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Melrose Place (TV Series 1992–1999) Poster

(1992–1999)

Quotes

Dr. Michael Mancini: It's this building... it makes people nuts. It must be something in the water, something to do with the pool. Come to think of it, I was normal when I moved in.

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Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: [Sydney's note] No doctors in today. Burns in jail, Mancini in hospital.

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[to Coop, about an unconcious Lexi]

Dr. Peter Burns: I leave for five minutes and you show up. What is it with you and unconscious women?

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Lexi Sterling Cooper: Get out of my way, moron!

Dr. Michael Mancini: It's "Doctor Moron" for you!

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Amanda Woodward: Is your memory that selective or are you just suffering from some grand delusion?

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Amanda Woodward: I just think sometimes I'm a little too blunt with people and I should work on that.

Jo Beth Reyonds: Couldn't hurt.

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Taylor: Good morning Amanda.

Amanda Woodward: Goodbye Taylor.

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Michael: Call me old-fashioned, but I'd like to know who I'm sleeping with.

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Michael: How you doin' Syd?

Sydney: You scum.

Michael: Yeah, I miss you too.

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Nurse Amy: She's your wife's landlord. That would be your present wife, number four, isn't it? And she wants all your belongings out of the house by to-night.

Michael: And did she say why?

Nurse Amy: Nooo, but I'm sure we'll be reading about it in tomorrow morning's newspaper.

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Megan: I'm a prostitute, okay? I belong here.

Michael: We're both prostitutes. Practically everybody I know is a prostitute.

Megan: At least everybody on this street.

Michael: Would you bud out.

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[about Kimberly]

Sydney: What's happening in her world is not exactly happening in ours.

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[Jo has removed Richard's towel for the 2nd time]

Richard Hart: I'm not safe in a towel around you, am I?

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Amanda Woodward: What can I say, when God was passing out business sense, Jane was in the back of the line getting her nails done.

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Amanda Woodward: Count your friends, Michael... Oops, done already?

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Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini: Love hurts. Remember that Michael.

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Jane Andrews Mancini: I'm sorry. I've been so distracted lately.

Jo Beth Reynolds: It's PMS - Post Marriage Syndrome.

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Amanda Woodward: If you're going to kiss me, don't do that pent-up macho anger thing. I don't like bruises.

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Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: Michael, I love you.

Dr. Michael Mancini: Well, that's your problem, isn't it?

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Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: We're perfect for each other. Don't you get it?

Dr. Michael Mancini: Get this, Sydney. You are one stupid slut who's crossed the line and I don't want to see your face anymore.

Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: Jane warned me about how cranky you get in the morning.

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[about Michael and Kimberly]

Bruce Teller: Attractive, intelligent-looking, upscale... who are they?

Amanda Woodward: The Doctors Frankenstein.

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Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: Flirtation is a tough thing. It's like dandruff... you can't always see it, but it's always there.

Kyle McBride: Syd, I kid you not, you are California incarnate.

Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: You mean like, totally hip, totally together?

Kyle McBride: No, I mean totally spaced-out.

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Brooke: Maybe it's time for us to bury the hatchet.

Alison: Gee, you'd have to pull it out of my back first.

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[Amanda on men]

Amanda: Get used to the fact that even the most perfect, sensitive guy is, bottom line,a dog. I mean, he might be a well-behaved dog, but he still howls at the moon and grabs the first leg he can get ahold of.

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Sydney: By the way, Kimberly, how is electroshock going? Certainly has put an attractive curl in your hair.

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Richard: Keep your clothes on Jane, it's not gonna work this time.

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[Jane is trying to comfort Richard after Mackenzie's death]

Richard Hart: [coldly] Keep your clothes on Jane, it's not gonna work this time.

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Alison: You know Jake as well as anyone, and he's supposedly this man of action, but his only solution on how to handle a wigged out Jane is to do nothing. What is that?

Billy: I find it really weird you coming to me about this.

Alison: Well I'm 'that' desperate.

