Donatello: The perimeter's quiet.
Leonardo: Yeah, a little too quiet.
[Donatello knocks two Foot soldiers out]
Donatello: Well, that was easy!
Leonardo: Yeah, a little too easy.
Donatello: Look! It's Raph!
Michaelangelo: Yeah, a little too Raph.
Splinter: Were you seen?
Leonardo: Of course not, Master Splinter.
Donatello: We practiced Ninja.
Michaelangelo: [off camera] The art of invisibility.
[appears from behind Raph]
Splinter: [holds up the New York Post, with a front page picture of the turtles on stage, with the headline "Ninja Rap is Born!"] Practice harder.
[the turtles groan]
Splinter: Ten flips, now! And remember:
[quoting the song played at the show]
Splinter: "Go Ninja, go Ninja, go!" I made another funny! Ha ha ha ha!
Shredder: Babies! They're babies!
Professor Jordan Perry: What did you expect? They'd come out quoting "Macbeth"?
Shredder: They are stupid!
Professor Jordan Perry: Well, they're not stupid, they're infants.
Rahzar: [knocks Tokka on the head with a metal pole] Bang!
Professor Jordan Perry: Okay, they're stupid infants.
Splinter: Their world can never be ours.
Michaelangelo: Uh... Not even pizza?
Splinter: [after pause] Pizza's okay.
[the turtles sigh with relief]
Michaelangelo: Man, give a guy a heart attack.
Michaelangelo: [seeing Tokka and Rahzar] Hey didn't we see these guys on WrestleMania?
Shredder: Go ahead. Attack me if you will. When it is over, you will call me Master!
Rahzar: Ma... Mama.
Rahzar: [to Shredder] Mama!
[they hug Shredder]
Shredder: Get off me! BABIES! THEY ARE BABIES! AAARRRRRGH!
Professor Jordan Perry: This is bad! Carbon dioxide is essential to the anti-mutanagenic process. Their burping is probably retarding the reaction.
Donatello: Is there anyway to speed it back up?
Professor Jordan Perry: Well the reintroduction of CO2 could act as a catalyst.
Donatello: Yeah. Hmm.
Professor Jordan Perry: The problem is finding a ready supply.
[Walks over to a nearby fire extinguisher and takes it off the wall, showing it to Donatello]
Donatello: Genius. Prue genius.
Splinter: What troubles you, my son?
Donatello: I-I don't know. I just thought there would be more to it; to the ooze, to you know, us!
Leonardo: I know!
Donatello: I just always thought there would be something that... I thought we'd find out we were special.
Splinter: Do not confuse the professor's words with your current worth, my son.
Donatello: But I don't believe him! There's just got to be more to it!
Leonardo: First, we must observe the ancient ritual of the, uh, uh... traditional pre-fight donut.
April O'Neil: Chief Sterns! I wonder if I might ask you a few more questions, off the record?
Chief Sterns: Ms. O'Neil, my record on the record clearly shows that I have no "off the record" record, make a record of that!
[the Turtles have been rescued by Splinter]
Leonardo: That's right, Shredder, you forgot, we carry insurance.
Michaelangelo: Yeah, Mutual Splinter dude!
Keno: Hey which of you lovely ladies gets to ride with me tonight?
Girl: Dream on, Dweeb.
Keno: Okay, and when I do I'll dream of someone a little thinner.
Leonardo: Take the ugly one!
Raphael: No, you take the ugly one!
Donatello: I'll take the ugly one.
Michaelangelo: Which one's the ugly one?
Michaelangelo: Guys, guys! I've just thought of something. Two words that'll solve all our housing problems! Time share!
Donatello: [taps on Michaelangelo's head] Hmmm, not quite ripe yet.
[after Leo starts conversation about the Foot]
Raphael: We kicked their butts. They're all in jail. Besides, we took out the Shredder. So what's everyone so worried about, anyway?
Donatello: He's right.
Leonardo: No, Splinter took out the Shredder!
Donatello: They're both right.
Raphael: Yeah, yeah. I was there, Leo, remember? Ol' Shred did a swan dive, with a half gainer, right into the back of a garbage truck! AAAAAHHHH!
