all the way to New York to get his naked rear end spied on.
Marv: Let's kill!
Harry: Hold on, peabrain. We got busted last time because we underestimated that little bundle of misery.
Marv: This ain't like the last time. This ain't his house. The kid's running scared. He ain't got a plan.
Harry: May I do the thinking, please?
[climbing down the rope]
Marv: Harry, are you wearing aftershave?
Harry: That's not aftershave, Marv. That's kerosene. The rope is soaked in it.
Marv: Now why would anyone wanna soak a rope in kerosene?
[Kevin lights a match]
Kevin McCallister: Merry Christmas.
Harry: Go up!
Harry: I hate throwing a job knowing that little creep is on the loose.
Marv: Yeah but what can he do? He's a kid. Kids are helpless.
Harry: Not this kid.
Marv: Yeah but this time he doesn't have a house full of dangerous goodies to get us with. He's in the park. He's alone. Kids are scared of the park.
Harry: Yeah. Grown men come into the park and never leave alive. Good luck little fella.
Officer Bennett: [talking to Peter McCallister, and finding out that Kevin has credit cards] We'll notify the credit card companies immediately. IF you son has the cards, we can get the location on him, *when* and if he uses them.
Kate McCallister: No, I don't think Kevin even knows how to use a credit card.
[at the Plaza Hotel, Mrs. Stone puts the credit card into payment]
Kevin McCallister: [watching in bewilderment] Wow, it worked.
Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here last night too, wasn't ya?
Girl Gangster on TV: I was singing at the Blue Monkey last night.
Kevin McCallister: She was not, she was smooching with your brother.
Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here. And you was smoochin' with my brother!
Kevin McCallister: See?
[Marv has just had a brick dropped on his head from three stories up and is reeling on the sidewalk]
Harry: [holding up three fingers on one hand] Marv, how many fingers am I holding up?
Marv: Uh, hmmmmmm, eight?
Buzz McCallister: Okay, everybody, calm down! Calm down! Hey, hey! All right, now, if Kevin hadn't have screwed up in the first place again... Then we wouldn't be in this most perfect and huge hotel room with a truck load of all this free stuff. So I think it only fair that Kevin get to open up the first present. And then I'll go, and the rest of you, and so on.
[Tosses a package to Kevin]
Buzz McCallister: Merry Christmas, Kevin.
Kevin McCallister: Thanks, Buzz.
Peter McCallister: [the entire family applauds] Merry Christmas, Kevin.
Uncle Frank McCallister: Okaaay, Kevin! All right. Merry Christmas!
Buzz McCallister: Okay enough of this gooey sh... Show of emotion. All right, everyone, let's dig in!
Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk: I'm confused.
Kevin McCallister: I'm traveling with my dad. He's at a meeting. I hate meetings. Plus I'm not allowed to go in. I can only sit in the lobby. That's boring. So he dropped me off here. He gave me his credit card and told me to give this to whoever was welcoming people in so I won't get into mischief. And ma'am, sometimes I do get into mischief. We all do!
[in the basement, Marv built a tower out of assorted items]
Harry: Marv, are you sure this is safe?
Marv: Oh yes. I've worked all the kinks out. Solid as a rock.
[They climb up. Seconds later, it all comes crashing down]
Harry: Like a rock, huh, Marv?
Marv: He made us hide out in the store so we could steal all the kiddies' charity money.
Harry: [Kicks Marv] Shut up, Marv! You got the right to remain silent, you know.
Marv: He's a little cranky. We just broke out of prison a few days ago.
Harry: [Kicks Marv again] Shut up, Marv! Geez.
Policeman: Get'em outta here.
Marv: Remember, if this makes the papers, we're no longer the Wet Bandits, we're the Sticky Bandits!
Harry: [Kicks Marv again] Shut up!
Marv: That's S...
Harry: [Kicks Marv again] Shut up!
[Gets kicked again]
Marv: [they catch Kevin] You may have won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war.
Harry: [Yelling up to Kevin] Sonny. Nothing would make me happier than to kill you. Knockin' off a youngster doesn't mean a lot to me. But, since we're in a hurry, I'll make a deal with you. Throw down your camera, and we won't hurt you, you'll never hear from us again.
Kevin McCallister: You promise?
Harry: [Rubbing his chest with his finger] I cross my heart and hope to die.
Kevin McCallister: Okay.
[Then Kevin picks up a brick and tosses it down, hitting Marv in the forehead and Marv collapses to the ground]
Harry: [Holding up three fingers] How many fingers am I holding up, Marv?
