A Wish for Wings That Work (1991 TV Short)
Opus: As your records will show, Father Christmas, I am a bird. Specifically, a penguin. An embarrassing accident at birth, for which I do not blame my mother. I prefer to blame Congress.
Truffles: You would not see ME trying to fly.
Opus: I hope not. You're a pig.
Opus: Pig. P-O-R-K. You know, the other white meat?
Opus: Wait outside, Bill, and try not to give anybody rabies.
Santa: I see no penguins here whose wings merely sputter. Tonight it was courage that flew yours beyond others. Time to fly, son.
Opus: Why don't penguins have wings that work?
[holding out his hand]
Opus: This, you call this a wing? This is a bad joke, this is built in obsolescence, I'm an insult, I might as well be a dung beetle or a fly infested, worm infused, molded mildewed scrap of rotten banana!... or a network executive.
George the Kiwi: ALBATROSS. Just be glad your wife didn't leave you for an albatross.
Ronald-Anne: Good, George, confront your feelings.
George the Kiwi: My puny kiwi wings weren't big enough for Delores. Oh no, oh no... she had to have AN ALBATROSS. With great big huge LONG WINGS. He was on hormones. You heard me, read my beak: HORMONES.
Opus: Uh, maybe we shouldn't confront those particular feelings.
Duck #1: Hey look, I'm a bird. I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth.
Duck #2: Honey, I'll be taking lunch on the moon today.
Duck #3: What's the red thing on the neck? Turbo prop? So where's the exhaust? Don't answer that.
Duck #1: Note the mighty wings. I suspect they sputter more than flutter. (They all laugh)
Opus: They're obviously jealous of my nose. Anybody would be.
Opus: I'll be flying on Christmas Morning... I'll be flying on Christmas Day.
The Chicken: Pull up. Pull UP. Don't suck a duck into your turbines.
George the Kiwi: AN ALBATROSS. Suck up AN ALBATROSS. Yeah.
Cockroach: Excuse me, is this cockroach cross-dressers in crisis?