Betty McCutcheon: I don't trust him.
John Hull: You know something? I don't think you could trust yourself.
Felix Barbossa: You oughta kill a man sometime, David. It's... it's liberating.
Carver: So tell me, how does it feel to kill a man?
Russell Stevens, Jr.: You're God, so you should already know.
John Hull: Gerry, what's the difference between a black man and a nigger?
[John Hull punches Gerald Carver in the stomach]
John Hull: The nigger's the one that would even think about telling you.
David Jason: A man has two things in this world: his word and his balls. Or is that three things?
David Jason: With dreams begin responsibilities.
David Jason: What's the most intense sex thing you ever did? You ever, uh, been with two women at the same time?
John Hull: Yeah, your mother and your father.
Nancy Jason: What did they do to you?
David Jason: They taught me what I needed to know: that they don't respect me, that I don't deserve respect.
Nancy Jason: Oh, David, you've gotta get out of this business. You have a wife and a daughter who love you. I love you. What more do you want?
David Jason: I want my cake and eat it too. I want my cake and eat it too.
Ivy: Ehhh, you a bitch! You wanna suck it bitch? Or do you just wanna drink?
Eddie: Fuck you faggot, ain't had pussy since pussy had you.
David Jason: This is the greatest night of my life. Terrible, terrible, but great.
John Hull: We took eleven million in drug profits out of the van. The money doesn't know where it comes from, but I do. If I keep it, I'm a criminal. If I give it to the government, I'm a fool. If I try and do some good with it, maybe it just makes things worse. Either way, I'll probably just wind up getting myself in more trouble. It's an impossible choice, but in a way, we all have to make it. What would you do?
Carver: He's a drug dealer, he's a criminal, he's a scumbag. But most importantly, he's a scumbag for the right side.
Taft: If somebody put a gun to your baby's head, would you try and kill them if you could? Huh? Me too. And by selling that stuff, you're putting a gun to my baby's head. Let me warn you. I'm like a mad dog after a bone. I'd be all over you like stink on doo-doo. Trust me.
[John Hull presents Gerald Carver with drugs he has obtained]
Carver: I can't buy that much shit, John. I don't have that in the budget.
John Hull: Well, what am I supposed to do with it?
Carver: You're a drug dealer. Deal drugs.
John Hull: Gerry, I sold drugs, I've watched people die, and I didn't do nothing. I killed people. You lied to me.
Carver: They lied to me, John. How naive can you get, man? What, what, are you so stupid you can't see that? You think I like this? Huh? John, I'm sorry. Huh? It's all shit, you know. It's all bullshit. You know that. I know that.
John Hull: What the fuck am I gonna do now?
Carver: Hey, you know they're bringing me to Washington? Come along with me, man. We'll go to Washington. We'll have a budget, huh? We'll have some clout, we'll have some...
John Hull: I didn't get into this for that.
Carver: Well, neither did I. But that's all there is. They're the fucking spoils of war. You might as well enjoy it.
John Hull: Well, if that's all there is, I've been wasting my motherfucking time with you. I can get more clout and more money on the street than I can get following your ass to Washington. Know what? This whole fucking time, I'm a cop pretending to be a drug dealer. I ain't nothing but a drug dealer pretending to be a cop. I ain't gonna pretend no more, Gerry. I quit.
David Jason: How come I like balling black chicks so much?
John Hull: I don't know. Maybe you feel like you're fucking a slave.
John Hull: How much is this?
Betty McCutcheon: Do you know anything about ethnic art? Have you ever been in a store like this? See, we don't put price tags on our merchandise. So if you have to ask, then obviously you can't afford it.
John Hull: In that case I'll take two of them.
Betty McCutcheon: Boys, is this some type of male bonding thing? Because you can take it outside. You're blowing my high.
Carver: Have some fun. That's an order.
John Hull: You ever kill anybody?
Carver: Are you kidding? I went to Princeton to avoid all that shit.
John Hull: David, come on. Take your feet off the couch. You don't do that at your mother's house, do you?
David Jason: Nouveau anal, I think this is called.
David Jason: What kind of monster have I created?
Felix Barbossa: It's a good thing he never went to jail, Gopher, because if he came out, he'd have an asshole big enough to swallow a watermelon.
[David Jason describes a new drug. ]
David Jason: It's completely synthetic, therefore no growing, no refining, no peasants. Best of all, no international borders, no customs agents. There in that case in front of you are two detailed prospecti on marketing, anticipated cash flow, and so forth.
Hector Guzman: You racist Americans. You just want to cut us poor Hispanics completely out of the market.
David Jason: No, Mr. Guzman. I think you know that there's no such thing as an American anymore. No Hispanics, no Japanese, no blacks, no whites, no nothing. It's just rich people and poor people. The three of us are all rich, so we're on the same side.
David Jason: Forget this Judeo-Christian bullshit. The same people that taught us virtue are the very ones who enslaved us, baby.
David Jason: [of designer drugs] They've gotten a bad name 'cause, uh, I mean, there's a limited market for Parkinson's disease.
David Jason: This is John Hull, my new associate.
Betty McCutcheon: Your new Eddie. I hear the old one wore out.
David Jason: Well. Factory recall. This is the advanced model.
Eddie: Bitch, you fuckin' up! Send yo' ass back to Reseda.
John Hull: The jungle creed says the strongest feed / on any prey that it can / And I was branded beast at every feast / before I ever became a man.
John Hull: [voiceover in LA establishing shot] I didn't want the assignment. All through the interview I kept thinking if I took it, I'd be making the biggest mistake of my life. And I was right.
Felix Barbossa: [after beating Eddie to death with a pool cue] So, John, what do you think?
John Hull: I think you made your point.
John Hull: [Narrating] Taft's partner Heranandez was a dirty cop, He needed a bust to look clean, so Barbosa decided to...
Hernandez: You going to make me wait? I'm telling Taft that I got people working, I need some busts or they're going to start wondering about me.
Gopher: They're already wondering.
Felix Barbossa: Relax man, I told you to come here. You can have Gopher if you want.
Felix Barbossa: How about a lawyer?
Gopher: Felix, what?
Hernandez: Lawyers are great, Jewish even better, but I need some Spades. Politicians like dark faces so they can scare the suburbs into voting Republican.
Felix Barbossa: Lawyers and spades? I got the trifecta, two dealers and a girl who does the wash, two niggers and a kike, all Democrats.
Hernandez: You're my man.