Billy: Well 'that' desperate could lead to Jake throwing another punch at me all right.

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Kyle McBride: I guess he wanted a little more out of the relationship than you did.

Sydney: Yeah, you can say that again.

Kyle McBride: I guess he wanted a little more out of the relationship than you did.

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Amanda: Until now I have tolerated you childish behavior but this crosses the line.

Craig: I just thought that since San Francisco went so well...

Amanda: ...you'd see if you could charm me into bed? There's only one man who can do that, and that's my husband, whom I happen to love very much.

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Samantha Reilly Campbell: Either you take a chance or you end up alone, right? So what the hell...

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Jo Reynolds: I'm going to cancel the paper. It's just more proof that the world sucks.

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[giving Peter shopping advice]

Taylor Davis McBride: You never buy your second wife a nicer ring than your first.

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Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: They're either cute and gay, cute and crazy, or worst of all, cute and married.

Samantha Reilly Campbell: So what are you going to do? Date married men? Baaaaad idea.

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[learning that Megan is a hooker]

Dr. Michael Mancini: I've had a lot of practice dealing with women who, shall we say... stray from the norm.

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[Carter is regrettably avoiding Sydney's phone calls]

Walter: Why don't we just disconnect the phone? You don't really need a private line.

Carter Gallivan: No, of course not. Cause I'm not allowed to have a private life. Doesn't fit into my schedule. Right Walter?

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Dr. Peter Burns: Talk is cheap Amanda. Then again, so are you.

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Kyle McBride: You're allright Amanda. I always thought you were a shrieking fish wife, but you're allright.

Amanda Woodward: Well, you're not so bad yourself for someone I thought of as a hen-pecked know nothing.

[pause]

Kyle McBride: Hen-pecked?

Amanda Woodward: ...know-nothing.

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[about life on the West coast]

Samantha Reilly Campbell: Everyone out here has this kinky sort of desperation.

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[to Matt]

Dr. Michael Mancini: I don't know how it works with your kind, but when I buy a woman a closet full of clothes, it's because I want to see her naked.

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[greeting Taylor while leaving Kyle's Restaurant]

Amanda Woodward: Put on weight, Taylor?

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[Discussing their mutual divorces over dinner, where Peter has dressed Taylor in Beth's conservative clothing]

Dr. Peter Burns: I mean, first Craig and now Kyle. You're losing ground Amanda. It's almost slutty.

Kyle McBride: Hey. That's a lady your talking to.

Taylor Davis McBride: Oh that's funny. The male slut defending the female slut.

Kyle McBride: Better a slut than a conniving bitch.

Amanda Woodward: Or worse, a conniving bitch in some *ugly* ass clothes.

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[about Megan]

Dr. Michael Mancini: If you get us back together, what's in it for you?

Jennifer Mancini: ["Godfather" voice] One day Michael, I will come to you for a favor, and when I do, you will grant me that favor... no matter what it is. Capiche?

Dr. Michael Mancini: [pause] You're the weird one in the family... you know that, right?

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Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: Nice club Amanda.

Amanda Woodward: Thank you. Now go away.

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[Amanda and Kyle are kissing in front of Jennifer at the Jazz Club]

Jennifer Mancini: Are we working? Or are you gonna mate right in front of me?

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[Amanda's trying to evict Taylor]

Taylor Davis McBride: There are laws against This. Tenants rights, squaters rights, human rights.

Amanda Woodward: Well, look who's talking about being human... the most in-human person on Earth.

Taylor Davis McBride: Oh really, giving up your title so soon?

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Amanda Woodward: Look who's talking about being human, the most in-human person on Earth.

Taylor Davis McBride: Oh, giving up your title so soon?

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Amanda Woodward: Divorced, married, widowed, and all in what? 48 hours?

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Lexi Sterling Cooper: They took my picture, too. My new name is now 26401.

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Taylor Davis McBride: The baby's kicking again.