Marv: [Dazed] Uh, eight.
Harry: [to Kevin] You wanna throw bricks, go ahead and throw another one.
[Kevin throws down another brick, hitting Marv in the forehead again]
Harry: If you can't do any better than that kid, you're gonna lose.
[Kevin throws down another brick, hitting Marv in the forehead again]
Harry: You got anymore?
Harry: C'mon Marv, get up, he's outta bricks.
[Marv points up and makes incoherent noises, signaling that Kevin is about to throw another brick]
[Kevin throws the brick, and once again hits Marv in the forehead]
Harry: C'mon Marv, get up; nobody throws bricks at me and gets away with it.
Harry: Go in the front, I'm going around the back.
Marv: [Still Dazed] Harry. Harry. Harry.
Kevin McCallister: You've gotta help me. There's two guys after me.
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: What's the matter? Store wouldn't take your...
[snatches the credit card from Kevin]
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: stolen credit card? Let's see what the police have to say about this.
Kate McCallister: Why don't you just sit up here for a while and think things over? When you're ready to apologize to Buzz and to the rest of the family, you can come down.
Kevin McCallister: I'm not apologizing to Buzz; I'd rather kiss a toilet seat!
Kate McCallister: Then you can stay up here the rest of the night.
Kevin McCallister: Fine, I don't wanna be down there, anyway. I can't trust anybody in this family. And you know what? If I had my own money, I'd go on my own vacation. Alone. Without any of you guys. And I'd have the most fun in my whole life.
Kevin McCallister: I'm sorry. You wanted a tip.
Cedrick the Bellman: Um, that won't be necessary, sir. I still have some...
[Shows Kevin a piece of gum]
Cedrick the Bellman: tip left over.
Kevin McCallister: [takes out a bundle of cash] No tip? Okay.
[Kevin closes the door as Cedrick begs him not to close it]
Cedrick the Bellman: Uh, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait...
Kevin McCallister: Boy, it's scary out there.
Cab Driver: [turns around to reveal his frightening face] Ain't much better in here, kid.
[Kevin gasps in horror and flees the cab]
Kevin McCallister: [staring at the Rockefeller Center tree] I know I don't deserve a Christmas, even if I did do a good deed. I don't want any presents. Instead, I want to take back every mean thing I ever said to my family. Even if they don't take back the things they said to me. I don't care. I love all of them... Including Buzz. I know it isn't possible to see them all. Could I just see my mother? I'll never want another thing as long as I live if I can just see my mother. I know I won't see her tonight, but promise me I can see her again. Sometime. Any time. Even if it's just once and only for a couple minutes. I just need to tell her I'm sorry.
Kate McCallister: Kevin?
Kevin McCallister: Mom?
[Turns back to the tree]
Kevin McCallister: Wow, that worked fast.
Marv: [stealing money from Duncan's Toy Chest] This is more money than I can even count.
Harry: I don't know why we wasted so much time robbing private homes.
Marv: [stuffing the bag with cash] The amazing thing is: we're fugitives from the law, we're up to our elbows in cash, and there's nobody that even knows about it.
[Kevin taps on the window and waves]
Harry: He's back!
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Cedrick.
Cedrick the Bellman: Yes?
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Don't count your tips in public.
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: And how are we this morning?
Kevin McCallister: Fine. Is my transportation here?
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Out in front, sir. A limosuine and a p - piz-za! Compliments of the Plaza Hotel.
Kevin McCallister: Excuse me, but this is an emergency. What city is it out there?
NY Ticket Agent: It's New York, sir.
Kevin McCallister: [Gasps] Yikes, I did it again.
NY Ticket Agent: Something's wrong, sir?
Kevin McCallister: [in shocked whisper] I'll be fine...
Marv: [Kevin reaches the entrance to the park, but slips on the ice - causing his vision to spin, as Harry and Marv appear over him] My, how the tables have turned.
Harry: How do you like the ice kid?
[Harry and Marv look at each other, they both laugh and pick Kevin up]
Harry: Let's go for a little stroll in the park.
Cop in Times Square: Look, put yourself in your kid's shoes. Where would you go? What would you do?
Kate McCallister: I'd probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere... but not Kevin, Kevin is so much stronger and braver than I am. But he's still a kid lost in a big city, he doesn't deserve that. He should be at home with his family around his Christmas tree... oh my God, I know where he is, I need to get to Rockefeller Center immediately.