Keno: [upon seeing the turtles for the first time] Who? What? Where? How?
Donatello: Well, I guess that leaves out 'why' and 'when', doesn't it?
[the turtles face Tokka and Rahzar for the first time]
Raphael: Well, you know what they say? The bigger they are...
[runs and jump-kicks Rahzar but rebounds and crashes to the floor]
Michaelangelo: ...The more bones they break.
[cooking up an anti-mutagen to transform Tokka and Rahzar]
Michaelangelo: You think this stuff is gonna work?
Donatello: Well, we won't know for sure until we spray those guys.
Professor Jordan Perry: Well, actually...
Professor Jordan Perry: Actually... ingestion is the only course.
Michaelangelo: You mean they have to eat it?
Professor Jordan Perry: Affirmative. Yes. Yo. Right on... my man.
Splinter: You have youth, and I have experience. But only those who fight now have both.
Old Man: Look Sophie, those animals are knocking down the telephone poles. What do we do if they come over here?
Old Woman: Let them get their own cab.
Michaelangelo: I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
Raphael: Too bad the Shredder can't say the same thing.
April O'Neil: [picks up phone] Donny?
April O'Neil: Where are you guys? Did you find a new place to live yet?
Donatello: Yeah, we'll bring you down. We've only had time to pick up Splinter and get a few essentials.
Michaelangelo: [holding out a bag of potato chips] Yeah, the bare essentials.
Donatello: The reason while we're calling is, have you seen Raphael by any chance?
April O'Neil: Raphael? Why, is he missing?
Leonardo: You know, there is still a little more stuff to help with, Michaelangelo!
Michaelangelo: Hey! I'm helping Donny!
[tries to pry the phone from him]
Michaelangelo: Gimme the phone!
[flips Michaelangelo to the ground]
Donatello: So you haven't seen him at all then, huh?
Leonardo: Well, if she has, tell him thanks for wasting our time, because instead of going to look for the ooze like we should, we gotta go out and look for him instead!
[slams box on Donatello's foot]
April O'Neil: What was that?
Donatello: Leo says hi!
Michaelangelo: Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone!
Donatello: Oh, all right, all right, here!
Michaelangelo: April, this is Mikey, I'd just like to say: HELLOOOOO, muah, muah, muah, muah, muah...
Donatello: WOULD YOU GIVE ME THAT!
[April laughs as they start arguing again]
Michaelangelo: Ahh, ninja pizza!
Donatello: "Ninja pizza"?
Michaelangelo: Pizza that vanish quickly without trace!
Raphael: Okay, we get you in, we find the Foot headquarters, we get you out to tell the others, right?
Keno: Gee, maybe I should write this down.
Raphael: I'm being punished aren't I?
Tatsu: Our father gone!
[kicks over boxes]
Tatsu: They will pay! I, Tatsu, now lead! Let any who challenge step forward!
Shredder: [appearing in doorway] I challenge!
Freddy: His face!
Raphael: Amazing, guys, and I thought all the really good dungeons were in Europe.
Splinter: Michaelangelo, show the professor where he may rest.
Michaelangelo: Righty-o. This way, dude. It ain't the Hilton.
[opens subway car and they both look in]
Michaelangelo: Um, let's face it, you'd be better off staying at the Hilton.
[smoke bomb was set off]
Donatello: Oh great.
Michaelangelo: Hey, guys, check this!
[he uses brushes to imitate 'The Karate Kid']
Michaelangelo: Wax on, wax off. Wax on...
Raphael: Mouth OFF!
Donatello: Hey, everyone's a critic.
April O'Neil: I guess you're not the ones that can handle this.
Chief Sterns: That's what we do best, Miss O'Neil.
[Michaelangelo is crunching noisily on a candy bar]
Raphael: [sarcastically] Hey Mikey, do you think you could crunch a little louder? I can still hear out of this one!
Raphael: [to Tatsu] You know, if I had a face like yours, I'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality!
Leonardo: I'm Leonardo.
Michaelangelo: I'm Michaelangelo.