Dr. Michael Mancini: Well, of course he is. You're his mother. I'm surprised he's not screaming bloody murder and holding up a liquor store.

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[Megan and Ryan have lovemaking fest]

Megan: Next time I'm going grocery shopping before the orgy.

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[Eric has sent Megan flowers]

Dr. Michael Mancini: [jealous] This is a doctor's office. Patients have allergies, I have allergies.

Megan Lewis Mancini: No you don't.

Dr. Michael Mancini: Well, I'm developing them.

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Taylor Davis McBride: Michael, listen... I don't want a relationship, I don't want a commitment... I need your sperm.

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[to Lexi, about their marriage and his affair with Kimberly]

Dr. Brett "Coop" Cooper: You drove me to Kimberly. Think back, we barely talked, we fought all the time. Come to think of it, even in a coma Kimberly had more sex appeal.

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Dr. Brett "Coop" Cooper: Is it weird to show compassion? To want to give life back to a patient?

Dr. Michael Mancini: Dr. Frankenstein said the same thing.

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Taylor Davis McBride: So where are you off to? To spend the day with your friend Eric plotting the death of my restaurant?

Megan Lewis Mancini: You know, I don't work for Eric anymore, so if you'll exscuse me...

Taylor Davis McBride: How come? He get tired of you and throw you out of bed?

Megan Lewis Mancini: For your information, I never slept with Eric. The only woman he wants in bed is Amanda. He would give up the world for one night with her, and guess what? She would never do it. You can kiss your restaurant goodbye. Personally, I hope you end up in the gutter.

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[At Kyle and Amanda's engagement party]

Taylor Davis McBride: I think before the main course comes out, that one of you should give a toast to the happy couple. Now, anyone will do, except for the wannabe war-bride Christine. I don't think you'd have anything nice to say, now would you?

Kyle McBride: Damnit Taylor, I said back off.

Taylor Davis McBride: Hey! Excuse me if I think it's inappropriate that you bring the girl you've been dreaming about for years here.

Amanda Woodward: This is none of your business, *waitress*. Now go get us more food.

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[Before Amanda's wedding to Kyle]

Taylor Davis McBride: Amanda! I couldn't find anything blue, but I did find something old... a picture of Kyle and me on *our* wedding day. Oh hell, you already got the something borrowed bit with my husband. Too bad he hasn't shown! All the guests out there are wondering if maybe he stood you up.

Amanda Woodward: You know, I don't remember you being added to the guest list, so why don't you get out of here?

Taylor Davis McBride: Gladly. Oh, by the way... that dress is hideous.

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Dr. Brett "Coop" Cooper: You know, you have got to be the lowest form of life I've encountered since the last time I stepped on a slug!

Dr. Michael Mancini: Well why don't you just leave before I throw you out with the rest of the medical waste.

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Kyle McBride: [to Amanda] I love you!

[She slaps him]

Amanda Woodward: This isn't about love. It's about two dead women... Christine and me. And I killed us both.

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[calling Burns, Mancini & Cooper]

Dr. Michael Mancini: Megan! I need a favor!

Megan Lewis Mancini McBride: Uh, you have the wrong number!

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Dr. Michael Mancini: What was I thinking? That you'd actually listen to me? That you'd actually stay out of my life? Course you won't. You can't. You haven't got the capabilities! It's like asking an ape to do algebra.

Taylor Davis McBride: Now now Michael. Apes are very intelligent.

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[Taylor wants to go with Michael to his college reunion]

Dr. Michael Mancini: The answer is no! You're probably too pregnant to travel anyway.

Taylor Davis McBride: I'm not that delicate!

Dr. Michael Mancini: No, but you'll probably throw the plane out of balance.

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Lexi Sterling Cooper: Listen, why don't you do us all a favor and get another helicopter crash or kidnapped?

Amanda Woodward: You know, Lexi, when I look at you all I see is a bitter woman uncapable of love.

Lexi Sterling Cooper: Amanda, it's not me you see, it's your own reflection.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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