[in the basement, looking up at the hole he fell through]
Marv: Wow! What a hole!
[Kevin walks outside to see a white limousine parked in front of the Plaza Hotel]
Cedrick the Bellman: [opening a box] Mr. McCallister, here's your very own... cheese pizza.
[Kevin looks out a window of the Plaza Hotel and sees a shining star on the top of a building as a choir sings "Christmas Star" in the background]
Kevin McCallister: Good night, Mom.
Kate McCallister: [looking out a window of the hotel in Florida, where it's raining] Good night, Kevin.
Harry: I don't care if they give me the chair, I'm going to kill that kid!
Kate McCallister: [to the concierge at the Plaza Hotel] It's Christmas Eve and because of you, our son is lost in one of the biggest cities in the world.
Officer Bennett: Has the boy ever run away from home?
Peter McCallister: No.
Officer Bennett: Has he ever been in a situation where's been on his own?
Kate McCallister: [Kate shakes her head. Peter gives her a look] As a matter of fact, this has happened before. It's become sort of a McCallister family travel tradition.
Peter McCallister: Funnily enough, we never lose our luggage.
[They both laugh, and knock on the wooden desk]
Kate McCallister: [Officer Bennett does not laugh] He was left at home, by accident, last year.
Peter McCallister: That's what my wife meant when she said this has become a McCallister family travel tradition.
Buzz McCallister: [after making a formal apology to the family; whispers to Kevin] Beat that, you little trout sniffer.
Kevin McCallister: [gets up] I'm not sorry. I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me and since he gets away with everything, I let him have it. And since you're all so STUPID to believe his lies, I don't care if your idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked or not! Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate, anyway?
[turns to leave]
Kate McCallister: Kevin!
Peter McCallister: Kevin, you walk out of here and you sleep on the third floor.
Fuller McCallister: [gleefully] Yeah, with me.
Kevin McCallister: So what else is new?
Uncle Frank McCallister: You better not wreck my trip, you little sour puss, your dad's paying good money for it.
Kevin McCallister: Oh, wouldn't wanna spoil your fun, Mr. Cheap Skate!
Buzz McCallister: What a troubled young man.
Marv: [looks up after falling through a huge hole in the floor] Whoa! What a hole!
[hotel staff members and security crawl away from Kevin's room like seals very fast]
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Stay in your rooms! This is an emergency! There's an insane guest with a gun!
Ding-Dang-Dong Host: Guests of The New Celebrity Ding-Dang-Dong stay at the world-renowned Plaza Hotel, New York's most exciting hotel experience. For reservations, call toll free: 1-800-759-3000.
[Frank snatches a can of Coke out of his son Fuller's hand]
Uncle Frank McCallister: Hey, hey, easy on the fluids pal. The rubber sheets are packed.
Tracy McCallister: [Opening lines at the beginning of the movie; Tracy's frantically looking for her sunblock] Has anybody seen my sunblock?
Sondra McCallister: What's the point in going to Florida if you're going to put on sunblock?
Megan McCallister: I don't care if I age like an old suitcase, I'm getting toasted.
Buzz McCallister: Great, now you can be a skag with a slightly darker shade of skin.
Brooke McCallister: He's just jealous because he doesn't tan. His freckles just connect.
Uncle Frank McCallister: [walks by, sees his son Fuller drinking a Coke, and snatches it away from him] Hey, easy on the fluids, pal, the rubber sheets are packed.
[Uncle Frank then drinks the Coke himself]
Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk: Can I help you?
Kevin McCallister: A reservation for McCallister?
Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk: A reservation for yourself?
Kevin McCallister: Ma'am, my feet are hardly touching the ground. I'm barely able to look over the counter. How can I make a reservation for a hotel room? Think about it. A kid coming into a hotel, making a reservation? I don't think so.
Kate McCallister: Well you got your wish last year, maybe you'll get it again this year.
Kevin McCallister: I hope so!
Cedrick the Bellman: [presents a pair of boxers] Your drawers, sir.
Kevin McCallister: [grabs them] Geez! Don't flash these babies around here; there could be girls on this floor!
Cedrick the Bellman: I was very careful, sir.
Kevin McCallister: You can't be too careful when it involves underwear.
Cedrick the Bellman: I understand.
Uncle Frank McCallister: Get outta here you nosy little pervert, or I'm gonna slap you silly!
Harry: Hey Marv, crow bars up.
[they clink their crow bars together]
Kate McCallister: Honey, are you packed yet?