Raphael: I'm Raphael!
Michaelangelo: All the good ones end in "O"!
Professor Jordan Perry: Four walking, talking turtles.
Raphael: [sarcastically] Yeah, the guy's Ph.D material all right.
Michaelangelo: Um, not to criticize science or anything, but wouldn't it be easier just to call it 'the pink one'?
Professor Jordan Perry: [pours a liquid in a pan, and eats a piece of pizza] Pepperoni heaven!
Professor Jordan Perry: [pours two liquids in a pot] Donatello, continue aeration!
Donatello: Continuing aeration.
[begins to stir the mixture the pot]
Raphael: [sniffs the mixture] Man! This stuff is rank!
Keno: Yeah, try carrying it on the subway sometime. I never got a seat so fast in my life.
Leonardo: [sniffs the mixture] Blech! Thanks for doing all the shopping for us, Keno.
Keno: No problem. I hope you didn't mind me picking up a few pies.
Michaelangelo: You're forgiven.
[sniffs the mixture]
[drops a slice of pizza in the mixture]
Michaelangelo: [Donatello continues to mix the stuff with the pizza slice]
Raphael: First chance we get, we're out of here...
[gapes in horror has he sees Shredder from a distance]
Raphael: Uh, I thought I just saw a ghost.
[after being given a giant mutated dandelion]
Professor Jordan Perry: You know, if the soil's contaminated so far away, there must be more leaky canisters than we thought.
TGRI Assisstant #1: Well, how can that be? They were only buried fifteen years ago.
Professor Jordan Perry: Fifteen, fifty. Just make sure that the rest are found and removed!
TGRI Assistant #1: Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to invite the press.
Professor Jordan Perry: Sometimes the best place to hide is right out in public.
TGRI Assisstant #1: But if any of it fell into the wrong hands...
[Perry looks as giant dandelion]
Professor Jordan Perry: I'm well aware of the risks.
Leonardo: Shredder, you gotta to listen to reason! You're gonna kill us all!
Super Shredder: Then so be it!
April O'Neil: And they said if you don't mean them at the construction site tonight...
April O'Neil: He said he'd send out Tokka and Rahzar again. This time into Central Park.
Donatello: Central Park? How are they gonna avoid all of those... people?
Splinter: Then, there is no choice but to meet as the Shredder wishes.
Donatello: Hey, is this gonna work?
[regarding the donut idea]
Michaelangelo: Is, like, Schwarzenegger hard to spell?
[Donatello prepares to spell but realizes its true]
[the turtles walk out into the middle of the construction site]
Donatello: Pretty quiet.
Raphael: [shouts and breaks the eerie silence] Shredder!
Donatello: [grabs Raphael] Thanks, Raph. I may never have the hiccups again!
Michaelangelo: [Michaelangelo beating up a thug behind a deli counter] You want a pickle? I'll give you a pickle!
Shredder: [after Tatsu locks a wolf and a snapping turtle into small cells] And these are the two most vicious animals you could find?
Shredder: Good. Professor?
Professor Jordan Perry: Preparations are complete, however...
Professor Jordan Perry: However, I feel free to re-register my original protest and remind you of the immense dangers of...
[Tatsu squares up to him and growls]
Professor Jordan Perry: ...That's enough talk from me. We'll begin.
Michaelangelo: [to a rave audience] You like what you saw? Then give it up for a turtle!
April O'Neil: Where's Splinter?
Leonardo: He's been on the roof ever since he saw your report.
April O'Neil: Doing what?
[appears in window]
Splinter: to a decision.
[about to leave April's apartment, having seen Raph's foot pretruding from behind the changing curtain and becoming suspicious about their weapons "she" has lying around]
Keno: One last thing, though. I think you might want to know about THIS!
[slams his foot on Raph's]
[Raph comes out from behind the curtain]
Keno: It's you guys!
[cluthching his foot and being held back by Donny, Leo, and Mikey]
Raphael: Ah, ah! Let me hurt him. Please! Tell me I can hurt him! Please, please! Grr!
[Splinter puts his hand on Keno's shoulder]
Splinter: I think you'd better sit down.
