Kimberly: Buffy? What's your sitch? You're acting like the thing from another tax bracket. It's too weird.
Buffy: Listen, a lot's been going on you guys, okay? And I really wanted to talk to you guys about it. See, um, a couple of weeks ago, I met this guy-...
Kimberly: Oh my god, you're having an affair?
Jennifer: Does Jeffrey know?
Buffy: It's not about that. He's, like, old. He's fifty.
Buffy: Haven't you guys noticed what's been going on here? The strange things? Have you noticed people disappearing, turning up dead?
Nicole: What are you talking about?
Kimberly: Weird? You mean like hanging around with that homeless Poke?
Nicole: [gasp] Eww, you're having an affair with him?
Jennifer: He doesn't look fifty.
Buffy: Guys, I think reality stepped out of here about five minutes ago.
Merrick: None of the other girls ever gave me this much trouble.
Buffy: And where are they now? Hello!
Nicole: You got a C-plus? I can't believe I cheated off of you.
Buffy: Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador, like I'm ever going to Spain anyway.
Pike: Buffy, you're the guy. You are the chosen guy.
Buffy: Right. I'm the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping.
[after punching Merrick]
Buffy: Oh, wow. I-I never hit anybody before.
Merrick: Really? Well you did it perfectly.
Buffy: I didn't even break a nail.
Nicole: Buff, I don't see why we have to invite every single senior.
Buffy: Because it's the senior dance. It's just a shot in the dark.
Benny: Her yabos scoff at gravity.
Buffy: Does the word "duh" mean anything to you?
Coach: Okay people, they're psyching you out. Let's not be so defensive out there, Okay? Now what do we say on the court, repeat after me; I *am* a person, I have the right to the ball.
[the Coach is having the last pep-talk with his team, pointing at a piece of paper with an infinity-sign, some male / female symbols and the eye inside the pyramid]
Coach: Therefore, if we all work together, together it'll all work out. Are you with me? Now, get out there! All right! Score some, uh, points! Hey, you missed practice again today! I think you better sit down and think about how that made me feel.
Buffy: All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now it may not sound too great to a sconehead like you, but I think it's swell. And you come along and tell me I'm a member of the hairy mole club so you can *throw* things at me?
[after getting his whole arm cut off]
Amilyn: You ruined my new jacket! Kill him A LOT!
Pike: Look! Air!
Buffy: Great. My secret weapon is PMS. That's just terrific. Thanks for telling me.
Gary: I have detention slips here and I'm not afraid to use them.
Buffy: You left me a message?
Jeffrey: You weren't home! Like always.
Buffy: You broke up with my machine?
Buffy: I have something that the other girls didn't have.
Merrick: And what might that be, pray?
Buffy: My keen fashion sense!
Merrick: Oh, vampires of the world beware.
Benny: Let me in, Pike. I'm *hungry*!
Pike: Go home, Ben.
Benny: [whining] C'mon I'm hungry.
Pike: You're floating! C'mon, man, get away from here!
Lothos: [Buffy holds up a cross] This is your defense? Puh-lease. Your puny faith?
[the cross ignites in flames and she tosses the cap off a hairspray can]
Buffy: My keen fashion sense.
[she sprays the flames, shooting them at his face]
Buffy: Does Elvis talk to you? Does he tell you to do things? Do you see spots?
Cheerleaders: How funky is your chicken? How funky is your chicken? How loose is your goose? Our goose is totally loose! So come on all you Hog fans, so come on all you Hog fans and shake your caboose, and shake your caboose! WHoooO!
Buffy: Pike isn't a name, it's a fish.
Zeph: Where the hell are going?
Pike: I'm leaving man, I'm bailing town. This place has gotten way too hairy.
Zeph: Where the hell I'm I gonna find a mechanic stupid enough to work for my kind of money?
Pike: Seen Benny lately?
Zeph: No. Hey! What, you want me to give him a message?
