The network wants Jon Stewart to be the permanent guest host, but Arthur knows they want him to take over for Larry. Larry thinks David Duchovny has a crush on him. Hank gets ripped off by Elvis Costello.
A copy of the show's budget, including employee salaries, gets passed around the office, and everyone is upset. Larry is supposed to try to get Ellen Degeneres to come out on his show, but he isn't entirely sure that she is gay.
Beverly has a secret admirer. Larry decides to write a revealing book about his life and career, but regrets it when he sees who he is on paper. Hank worries that the book will include an embarrassing incident.
Phil's writing suffers when he gets a new girlfriend, but thrives whenever she hurts him. Paula is offered another job, so Larry promotes her in order to keep her around. Unhappy with this, Arthur walks off the show.