Kevin McCallister: [records into Talk Boy] Yes.
Talk Boy: [plays back] Yes.
Kate McCallister: Everything I put out for you?
Kevin McCallister: [records into Talk Boy] Yes.
Talk Boy: [plays back] Yes.
Kevin McCallister: Why do we have to go to Florida? There's no Christmas trees in Florida.
Kate McCallister: Kevin, what is it with you and Christmas trees?
Kevin McCallister: How could you have Christmas without a Christmas tree, Mom?
Kate McCallister: Well... Find a nice, fake silver one. Or decorate a palm tree.
Harry: [Harry and Marv have captured Kevin outside the Plaza Hotel] We spent nine months in jail, thinking we had the worst luck in the universe. We were wrong, little buddy.
Marv: We're busted out of the clink and we're doing fine. We're going to be doing even better. Because we're not robbing houses anymore. Now we're robbing toy stores. At midnight tonight, we're hitting Duncan's Toy Chest. Five floors of cash. Then after that we get a couple of phony passports then it's off to Rio...
Harry: Marv! Marv! You want to shut up?
Marv: What's the difference? He's not going to talk to anyone. Except maybe a fish. Or the undertaker.
[Harry readies to send Kevin to meet his maker once and for all]
Harry: [leveling his gun at Kevin] I never made it to the sixth grade, kid. And it doesn't look like you're gonna, either.
Peter McCallister: I don't think that it's a good idea for you to be running all over New York all by yourself.
Kate McCallister: I think that if our son can do it, I can do it.
Peter McCallister: Kate, it...
Kate McCallister: Peter, I'll be fine. The way I'm feeling right now, no mugger or murderer would dare mess with me.
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Madam, there are hundreds of parasites out there, armed to the teeth...
[Kate slaps him]
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Do bundle up, it's awfully cold outside.
[starts to cry]
Kevin McCallister: [voiceover as he's riding in a carriage's trunk] I wanna go home. Mom, where are you?
Kevin McCallister: [trying to pack up after it is discovered that he stole his dad's credit card] I'm tired of this vacation. I'm going home.
Marv: You may have won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war.
Harry: You shouldn't have messed with us, pal. We're dangerous.
[draws his gun]
Harry: Yep, one quick score. We get ourselves a couple of phony passports and we hightail it to some foreign country.
Harry: [rolls his eyes]
Marv: [swipes coins from a street Santa]
Harry: That's very smart, Marv. You bust outta jail to rob 14 cents from a Santa Claus?
Marv: Every little bit helps. Besides, now we got our new nickname: we're the Sticky Bandits.
Harry: Real cute. Very cute.
Streetwalker #1: [to Kevin] Ooh, lookin' for someone to read you a bedtime story?
Uncle Frank McCallister: [as the others look at their motel in disgust] Didn't look this bad on our honeymoon.
Buzz McCallister: [looking at the Chistmas tree] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
[turns around to face the family]
Buzz McCallister: I'd like to apologize to my family for whatever displeasure I may have caused you...
Kevin McCallister: What?
Buzz McCallister: My prank was immature and ill-timed.
Uncle Frank McCallister: Immature or not, it was pretty gol-darn hilarious.
[laughs while everyone else glares]
Buzz McCallister: I'd also like to apologize to my brother. Kevin, I'm sorry.
Uncle Frank McCallister: I know I shouldn't complain about a free trip, but geez, you guys give the worst gol-darn wake up calls!
Kate McCallister: Oh, did you see what Grandma Penelope sent you for the trip?
Kevin McCallister: Um, let me guess... Donald Duck slippers?
Kate McCallister: Close. An inflatable clown to play with in the pool.
Kevin McCallister: [sarcastically] How exciting.
Kevin McCallister: My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, I'd leave it on the school bus.
Kevin McCallister: Excuse me, sir?
Donald Trump: Yes?
Kevin McCallister: Where is the lobby?
Donald Trump: Down the hall, to the left.
Kevin McCallister: Thanks.
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: [chasing after Kevin in the Plaza Hotel] Get back here, you little thief!
Brooke McCallister: [passing Kevin's bag back down the line] Kevin's not here.
Jeff McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Megan McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Sondra McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Rod McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Linnie McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Tracy McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Aunt Leslie McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Kate McCallister: Kevin's not here.
Peter McCallister: WHAT?
Kate McCallister: [laughing, then surprised] KEVIN!