Quotes

Kimberly: Buffy? What's your sitch? You're acting like the thing from another tax bracket. It's too weird.

Buffy: Listen, a lot's been going on you guys, okay? And I really wanted to talk to you guys about it. See, um, a couple of weeks ago, I met this guy-...

Kimberly: Oh my god, you're having an affair?

Nicole: Cool!

Jennifer: Does Jeffrey know?

Buffy: It's not about that. He's, like, old. He's fifty.

Kimberly, Nicole, Jennifer: Ewwwww!

Jennifer: Gross!

Buffy: Haven't you guys noticed what's been going on here? The strange things? Have you noticed people disappearing, turning up dead?

Nicole: What are you talking about?

Kimberly: Weird? You mean like hanging around with that homeless Poke?

Buffy: Pike.

Nicole: [gasp] Eww, you're having an affair with him?

Jennifer: He doesn't look fifty.

Buffy: Guys, I think reality stepped out of here about five minutes ago.

Nicole: You got a C-plus? I can't believe I cheated off of you.

Buffy: Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador, like I'm ever going to Spain anyway.

[after punching Merrick]

Buffy: Oh, wow. I-I never hit anybody before.

Merrick: Really? Well you did it perfectly.

Buffy: I didn't even break a nail.

Benny: Her yabos scoff at gravity.

Coach: Okay people, they're psyching you out. Let's not be so defensive out there, Okay? Now what do we say on the court, repeat after me; I *am* a person, I have the right to the ball.

Buffy: All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now it may not sound too great to a sconehead like you, but I think it's swell. And you come along and tell me I'm a member of the hairy mole club so you can *throw* things at me?

[after getting his whole arm cut off]

Amilyn: You ruined my new jacket! Kill him A LOT!

Buffy: Are you okay?

Pike: I can't move my legs.

Buffy: Why?

Pike: 'Cause you're sittin' on them.

Gary: I have detention slips here and I'm not afraid to use them.

Buffy: I have something that the other girls didn't have.

Merrick: And what might that be, pray?

Buffy: My keen fashion sense!

Merrick: Oh, vampires of the world beware.

[Amilyn has lost an arm]

Amilyn: We're immortal, Buffy. We can do anything.

Buffy: Oh yeah? Clap.

Buffy: Does Elvis talk to you? Does he tell you to do things? Do you see spots?

Buffy: Pike isn't a name, it's a fish.

Zeph: Where the hell are going?

Pike: I'm leaving man, I'm bailing town. This place has gotten way too hairy.

Zeph: Where the hell I'm I gonna find a mechanic stupid enough to work for my kind of money?

Pike: Seen Benny lately?

Zeph: No. Hey! What, you want me to give him a message?

Pike: You should think about leaving too, man. Sell this place. There's something going on around here. I don't know, something really weird.

Zeph: Hey, what do you want me to do if I see Benny?

Pike: Run.

Buffy: [Merrick has taken Buffy to the graveyard] D'you have any gum?

Andy: They had this look in their eyes, totally cold, animal. I think they were young Republicans.

Buffy's Mom: Bye-Bye Bobby!

Jeffrey: Bye! She thinks my name is Bobby?

Buffy: It's possible she thinks *my* name's Bobby.

Buffy: You threw a knife at my head!

Merrick: Yes, I had to show you.

Buffy: But... you *threw* a *knife* at my *head.*

Merrick: And you caught it. Only the chosen one could have caught it.

Amilyn: Will you be wagging that jaw of yours while I'm biting it off?

Pike: Are you addressing I?

Merrick: I would have been a wonderful bootmaker.

Kimberly: Nice ensemble.

Buffy: Three weeks ago, all I thought about was... well I didn't actually think about anything.

Buffy's Dad: Ok Honey, be good.

[Kisses Buffy]

Buffy's Dad: And stay away from the Jag!

Buffy: Good bye.

Buffy: It's a stupid dance with stupid people I see every stupid day!

Gary: [Throwing detention slips on the dead vampires] Detention

[Walks to another body]

Gary: ... detention

[Walks to another body]

Gary: ... detention.

[Throws 2 more slips on the same body. Says quickly]

Gary: Detention, detention.

Buffy: I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm in a graveyard with a strange man hunting for vampires on a *school night*.

Buffy: Well, you know, I'm not gonna kick so easy. I've got a few things the other girls didn't have.

Merrick: As for example, what?

Buffy: My keen fashion sense.

Merrick: None of the other girls ever gave me this much trouble.

Buffy: And where are they now?

Biker: Hey babe. You want to get some real power between your legs?

Buffy: Yeah, I do.

[steals his motorcycle]

Biker: Dyke! You're a dyke! I'm telling the world!

Buffy: What language are you speaking?

Kimberly: Get out of my facial!