Pike: You should think about leaving too, man. Sell this place. There's something going on around here. I don't know, something really weird.
Zeph: Hey, what do you want me to do if I see Benny?
[Buffy stakes Lothos]
Lothos: Now I'm really pissed off.
Buffy: [Merrick has taken Buffy to the graveyard] D'you have any gum?
Kimberly: [while having a fight with Buffy] Get out of my facial!
Andy: They had this look in their eyes, totally cold, animal. I think they were young Republicans.
Buffy's Mom: Bye-Bye Bobby!
Jeffrey: Bye! She thinks my name is Bobby?
Buffy: It's possible she thinks *my* name's Bobby.
Buffy's Mom: [Buffy walks in late] Do you know what time it is?
Buffy: Uh... around ten?
Buffy's Mom: [looks at her watch] I *knew* this thing was slow. You pay a fortune for something...
[shouts to Buffy's father]
Buffy's Mom: Honey, come on, we're gonna be late!
Buffy: You threw a knife at my head!
Merrick: Yes, I had to show you.
Buffy: But... you *threw* a *knife* at my *head.*
Merrick: And you caught it. Only the chosen one could have caught it.
Lothos: I haven't finished with you, bitch!
Pike: I know that guy. *That* is a bad guy. Can we go please?
Merrick: I would have been a wonderful bootmaker.
Kimberly: Nice ensemble.
Buffy: Merrick, you made a Joke. Are you okay? Do You want to lie down? I know it hurts the first time
Buffy: Three weeks ago, all I thought about was... well I didn't actually think about anything.
Buffy: Excuse much! Rude or anything?
Buffy's Dad: Ok Honey, be good.
Buffy's Dad: And stay away from the Jag!
Buffy: Good bye.
Pike: [as Amilyn advances towards Pike] Com'on lefty, you remember what happened the last time you messed with me?
Amilyn: Oh, I remember.
[Lifting Pike off the ground by his shirt collar]
[Amilyn throws him]
Buffy: It's a stupid dance with stupid people I see every stupid day!
Gary: [Lothos breaks through the wall] That is defiantly *not* a student.
Gary: [Throwing detention slips on the dead vampires] Detention
[Walks to another body]
Gary: ... detention
[Walks to another body]
Gary: ... detention.
[Throws 2 more slips on the same body. Says quickly]
Gary: Detention, detention.
Merrick: [Trying to explain that Buffy's a vampire slayer] I've searched the entire world for you, Buffy. To bring you... your birthright.
Buffy: My birthright?
Buffy: You mean, like a trust fund?
Buffy: I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm in a graveyard with a strange man hunting for vampires on a *school night*.
Gary: [Thinking Buffy is doing drugs] Hey, there's nothing to be afraid of! I know where you're coming from. Believe me. I'll tell you the truth. I've had my drug experiences, too. I did a lot - I did some acid in the Sixties. Well, the late Seventies, actually. It was at a Doobie Brother's concert... and I could see the music flowing into me, it was bright red and electric, and I felt like a big toaster, and I thought, maybe I am a toaster, we're all molecules, and my friend Melissa, her head looked like a big party balloon, and that scared me, I started to freak out...
Buffy: Well, you know, I'm not gonna kick so easy. I've got a few things the other girls didn't have.
Merrick: As for example, what?
Buffy: My keen fashion sense.
Lothos: [to Amilyn] Honestly, I don't know how you made it through the Crusades.
Buffy: [Trying to come up with an issues-related theme for their school dance] The environment.
Nicole: The homelesses?
Kimberly: [to Nicole] Oh, please.
Jennifer: Are there any good sicknesses that aren't too depressing?
Buffy: Guys. The environment. I'm telling you, it's totally key. The earth is in terrible shape, we could all die, and besides, Sting's doing it.
Biker: Hey babe. You want to get some real power between your legs?
Buffy: Yeah, I do.
[steals his motorcycle]
Biker: Dyke! You're a dyke! I'm telling the world!