[Keno sees Splinter and faints]
April O'Neil: [after the investigation of the street Tokka and Rahzar rampaged the night before] Were there any large tooth or claw marks found?
Chief Sterns: How did you know that... I have no idea what you're talking about?
Keno: Hold it! You guys are under arrest.
Burglar: What are you, night security?
Keno: No, I'm a pizza delivery.
[the gang laugh and attack, and Keno easily kicks their asses]
Keno: Did I mention I also study the martial arts?
Donatello: [kicks a foot soldier to the ground and starts giddily running around] Haha! I win! You lose!
[April stands over a sewer grate and under an umbrella in the pouring rain. The turtles drop down one by one, but Michelangelo stops and faces her wearing a fedora]
Michaelangelo: Well, the lives of two people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world, Ilsa. That's why you're getting on that plane...
Michaelangelo: Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...
[Leonardo grabs him and pulls him down]
Donatello: Uhhh... Perestroika?
Donatello: Ok, I got it... Frère Jacques. Starts singing: Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques...
Michaelangelo: Don... Give it up!
Leonardo: [the Turtles say their farewells to April before entering the sewers] See ya, April.
April O'Neil: Bye.
[Leo hops into the sewers]
Raphael: Wish us luck.
Donatello: We'll be back for Splinter.
Michaelangelo: [Imitating Humphrey Bogart] Well, the lives of two people don't amount to a hill o' beans in this crazy world, Elsa. That's why you're getting on that plane.
Michaelangelo: Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...
Leonardo: [Yanks Mikey into the sewer] Will you come on?
April O'Neil: Listen, I have reason to believe that this was caused by two... *really* big animals.
Chief Sterns: Ah, and what sort of animals might these be, Miss O'Neil?
April O'Neil: Well, I can't say exactly...
Chief Sterns: Uh-huh, and what makes you believe that they did this?
April O'Neil: Well, I can't say that either, but...
Chief Sterns: Okay and is there anything else you'd like not to tell me?
Raphael: This is stupid. We got the Foot up there with the ooze and we're down here playing Century 21.
Leonardo: A true Ninja is a master of himself and his environment, so don't forget: We're turtles!
Donatello: These nets are very effective and very well constructed.
Michaelangelo: Yeah, remind me to drop a line to Ralph Nader!
Raphael: Boy, whatever happened to "service with a smile"?
Michaelangelo: Please, please. A moment to reflect.
[all the turtles sniff]
Michaelangelo: AHHHH! Okay!
Leonardo: We'll give you the tour later. Right now, we got a few questions.
Donatello: Yeah, a few inquiries.
Michaelangelo: Yeah, a few... Uh, we'll give you the tour later.
Shredder: Choose the best men of those that remain to follow the reporter. She's the key to finding the creatures that did this to me.
Tatsu: Yes master. Next master, we rebuild the foot?
Shredder: No. There is only one thing next. Revenge!
April O'Neil: He's just forcing you guys into fighting Tokka and Rahzar again.
Leonardo: We know.
April O'Neil: But...
Raphael: April, there's no other way.
April O'Neil: But you guys don't stand a chance.
Professor Jordan Perry: Wait! Wait just a moment. There might be a way!
[the turtles are watching April interview Professor Perry]
Raphael: Man, who is this spaz-matic?
Donatello: Would you give the guy a break? He's a scientist!
Raphael: Yeah, fascinating. Hey!
[picking up TV guide]
Raphael: Isn't Oprah on?
Leonardo: Raph, just leave it!
[throws away TV guide]
Leonardo: We're watching April.
Michaelangelo: [bad guy approaches him] Wait! Can we talk?
[bad guy grabs him by the hands and begins spinning him in circles]
Michaelangelo: W-w-woah! Major spin cycle! Wooooah!
Leonardo: [spots Michaelangelo] M... Mikey?
Michaelangelo: Maybe I should have brought...
[bad guy releases him, sending him flying through the air]
Michaelangelo: ... BAGELS!
[he crashes into a wall, then stands up dizzy]
Michaelangelo: Woah. Now I know what a postal package feels like.