3 Ninjas (1992)
Fester: Where are those little boogers? If I was a little booger, where would I be? Mom and Dad's room!
Colt: I'm Colt because I'm fast, he's Rocky because he's solid and he's Tum-Tum because he'll eat anything.
Tum Tum: I won't eat dog poop.
Fester: [while eating the pizza they stole] Y'know, we should save some of this for the kids we're nabbing.
Hammer: They're probably pretty nice kids.
Colt: [scene cuts] Where are all the weapons? The sling-shot, the knife throwers?
Fester: [aiming gun at clerk] Open up the cash register. That's right, dude, us three bone heads are sticking you up. Open up that register before I have to get nasty.
[Pager goes off]
Fester: Excuse me, sir, could I please use your telephone?
Fester: Marcus, score us some nacho chips and some radical salsa.
Fester: None of that green stuff.
[Grandpa is giving the boys names]
Tum Tum: Can I be Monster Destroyer? Or how about Super Killer?
Colt: How about Super Dork?
Fester: This kidnapping is so much better than armed robbery.
Hammer: Yeah I never got a pizza on a robbery.
Fester: Okay, none of you little dudes move until those two dudes get back!
Fester: Okay, Marcia Brady or Laurie Partridge?
Hammer: Rather do Laurie.
Fester: Cool. Okay, Cheryl Ladd or Farrah Fawcett?
Hammer: Tanya Roberts, dude.
Fester: Alright. Operation: Kick Butt is about to commence. Synchronize watches.
Hammer: What time is it?
Fester: I dunno, anybody got a watch?
Fester: Okay little dude, we know you're in here somewhere. We don't wanna hurt you, we just wanna kidnap you.
Fester: I say we kill those little boogers!
Hammer: But like, I thought we wanted them alive.
Fester: I want *us* alive, dude!
Grandpa: Remember, never fight unless you're sure you can win.
Fester: Seems that providence has shined her light upon us boys. It's pizza time.
Grandpa: Two lessons you have to learn from this battle. Lesson 1, never attack unless you're gonna win?
Colt: And lesson two?
Grandpa: Don't climb a tree that's full of thorns. Uh!
Rocky: Grandpa is a Ninja. He will come.
Tum Tum: I don't care who he is as long as he brings us something to eat.
Rocky: Hey, what's the matter with us? Remember what Grandpa taught us? Everything around us can be our friend. Be friendly to your environment.
Colt: Oh sure, Rocky, we gonna go make the friendly door open?
Tum Tum: We almost had you!
Grandpa: Had me? Oh Michael.
Tum Tum: What?
Grandpa: If I hadn't have stopped the car, you would've been called 'Pancake' by now.
Jessica Douglas: If you think being a Ninja's hard work, try being a mom.
Store Owner: Hey amigos, this is no Library you buy or you go.
Grandpa: Colt, what is a ninja?
Colt: A ninja is one who can use everything around him to trick his enemies. He and fast and he is friendly to his environment.
Rocky: A ninja is honest and good. His mind, body and spirit are one. He has self-control. He has discipline.
Tum Tum: A ninja loves nature, uh, 'cause he is part of nature. A ninja never fights a battle if he cannot win.
Hugo Snyder: They're just kids. KIDS! I want them found NOW! Or I'll tear out your liver!
Fester: Well, my dangerous buds, tomorrow is another day. And those little dudes are ours. Slurpee?
Fester: We're outta here.
Tum Tum: [Emily nearly drinks a spiked soda] No, no, no, that's diarrhea.
Grandpa: Alright, Samuel!
Grandpa: From this day forth until forever, you will be known as Rocky. Because you are strong, solid, and cool as granite rock!
Rocky: [Receives mask] Awesome! Yeah!
Grandpa: Ahh, Jeffrey. Fast and free, spirit of the young wild horse; you shall be known as Colt!
Colt: Colt? That's cool.
Tum Tum: What about me? Can I be Monster Destroyer? Or how about Super Killer?
Colt: How about Super Dork?
Tum Tum: Shut up, spazz!
Grandpa: Ah, little one. Since your energy begins and ends with your tummy; you shall be known as Tum Tum!
Tum Tum: Tum Tum!
[Both Tum Tum and Grandpa laugh]
Colt: I can't wait 'till we show these to dad!
Rocky: He'll hate 'em.
Colt: Hold it! Before Phase 2, I got a little surprise! takes out a bottle of Lax-Go laxative
Tum Tum: What's that stuff?
Colt: Takes cap off bottle: Remember last year when you were sick and couldn't take a dump for 3 days?
Tum Tum: Yeah...
Colt: This is the stuff that makes you have to go.
Colt: Instant diarrhea.
Tum Tum: You're sick.
Colt: Not as sick as they're gonna be. stirs spiked Coke with his finger.